Sheesh.

Okay, be prepared, because I'm about to go into a ramble.

As most of you know, the little box under my Facebook profile picture says "I want undiluted love." This is very true. My friends know this and have referenced my own phrase to me several times when I've expressed hesitance with a guy--several guys since I've returned to Baltimore (as you may have read).

I appreciate what they are trying to say--plainly, "WHY ARE YOU HESITATING, YOU DUMMY?" These inputs, paired with my own observations, can be ironed out into these points:

1. It's easier to love than be loved/be halfway.

When I'm interested in someone, I can handle the person not feeling the same way. It still sucks--don't get me wrong--but then, like with any rejection, one can have the freedom and the right to feel sad, angry, hurt, upset, etc.

For me, I'm in this awkward and limiting place where I can't summon the same feelings or potential for those feelings. This is a natural thing--we don't fall in love with everyone who is interested in us. Doy. However, I feel stifled when I can't reciprocate more than a little. :/ (Not that this is every case, but I'm never 'all-there' for that other person.) It's so hard to "have the control" in the situation, when I don't have control over my own feelings!

2. It sounds self-centered--"Oh, all these boys love me, what am I going to do?!"

I hate looking like some fickle asshole jerking guys around--I was best friends with those butthead girls, and I don't want to become one, having disengaged myself from that behavior in others already. I hate looking like a tease, or careless. The last thing I want to do is give someone the wrong impression, but it feels like setting myself up for failure to SAY 'Oh, I'm just trying you out--we'll see if I like you someday.'

3. I don't just feel like there's something missing in one situation, or two, but in myself.

The biggest frustration is feeling like there's something wrong with ME in not being able to feel for these boys in return. Now, don't get me wrong--sometimes I felt exactly what I was meant to (Nick and Chris were total wastes of time, for example, and I 'm glad I didn't waste any feelings on them), but there have been awesome guys that care about me that I can't be 100% for when they really deserve it!

I've written before that I want to be able to work and grow in my feelings alongside the other person, together. That is made very difficult when the other person is leaps ahead of me in regards to their feelings about me. That is nothing they've done wrong, in the least. It's a complete honor--just a lot of pressure.

I had a much-needed phone call with Melissa last night--I've been in a bit of a faith rut recently, and that call with her was so helpful in reassuring me that I need to stop stressing myself out. I'll feel for a man when it's supposed to happen, whoever it's with. Whew. She also reminded me of a certain line in Song of Solomon (2:7) that I need to keep in mind:

In my Bible (NAS), it says this, "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the hinds of the field, That you do not arouse or awaken my love Until she pleases."

Melissa's version (NIV) says this: "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Her translation is much prettier, and well, applicable. :)

I have to be patient. (Dammit.)

An unrelated eyeroll, from the first paragraph of Lacie's new blog: "I'm tempted to write something serious or consequential about my recent fall from grace, my new crush, my penniless existence, or my complete state of unbelief and the apparent utter loss of a future. Instead, however, I'd like to revert back to focusing on my one, true love, fashion."

Yesterday was a lovely day off--I got some errands run, wrote a letter and a nice, long diary entry (6th handwritten diary begun--woo!), watched The Other Boleyn Girl and had bonding time with Kirsi, and got my phone charger back! I'm connected with the real world again! :P

Today will be as productive and relaxing, hopefully. It's already gotten off to a good start! I went into the Main Building this morning for some Financial Aid stuff, and ran smack into some conservators restoring the plaster casts in the lobby! I watched them for a little bit, and started talking to them about programs and opportunities. Ugh--before I'd even APPLY to a program I need two years of chem. And then art history (which I've mostly done) and languages (a working knowledge of reading French and German for NYU). Eesh. There are only four art conservation programs in the country--and only three I'd really consider: NYU (LOLASIFI'DGETIN), University of Delaware (where Diane and Lori, the conservators, attended), and UCLA/Getty. Ugh. It's all so competitive and scary!

Alyssa, concentrate on NOW. TODAY. Sheesh.

God, you are good. :) I see the little things, little hints and bits of information and possibilities you set out for me. Thanks.

Robin visited this weekend, which was great! We watched The Room, as planned, and I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF. It was so bad/good. Go watch it. NOW.

Having some alone time with Robin for the first time since January was also wonderful--I missed us! :) Although I have to say, we get on each other's nerves x1,000,000,000 now. Why is that? We argued way more than we ever did before this weekend. But we always apologized. :P

I also went to New Jersey, to see Harry Potter with John and his friends--that was also a very successful trip, and one of the reasons I went on the above ramble in the first place. His family and friends are wonderful, and I felt entirely comfortable and welcomed by them (with the exception of his ex, which is to be expected). John has invited me to go with him and his family and a few friends to his beach house in Delaware next month, which I would love. Finally, a chance to break out the bathing suit I got in Corsica! :P But seriously, it would be a great chance to spend more time with the awesome people in his life.

