Another Weird Dream.

The night before last, I dreamt that I was on a bus with Sarah Coleman--who was with me in Italy--for some sort of trip. We passed one house--I saw a creepy, bug-eyed man in a light blue shirt the front window, and a split-second later he was in the doorway. A ghost.

I pointed it out to Sarah as the bus parallel-parked in front of the house--he was in the doorway, then his image jumped into the window again. We got off the bus as the sun was setting, and we saw the same phenomena happen as we walked by. Window, door. Freaked out, we averted our eyes and scurried past the hedge that lined the edge of the property. I glanced back.

A scarf-sized square of black fabric was floating out from behind the hedge, following us. I turned away again, trying to ignore it. A few moments later, I looked again. It was gone. I touched my hair--the scarf had settled onto my head like a veil. It was white now, and edged in lace.

We rounded a corner, and I found myself at an outdoor funeral that looked like a wedding. All the women had the veils.

And then I woke up. Creepy.

Hopefully the Summer of Death has passed on as well...

It's been an emotional week over here--my Aunt Suzanne, who was diagnosed with cancer in May, died on Tuesday at about 5 AM--my Dad called me while I was in class, and there was this moment of confusion: 'Why is he calling? We just talked a few days ago...' Then it struck me that Suzanne must have died--he'd mentioned in the last call that there wasn't much longer. I slipped out of class and listened to the voicemail he left--sure enough, she'd died. I called him back, and he told me he and Lisa were the last people to see her--they tucked her in around midnight. She's being cremated, so he said he'd call back when they had plans for a memorial--it didn't have to be right away because she isn't being interred.

I was sad for Dad, and for Suzanne's live-in boyfriend and his son. It's odd, because I was out-of-town for the entirety of Suzanne's treatment, save Robby's funeral, and I barely saw my DAD that weekend, let alone had the chance to visit Suzanne. It's like it didn't happen.

I'm not super-close to my Dad's family, but Suzanne was absolutely the aunt that made the most effort with us. Remembered our birthdays, etc. She, like the rest of Dad's side, had her major issues, but she was fun and sweet and good-hearted.

The rest of the week was fine, if less productive than I'd have liked (story of my life)--John and I attended our first read-through on Saturday. It went well, although we all still have work to do. I need to learn how to make a British accent sound natural in two months' time. Get excited. And John and I were getting pretty excited about the trip to Annapolis we planned for this coming weekend to attend the Navy Homecoming football game with his family, even though we'd have to miss a rehearsal, which is whatever, because the game is a great opportunity to bond with John's people. (Again.) :)

Sunday was a particularly full day--Emily, John, and I got up early to go to the farmer's market with Melissa and a cute little junior named Mika, which was a lot of fun--we sang Disney songs. :D Afterwards, Em, John, Jen and I attended church. I was so thankful that Jen decided to attend with us, and to me complete joy, she loved it, and wants to keep coming with us! I'm really excited for that. The service itself was really great--we arrived a bit late, but we managed to integrate ourselves into the congregation during the sign of peace. Perfect timing. :P

The message was about poverty and wealth, and about the provisions of God, which is something I struggle with. I've been getting better about it, though! It was just good to have that reinforcement--God will always provide, and he has.

Dad called while I was in church--during the week, I talked to both Mom and Lauren about coming home for the service, etc. Lauren and I both expressed reluctance--it's inconvenient and expensive to get home, not to mention that we're not on the best terms with Dad. However, we also knew he'd take it as a personal insult if we were to explain that we're busy (I'm a senior in the midst of thesis. and Lauren is still getting used to a whole new school), and would take it out on us for months/years to come.

Dad left a voicemail, which I listened to after the service. As it turns out, the memorial service was planned for Saturday, the same day as the football game. :( Agonizing decision time. So, I called Lauren, who decided that she may as well go home for it (She also noted that I should "Just go to the game--repayment for all the times Dad bailed on us.", which is ungenerous, but not unfair.). Mom sympathized with me, and we weighed the options together (1. Have a fun weekend with my boyfriend's family and make sure Dad writes me out of his will. 2. Go home and sit in my Nana's parlor for an hour and half, hating life, but still ensuring $300 for Dad come Christmas).

