Merry Christmas!

I hope you're all having a wonderful day with family and friends! This year is the first Christmas spent away from my mom, Dad, and siblings, and I miss them very much, but I'm very happy to be with John and his family, who have shown me so much love and hospitality!

Spread some love around today.

Be joyful! Christ is born! :)

Love,

A.

Family Update!

My Mom got married! Woooo! :D

She and her fiance made a last-minute decision to just go ahead and get married already, and planned a small ceremony in just 9 days! It went over really well, and we're all really pleased to be moving ahead!

There was an after-party hosted by one of Mom's close friends, which was lovely (and tasty!), although I was a little frustrated to get made fun of by my Mom, sister and brother for legally having a beer (they basically treated it like a big joke, or like it was surreal, since I'm such a goodie-two-shoes, I guess).

Yet, it's not weird for teenage Lauren to have a cigarette with Mom four minutes later? Also they've both been shooting tequila since age 13? Just struck me as odd.

Despite the awesome occasion of the marriage, other family drama has arisen:

My family (I'm referring to my immediate family, but I guess this applies to the aunts and uncles, etc. as well) has an tendency to be all talk--myself included. Thanks to rampant family drama (owing partially to my engagement, but more to prior family issues), we've all been in this knot of passive-aggression for--in some cases--years. It's a mess. Everyone has done something to hurt someone else (my mom is usually the one getting offended, I find), but no one will talk about it, and just lets it fester into an open sore of tension and bitterness.

In this case, my aunt said something nasty about my Mom to my sister, who chose to tell Mom about it instead of saying something directly to my aunt. Then, in turn, Mom is hurt and upset, but refuses to directly address my aunt, etc. This is riding on the heels on some other comments of my aunt's...

When I hear what has been said, I suspect that my aunt's venom has to do with her disagreement of how Mom reacted to my engagement to John. My aunt was the first to hear--direct from Mom--how she felt about the situation, and was the one who sort of warned the rest of Mom's siblings about Mom's attitude, in the hopes that I would receive some support from family if I wasn't getting it at home. My aunt expressed to me a few times her disagreement, and definitely said things she shouldn't have--although I wasn't going to be the one to upset Mom with them for no reason. Unfortunately, she chose to say something rude about Mom's reaction in front of KJ, and KJ--being a loyal son--went directly to Mom as well.

So, I felt responsible for my engagement (and Mom's reaction) inciting my aunt's feelings and comments, so I took it upon myself to me direct and cut to the heart of the matter. I sent a message to my aunt, making it clear that I understood communicating her disagreement with Mom's style, but badmouthing her repeatedly was a wrong move, and that I hoped she would make it right. Mom didn't know I sent the message.

This was two weeks ago. I mentioned the message to Mom this morning, as Mom brought up the situation in general. Mom thought I should have asked Lauren first if it was okay to contact my aunt (wtf?), but was grateful that I took the steps to defend her. (You mean, took the steps to be direct for the first time in our family?)

As fate would have it, I received a reply a few hours later--and apparently Mom got a voicemail. My aunt was "irate"--Mom's words--and apparently had no idea what I was talking about. I replied back, apologizing if I came off as rude and outlined the facts I had that made me send the message in the first place. I told her if I got it wrong to please correct me, but I get the feeling she was surprised I defended Mom at all, since Mom is not supportive of my engagement and my aunt is.

We'll see. I AM sorry if I came off as rude, but I'm not sorry for calling someone out on a nasty comment about my mom. Just saying. Honestly, it should've been addressed as soon as it came out of my aunt's mouth. I guess that's what I get for making the effort to diffuse the situation.

Friday the 13th--as unlucky a day as it ever was. :P

-A.

Three weeks later...

Things have settled. As soon as John went back to New Jersey all hell broke lose. Mom was FURIOUS--and still is, for the most part. Thankfully, things are slowly moving back from screaming fights to heated discussions to relatively normal day-to-day life.

I won't detail the arguments here--it's not necessary--but I will say that having repeated circular talks about something that won't happen for two years doesn't help a thing. Hopefully we can all move forward together as time goes on.

In other news, stuff with X and John has been patched up, and I spoke to Lacie last night for the first time in a while. Well, I actually saw her a month ago, which I never actually detailed here! Odd. Long story short: Me, Brian, and our friends Chris and JJ went mini-golfing, and Lacie was there with her longtime ex (and Brian, Chris, and JJs friend) Matt. It was a little bit of a "Busted!" moment, because Matt has largely spoken ill of Lacie since they broke up for good. It was awkward for everyone (after all, Brian and I are 'exes' of Lacie's, too), but we were all friendly.

I've been home alone for the last day--Mom and Robert are in Maryland/DC for a job interview (keeping my fingers crossed!) and KJ is at Dad's. Lauren moved back to OU and is settling into her new house, which is awesome.

I got a job at an upscale boutique in town--I'm pretty excited. I get to sell rich ladies expensive clothes. And we're encouraged not to lie, so I get to tell them if they look fat! Pretty psyched. Also waiting to hear from The Clay Cafe--one of those paint-your-own pottery places. They said they're losing two people by the end of this month. Hopefully my art school cred will get me in!

Wish me luck! I'll definitely need two jobs this summer, but if they're two jobs I like, I'm totally okay with that! I don't need to revisit the summer after freshman year. *shudder*

Love,

A.

ENGAGED WOOOOO!!!!!

As most of you already know, John and I got engaged this past weekend at the end of my week-long visit. It was wonderful and awesome, and I will describe the whole experience, but I'm in the process of creating an engagement/wedding blog now, apart from my personal one. I'll still update this one, but I'll be using the wedding one for wedding details/inspiration/musing. Once I get it up and running, my first post will be all about the engagement, and I'll link you right over.

ETA: Here you go! Up and running!

But, I CAN describe the trip in the meantime. Mom and I headed out to Maryland with Robert and KJ on May 28th so I could complete my move, pay my landlord (yay!), and meet up with John. John drove down from New Jersey to help me move out, and to attend my godmother's daughter Mary's graduation from the Naval Academy.

