Merry Christmas!

I hope you're all having a wonderful day with family and friends! This year is the first Christmas spent away from my mom, Dad, and siblings, and I miss them very much, but I'm very happy to be with John and his family, who have shown me so much love and hospitality!

Spread some love around today.

Be joyful! Christ is born! :)

Love,

A.

ENGAGED WOOOOO!!!!!

As most of you already know, John and I got engaged this past weekend at the end of my week-long visit. It was wonderful and awesome, and I will describe the whole experience, but I'm in the process of creating an engagement/wedding blog now, apart from my personal one. I'll still update this one, but I'll be using the wedding one for wedding details/inspiration/musing. Once I get it up and running, my first post will be all about the engagement, and I'll link you right over.

ETA: Here you go! Up and running!

But, I CAN describe the trip in the meantime. Mom and I headed out to Maryland with Robert and KJ on May 28th so I could complete my move, pay my landlord (yay!), and meet up with John. John drove down from New Jersey to help me move out, and to attend my godmother's daughter Mary's graduation from the Naval Academy.

Here's us, with Mary in her dress whites, now an Ensign! The graduation was long (we had to be in the DOOR by 9 after standing outside in line for more than a half-hour), but the weather was PERFECT (although John and I got a teensy bit sunburned). Mary's party was afterwards, and I got to meet her handsome boyfriend Van Gordon (just a nickname--he goes by Gordon).

John and I headed up to Gambrills to his aunt and uncle's place after the party and spent the night there--Richie and Mandee surprised us by coming by the next day. I've written about them: Richie is John's cousin who also attends the Naval Academy, and Mandee is his gorgeous fiancée. They're a year younger than we are, and got engaged in July of 2009, but that's only because they wanted to make sure all of the midshipmen could attend the wedding before getting shipped out to their assignments a month after graduation. And since you can't get married while you're enrolled in the Naval Academy, they scheduled the wedding for one week after Richie's graduation. Intense!

So we visited briefly with them and got on the road to New Jersey, where we spent the night at John's best friend Dave's and met a few of his friends. we went out to the beach for about twenty minutes that night--it was gorgeous, even if it was chilly. Looking at the ocean in the dark is scary, but it's exciting. We went back to Cranford, John's hometown, the next day and then to John's OTHER aunt and uncle's place about an hour away for dinner and, the following day, a Memorial Day picnic. Lots of cute babies running around, throwing Cheerios at the Koi pond. :)

We met up with another one of John's close friends, Brian (or B. Ho, as I've tagged him here before) and drove to a pier on the seaside where we had an awesome lunch at a restaurant that I sadly can't remember the name of (they had this specialty butter made with garlic, oregano, dill, salt, and pepper, and maybe paprika? It was SO GOOD). We also introduced him to Wizard People, Dear Reader, which, if you're a Harry Potter fan and you haven't seen it, you should do that ASAP.

The rest of the week was basically spent hanging out and watching back Doctor Who episodes to get me caught up (we finished the whole first season) until Saturday, when set-up for John's grad party when into overdrive. The whole day was spent moving/cooking/assembling/rummaging through the garage to find every little thing necessary for the celebration, which came together without a hitch. Even better, I got to see a bunch of John's friends that I haven't seen in months, like Tracey and Marie (more on her in a moment), and John even surprised me with the awesome Colin M. Ford, who came all the way from Baltimore for the party! It was an awesome time, and I'm so glad I was there.

There was one person in John's life who did NOT attend, but that's mostly because she wasn't invited, and she isn't technically in John's life anymore. John's ex, Christine (tagged 'X'--which they actually call her, along the lines of 'Xmas') has been making things plenty weird for those of John's friends who are still in touch with him. I'd spoken to one of her close friends, Kim, in the past, who confirmed that Christine has brought me up, at least, and the fact that she's uncomfortable with Kim and I being friends (jerk). Dave also told us that X called him right before our graduation and asked him "Why did John cut me out of his life?" (never mind that she was the one to unfriend us on Facebook three months ago), "Why doesn't he like me anymore?" Sigh. Because you broke up TWO YEARS AGO. She has a boyfriend, too--sure, he looks like a potato, but they've been together almost as long as John and I have, and it's just not fair to him.