The frustrating part was that I knew what I had to do, but it's very difficult to accept the fact that I would get no grace from him in this, and I honestly need the small sum he gives me every year for school. I hate having to depend on someone unreliable, but as pathetic as it is, I made the choice to go home and ensure that sum. Obviously John was understanding and encouraging (as he always is, the dear), but I was still pretty disappointed that I'd have to miss out on time with him and with his family, especially as The Girlfriend instead of The Mystery Friend-Thing. :P

I called Dad back, and without mentioning the game, told him that I intended to come home. He gave me a little relief by saying he'll be paying for my ticket home and back, which is nice, and I am starting to look forward to seeing Lauren and Brian (I miss making 'Why I Love Brian' posts--we haven't talked much lately) and Brandon, and Mom and KJ. I wouldn't have made it back until Thanksgiving, otherwise. And I do feel good about going back to be with Dad, even if it's hard to be the bigger person. I can do it and I'll try and be charitable.

As I mentioned in my last entry, John met my parents and godparents last weekend. It went quite well--Kathleen (my godmother) was completely charmed by him ("He's CATHOLIC?!! How wonderful!") and while my godfather Dane and my Mom goofed on his nerdiness, they liked him a lot as well. Mom came to Baltimore on the evening of the 14th and had dinner with John and I, which also went well, and I brought up the idea of bringing John home for Thanksgiving, which she was very receptive to. Unfortunately, John's mom was less into the whole thing, and put the kibosh on that pretty quickly, which I understood, as Thanksiving is her holiday in New Jersey, blahblahfamilytime.

However, despite her reluctance to let John travel one state over for Thanksgiving, she is apparently willing to pay for half of my plane ticket to go to England with John and two of our friends--they're going for Spring Break to visit John's friends from Bournemouth (where he studied this past spring). Now, this SOUNDS great, and I would love to be able to do it, but A) My mom is VERY against this idea ("You'd be traveling with a boy who is not your husband!"). Granted, I would go anyway, but that brings us to B) Even half a ticket is out of my price range.

My solution: Ask Dad for a Christmas/Graduation gift. :D Sounds perfect, right? Cue Aunt Suzanne's death. That sounds insensitive--I don't consider Suzanne's death a burden in that way--but truly, it is not the right time to be asking for money to be whisked away to Europe for a week. But who knows, maybe when I go home we'll talk about it.

But NOW, as this entry took me a day and a half to complete and post, it's time to go to my first one-on-one rehearsal with Kristin as Alice! It should be fun.

Love--

-A.

WOOOOOO!!!!!!

I got Anna! John got Larry! We were both cast! I'm so EXCITED!!!!!

The girl I expected to get Alice didn't, which was surprising, but what are you gonna do. The girl they did cast, Kristin, wasn't bad, just needs toning down (and she's taller than me, which is unusual casting). But our Dan, Harrison, got it! :D

The show is running November 13 and 14. I'm so thrilled! Wish us luck!

In other news, John met my mom and godparents this weekend--it went awesomely well, and it's just been an amazing week. I'll update ASAP with more detail, but I have homework to do!

Love, love, love!

-A.

P.S. Did you guys see Gossip Girl tonight?! Blair and Chuck=perfection.

Yay for Acting Again!

What a great day!

Excepting leaving my keys in my empty apartment while I grocery-shopped, everything went well! I ended up going to John's for an impromptu lunch and to store my milk and eggs while I waited for Emily to come home and open the apartment. :P

I talked to my mom briefly about her visit (Monday evening!) and meeting John, and then met John at Fox for the SACI/MICA "opening", where my book is on display right now. At four, we had to book it to the Closer audition, where we both read--it went awesomely.

Let me describe: It was a preliminary meeting for the whole "Thespian Club" (formerly the MICA Playwriting Club, but all of the people that wrote the plays graduated), and they briefly went over tech and the play's synopsis before the auditions started. They dismissed the tech-only people, and blessedly, half of the girls left. (Hey, there are only two female roles in Closer!) I could pick out pretty quickly who would be the best out of the 5 guys and 8ish girls. (John and I were included in that list.)

