Things with Ben couldn't have gone better! Well, okay, that's simplifying it a little.
I took the MARC to DC on Friday, and after a few stops on the Metro, greeted Ben in Virginia. That evening was great--I met a couple of his friends and we hit it off just fine! We hung out at a hookah bar and just talked and watched Ben's friend Tyler whip him at backgammon five times :P
The NEXT day however, was weird and awkward and it was so, so painfully clear how much we DO NOT gel as a couple. So, we went to breakfast and had an awkward walk and argued a lot about God, as we do. It's just so tense, and he's bad at letting things just go without making them into a ten minute dissertation about why he's right. Despite all of this, he is a good guy, and I am really excited about staying friends with him.
So, we are FINALLY making our way back to Baltimore--after about twenty minutes of relative silence, he reaches over and takes my hand, and I just come out and say it: "Look, I think us dating would just be all wrong. We're so not right for each other."
Now, I get a little nervous here, because, as I wrote before, I'm expecting him to be hurt, but then again, our morning was PRETTY BAD. But he surprised me: "I was trying to figure out how to say the same thing, gently." My insides were singing hallelujah, I'll tell you that!
After that, we were totally fine! It was just, so NICE to be able to be normal and friendly and funny, but still talk semi-awkwardly-but-mostly-funnily about our "romance", AKA "makeouts" and why we would never have worked out (so, SO many things!).
At my suggestion, we had a cookout for Robin last night, as he left today for Pittsburgh. It was a lot of fun, and I have to say, there is never a time I feel more comfortable and joyful than when I am in a roomful of relaxed, fun people that I love. :)
Ben bonded with Colin and Robin over Rock Band last night, which we played from 11 PM-2 AM (I sang--doy), and he stayed over in my bed (no funny business, just cuddling, I promise! :P It just felt good to be near someone). We got breakfast at XS this morning and just enjoyed our time together for a few hours before he had to go. No kiss--just a big hug and a promise to keep in touch. It went so well I was beaming!
Starting from square one is never fun, but better this outcome than anything more dramatic.
Speaking of square one, I said goodbye to Robin before Ben and I went out for breakfast. It wasn't hard, exactly, but I've barely gotten to see him, and I miss him. I don't want our progress interrupted! Last night things seemed like they were going back to normal, which made me feel so, so great! But, naturally, I'm the first person to say that they'll never be the same, and I still get this weird let's-call-it-protectiveness-instead-of-jealousy about him. But it'll pass after a while, I'm sure. :)
It's so funny how open and honest this blog sounds, when there is still so, so much I could say about this, and have said to a few of you, and to a black diary.
Ben surpassed my expectations this afternoon and texted me about seeing a baseball game next week. Not even a whole day and he's keeping the promise to stay friends! Actively! I am so, so pleased. :D
I have more to worry about--school stuff, money, jobs, etc. But I know I have good friends and a good head on my shoulders, and even when things get me panicky, I know I have a good God who gave me both, and I am so thankful. :)
Hope you're all doing well!
Love you--
-A.
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