Especially his mom--I was the most nervous about meeting her after what we now refer to as "The Talk", but she was down-to-earth and fun and funny and very willing to joke about John's ex. :D She's a lot of fun and we really bonded.

ANYWAY, I have some thesis stuffs to do, then watching Closer before I have to return it to the video store. I don't think I ever described much about my thesis project, have I? I won't say too, too much, but I was inspired by David, who told me about an abandoned subway station his friend took him to. I'll just say there's a sort of escapist fantasy involved. :)

I hope you all have an awesome day. :) I'll try and update more, and better!

Love,

-A.

I caved.

After nearly a year of resistance, I got a Twitter--now you can keep up with my doings even more obsessively! :P

Don't worry! I'll still be updating as much as before.

After three long, lazy days off with very little sleep, I go back to work today at 4. Then, tonight, a beautiful thing happens--Letta arrives! :D I am very, VERY excited, as I've only seen her for about an hour in the last six months. But the great thing is, she and I can always pick up right where we left off.

In other news, well...I am lazy and have barely left the house, although I DID attend the Orioles/Red Sox game with Mark, his brother, and his brother's three friends, all of whom were incredibly sweet. We were losing 10-1 by the seventh inning, when the rain began. Luckily we'd moved under the awning before we got poured on! After about 45 minutes (during which Joey V. helped me open my Twitter account via text), the game started up again, and we got 5 runs in each of the next two innings to make it 11-10! It was amazing. I'm no baseball nut, but it was cool to see a turnaround that huge!

As I said, not too much to fill you in on here, but I hope you're all having a lovely day!

-A.

Rediscovering My Heritage

I had a date with Chris yesterday, and it went well! He's not my usual type--piercings, tattoos, etc.--but we can talk and be on the same level and it's nice! He doesn't bother dating just for the hell of it--he actually wants to date someone he's interested in progressing with. He says he's more interested in me than he has been in any girl for a long time, which is always nice to hear, although it makes me a little sad that I've heard it a few times recently and it makes me wonder what the eff girls are like nowadays. Not that I'm not a great girl, but man-oh-man, where are you nice girls?!

(Sidenote: There's always this tiny flicker of disappointment that flits across a guys face when he realizes I'm not going to have sex with him. Half-pitiable, half-satisfying.)

We had a late lunch on Charles Street at Mick O'Shea's around 2, and absorbed a little Irish culture for both of us (he is VERY into his Irishness, and I never have been, really). We talked for 2 1/2 hours before I had to get going because I was meeting Mark, Jen, and Jie for Up a little after 5. So, we're going to see where things go, which sounds like a nice, slow-moving thing to me. :)

I ended up running into both Ian and Michael (two of Robin's roomies in one!)--we all kind of converged by chance at this one corner, and we caught up a bit, and I remembered how much both of them make me laugh. :D

I was still running late so I left them and met Mark outside of my apartment--he brought us pizza, and I ate a slice to be polite (I was stuffed from lunch), because it really was thoughtful of him. We met up with Jie and went to Harbor East to catch the 7:25 showing, and while we were in line for tickets, I glanced in the reflection of the glass of the box office and saw JESSIE (of formerly Sam-and-Jessie fame)! She's in town for a wedding, which I totally knew but forgot, and we immediately freaked out and hugged and are making plans to meet tomorrow for the first time since New Year's!

The movie itself was lovely and sad but also funny, and I totally cried like five times. :)

After the movie, we ran into a group of girls who graduated with Mark and Jie--one of them was bragging about making her ex cry. Who brags about that?!

We left them after a half-hour and ended up in Dougherty's Pub, where I found the Devlin crest on one of the paintings (I've seen it before so I knew what to look for) and I now know where the Devlin's came from within Ireland! Tyrone/Ulster. Bam.

So, I got a little tipsy on cider, and argued politics and a little religion with Mark and Jie (mostly Mark, who surprised me on his stances) and generally kicked butt. :P But it was fun and obviously there are no hard feelings. The transition from 'dating' to 'friendly' has been a smooth one with Mark, which I am eternally thankful for.

I have work from 12-5, then Ben is picking me up! :D It's so good when the things I've been praying for (like plenty of social activity) come true. I just love being around people. :)

Okay, I have to go--but I'll catch you all in the next couple of days!