Here's us, with Mary in her dress whites, now an Ensign! The graduation was long (we had to be in the DOOR by 9 after standing outside in line for more than a half-hour), but the weather was PERFECT (although John and I got a teensy bit sunburned). Mary's party was afterwards, and I got to meet her handsome boyfriend Van Gordon (just a nickname--he goes by Gordon).

John and I headed up to Gambrills to his aunt and uncle's place after the party and spent the night there--Richie and Mandee surprised us by coming by the next day. I've written about them: Richie is John's cousin who also attends the Naval Academy, and Mandee is his gorgeous fiancée. They're a year younger than we are, and got engaged in July of 2009, but that's only because they wanted to make sure all of the midshipmen could attend the wedding before getting shipped out to their assignments a month after graduation. And since you can't get married while you're enrolled in the Naval Academy, they scheduled the wedding for one week after Richie's graduation. Intense!

So we visited briefly with them and got on the road to New Jersey, where we spent the night at John's best friend Dave's and met a few of his friends. we went out to the beach for about twenty minutes that night--it was gorgeous, even if it was chilly. Looking at the ocean in the dark is scary, but it's exciting. We went back to Cranford, John's hometown, the next day and then to John's OTHER aunt and uncle's place about an hour away for dinner and, the following day, a Memorial Day picnic. Lots of cute babies running around, throwing Cheerios at the Koi pond. :)

We met up with another one of John's close friends, Brian (or B. Ho, as I've tagged him here before) and drove to a pier on the seaside where we had an awesome lunch at a restaurant that I sadly can't remember the name of (they had this specialty butter made with garlic, oregano, dill, salt, and pepper, and maybe paprika? It was SO GOOD). We also introduced him to Wizard People, Dear Reader, which, if you're a Harry Potter fan and you haven't seen it, you should do that ASAP.

The rest of the week was basically spent hanging out and watching back Doctor Who episodes to get me caught up (we finished the whole first season) until Saturday, when set-up for John's grad party when into overdrive. The whole day was spent moving/cooking/assembling/rummaging through the garage to find every little thing necessary for the celebration, which came together without a hitch. Even better, I got to see a bunch of John's friends that I haven't seen in months, like Tracey and Marie (more on her in a moment), and John even surprised me with the awesome Colin M. Ford, who came all the way from Baltimore for the party! It was an awesome time, and I'm so glad I was there.

There was one person in John's life who did NOT attend, but that's mostly because she wasn't invited, and she isn't technically in John's life anymore. John's ex, Christine (tagged 'X'--which they actually call her, along the lines of 'Xmas') has been making things plenty weird for those of John's friends who are still in touch with him. I'd spoken to one of her close friends, Kim, in the past, who confirmed that Christine has brought me up, at least, and the fact that she's uncomfortable with Kim and I being friends (jerk). Dave also told us that X called him right before our graduation and asked him "Why did John cut me out of his life?" (never mind that she was the one to unfriend us on Facebook three months ago), "Why doesn't he like me anymore?" Sigh. Because you broke up TWO YEARS AGO. She has a boyfriend, too--sure, he looks like a potato, but they've been together almost as long as John and I have, and it's just not fair to him.

Now, at the party, Marie indicated that as soon as Christine found out about John's grad party (through me, actually--I asked Marie on her wall if she was coming--I didn't really think about Christine and Marie still being friends), Christine started calling and texting Marie after about a year of not doing anything of the kind. Obviously Marie knew what was up, so she didn't bother to return the messages--one particular voicemail was Christine saying that she "wants [Marie's] opinion on something that's been tormenting [her] for awhile". SIGH.

Marie eventually got it out of her in text--X was confused about John: first he "chews [her] out" via Facebook message (which he did, but only to tell her to stop being so desperate and weird and start treating him like a friend, NOT like an ex), and then he acts all interested in her life again! (AKA, he sent her a Happy Birthday message nearly SIX months after the initial "chewing out".) This girl. She is just so in love with John STILL--which I really can't blame her for entirely, John is a lot to lose--but it's been two years, she's had other boyfriends/hookups, she's IN A RELATIONSHIP, and still pining. It's unhealthy and weird.

I would have absolutely no issues with John and Christine being friends. Zero. If she could just stop acting like a stalker, we'd be good to go.

After the party, Tracey and Marie and a bunch of cousins and aunts and uncles stayed over, and that was the night John proposed. :D More on that another time.

The following day was all celebration and a lot of driving. We went to a wonderful church that morning, and packed up our stuff and got on the road to Pittsburgh, which is when I found out that Marie had sent Christine a looooong message, basically telling X how much she was missing out on by being so weird to John and I. It was very straightforward and mature. I was super-impressed with Marie. Hopefully Christine doesn't take it the wrong way--but that's pretty inevitable, I'd say.

So, we get back to Pittsburgh and I am TERRIFIED, but manage to tell my mom and Robert and KJ about the engagement--Mom reacted pretty well, although she's been sort of tense around us for the past couple of days. I called Lauren and Dad and told them, too--Lauren sounded positively disgusted on the phone: "ARE YOU SERIOUS? With, like, a RING?" (Imagine the word 'Ew' hanging unspoken after that sentence, and you can picture her tone. :P) We also told Joey V. and the Ruzichs, who were very excited for us. Telling people is the best part. :)

So, families and close (in proximity) friends aside, we told Facebook Monday morning, and have gotten a pretty steady stream of positive comments. Let me tell those of you reading that we are not getting married for close to two years--we're not jumping into anything here, despite popular opinion. Have faith in us!

So now we're home, and having lunch with my mom's parents today before John drives back to New Jersey. :((((((

I hope you're all having as good of a week as I've been! So much love to all of you!

-A.

Feeling much better. :) And, Why I Love Brian, Part 23

I was right on the PMS front--it just magnified the fears/stresses/emotions, just way more severely than I was used to. I motivated and had a morning walk in the sunshine and immediately felt much better. :)

Lauren and I also had a nice long phone conversation and got to catch up, which is always great :D I love laughing with Lauren.

I grabbed coffee with Mike Waz as well and heard about his wedding plans thus far, which makes me even more excited for when I get to make mine. :P

Just wanted to update that I'm mostly back to normal before my Skype date with John! :D Yay!

Love you all,

A.

P.S. And to lighten the mood further:

Brian: If Katy Perry doesn't jump out of my cake tomorrow, I'm gonna be seriously miffed.