I read for both Alice and Anna, but it's pretty obvious that a junior girl, Madison, who has that glamorous, disheveled, edgy look that's good for Alice, will be cast as her. They LOVED John and his array of accents (English and Scottish), and a tall, handsome boy named Harrison read really well, too. As far as John and I can tell, it'll be the four of us, unless someone fantastic reads tomorrow at the second meeting. We'll see! I'm excited!

For those of you who know me and John, you should all come see the show, because you'll get to see us say very dirty, out-of-character things. It'll be fun. :P Wish us luck!

I'm currently visiting with John and Robin at my grave shift, so I should go be a proper "host". 'Til later!

Love,

-A.

A teensy update!

Work is starting to catch up to me, and I wanted to post a quick update about how I'm doing before I get swallowed up!

Yesterday I failed to make a 9/9/09 entry, even though 9 has always been my favorite/lucky number! However, the day itself was great--John and I had our first official date, and since it was Colin's birthday, Robin and another GD friend Nicolette (who was in all of my freshman core classes) conspired with me to do something for Colin's 22nd! Nic provided the cake, and I suggested trimming it with Swedish Fish and Skittles (his favorite candy). It was too sweet and too yummy, and hopefully none of us got diabetes. Jen and Ben and Jess were there too, and John came with me and Katie showed up later (the Six Flags crew, minus Betsy and plus John!), and it was so fun to see everyone. :) There was also another viewing of THE ROOM, which is always awesome. :D I love my friends.

I'm happy. :) I know I have a lot of stress and work ahead of me, but I am really happy, and I just need to match my happy with motivation! :P

I hope you're all equally happy and enjoying your week!

Love,

-A.

I know this will come as a bit of a shock, but...

I took the 'leap' I indicated to in the last post, and I decided to give dating John a try.

I realized that I need to stop being afraid and stop predicting and trying to control how and what everything will be. I listened to my gut for awhile, and then I listened to my head, and neither worked--the only thing I hadn't done was TRY. So here I go! This isn't a changed mind, but a changed attitude. It's working out pretty well so far, and I'm happy. Nervous, but pleased.

I don't want to beat the horse dead, or start over-thinking, so I'm going to let today be the day I tire out the subject of my thoughts and decisions--I'll start fresh tomorrow. I'm optimistic.

:)

Thank you all for your support and help! More soon.

Love,

-A.

P.S. Is it bad that we've already started plotting how to tell his ex? :P

Comments from my mom's professional director friends about Ink. Woo!

"I watched your daughter's film. She was a really good choice for the part, very sweet, natural and out of this guy's league, but she still played approachable enough to buy her response at the end. There were a couple technical problems, the editing could have been a lot tighter, and the characters weren't set up well enough through the direction at the beginning, but all and all a very good job and interesting twist, which is the basis for a successful short film."

"Yes, she did a nice job! She's as photogenic as her mom, you can see the resemblance. Is she an acting student?"

:D What a pleasant surprise!

Yesterday was a good day after I posted the previous entry--I went to Paper Moon for the tasty hamburger I was denied on Thursday, and staked out Charm City Cakes with Abi (John's English friend who leaves today :D:), John, Cara (John's friend with a propensity to overshare), and her new boyfriend (via OKcupid) Tevis (who is surprisingly handsome and half-Asian).

Cara was particularly entertaining at Paper Moon, and decided that it was a great idea to talk about past bad dates on her third date with Tevis. To make this even better, one of the dates was with a diaper fetishist, and the other ended up with her in hives (that one took place in the last month, I think). However, Tev seemed unphased, and even more attracted to her than before, so...good for them? Although this is only the start.

After lunch, we went into Fells Point and visited Killer Trash, this famous thrift store (John Waters loves it, apparently), where I found my wedding dress. Not really, obviously, but I saw this short-sleeved, scoopneck white dress with this long flowy skirt, and I guess it occured to me that it could be wedding dress potential for someone, but I just wanted to try it on because it's pretty. So, I did, and I was kind of blown away. It fit me almost perfectly (the top was cut wrong, or maybe my boobs just take over life), and I admit, I looked pretty amazing. Even Tev was like "You're radiating at all of us!" I never used to understand why people cried at the sight of themselves/loved ones while trying on wedding gowns, but in that moment, I understood (I didn't cry!). But, it was pretty cheap fabric and $34 that I do not have, so I left it there, but got some photo evidence via Cara's camera, which I'll post when I can.