Love,

-A.

I always was more of a Jackie than a Marilyn...

Aside from the people in retail (Jonathan, Liz, Heather, Povilis, Alysia), I've befriended a couple of servers, three in particular: Ahmed, Raul, and Chris.

Ahmed is an American-born Egyptian medical student, and the server who originally set my application aside so I could be interviewed. I apparently owe him coffee. :P

Raul is a super-cute 24-year-old from Maryland who I can actually tolerate an ironic mustache on. He's a very recent ex-hookup of Liz's though, so that would be sticky. I think he attempted a wink at me as I left work, and he definitely touched the small of my back after pre-shift today and told me I did a great job and was "very entertaining". Cutie!

Chris is a 26-year-old surfer-meets-punk who is surprisingly conservative and a Christian and understands the spirit of Christian law and belief, which is so nice to hear (although the letter of the law still escapes so many of us ;P). I found this out while he walked me home last night (a very gentlemanly move, as Baltimore is scary at night), and today, he found me in the stock room (where it's very rare to find a server) and handed me a list of bands he thinks I'll like (thoughtful!). He then stopped by as he was leaving his shift and we exchanged numbers, and he invited me to walk his dog around Patterson Park--which was a bit too out-of-my-way today, but it was a sweet invitation! He also texted me IMMEDIATELY after he left, and started asking me all those clichéd 'get-to-know-you' questions like my favorite food, color, and movie. :P I guess potential romance is never too far from my life. Ha ha.

A funny aside about our walk--a homeless woman asked us for change, but addressed Chris and I as "Jackie O" and "JFK". LOL.

So, yeah, work is going well, on the social level, at least. :P

In other news, Letta is coming to visit from July 1-5! Unfortunately I'll probably be working the 3rd and 5th,and definitely the 4th, but we should still have enough time to chillax. Ben is also going to come down and hang out--partly because I need someone to chill with Letta. :P But he is wonderful and she is wonderful, so I have a good feeling that they'll get along. :)

Also, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is coming to theaters on July 15th, and I am going to John's hometown of Cranford, NJ to meet his friends and to see it! And, because we are the hugest nerds of all time, we are dressing up. There will be photos, I'm sure. :P

Jen and I also made some surprising plans for tomorrow night and will be seeing Up with Mark and his best friend Jie. It's not a double-date, don't worry. :P But it should be a good chance for us to establish the Friend Zone.

I also got a slight bit of good news about my finances--nothing superb, but I feel a bit better about my circumstance. :)

So, good stuff all around! Thank God for that--I swear, once I did my best to let go of financial fears and to embrace making friends, it's been going great. It's nice re-remembering that I have nothing to fear. :)

Hope you're all having a lovely day! (Stay out of the heat!)

Love,

-A.

What is my life? Part ten trillion.

A lot to update.

So, because John was in France and he reads this, I didn't want him to find out that I had "chosen" (in the lightest possible way) Mark just by reading this--I had more respect for him than that and wanted to tell him in person, so I haven't mentioned Mark or John here at all in the last ten days.

Basically, I dated Mark for almost two weeks, and it went well. He watched the Pens games with me, and was there when we won. He gave me the most amazing surprise on Tuesday night when he brought me to a Jack's Mannequin concert--needless to say, I was completely shocked and excited and it was a fantastic show and Brian is jealous that I saw it before him without even trying. :D

But, after the concert, when I kissed Mark 'thank you', it felt all wrong. Like, 'I-am-NOT-supposed-to-be-kissing-you' kind of wrong. I tried to shrug it off and not let it ruin the evening, because I had a spectacular time, truly. It was such a thoughtful gesture.

So, John returned on Wednesday, and after my first day of work, I went by his house to welcome him back and he had brought me a bouquet of yellow flowers ("to brighten the place up now that Betsy left") and a red rose (Beauty and the Beast and all that jazz). It was so sweet, and it made what I had to say even more difficult. But, I broke the news and he took it well enough--he seemed to understand at least. I made sure he knew he did everything right, and that I wasn't really going to choose either of them--I realized that neither of them are right for me (as I feared when this all started). What I didn't expect however, was the scale of his feelings--he took me by surprise when he told me he's "never felt this way about anyone". And yes, that includes his ex-girlfriend of nearly 6 years. WOW. It was far more emotional than I expected.

But we parted on okay terms, and agreed that I would still meet his friends from home, who came in last night from New Jersey.