>:(

I hate feeling scared. More than scared. Sad and terrified.

I don't even know where it came from! It's incredibly frustrating and distracting, and I guess I need to try a bunch of things to shake it off. I wish John were here.

Maybe I'm just PMSy and emotional. This is just a lot worse than the usual. :/ I'm going to get dressed and take a walk, then get to drawing. At least the weather is nicer.

Maybe I just hate being alone in the house. Okay, dressing, walking, and drawing. And watching something good. Urg. Hopefully Lauren will call--I texted and asked her to when she wakes up. She told me last night that she has a fever of 102. :( She'd better be seeing the doctor today.

Thank God I get to talk to John tonight.

Love,

A.

"But she won't discover that it's him 'til Chapter Three..."

My sister and I had a way-too-long conversation about our Top 5 animated Disney films.

Mine:

1. Beauty and the Beast (Just a classic--not to mention it's particular connection to John's and my relationship. Plus, I'm Belle.)

2. Sleeping Beauty (A close second--the way the characters are drawn is stunning. They move like HUMANS. REAL HUMANS. It's subtle and stylized at the same time, and you should watch it again if you thought it was boring.)

3. The Lion King (Great soundtrack and awesome Shakespeare adaptation, not to mention)

4. The Little Mermaid (The first movie I remember crying at--I was so sad that Ariel had to leave her dad. Fabulous characters and songs!)

5. Pocahontas/Mulan (I have to tie these--I had a 2-year long Pocahontas phase in elementary school, not to mention that 'Savages' is an amazing song. However, so is 'Be A Man'. Decisions, decisions.)

Lauren's:

1. The Lion King (She is obsessed with jungle cats. I'm not sure if this obsession is because of the film or if the big cats are why she loves it.)

2.-5. (in no particular order) The Little Mermaid, Pocahontas, Mulan, Aladdin. (She couldn't decide. :P)

Honorable Mentions:

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (So freaking DARK for a Disney movie, but that made it rich and awesome. Not to mention the contrast of the song 'Heaven's Light/Hellfire'. I've written about it here before.)

Cinderella (Who doesn't love watching that amazing transformation from rags to riches, courtesy of a simple 'Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo'?)

I actually mentioned awhile ago that I would write a little analysis of a selection of Disney Princes. Obviously I never did, but I had some time to waste in class and if I can procrastinate, I will. So, here we go.

Narrowing down a list:

The Beast (Doy.)

Prince Phillip (of Sleeping Beauty)

Prince Eric (of The Little Mermaid)

Prince/Charming (Snow White/Cinderella--Snow White's 'Prince', and Cinderella's 'Prince Charming')

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Prince/Charming is the earliest incarnation of any Princely character in Disney's milieu. Snow White's Prince had a little more personality than Cinderella's Charming (who spoke, what, four lines?) and it's no surprise that these princes occurred at the earliest point in the princess/fairy tale timeline.

At this point, the Prince doesn't represent a person, but an archetype or reward. He is passive. (Cinderella's prince doesn't even look for her himself!) He signifies when we can all sit back and breathe a sigh of relief, because everything is Happily Ever After from here on in. All of the Princes are treated like this (save one, but we'll get there), but they soon develop personalities alongside their symbolism. This is just to indicate that the symbol of happiness and leaving trouble behind is was what the role of Prince was created for.*

(*There are plenty of feminist arguments one might make, but they're inane and irrelevant to the point of the movies, which is magic and entertainment, so pooh-pooh on them for being nitpicky killjoys. Go be upset about Twilight, an actual offender.)

After Cinderella (1950), the next Princess movie was Sleeping Beauty (1959--it took the whole nine years to complete!), which marked a significant change on the personality and livelihood of the Prince (but his role as the signifier of the Happily Ever After remains intact). Prince Phillip is flirtatious, charming, good-natured, headstrong (but agreeably so), and a bit of a rebel. We have a multi-faceted male lead here! Phillip has his own plot alongside Aurora's--he's lined up to be king, and betrothed to a girl he met once when he was four (a girl who has, for all intents and purposes, disappeared**)

(**I wonder how much Phillip/King Hubert knew about the plan to conceal Aurora--obviously not too much, but you'd expect them to know/suspect SOMETHING if they didn't think twice about not visiting even once in sixteen years.)

He's young and athletic and when he meets a gorgeous stranger in Briar Rose, he's obviously smitten--so much so that he completely overlooks the royal law that he must marry a princess. In fact, he's utterly blasé about it, citing that it's about time to progress past those stuffy hierarchical strictures. He's brave--he faces down Maleficent and her minions, not to mention the massive dragon she transforms into. He is persistent (in wooing Briar Rose and in hacking thorns apart to get to Aurora); he perseveres. He is the first model of an aggressive prince, which I mean in the most positive way. He fights for Rose/Aurora, which is the most obvious and basic example of true love and desire.

Prince Eric is similar to Phillip in that they're both 'modern' princes--Eric is chivalrous and has a good sense of humor, and he's the most casual of the Princes--although not as forward as Phillip. He plays the pretty typical 'clueless boy' role--he's completely enchanted by the mysterious maiden (AKA The Unattainable) that saved him from his shipwreck (who wouldn't be?), and is reluctant to get close to Ariel (AKA The Girl Next Door) because of it, although he feels quite affectionately for her.

Never mind that the maiden and Ariel are one and the same. This is meant to illustrate that Eric is initially immature and flighty: he longs for a girl he doesn't know (one he's not even sure exists, for that matter), and it hampers his ability to grow in another healthier, relationship. Ursula is very aware of this: in her line of work, she's become well-attuned to understanding the desires of humans/humanlike creatures. So, on the verge of Eric's mature moment (his decision to slough off his fantasies and reservations in favor of Ariel), Ursula attacks. She becomes Ariel's biggest threat--the mysterious maiden of Eric's dreams. She uses enchantment on Eric and not just herself, which is sort of cheating, but the metaphor is still present.

Eric has his moment as the 'dragon-slaying prince' when he impales Ursula with a shattered mast, but the most important part of coming together with Ariel is when Ursula's enchantment is lifted and he realizes that Ariel (still there, still willing to save him) is the person he can have an amazing relationship with--if he'd just let go of his baggage in the first place, he'd have gotten there sooner!