Now, at the party, Marie indicated that as soon as Christine found out about John's grad party (through me, actually--I asked Marie on her wall if she was coming--I didn't really think about Christine and Marie still being friends), Christine started calling and texting Marie after about a year of not doing anything of the kind. Obviously Marie knew what was up, so she didn't bother to return the messages--one particular voicemail was Christine saying that she "wants [Marie's] opinion on something that's been tormenting [her] for awhile". SIGH.

Marie eventually got it out of her in text--X was confused about John: first he "chews [her] out" via Facebook message (which he did, but only to tell her to stop being so desperate and weird and start treating him like a friend, NOT like an ex), and then he acts all interested in her life again! (AKA, he sent her a Happy Birthday message nearly SIX months after the initial "chewing out".) This girl. She is just so in love with John STILL--which I really can't blame her for entirely, John is a lot to lose--but it's been two years, she's had other boyfriends/hookups, she's IN A RELATIONSHIP, and still pining. It's unhealthy and weird.

I would have absolutely no issues with John and Christine being friends. Zero. If she could just stop acting like a stalker, we'd be good to go.

After the party, Tracey and Marie and a bunch of cousins and aunts and uncles stayed over, and that was the night John proposed. :D More on that another time.

The following day was all celebration and a lot of driving. We went to a wonderful church that morning, and packed up our stuff and got on the road to Pittsburgh, which is when I found out that Marie had sent Christine a looooong message, basically telling X how much she was missing out on by being so weird to John and I. It was very straightforward and mature. I was super-impressed with Marie. Hopefully Christine doesn't take it the wrong way--but that's pretty inevitable, I'd say.

So, we get back to Pittsburgh and I am TERRIFIED, but manage to tell my mom and Robert and KJ about the engagement--Mom reacted pretty well, although she's been sort of tense around us for the past couple of days. I called Lauren and Dad and told them, too--Lauren sounded positively disgusted on the phone: "ARE YOU SERIOUS? With, like, a RING?" (Imagine the word 'Ew' hanging unspoken after that sentence, and you can picture her tone. :P) We also told Joey V. and the Ruzichs, who were very excited for us. Telling people is the best part. :)

So, families and close (in proximity) friends aside, we told Facebook Monday morning, and have gotten a pretty steady stream of positive comments. Let me tell those of you reading that we are not getting married for close to two years--we're not jumping into anything here, despite popular opinion. Have faith in us!

So now we're home, and having lunch with my mom's parents today before John drives back to New Jersey. :((((((

I hope you're all having as good of a week as I've been! So much love to all of you!

-A.

Some news. :)

I miss John. :(

But today was good--I had lunch AND dinner with my dad and filled him in (sort of) about things going on in my life. I also got to hang out with Brian, who did not, unfortunately, offer any more 'Why I Love Brian' fodder, but did show me 'Just Wait', an incredibly trippy, hilarious, and WEIRD movie he and his friends made when we were in high school. It was nice to catch up and just hang out with someone.

Just one more full day before I head on back to Baltimore. Brandon is driving me to the bus station on Wednesday--thanks, Brandon! :)

But, on to the 'news' I was referring to...

I've started talking to my family about my future with John. This has been a little nerve-wracking, but as with all things, I'm usually blowing it out of proportion and it's fine when I just DO IT. But, for all you reading: I am very much in love with John, and I am certain of his complete commitment to me. So...we're ready to start working towards the big 'M'. EEEP! (Mom was surprisingly cool about this, with the caveat that we work towards it slowly and with jobs, which I completely intended.)

I love you all, and I'm really looking forward to sharing this journey with you!