But, there was still the case of Mark to wrap up. I asked Mark to pick me up from work yesterday, and I told him that we shouldn't see each other romantically anymore, and he's been wonderful and it has nothing to do with anything he could control. He was "shocked", but took the blow stoically enough--at first. He asked me if it was because he moved too fast (yes and no--he was just in a 5-year long relationship and we're at different stages; it's something neither of us could control), and I assured him that there was no one else. We said goodbye and although he got emotional as well, we had a parting joke, so I'm not too worried that--after a while--we might be friends.

I spent the evening calling people and filling them in--I've left a lot out here for the sake of my own sanity, so call if you need more details--and around 10 PM, I called John and asked when I should go over (his friends were set to arrive at 1 AM). No answer. Okay, fine--I waited until 10:40, and called again. Nothing. Then 11. Nothing.

Then he called me back, and had clearly been pretty upset all day--he was sniffling on the phone. He informed me that he'd just gotten off the phone with his ex--he'd called so he could apologize, because 'now he knows how she feels'. (Twist the freaking knife, please. I alreday feel like shit for hurting you.)

He also told me that all of his female friends don't understand how I could turn down such a great guy, blah blah, etc, and he told me he ended up defending me. I told him he didn't have to defend me, and that I know exactly where his friends are coming from, but he insisted that I did nothing wrong. (Which I didn't.) Basically, that led to him telling me that Cara, the girl he's staying with right now and one of his best friends, doesn't want me in her house because I hurt John. It's not really her concern, but I understood, so I let that be, and offered my own apartment if he still wanted his friends to meet me. What it came down to, is that I agreed to wait up and he would text if he wanted to bring them over.

I accidentally fell asleep a little after midnight, and awoke at 3:30 AM, mad at myself for falling asleep in my clothes, annoyed at my stinging eyes (I'd left my contacts in), and feeling dirty and uncomfortable. I also had a text from John, explaining (as I'd expected) that the "consensus" was, he shouldn't see "the infatuee" (AKA, me) so soon, and I may not meet his friends at all this weekend. I do completely understand this, but it's all so freaking DRAMATIC!  I'm 2-for-2 in making boys cry this week, and that doubles my quotient from over the last five years!

What I don't understand is--and I am not trying to devalue or disqualify either boy's feelings--how did those feelings develop so quickly?! After all, Mark and I dated for just under two weeks, and he wanted to take me home to his parents, and John and I dated not at all (although I appreciate the bonding time we spent together)! How am I supposed to deal with all of these strong feelings--good and bad? How can I be responsible for something I can't control?

I suppose the answer is that I can't be.

And because this is my blog and I have to write down one small, selfish thing: I hurt two people, and I'm still alone. That really, really sucks.

Okay, that's enough.

I'll talk to you all soon, I hope--work is seriously cutting into my internet time. :P

Love,

-A.

Why I Love Brian/Kevin (and everyone else who's been saying it!). Part 8.

Brian: btw, are you also seeing Luke and Matthew?


ETA:

Me: Mark: ah cool, were you able to comfort kevin last night after i left? lol--hi kevin

Brian: hahahahaha please start calling me kevin

Brian's Status: Call me Kevin.

Me: larissa (Brian's nickname for me) and kevin

Brian: paintin the town red

ETA2:

Me: aw, bri, can you just narrate my life

Brian: of course i can: "in a world of sex drugs and intrigue... lives alyssa devlin... watch her this summer in... ATTACK OF THE HONESTY BOX"

Kevin's on a roll! :P

Venom, continued.

"my point exactly, sweetheart. you are so blinded by some deep seated need to make up for some (unknown to me) insecurities that you are unable to let my previous criticisms slide. you felt the need to write back to me, proving further your obsession with preserving your self image. i feel like it was not meant to put me in my place, rather, to reaffirm to yourself that you are in fact the person you see yourself as.

if you didn't want people to say these things to you, for reasons of flattery, or simply to incite a little drama, you wouldn't have an honesty box in the first place. i'm not going to offer anymore criticism, but i can assure you that your response affirmed my assumptions about you."

WOW, really?

This is as haughty a response as any this person expected out of me, and yet I'M the one with the over-confidence/insecurity issues.

I responded:

"Well, I have to say you're mistaken--my response was intended, partly to 'put you in your place', as you say, and partly borne of true curiosity. Your venom is so obvious, I sincerely wondered where you got the impression of me that you did, because I have an arsenal of people with the exact opposite impression of me.

I'm the first person to admit that I like to be approved of (who wants people to dislike them?), but I'm also the first person to admit where I'm flawed and insecure--for instance, I know I get nervous about my thesis and keeping up with work and the prospect of failing. But I have a strong sense of self, and I'd say that threatens people who have the sort of insecurities you claim I have.

