THE FUTURE.

I've been thinking about a lot of facets of the future. Jobs, relationships, art, and direction in general. Let's look at some categories:

Jobs: This is the most unpredictable/uncontrollable of the four, at least as far as gainful employment is concerned. I might not get a super-profitable job thanks to not being able to drive (urg--although I wouldn't have a car even if I knew how), or a lack of credentials. I might be waiting tables or doing less-than-dignified (but perfectly fine) jobs until further notice. I'm okay with this. The problem is FINDING the job in the first place. Is anyone even hiring anymore? And are they willing to be very flexible about extended visitation with long-distance boyfriends? (That's a JOKE. Ish.)

Art: John has been instrumental in reminding me not to take myself so damn seriously all the time. I'm usually pretty down on myself/my art. I'm very aware that I'm not in the top 10% of my class as far as talent/skill--maybe not even the top 30%! (On a sidenote--having the money to get a laptop/programs to extend my skill set would've revolutionized the work I produced at MICA.) But regardless, I know that it's useless to beat myself up. I AM talented, even if I don't draw LIKE a specific other student.

I freaked myself out last night about Showcase--when the illustration seniors get to talk to an art director who was (hopefully) part of a list we submitted in March. My thesis teacher informed me that I got very lucky, and will be talking to Sarah Vinas...the art director of Glamour magazine. WHAT. So, naturally, I'm TERRIFIED, and wishing my work was ten trillion times better/more/editorial/sexier and oh-god-WHY did I do a final with old people?!

But, John kindly reminded me (after I moved myself to tears) that this isn't a job interview. She's here to talk to me about how to move forward and where to go from here. Having some time to live and work at home without the pressures of rent and bills (for now) is ideal--I can take time to worry about my art and only my art. I can experiment, practice, maybe even branch out into some design-y things. (I know!)

Relationships: John and I are obviously staying together after graduation. I don't think anyone here was questioning that. But, also obviously, this will be the biggest challenge we've faced yet as a couple (THANK GOD--what a gift! Only having to worry about a few months apart). There are big things coming for us, and I'm not worried about the distance. We're both devoted to making the effort, which takes care of that.

Direction: This one is a bit more elusive than a job, but rather easier to control, oddly enough. It goes hand-in-hand with the other three categories, and those determine it. I know--where does the aspect of control come in?! But I guess what I mean is that you should have faith that you'll end up where you need to be.

The best example of this for me starts waaay back when I was in fourth or fifth grade. I had a friend named Teresa, who was actually a bossy, controlling, BITCH, but she could draw pretty well for a nine year old. Naturally, I wanted to be just like Teresa, so I started to draw more. That summer, my mom asked if I'd like to enroll in an art class with my other friend Anna, who went to a different school. I said no, reasoning that Teresa would teach me what I needed to know about drawing (I think I cited 'shading' specifically to my mother :P). The next year, Anna moved away, and Teresa and I fell out a couple years later.

If I had started taking real art courses then, where would I have ended up? Still at MICA? (I think so.) I think that was the first time that I was offered a chance to decide my life's direction. When I was a dumbhead and said no, I was gently guided in that direction later by something that appealed more to my silly teenaged self (a character in a book who happened to be an artist). So, I got into art again, and here I am, graduating from art school. Coming to MICA was a wonderful thing, even if it was only to put me in the company of wonderful friends and a wonderful man. (I don't think that's the case, but I think you get my meaning.) Everything happens for a reason.

So, with that, John's here and is going to read to me. :) What a great guy. <3

Love,
-A.