After that, we went for Mr. Yogato Frozon Yogurt, which we each got for 10% off for answering a few history/art trivia questions. We had to name four 20th Century art movements (we helped each other out on that one), and I got "What is another name for the Mona Lisa?". This stumped me for a few minutes, until the girl gave me the hint that it was in another language, and all on my own, I remembered "La Gioconda". :)

John, Abi, and John's roommate Ari (a funny and endearingly awkward Jewish boy) came over last night and we watched Disney movies (The Emperor's New Groove and Aladdin) and had a few beers in honor of Abi's heading back to England. I conked out during both movies, and ended up only getting about 4.5 hours of sleep last night. Woo!

I also got an amusing call from John's best friend Dave, who I met when I went to New Jersey to see Harry Potter 6, and have kept in touch with since. Amusing is only a part of the call though, which was actually disarmingly honest (bordering on harsh) and well-appreciated by yours truly.

I had two conversations with good friends yesterday about life never being 100%--sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith. That is something I have trouble with. Fear of the drop, remember? :P Just got to pray and try. I hate being wrong. I hate not knowing what I want. But maybe the key is to let go of what I want and concentrate on what GOD wants. (What a novel idea! :P)

I've been told that I'm good at seeing "the big picture", that I can help people see past their own points of view to put things in perspective. I hope that's true, and if it is, I think that it only applies to others, ha. I'm not very good at seeing "the big picture" in regards to myself. I mean, I know it's there, and I can acknowledge it, but usually in a bitter, mirthless way until it all calms down and I smack myself in the head for being so immature four days later. Selfish.

Another bit of excellent news: The MICA Playwrights Club (now the MICA Thespian Club, due to lack of proper writers, I'm sure) is putting on Closer this year, which is undoubtedly one of my favorite films/plays. I'd probably never be cast as Alice (I look/act too old), but playing Anna would be AMAZING. The audition is next Friday. Wish me luck!

Hope you all have a good day--Love!

-A.

ETA: OKAY. I found an artist that I thought Marla would like, and I posted it on her Facebook wall this past week. It was her birthday party last night, which I wasn't invited to, but I get that--Robin attended, and I'm sure it was fun. Today, I went to glance on her page to see that she not only deleted my friendship (which happened in the last week, tops), but deleted my post about the artist! REALLY. REALLY. REALLY.

Even Melissa, the most generous and sweetest person in the world has been like "HELL NO" about Marla's recent behavior. I mean, I'm a little hurt by it, but I guess this is the path to this being done for good (as if it weren't already). Grr. That annoyance about being the only one held responsible is coming back.

I fear the drop, but once I get started...

Last Friday afternoon, Colin, who organized our Six Flags trip, Facebook-chatted me with the warning that hurricane-level rains/storms would be hitting NJ the following day, and could we maybe take the trip Sunday instead? Now, the trip had already been rescheduled once, and I had work on Sunday, not to mention that this was short-notice and this had been a seven-day forecast. I told him no way.

SO, I woke up at 7:20 AM the next morning, and called Robin five times to make sure HE was up and moving. Jen and I walked down to Colin/Katie's place at eight and met up with the three of them and Jess, who drove from Frederick, MD to be with us! We had some coffee and chit-chatted before driving out at 8:30.

The drive was easy, and a lot of fun--I actually felt so joyful to be spending time with these new friends. Colin drove, Robin was in the passenger seat, Katie, Jess, and I were in the back seat, and Jen was in the way back, where there were two extra seats one can pull out for children. :P The only hassle we ran into was a little bit of traffic about ten miles outside of the park.

We finally arrived, and the sky looked grey and it had already rained, but we were hopeful. After all, the park was nearly empty, which is always good. We met Betsy (!) in the entrance of the park, where she'd been cooling her heels waiting for us for about a half hour, but in the meantime, had made friends with a guy on stilts. We also noticed the 458' (45 stories) tower of Kingda Ka, currently the world's tallest and fastest coaster. It's pretty scary-looking, but Robin and I both committed to it first thing.

Blessedly, the rain held off all day, and the sun even came out! It was perfect. The first roller coaster we went on was El Toro--we all rode it (Jen gets nervy about coasters, and it was ALMOST the only one we all rode together), and it was TERRIFYING. I wasn't sure if I could do Kindga Ka after wimping out on El Toro--a wooden coaster.