And truly, you expected and relished my response, I'm sure. As for the reasons why I have an honesty box, who doesn't want to be secretly flattered? What's your excuse for having one? So you can spew your ire on unsuspecting 'friends' under the safe cover of your computer, even hiding your gender?

Also, you're not helping your own argument, considering you said yourself that you only 'assumed' these things about me. It's short-sighted that you wouldn't even get to know me first before writing me off."

UGH. Anyway.

I watched the Pens game with Mark this evening (HOLY EFF 5-0 shut out--Pens, you're killing me. D: But I have faith) and then he took me out for ice cream to cheer me up. :) And he was charming and sweet and funny and invited me up to meet his cousin and some friends soon and was patient when some drama arose with Brian that I had to help with. And we kissed. (Finally.)

It was easy to sit in traffic with him coming back from dessert and just hold his hand and listen to music (we have similar tastes) and smile. It would be easy to like him.

It's easy to be with both of them. :/

ANYWAY, Ben is coming to visit tomorrow evening! It'll be nice to catch up.

Love you all--good night!

-A.

P.S.
Robin: of course my primary concern in this matter is your happiness

Alyssa: :D thanks, sweet

Robin: but of course, my secondary concern in this matter is MY happiness, and who would be more fun for ME to hang out with while hanging out with you and your boyfriend

Ah, isn't this amazing?

Picture this.

Betsy, John and I are sitting in the living room finishing dinner--John and I made rotelli and I cobbled together some sauce. Betsy then went to get a few things at the supermarket, leaving John and I alone on the couch. Something to know about John is he personalizes ringtones for his close friends, and told me that he chose one for me--we decide to make it a surprise, although I can guess what he chose.

So, as we've done for the past week or so, we talk about the crazy situation we find ourselves in! John is, as usual, selfless and supportive and it's amazing. He jokes that the ringtone he chose was pertinent, and at that point (you all know me), I had to know what he chose. And, the exchange:

John: I chose the part in "Belle" (from Beauty and the Beast, doy) when she's sitting on the fountain. (In case you guys forget the lyrics to that, here you go: "Ah, isn't this amazing? It's my favorite part because, you see--here's where she meets Prince Charming, but she won't discover that it's him 'til Chapter Three!")

Me: I love that part! :D

John: Well...I can wait 'til Chapter Three.

...


...


(Let that sink in.)

Me: 8( ) <---*jaw-dropping, eye-bulging* That was the PERFECT THING TO SAY. *stutters for about five minutes* I-I-um. Wow. I-jeez! Did you think of that earlier?

John: *looking surprised at himself* No, just now.

Me: 8( ) WOW. Okay...okay.

So, as you can see, this is awesome. Storybooks are written about boys like John who say those things that don't even seem like they could be real. And, I must say, he knows exactly how to put his arms around a girl. When he hugged me goodbye last night, his hands just found the right place on my back that made me feel really feminine and safe. :) Betsy observed that I have a glow around John.

But, as the complicated story goes, I have a date with Mark tonight. He called this morning and invited me to dinner before we watch the Pens game together. He invited Betsy as well, because he didn't want her to feel left out, and he was just so considerate on the phone. I'm looking forward to spending more time with Mark--I think tonight will be a good chance to be more casual with him. After all, we had the first date, then everything came out about John and me, then we watched Game 4 with Betsy, and a lot of discomfort has been overcome, but we haven't been in private since then. This week will be informative.

In other news, I spoke to Robin today and got a decent update about him (I really do miss just hanging out and joking around with him), and spoke to Joey V. yesterday and got a HUGE update about our old high school friends, and as usual, he was funny and supportive about my deal. I swear, we have so much fun together! :D And we're about to embark on a fun project together we've always meant to start, so I'm excited!

Things here are going well. :) The rest of my day will be spent cleaning up in the kitchen before tonight--I hope you all have a fantastic day! :)

Love,

-A.

P.S. Thanks to all of your who commented about the Honesty Box message I received--your support means everything! Love you.

'Ask and you shall receive' does NOT eff around.

It's satisfying to have an understanding with someone. But also complicated.

After the success of my first date with Mark, I really wanted to make the next one count--I worked in the afternoon, then cleaned the apartment (although it needed to be cleaned anyway--guests are just a good motivator) and bopped around to some music while Betsy was out at her first visit to Mercersburg Academy, where she'll be photographing this summer.