Now, on to my favorite: The Beast is a mighty contrast to the other princes. He is mature, complex, dark, and angry. Violent, even.*** He knows and understands pain and loss, even as a lofty prince. In fact, his snobbery is what caused his downfall. At the outset, he is lonely, vicious, and threatening; he's borderline feral after spending ten years in virtual solitude. He is hell-bent on making every stranger he meets just as miserable as he is, thus his imprisonment of the already-fragile Maurice.

(***The Beast is NOT an abusive boyfriend, and Belle is not a battered woman. Seriously, people.)

He is offered a glimpse of something completely foreign to him when Belle WILLINGLY shoulders the misery meant for Maurice. The Beast can't imagine taking on this sort of pain by choice, and he is immensely confused by Belle (and attracted to her 'unparalleled' beauty, of course). His confusion must not be helped by the fact that he was apparently ten when he was changed (according to the Beauty and the Beast timeline)--he's never SEEN or SPOKEN to a woman since before puberty (not counting Mrs. Potts, The Wardrobe, or Babette/Fifi****)!

(****John had a very interesting (tangential) question: Even if they are masculine/feminine, do the objects HAVE gender/sex drives? Or do they just remember being human/having sexual urges? "They have no glands!")

Belle is nothing like the women (like the PEOPLE) he encountered before his transformation--his own mother spoiled him, and his servants catered to him unconditionally. Belle is stubborn and angry all on her own towards the Beast, and since he is very accustomed to getting his way all the time, he's caught completely off guard by Belle's defiance.

Despite the Beast's spoiled and hot tempered instincts, he isn't heartless. Quite the opposite--he is sensitive and intensely depressed and frustrated. He simply doesn't know better, at least not at first. It is telling that the Beast goes out after Belle after his rage over her imposition in the West Wing (sorry, but I have to go with the Beast here, temper or no). It's hard to tell--is this a survival instinct? Belle is the only chance he's ever had--he's not about to let her go. So, he shows an amazing amount of bravery and fights the wolves off of Belle. Later, in a more symbolic--rather than deliberate--physical sacrifice, the Beast is stabbed by Gaston right as Belle has returned to the Beast.

"But wait," you say. "All of the Princes (post-Cinderella) fought for the Princesses--what are some wolves or the human Gaston against Maleficent-Dragon or Giant-Ursula? What makes the Beast so special?" Great question--I'll answer this in a few moments.

Belle realizes this sacrifice and graciously and gratefully returns to tend to Beast's wounds. The ice is broken, and the Beast knows companionship for the first time in a decade. This accelerates his return to the unBeastly side, and he becomes compassionate, thoughtful, and generous (even if his table manners still suffer a bit). The Beast comes the farthest and makes the most dramatic change in personality and thought process because of the power of love.

Time to answer my initial question: "What makes the Beast so special?" This comes in two parts that are closely related.

Firstly, the Beast is special because he gets wounded. No other prince is ever physically incapacitated by an enemy in favor of the princess (and it doesn't come close to happening again until Pocahontas! Although Smith isn't a prince). I don't think this was an accident; I think this was a particular character choice.

And secondly--now, this is the most important part, so pay attention--

Sacrifice. This is essential to the character of the Beast, and it is what sets him apart from all of the other princes EVER conceived by Disney (although Quasimodo comes close!). The Beast experiences the most joyful, wonderful, lovely thing that he ever has with Belle, and at the peak of his joy--the ballroom scene--when he is on the verge of proposing, his newly acquired thoughtfulness reveals Belle's feelings about being away from her father, her only family.

The Beast understands Belle's feelings for her father all-too-well--Belle is Beast's only family, and the thought of how Belle must be feeling is so real to his newly empathetic self--he now knows how much it would pain him to lose Belle. So, he does something unbelievable--he knowingly and willingly sacrifices his proximity to the only person he has ever loved, who brought him back from a near-feral state, in favor of HER feelings and needs. It's astounding and beautiful and it is another level of love that Disney had never plumbed. Phillip and Eric both fought for Aurora and Ariel, and that is admirable, but it takes an awesome, all-encompassing love to let someone go--to selflessly endure the pain of loss for someone else's gain. The Beast is a fabulous example of this, which makes him the most powerful example of love and, frankly, a powerful example of a good man. And, after a suicidal interlude and a battle with the villain, he is rewarded with Belle's love in the end for his patience, which is what a Disney movie is made of!

So, now that I've pretty much revealed my total nerdness, talk amongst yourselves.

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A hilarious aside, courtesy of my sister and her 'green' roommate:

Lauren

and she was like 'well can't you just put it in the little blue bin'

and i said. 'no i dont believe recycling makes a huge difference'

and she told me she was sad for me and that i was making the earth cough

haahhahahhahaha

EFF THIS SNOW.

But in the meantime, laugh at my funny sister:

Lauren: I LOVE TIM GUNN. I want one for my pocket.

More family hilarity.

Why do I post so close together, then have these dry spells?

My younger brother (who will be 15 in April) has been on Facebook for the last five or six months. TOO YOUNG. FACEBOOK IS FOR COLLEGE.

But anyway. I was looking at the profile photos Facebook said he uploaded. I came across this beauty:

(Me, Lauren, KJ)

Aren't we cute? :) (Actually, this is one of the best recent pictures of me I've ever seen.)

So, I commented, asking "Where was this taken? And how long ago [Because KJ looks much older now, but I look the same]?"

Lauren replies: 2 years maybe... [Mom confirmed it was Christmas 2008, right before I went to Florence.]

Me: WEIRD. I feel like I look the same and you guys look so different.

Lauren: You're old. That means you'll start to look the same. Then it goes downhill.

Me: Aaaaand, thank you. You do know if this was taken two years ago, you're the same age now as I was when this was taken?

Lauren: I've looked the same since I was born. It's been downhill for me since the 2nd grade.

This is pretty accurate, minus the downhill part. Lauren's face has been virtually the same since she was a newborn. :) Aw, bbs.

Love,

-A.