But we kept on trucking, and by the end of the day, Robin, Colin, Jess, and I had ridden every coaster in the park (Jen, Katie, and Betsy sat out a few. Losers. :P), eaten some tasty amusement park hot dogs and french fries, gotten soaked on the Rapids ride (Jess and I, at least), and treated ourselves to ice cream.

So, yes, we rode Kingda Ka. It was really nerve-wracking at first, especially with the signs placed at the entrance of the ride that read: "Sometimes Kingda Ka's train doesn't make it over the hill. This is a normal occurance. The track is designed to reverse itself and reset." SCARY. But, we did it, and it was actually a lot of fun! I can't imagine being in the front row for that one though. :/

Since we got done with all of the coasters fairly early (we had less than 15 minute waits on all rides), I suggested that we do a couple again. We re-rode Bizarro with Jen and Katie, who missed out the first time, and Betsy, Robin, Colin, and I got in line to re-ride Nitro. When we got to the top of the line, obviously the line was longest for the front row (Nitro seats four-across), but Colin suggested we wait it out (all four minutes longer) and ride in front. New Daredevil-Alyssa was all about it, and Betsy, after slight hesitation, agreed. So, we strapped in.

I should preface by saying that Robin is afraid of the big, slow ascent, not the drop. There's something about it that really freaks him out--the possibility that something could go wrong. Kingda Ka has a massive ascent, but it goes 128 miles per hour, so there's barely time to register it. Nitro, however, is loooong and sloooow. I was happy as a clam, and Robin, two seats over, was like stone, clutching his harness and fixed on the top of the hill. In an attempt to loosen him up, I reached over Betsy to give him a high-five.

He glanced briefly in my direction, "I'm good." I had to laugh.

The ride was, naturally, the best one of the day. :)

Katie, Jess, and I boldly danced with the creepy Mr. Six guy in front of a crowd of people after that (there is video that I'll post when I can), doing the Macarena and the Cha Cha Slide and YMCA. We left the park pretty soon after that, and said goodbye to Betsy (:( ), and got on the road. The drive back was a more difficult, as the sky broke open less than twenty minutes after we left the park (Colin is a trooper). We decided to drive through Colin's hometown in PA, right near Philly, and get a cheesesteak. It was delicious, and nice to see a piece of Colin's life outside of MICA. :) Post-cheesesteak, the rain was even WORSE, elevating Colin from 'trooper' to 'demi-god' at maneuvering through it.

I had the awesome opportunity to bond with Katie, Colin, and Jess, who I don't see that often/know that well, and see Betsy, who is all ready to be an accomplished graduate student! I'm confident that the trip will spawn a pretty awesome set of friendships. At least, I hope so.

Secondly, I started classes:

Monday: The Problem of Evil. My professor is a stern-looking man with a cane who attended Yale, Oxford, and St. Andrews. He was drafted in 1969 (after dropping out of his first year of college) and went to Southeast Asia for 13 months, and returned to an offer to work for the CIA, which he did for a couple decades. He'd learned 15 or so languages before he suffered a stroke in 2003 or 2004. He had to relearn talking and walking, and he writes with his left hand now. Since then, he's brought his knowledge of languages up to nearly 20. WHAT. WHAT. AMAZING. So far, this class looks like it will be fascinating in matters of faith. I'll be challenged and reaffirmed all-together, I think. I'm excited. :)

Tuesday: The Lab. Whitney Sherman, my professor, is the chair of the illustration department. She's been described as a 'Dragon Lady', but that hasn't come out at all yet. The point of this class is to produce something to be sold--being so wrapped up in my thesis plans, I had to come up with something on the fly, and ended up with a pretty great idea, if I do say so myself! Obviously, writing is therapy to me. Also, revenge/retribution/justice has been a recent theme in my life. SO, I combined the two, and intend to make a witty "Little Book of Revenge"--a sort of workbook for people to put down all the things they WISH they could do, without actually causing harm, of course. There'll be sections for each sort of offender (exes, co-workers, roommates, telemarketers), and a blank section for "Supplies" and "Execution". I think it'll be a hit--my classmates laughed and Whitney was encouranging. At least...I'd buy it. :)

Wednesday: Art and Architecture of Ancient Egypt. The best thing about this class is that I know and am friends with a lot of people in it. :) My professor is a youngish fat man with that unfortunate idea that luscious, shoulder-length hair will distract me from his hugeness. However, he seems knowledgable, and I'm looking forward to it, although it seems like a lot of work.