John came over around 6 to be filled in on my date over some hot chocolate (it's been miserably grey and chilly and rainy here)--he was completely and genuinely excited about my date and the fact that I had a good time. I told him the bit about Mark confessing to corset-photo guilt, and John mentioned that his mom had seen that photo of me! Slightly embarassing, as that isn't exactly a mommy-friendly photo (I am covered! There is a corset!). Well, let me just write down the exchange after that.

Me: Ooh, she saw that? Not the kind of photo that makes me popular with Moms. With BOYS, however...

John: Well, I liked you long before that.

Me: Oh, totally--wait, what? (thinking) Did he just say what I think he just said?

So, the cat is out of the clear plastic bag. :P (You were all thinking it!) John likes me, and I like him--we're completely comfortable with each other and can be completely honest about the situation. Let me break it down, because I know you're all thinking "What about MARK?!"

Okay. John has endeared himself to me in spades by completely supporting the situation that makes me happy (like a good date with Mark, or several) and by taking all the pressure off of me--he is completely satisfied with being friends first; according to him, "this [the relationship, in any form, between us] can't be bad" (melt!). He just likes the closeness we have already, and isn't pushing anything to change.

So, John was there when Mark arrived around 8. Weird, I know! But I presented John as my friend, and it wasn't as if he were sticking around for the game, so they shook hands and it was fine.

It was a good game for Mark to attend, naturally--we won!!!!!! Which means we tied the series which means we came up from a 2-0 deficit to make it a whole new series! This also means I didn't waste time jumping around and shrieking like a total moron for all the world (and a cute boy) to see. :P But I don't care--it was a fantastic game and I'm so excited! Let's Go Pens!

At this point, I'm still really interested in investigating how things will go with Mark--after all, John and I have been able to spend a lot more time together so far and it's easier to be open since we approached it from a friends perspective rather than the more delicate dating perspective I have with Mark. I want to give Mark a real chance, because I like him too! (Still no kiss, by the way.)

Actually, the timing is sort of perfect--John is about to head home and then to France for a week, which gives me ample time to see where things go with Mark.

Until then, I'm just entrusting it to God and praying about it. We'll see!

I'll leave you with a wise, wise quote from my Em:

Emily: prayer is good. salad cream is NOT good.

I love you all--wish me luck!

-A.

Why I Love Brian. Part Seven.

Brian: i'm just skimming it for right now, but i noticed you partook in some mystery method. nice going.

Alyssa: haha, i did?

Brian: yup. you grazed his waist. to show him you noticed. thats an IOI--indicator of interest.


If you're not familiar with the Mystery Method, check it out.

Up-Date.

I'm sure the suspense has been building. :P (Does anyone even read this still?)

My date was very, very good.

He picked me up 5:15 sharp, as he said he would, and complimented my outfit as any girl would expect (and I did look pretty cute :P) and we drove out to Fells Point (bonus points to him, as Weezer was playing in the car when I got in). The conversation never lagged, and he was just as active in asking me about my family and likes and dislikes and complimenting me about my ability to tell a story well. We got to the restaurant and were talking so easily and so much that we had to send the waitress back twice before we had our orders ready!

The dinner conversation was...unorthodox. He brought up his ex (holy shit, 5 year relationship--apparently she dumped him in August) asked me about mine, and we traded stories. This is usually a sort of taboo, but, being me (AKA ravenous for information) and finding his honesty charming, I was okay with it. He also pointed out, to my delight, that his first kiss was when he was a senior in high school (he went to an all-boys school, so, not much opportunity) and he described himself as a 'slow-mover'. And, what else would a date be without an in-depth discussion of our religious viewpoints! :P

Mark is Catholic, born and bred, and it shows. But, unlike a lot of Catholics, he understands that it's not just attending every Sabbath and Holy Day or doing CCD or washing your hands this many times before you eat, it's about your faith. He started to make some complaint, and I got a little nervous, but he only meant to observe that his experience in the Catholic Church was lacking as far as NOT GOING DEEPLY ENOUGH. He wants to investigate MORE. It was so cool. He really seemed to get what I was saying, and could joke with me as well as answer honestly. We had a few good discussions (NOT debates at all), and he was quick to validate my viewpoints that maybe he hadn't considered before.

So, after dinner. we walked around Fells Point as it started to drizzle, and we talked a bit about how out-of-the-blue his invitation was. I kind of busted him on noticing my booby-corset-profile photo that is currently on Facebook, and I guessed that was one of the reasons he chose me. He conceded to that fact cutely and was a great sport ("It caught my eye...you are very attractive."). And he earned major points by saying that even though the photo was what drew him in, he noticed that I was a Christian (GOD ANSWER--typo and it stays :P), and that made the decision for him. He then offered a ride on the water taxi, but the rain looked like it was going to really come down, so he asked if I wanted to see a movie instead! I agreed, and we drove back to my place to check the times.