P.S. Another fun tidbit about my brother: he's in The Sound of Music at his school this year as Max Dettweiler. Woo! He gets to play the comic relief! And he has a duet with the Baroness! John and I are going back to Sewickley at the end of this month to see the show! I'm so proud of KJ. :D

My Family is Embarrassing. (But also hilarious.)

(We were talking on Facebook about my teacher Dan Krall.)

Mom: Good teacher.

Alyssa: Yeah, I love him. I took this class so I could have him again before I graduated. He taught me my 2nd year, and I got SO much better under him.

Mom: teehee 'have' him

Mom: tee hee 'under him'

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(To explain, I did the 'Top 5' thing on Facebook where you can select who would play you, your love interest, etc. in a movie about your life. I chose Joaquin Phoenix as the love interest because John resembles him. I should also say Lauren kept a photo of River Phoenix hanging in our room from when she was 14 to when she graduated from high school. Lauren chose to comment on this post.)

Lauren: joaquin phoenix? seriously.

Alyssa: Seriously. What's the problem with that?

Lauren: like. anyone in the world? and you picked joaquin phoenix?

Alyssa: Hahaha. Lauren. I chose him because he looks like John. Doof. :P

Lauren: ohhh. i see i see. but still. JOAQUIN PHOENIX!?

Alyssa: Actually, before he got all gross and had a career as a rapper, I was totally into Joaquin. Joaquin>River.(And Joaquin cleaned up recently, too.)

Lauren: WOAHHHHHHHHHHH JOAQUIN<<<<<< River. River was the fuckin' shit and I will not tolerate any disrespect to his memory.

Eughhh. Gross.

Lauren

this weekend was dads weekend [at Ohio University]

4:32pmAlyssa

okay

4:32pmLauren

and i was at a party last night

with dads.

that were hammered

it was HYSTERICAL

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Belatedly.

Welcome 2010!

New Year's was the first super-fun one I've had in a while. John and I went to Em's and Bri and Drea and Nickles were there, awesomely. It was low-key and dorky--we played Apples-to-Apples (Drea and I tied for the win with ten cards each)--and made fun of how Dick Clark is a corpse. (Am I right?) And J. Lo's HORRIFIC (Whore-iffic?) outfit! D:

Either way, John and I got to celebrate New Year's together (his first kiss on New Year's, woo!) with people that I really love and care about and do not see NEARLY enough (hint hint).

We had a lovely visit with Joey V. a few days back. Three mimosas for me, one for John, and a vodka martini (dirty) for Joey. But it didn't take nearly that amount of alcohol for Joey and I to get catty about high school people. :D We're fun.

Lauren is headed back to Athens, Ohio and Ohio University today--she could not be more excited. Six weeks in Sewickley is not exactly Lauren's favorite thing. She met John this week, and seemed to jive with him just fine (naturally)! (Although I did get one punch in the face)

John and I drive back to New Jersey on the 6th--we're meeting with Brandon today, and hopefully grabbing lunch with Em, Drea, etc. before we leave!

OMG HOW COULD I FORGET LUKE AND JESS GOT ENGAGED WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

ANYWAY, Betsy called me yesterday. We had discussed the idea of me spending the summer with her at Mercersburg Academy (in PA, near State College) as a videographer while she photographed. Honestly, I'd forgotten all about it and was pretty set on trying for internships, etc. This opportunity is good money, however, and I really don't need that much experience. I'm thinking about it.

(I'd need to find a way to get iMovie onto my PC. The fact that I only need to know iMovie makes me far more qualified than I would EVER be in the true videography world.)

Hope you're all having a wonderful break! :D Two and a half weeks until my LAST semester begins! EESH!

Love,

-A.

Christmas Update!

For Christmas Eve, it is the usual tradition that we go to my Mimi and Pappy's and see my mom's side of the family. It is equally traditional that my mom hates it. This year was a bit better because we didn't stay for dinner, and my aunts and uncles were interested to hear about John, so I had something more enjoyable to talk about than what I'm going to do after graduation. We didn't stay for a proper dinner after all, but left early and hung out at home before attending a 9pm candlelight service and the Presbyterian church where Robert now works.

Christmas was fairly small as far as gifts (although my laptop was a combination birthday/Christmas gift)--money, gift cards, earphones from KJ, a monogrammed shot glass from Lauren (:P), a massive book on American artists from my aunt, a funny little Christmas-themed cutting board from my Nana, and a set of pens from Mom and Robert so I can write their wedding invitations! My stocking also contained these stunning little gold post earrings with sapphires and diamonds in them. So small and delicate, but one of the favorite things I received. Not too shabby. Plus, I know John has something big and spectacular coming (he's only been bragging about it since Fall Break--SERIOUSLY). So, I'm feeling fairly lame about my just-under-medium-sized gift in comparison, but I think (hope) he'll like it. :)

Christmas Day itself is spent at my Dad's in the morning, then at his youngest sister's (it was the first Christmas without middle sister Suzanne), and Lauren, KJ, and I get to catch up with our cousins and eat some delicious brunch. Yum, yum.

We spent Christmas night at home with a yummy turkey dinner by Mom and some family bonding.

Overall a rather uneventful Christmas, but not an unpleasant one. This weekend was nice because I got to sing two fantastic songs for trio with Robert and Mom, then catch up with Abby C, Joey V. and Brandon, and I got to take care of 65% of my TJ Maxx gift card and get some DELIGHTFUL dark-wash jeans that fit me like a dream (yaaay!) and a couple new undergarments (also yay, as I am hard to fit!). Not a bad way to spend the day. However, I've managed to not eat at all today, so I'm going to rectify that situation!

Also, John gets in again tomorrow night! Woo!

Hope you're all having a wonderful holiday! :D

Hark, how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say 'Throw cares away'...

I'm home and settled in for the most part--John was here from Thursday to Monday and met my Dad, his wife Lisa and her daughter Sam, Robert, KJ, Em, Drea, Joey V., Bess, Abby C. and her boyfriend Greg, not to mention RE-meeting my SACI roommates Emily, Christine and Ulyssa.

We got in around 4:15 and unpacked and relaxed with KJ and Mom and Robert until about 5:30 when we drove up to my Dad's for his 49th (!) birthday dinner! Dad and Lisa really liked John, which was nice ("What's not to like?" -My mom).