Thursday: Senior Thesis. The doozy. My section, with the very-pregnant, very-British, and very-adorable Rebecca Bradley, is populated with a few unfortunate candidates (in both personality and quality of work), but overall, I'm pleased. My presentation was okay, but it just reinforced the amount of work I need to get done. BLAAAH.

Senior Seminar. Allan Comport is my hero. I resolve to become one of his favorites by the end of this year, dammit. The whole of MICA IL '10 (about 100 students) broke into "study groups" of five--sort of support groups for the coming year. I got nervous--one of the unfortunate candidates above nearly approached me to form a group, but I wiggled out, and my group consists of: Tiff (Marla's roommate), Michael (Robin's roommate), Kyle (one of the first kids I made friends with at MICA), and Adam (who is a practical stranger to me, but is very nice and pretty cute :P). I'm nervous--I always get nervous about sharing work--but I think this'll be a good group, especially since I need to learn Photoshop and Kyle is really good. :D

Objectivity: What I thought was going to be a class related to the divine ratio, and other mathematical awesomeness is now a class unrelated to "Nature, numbers, and doubt", as the subtitle first referenced, but rather "An introduction to the philosophy of science." It's going to get bloody. :P John and I will be the lone Christians/Conservatives holding down the fort in the corner. My professor, Patrick, is a nearly-thirty, bald southern man who is actually really attractive (there's a touch of James McAvoy in him), but has this absurd and amazing Southern-crossed-with-posh-philosopher voice. I can't even begin to describe it without an accompanying imitation.

As far as Hector, it isn't even worth explaining at this point--our wires got crossed, misunderstandings, blah blah. Ian helped me sort things out a bit on my end thanks to his insight into Hector's feelings (or lack thereof). It's basically as I suspected-but-chose-to-push-away: He's not interested in a relationship, and I suspect if he was, he wouldn't want it with me. This was a big disappointment at first, but I'm dealing and am really looking forward to moving ahead as FRIENDS. Ian was kind enough to soften the blow by letting me in on the fact that Hector said he really enjoys spending time with me [as a friend], and I think, awkwardness aside, we'll be fine. :) Special thanks to Emily, Robin, Brandon, and Jen for putting up with me.

In other news, for those of you who are QVHSites, ALEXANDRE IS ENGAGED AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL. For those of you who don't know who that is, Alexandre (or 'The Xandman'), was a sweet but SUPER-nerdy kid in my College-in-High-School French class senior year. He got a girlfriend his freshman year at Pitt, and our CHS class was so stunned and thrilled, we actually organized a BARBECUE at his house in order to meet her. It was excellent, and she's very cool.

SO, three years later, they're all engaged! Yay!

I've also spent the last few days visiting with John and his friend from the UK, Abi, who he met while studying abroad. She's really funny and fun, and isn't offended that my apartment is London-themed and nicknamed "The Flat". (Emily R., hopefully you aren't offended either. :P) Today I'll be hanging out with them again, and if the new friendship I'm trying to establish with Hector works out for tonight, I'll see him this evening. Wish me luck!

Anyway, I'm off to hang out with Robin soon. I'm showered, wearing my new skirt and feeling pretty good (despite my small problem of missing 2/3 of a desk shift this morning...ooops). Hopefully the rest of my day can be productive and fun!

More soon--Love!

-A.

Note-To-Self

Since the first few days of classes have been hectic (but fun!), here's a reminder to myself/teaser for you about what I need to update you all on this weekend:

-My Six Flags trip AKA PERFECTION.

-My class schedule and professor profiles. AKA Me making fun of my teachers.

-How "Dumb, dumb, dumb." (see previous entry) turned into "Stupid, stupid, stupid." AKA Why Hector does not like me.

-Other fun stuff. :)

Love you all!

-A.

P.S. Ab, I got your Facebook message, and intend to reply, I've just been busy! Tomorrow or Friday!