I showed him Betsy's website, and he was impressed (as well as complimentary, which made Betsy fall in love without even meeting him), and we headed out to catch the 9:20 showing of Angels and Demons. We showed up WAYYYY early and caught the end of Night at the Museum 2 (eh, looked okay) and then killed some more time at Barnes and Noble until our movie started. The movie was actually a lot of fun, in that hit-you-over-the-head-with-mystery kind of way. Ewan MacGregor is a foxy priest (bad, Alyssa, bad!), and there were some gasp-worthy moments. :)

However, down side, the theater was FREEZING. I had worn a dress to dinner, and thankfully had the presence of mind to change into jeans at my apartment, but my thin cardigan wasn't doing the job. I was shivering, and he noticed, so he ASKED if he could put his arm around me. :D Of course, I let him. (He also asked all night if it was okay that he was paying for me--apparently his ex hated when he did. WHAT.)

As we left the movie theater, he rested his arm around my shoulder to guide me though the door, and I sort of grazed his waist to show that I noticed. :P I went to put my arm through his, and he straightened his arm, obviously expecting me to hold his hand, and there was about .8 seconds or "Wait, what?", but I did it his way and slipped my hand into his. It had started to rain, making my chill all the worse! But I was having too nice of a time to let it get to me. We got back to my place around midnight (7 hour date!) and he walked me to my door...

And hugged me.

He cited our 'slow-mover' dispositions (more his than mine, I'll admit, but its good for me) and we made plans to watch tonight Penguins' game together. :) I admit, a kiss wouldn't have gone amiss, BUT, waiting for the right moment is even better--besides, I think I've been a little bit of a kissing-slut (as my mom would call it) lately, and slowing things down may be just what I need.

So, he'll be over tonight to watch the game, and probably make fun of me for my, um, enthusiasm, let's say. :P It should be good. :) I spent part of this morning tidying up the bathroom and kitchen for when he arrives, although I still have a ton to do. :/ But it's worth it!

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, and it's working, for the most part (first time ever. :P). Wish me luck!

(And GOOOOO PENS!)

Love!

-A.

So many GOOD THINGS.

Yesterday was a fantastic day.

I had an eight-hour shift yesterday (8 AM-4 PM) that was made far more bearable by the presence of John, who came in at about 10:20 AM and stayed with me until my shift ended (although he was originally supposed to go visit a friend in Columbia who unfortunately [for her] took ill), and ended up hanging out with me until about midnight, even suffering through my screaming-jumping-freaking out antics during the Pens game. :P We WOOOOOOON!!!! :D

It's so funny--we've only hung out for about four days together, but we click SO WELL it's insane! It was a huge get-to-know-you-fest yesterday, ranging from our families to our favorite Disney princes (the Beast, doy, and you'll be getting a dissertation on that at some point).

(BTW, there are some adorable British accents happening in front of the Gateway desk right now. :D)

ANYWAY, it was a wonderful time, and we got dinner, and he looked through my book and apparently liked it a lot (yay!). I have to say, he's been so unbelievably complimentary of me. I mean, the things he's saying are simple, and they sound like I might've heard them before, but his sincerity blows me away. Example: I've said before that we have this inside joke about how he describes me as 'Belle' to his friends. Yesterday he also commented that in the movie 'Life is Beautiful', the main character greets his love interest every day by saying "Bon giorno, principessa'--he said that reminded him of me, since we met properly in Italy, and I'm a Disney Princess. :P And THEN, when I tell him how flattered I am that he has all of these sweet associations for me, he doesn't even take credit! "It's all you!" :D

So, enough gushing out of me.

...

:D


I have a date tonight, with Mark. I'm not building up any kind of expectations. I hope I have a good time, but I'm not going to force anything.

I guess a potentially awkward date with a stranger is a bit lackluster in comparison with the kind of day I had yesterday. :/ I mean, I'm totally excited about the cool things happening in my life! I guess I just don't want to let myself decide anything one way or another yet. It's ironic--when nothing is happening, I overanalyze everything, but when there's a lot going on, I'm doing my best (at least now) to SLOW the EFF down.

Whew.

In funnier news for me, Lacie is even more balls-out insane than I originally thought, and has shed every ideal she ever held in favor of some wacky, 'liberated' existance. There's so much more, but it isn't worth typing out. I'm investigating it personally, anyway. :P

Sigh. Okay, I'm done. I was shocked at first, but now I'm just laughing! How much can a person eff their own life? She's made it an art.