After that, we met up with Drea and Eat 'N' Park (which looks all Panera-fied and not greasy/seedy AT ALL anymore, which is upsetting), and soon accumulated a few more people: Joey, Em, and Bess. When Drea, Em, and Bess has to leave, Joey gave John a very involved quiz to prove his worth. :P It was pretty great, ranging from "What is Alyssa's favorite color?" to "Do you like 'Jersey Shore'?" (PLUS A GA-GRILLION POINTS) It was fun. :D

John met Ab and Greg on Sunday night--it was a casual visit, and John was pretty quiet for the whole thing, but it was so good to catch up with Abby and see Greg again!

Monday night was great--John and I went to the South Side and met up with Emily, Christine and Uly at S Bar. We caught up and talked and it was SO good to see them (I haven't seen them since APRIL! WHAT? Almost eight months?!). They're all doing well and are all happy. It was really good to reconnect.

John left on Monday around 1, and I'm already ready for him to come back! He and Lauren didn't get to meet because Lauren was in Ohio this weekend visiting friends. But they'll both be here on the 29th to meet! Pretty exciting!

We also got our Christmas tree, but our (working) lights only cover about 2/3 of the tree. Class. :P

Cheese-tastic aside (Lauren, skip to the end :P): Since being with John, I've really begun to understand what Godly love is. I always knew God loved me, but I had no idea what that love felt like to palpably give and receive until I got into a relationship with John. He's really made me realize what it means to commit and to take chances but also feel entirely sure and confident in myself and in my relationship. He proves to me (even more) how completely God takes care of His people. I'm so thankful, and so happy. I love him! Yay!

Hope you all have an amazing and merry Christmas!

Love,

-A.

My sister is a real person, I promise.

hello. this is alyssa's sister. i have laid down some ground rules for your trip in the next few weeks. and she has told me i must relay them to you myself. soo this is with the best intentions.

1. no kissing in front of me at ANY TIME ("forgetting this rule does not excuse the behavior")
2. no doing anything affectionate in or around my room. including "stuff"

failure to abide by these rules will result in me punching Alyssa in the face.

thanks! can't wait to meet you.

@@@

Lauren sent this to John today. She is not joking. This is simultaneously hilarious and disturbing.

People who don't know Lauren are always a little disbelieving of my description. I wonder if I showed them this, if it would get the point across better. :P

-A.

ETA: John's response:

Ground rules are very important. YOUR ground rules doubly so. Therefore I will comply with your requirements with the utmost and furthest reaches of my ability. However, since your sister's face is on the line, I ask to raise a few points:

1. Does the 'kissing' in Item 1 cover all iterations of the term, or are you implying kissing on the lips?

2. Am I only prohibited from kissing Alyssa? Will I get penalized for kissing other things, including (but not limited to) a frozen lamp post, a dog, or your butt?

3. Will I be penalized under Article 2 for just apathetic "stuff"? Is a mutual feeling of affection a requisite?

4. Is there a specific area of Alyssa's face that will be subject to punching? Her forehead or nose, perhaps? Or is she subject to general battery?

Thank you for your concern in my visit. I seriously would not want to offend you or those closest to you. All necessary precautions will be applied.

I am also excited to meet you.

ETA2: Lauren's Reply:

Thank you for your questions:

1. Kissing means alll kissing. face, hands, et cetera.

2. If you were to kiss random items around our quaint little town I would be forced to think you are a weirdo, and you would no longer be welcome within 50 ft of me.

3. I don't know what number 3 means.

4. This will be determined due to the severity of the crime.

After a loooong hiatus: Why I Love Brian, Part Fifteen!

Brian: If you ever catch me wearing a shirt/tie combo as ugly as he's wearing. I want you to do away with me. Finish me off.

Me: You bet. I'd hang you with that awful tie.

Brian: Honestly, I'm more concerned about the shirt. Good Lord, is it ugly.

Me: His birthday's coming up. We should send him a gift card to GAP.

Brian: Haha, beat me to it.

@@@

Brian: Do you know how many times I've watched the 'Male Prima Donna" video? The answer would be too many, if that were possible.

Joyeux Anniversaire á moi!

You heard right--I am now 21!

Which, to those of you who have known me for any length of time, means that almost nothing will change, except that I can now go to bars with my friends without having to flash the bouncer/bartender. (JOKES.)

My weekend was excellent--the play was a success, and John and I got an amazing dinner at my godparents' house last night, as well as a new laptop from my mom (which I need to configure with my home internet somehow).

This morning was also very pleasant--I was my Problem of Evil class today with my slightly scary ex-CIA agent professor, and during our break, he did the little finger crook and beckoned me over, stony-faced. I about crapped my pants.

So, I walked over, and he looked at me levelly. "You've done it again."

Pause.

"You did very well on your test. You like this stuff, don't you? You're interested in it?"

I was so relieved, and totally pleased! We chatted a bit more about the distinct lack of God-talk that takes place at MICA before class started up again. When I got my test back, I saw that I did fine, but I certainly wasn't the highest grade in the class--I wondered why he'd chosen to take me aside. Maybe it was because my essay spoke so clearly to faith--my professor is a practicing Catholic. Either way, it was a very nice birthday gift. :)

My plan for the day--I have work until 3 (Robin did the packages at the desk for me as a gift!), then I'm going to shower and get ready for dinner with John, who is taking me out at 6 (but I get to open my gift before dinner! :D). We're going to get home before 9 in order to greet my friends, who are coming for the little get-together Jen planned for me! Yay!

I'll also be wearing the new dress that Lacie sent me. I've been in contact with her again, and was pleasantly surprised to find a package from her a few days ago. It's a gorgeous dress:

And I look fantastic in it. It's always great to be given the perfect birthday outfit.

I'm really looking forward to tonight! I'll update ASAP!

Love,

-A.

ETA: I can't believe I forgot to mention this--Lauren was awesome and called me exactly at midnight to wish me happy birthday. :D It was a very, very pleasant surprise and a very welcome talk. My sister is, once again, incredibly prying and inappropriate, but she really makes me laugh, and I love when she calls. :) I'm bummed I'll be missing her at Thanksgiving, but her birthday is coming up!

Halloween Fun!

There will be more and better photos eventually, but here we go:

My group was:

-Betsy and her little sister Mamie as Luigi and Mario, respectively.

-Robin as Robin A. Bank. (He's been a 'Robin' every year--Robin the Boy Wonder, Robin Hood, and Robin Williams as Patch Adams.)

-Jess as Quinn Fabray (from Glee!).

-Colin as Bob Ross (He even made Happy Tree stickers!).

-Katie as The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

-Ben as TinTin (I have no photos of him here yet--there was only one, and it was not flattering. :P).

-Jen as a Baltimore Cop (No photos of her yet either!).

-John as The Doctor (from Doctor Who--he is a huge Anglophile, in case you haven't noticed).

-Me as Alice (as you remember!).

Here's a better look at my costume (and incidentally John's), which I was very proud to have sewn myself out of an old thrift store dress and a dust ruffle! (Jen made my 'Drink Me' bottle at the last minute like a champ.)

It was a lot of fun--Robin was a leeetle drunk (and by a little, I mean blasted), and just did hilarious things all night. The after-MICA party came to our apartment and it was an all-around good time! I'm happy. :)

However, that means that it is now November. Let's see what that means:

Today is November 2nd.

Closer is in a week and a half.

My 21st birthday is in exactly two weeks.

My Mom's 46th birthday is in three weeks.

Thanksgiving is in three and a half weeks.

My sister's 19th birthday is in exactly four weeks.

Winter Break is three weeks after that.

BLAAAAH.

Love,

A.

Hopefully the Summer of Death has passed on as well...

It's been an emotional week over here--my Aunt Suzanne, who was diagnosed with cancer in May, died on Tuesday at about 5 AM--my Dad called me while I was in class, and there was this moment of confusion: 'Why is he calling? We just talked a few days ago...' Then it struck me that Suzanne must have died--he'd mentioned in the last call that there wasn't much longer. I slipped out of class and listened to the voicemail he left--sure enough, she'd died. I called him back, and he told me he and Lisa were the last people to see her--they tucked her in around midnight. She's being cremated, so he said he'd call back when they had plans for a memorial--it didn't have to be right away because she isn't being interred.

I was sad for Dad, and for Suzanne's live-in boyfriend and his son. It's odd, because I was out-of-town for the entirety of Suzanne's treatment, save Robby's funeral, and I barely saw my DAD that weekend, let alone had the chance to visit Suzanne. It's like it didn't happen.

I'm not super-close to my Dad's family, but Suzanne was absolutely the aunt that made the most effort with us. Remembered our birthdays, etc. She, like the rest of Dad's side, had her major issues, but she was fun and sweet and good-hearted.

The rest of the week was fine, if less productive than I'd have liked (story of my life)--John and I attended our first read-through on Saturday. It went well, although we all still have work to do. I need to learn how to make a British accent sound natural in two months' time. Get excited. And John and I were getting pretty excited about the trip to Annapolis we planned for this coming weekend to attend the Navy Homecoming football game with his family, even though we'd have to miss a rehearsal, which is whatever, because the game is a great opportunity to bond with John's people. (Again.) :)

Sunday was a particularly full day--Emily, John, and I got up early to go to the farmer's market with Melissa and a cute little junior named Mika, which was a lot of fun--we sang Disney songs. :D Afterwards, Em, John, Jen and I attended church. I was so thankful that Jen decided to attend with us, and to me complete joy, she loved it, and wants to keep coming with us! I'm really excited for that. The service itself was really great--we arrived a bit late, but we managed to integrate ourselves into the congregation during the sign of peace. Perfect timing. :P

The message was about poverty and wealth, and about the provisions of God, which is something I struggle with. I've been getting better about it, though! It was just good to have that reinforcement--God will always provide, and he has.

Dad called while I was in church--during the week, I talked to both Mom and Lauren about coming home for the service, etc. Lauren and I both expressed reluctance--it's inconvenient and expensive to get home, not to mention that we're not on the best terms with Dad. However, we also knew he'd take it as a personal insult if we were to explain that we're busy (I'm a senior in the midst of thesis. and Lauren is still getting used to a whole new school), and would take it out on us for months/years to come.

Dad left a voicemail, which I listened to after the service. As it turns out, the memorial service was planned for Saturday, the same day as the football game. :( Agonizing decision time. So, I called Lauren, who decided that she may as well go home for it (She also noted that I should "Just go to the game--repayment for all the times Dad bailed on us.", which is ungenerous, but not unfair.). Mom sympathized with me, and we weighed the options together (1. Have a fun weekend with my boyfriend's family and make sure Dad writes me out of his will. 2. Go home and sit in my Nana's parlor for an hour and half, hating life, but still ensuring $300 for Dad come Christmas).

The frustrating part was that I knew what I had to do, but it's very difficult to accept the fact that I would get no grace from him in this, and I honestly need the small sum he gives me every year for school. I hate having to depend on someone unreliable, but as pathetic as it is, I made the choice to go home and ensure that sum. Obviously John was understanding and encouraging (as he always is, the dear), but I was still pretty disappointed that I'd have to miss out on time with him and with his family, especially as The Girlfriend instead of The Mystery Friend-Thing. :P

I called Dad back, and without mentioning the game, told him that I intended to come home. He gave me a little relief by saying he'll be paying for my ticket home and back, which is nice, and I am starting to look forward to seeing Lauren and Brian (I miss making 'Why I Love Brian' posts--we haven't talked much lately) and Brandon, and Mom and KJ. I wouldn't have made it back until Thanksgiving, otherwise. And I do feel good about going back to be with Dad, even if it's hard to be the bigger person. I can do it and I'll try and be charitable.

As I mentioned in my last entry, John met my parents and godparents last weekend. It went quite well--Kathleen (my godmother) was completely charmed by him ("He's CATHOLIC?!! How wonderful!") and while my godfather Dane and my Mom goofed on his nerdiness, they liked him a lot as well. Mom came to Baltimore on the evening of the 14th and had dinner with John and I, which also went well, and I brought up the idea of bringing John home for Thanksgiving, which she was very receptive to. Unfortunately, John's mom was less into the whole thing, and put the kibosh on that pretty quickly, which I understood, as Thanksiving is her holiday in New Jersey, blahblahfamilytime.