But let's not concentrate on that. I won that pretty eBay dress! :D It should be here within ten days! And I got a bustier to wear with it, as it is strapless, and I don't think a regular old strapless bra is going to cut it. But, yay for pretty dresses!

I'm having a good time. Scary, but good. :)

Love you all!

-A.

A Semi-Solitary Weekend

With Betsy at home in New Jersey for the weekend, and Jen home for two weeks on Long Island, I have four long days by my lonesome. I had a wonderful visit with Ben, who drove up from Virginia at short notice to be with little old me. :)

Ben and I have bonded amazingly well lately--two phone conversations in the last three days lasting over 3 hours. They've been informative, funny, and sometimes difficult, but always rewarding. It's nice to have a friend that challenges me. It's good for me.

I had two shifts yesterday, and at the end of my second, a DA I've known for years, Tiff (not Marla's roommate!) came in with a boy I don't know and I ended up talking with her about the events of the past year (I told her about my upcoming date with Mark and she inquired about Robin and I).

The most fascinating part was, the guy she came in with, Jie, ended up being Mark's best friend! He didn't have much info to offer about Mark--save a little insider stuff about his ex (they've been done for awhile, and were on-and-off for almost their whole 4 YEAR RELATIONSHIP. Yeesh.). I am a little wary that this is just a rebound thing, but I'm not going to make any decisions about that until the actual date!

In other news, I applied to City Cafe (Donna's has been flaky and silent), and I've been mostly holed up watching reruns of Gossip Girl: Season One. Seriously. Everyone needs to watch this show.

Tonight is up in the air--I don't have a shift and I'm uncreative. :P

But Betsy is back tomorrow, and then my date on Wednesday! Maybe I should enjoy the relaxation. :P Also, I'm hoping to secure this gorgeous dress on eBay--




Wish me luck! :)

Love,

-A.

Well, Look Who Has A Date!

Mark called me in the last two minutes of the Pens game (3-1 loss D:) and invited me out for dinner Wednesday night! I accepted, naturelement.

Wish me luck! I'll keep you posted.

-A.

P.S. This series of tags sort of cracks me up. Oh, to be dating Sidney Crosby. :P

I am popular lately!

Since I returned to Baltimore, I have been chatted up by three different guys! Maybe four, but that remains to be seen.

The most recent was a guy named Mark--he graduated in '08 and built the sets for Good Thing, the play I stage managed last spring. We never really talked much during the show--although we got along well--and all of a sudden he contacts me on Facebook and invites me to dinner! I suspect it has something to do with the fact that my profile picture is me looking model-hot in a corset. (Sources also say he's only recently single out of a long-term relationship, so we'll see.)

Since he invited me in a message, I told him I can't accept online invites and gave him my number. I intend to accept if and when he calls. Why wouldn't I? :) He is really handsome--not my usual, much broader and muscular--and from our limited and past interaction, totally nice.

We'll see how it goes over!

In other news, Ben (Bennett) came over last night and we went out to dinner. It's refreshing to have a person like him around--he's unlike any friend I've ever had, which is both awesome and sort of annoying. :P But we get along well and he's fun to be around. It's also nice to have a friend I can kiss goodbye on the cheek without feeling weird about it. I've wanted that forever! Odd desire, I know.

Also, I had coffee with John on Tuesday (he's the 'maybe four' mentioned above) and WOW, do we hit it off every time we see each other! Even better, we got to talk about faith (conservative Christian, w00t!) and he was on my page, even finishing my sentences! Very, very, very nice. And it's pretty clear that we want to spend more time together--he invited me to Boston this weekend (!), but I had to work--sorry Drea! :((( And he also offered to drive from New Jersey to Baltimore to pick me up and take me BACK to New Jersey so I can see Harry Potter 6 with him and his friends (we are nerds. love it.)! Generous and cool. There's obviously a lot of affection on both sides in a short time, but I like it! He's a sweetheart.

WHAT IS MY LIFE?! Lauren must have inadvertently passed along her hotness!

So! Anyway, I saw Marla again today, and it's looking like she's decided that our tactic for the rest of forever will be Ignoring. Classic. So, that's where we are now.

ANYWAY, enough about my social calendar--no response from the Walters yet, affirmatively or negatively. But, they did send me an e-mail that the internship was intended for grad students, but they'd pass my resume on anyway. So, it's looking unlikely, but who knows? I have a lot of cool stuff behind me.

Hope you're all doing well! Love you--

-A.