However, despite her reluctance to let John travel one state over for Thanksgiving, she is apparently willing to pay for half of my plane ticket to go to England with John and two of our friends--they're going for Spring Break to visit John's friends from Bournemouth (where he studied this past spring). Now, this SOUNDS great, and I would love to be able to do it, but A) My mom is VERY against this idea ("You'd be traveling with a boy who is not your husband!"). Granted, I would go anyway, but that brings us to B) Even half a ticket is out of my price range.

My solution: Ask Dad for a Christmas/Graduation gift. :D Sounds perfect, right? Cue Aunt Suzanne's death. That sounds insensitive--I don't consider Suzanne's death a burden in that way--but truly, it is not the right time to be asking for money to be whisked away to Europe for a week. But who knows, maybe when I go home we'll talk about it.

But NOW, as this entry took me a day and a half to complete and post, it's time to go to my first one-on-one rehearsal with Kristin as Alice! It should be fun.

Love--

-A.

Returning to the Recent Past and other kinds of Time-Travel.

Lauren and Abby picked me up from the bus station when Robby died, and one of the first conversations we had was about his idea of the afterlife. Lauren, being as close with Robby as she was, was lucky enough to get a packet of photocopied pages directly from Robby last summer--the packet, according to Robby, summed up his ideas and beliefs about God and the world around us.

I got the chance to skim it the day before the funeral--Lauren had left it out on her bed, having finally gotten around to reading it. I'm afraid I don't remember specifics, but I remember the bulk of it having to do with reconciling God and Science into Order--to be neither purely scientific or purely religious in name. The phrase 'God of Order' was used a lot.

The point is, Lauren was vehement about Robby's salvation--"I can't believe that he's in Hell. I cannot believe that." And I agreed. But how does one get around that niggling Biblical message? John 3:16 and everything we learned about in Sunday school?

I've been coming across a few interesting passages on this subject lately, including this entry from a blog called Growing Up Lane, written by two young Catholic sisters:

"Vatican II teaches that 'Those who, through no fault of their own, do not know the gospel of Christ or his church, but who nevertheless seek God with a sincere heart, and moved by grace, try in their actions to do his will as they know it through the dictates of their consciences—those too may achieve eternal salvation (LG 16).' Also, in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) we find this: 'Every man who is ignorant of the gospel of Christ and of his Church but seeks the truth and does the will of God in accordance with his understanding of it can be saved. It may be supposed that such persons would have desired baptism explicitly if they had known its necessity' (CCC 1260).

God has written Himself into all of our hearts, and this is known to most people as conscience. Those who seek and have a conscious desire to do good, to respond to this knowledge of God in their heart, are participating in God’s plan and serving Him as faithfully as is possible for them. Just because they are ignorant of the source of the graces and salvation they may receive, it does not mean that they cannot attain them. This, however, is not an excuse for settling for what you have and refusing to further your knowledge of God. We must continually work to join ourselves with God as intimately as possible. As Catholics, we believe that this is reached as a member of the Church that was founded by Christ, and participating in the sacraments He has given us, most importantly joining in true communion with Him through the celebration of the Eucharist.
So, 'no salvation outside of the Church' means that salvation only comes from Christ through the Church, not that only members of the Church are saved."

I am no longer Catholic, of course, but I think this is a good sum-up. While, yes, the Bible says that salvation is only for those who believe in Christ and the promises of the Crucifixion and Resurrection, this leaves a lot of holes and possibilities ('What about the pygmies who've never heard of Jesus?!'). Obviously, we can't rely on the idea that Robby didn't know anything about God or Christianity--his parents are Christians, and I know they attended a Lutheran church (I'm pretty sure it was Lutheran) as children. But, knowing that God is merciful and gave us a brain to explore, paired with the idea of God "writing Himself onto our hearts" as our conscience--the bottom line is, God doesn't want us to fail.

Another thing--and hopefully this doesn't come off as morbid--but Robby's death was one without fault. It wasn't a car accident or suicide (blessedly). It was an Act of God--I would say, a specific event that serves to further God's will. This doesn't make it a pleasant endeavor--Robby's death was intensely painful--but it offers some explanation: God's plan working through the life and death of a young man seeking knowledge. I can only hope that this explanation doesn't cause anyone to blame God.

I was flipping through my History of Silence course notes yesterday morning as well, and found two quotes I wrote in that apply:

"Because you seek Me with your whole heart, I will let Myself be found." -God to Man

and

"In my practice, actively trying to find something: it becomes there." -Keenan, (a classmate of mine)



In other news, I got a random Facebook chat message from Lacie's older brother Wesley night before last. We've never spoken ten words to each other, so this was surprising (I thought it was Lacie, at first, but the conversation quickly proved to me that it wasn't.) So, we had a game of Scrabble and we talked about my thesis project. After he beat me by 100 points, heh, we said goodnight, and he told me to let him know the next time I visit NYC (he lives there now and his pursuing his doctorate of philosophy). Hold your horses--he lives with his long-time girlfriend in the city, so no romantic interest from either side. As if.

Things with Hector are...progressing. Nicely.



:)



I also got the chance to talk on the phone with Paul for the first time in forever! It was really awesome in all--it's been a LONG time--but of course, we had to breach the Marla/Me/Robin topic. And here I thought Paul was Mr. Neutral, which is apparently not the case. He took the opportunity to knock my legs out from under me: "Then I heard Marla's side of the story and was a lot less okay with the situation after that...but I'm not getting involved. It's none of my business." GRAAR.

I actually let it slide pretty well yesterday, but today I found myself really angry. Like, REALLY angry about it. I was at the point where I was almost totally cool with everything, then that little comment threw me off. Which should be a big hint that I wasn't really okay about it. I guess it's just frustrating that I continue to be the sole perpetrator in this, that my name is the one getting kicked around eight months later. Hm.

ANYWAY. I have an awesome week-and-a-half to look forward to: Emily W. moves in tomorrow and Hector gets back Sunday, then I have my last week of work, and THEN SIX FLAGS with Colin, his girlfriend Katie, Robin, Jen, Jess, Ben, and BETSY! It'll be so fun! I can't wait. Then school. CRAP.

But I AM excited, and I can't wait to see everyone! :D Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on a very important conversation. :P



Love,

-A.