Love,

A.

A Frustrating Day.

This morning, John and I were supposed to drive back to my hometown of Sewickley so I could see my little brother KJ in a musical for the first time. He had a supporting lead in The Sound of Music--one of my personal favorite shows--and I was SO EXCITED to go and support him.

Unfortunately, last night it decided to snow--not much in Baltimore or Pittsburgh, but the snow decided to plop itself right in our path--6 to 10 inches, apparently, although I have no idea what the weather was ACTUALLY like on the Turnpike, as we never left. Both of my parents warned me about the danger of driving on the Turnpike in snow (the travel speed was reduced to 45mph there), and if we were only going to be there for one day it wasn't worth it. Of course, Mom left the decision entirely up to me (Dad basically told me not to come), which (of course) means that I knew I had to stay home. I was furious. I cried for a few hours, had John call Mom to tell her--because I didn't want to talk--and had John tell Mom to tell Dad, and tell him not to call me.

Maybe I was overreacting (John insisted I wasn't), but I was SO disappointed. I've never seen KJ perform, especially a role like Max Detweiler, and I had my heart set on it. I hated having to surrender to something as stupid and changeable as the weather--especially when I couldn't see it myself. I'm still now sure if it was worth it to stay--if we'd have been in any REAL danger to drive down. Either way, it's done now. :/

John was instrumental in getting me through the day--apart from putting up with my tears, he was all too willing to stick around and make me lunch (after we fell asleep for three hours--crying always tires me out) and snuggle me up if I needed it. And, of course, offer me delicious Chinese food for dinner. Seriously, he knows how to show me love. :P

I also cut myself some bangs today--John initially brought it up--citing photos of me from Fall 2008. He thinks I'd look great in bangs again, and Robin quickly seconded this when I brought up cutting my bangs to Katie on Wednesday night when we all went out for burgers (and to watch Canada cream Russia--woo!). So, I decided 'What the hell?', and cut my bangs in the bathroom this afternoon. They need to grow in a little bit, but I'm happy--I just need to pay a bit more attention to my eye makeup now. :P

The senior party--entitiled 'Gala Obscura'--is tomorrow night. It's a cocktail party, and I have to decide what on Earth to WEAR. I don't want to go too formal, but I would hate to be overdressed. What to do?!

Hope you're all doing well. Stay warm!

Love,

-A.

Hark, how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say 'Throw cares away'...

I'm home and settled in for the most part--John was here from Thursday to Monday and met my Dad, his wife Lisa and her daughter Sam, Robert, KJ, Em, Drea, Joey V., Bess, Abby C. and her boyfriend Greg, not to mention RE-meeting my SACI roommates Emily, Christine and Ulyssa.

We got in around 4:15 and unpacked and relaxed with KJ and Mom and Robert until about 5:30 when we drove up to my Dad's for his 49th (!) birthday dinner! Dad and Lisa really liked John, which was nice ("What's not to like?" -My mom).

After that, we met up with Drea and Eat 'N' Park (which looks all Panera-fied and not greasy/seedy AT ALL anymore, which is upsetting), and soon accumulated a few more people: Joey, Em, and Bess. When Drea, Em, and Bess has to leave, Joey gave John a very involved quiz to prove his worth. :P It was pretty great, ranging from "What is Alyssa's favorite color?" to "Do you like 'Jersey Shore'?" (PLUS A GA-GRILLION POINTS) It was fun. :D

John met Ab and Greg on Sunday night--it was a casual visit, and John was pretty quiet for the whole thing, but it was so good to catch up with Abby and see Greg again!

Monday night was great--John and I went to the South Side and met up with Emily, Christine and Uly at S Bar. We caught up and talked and it was SO good to see them (I haven't seen them since APRIL! WHAT? Almost eight months?!). They're all doing well and are all happy. It was really good to reconnect.

John left on Monday around 1, and I'm already ready for him to come back! He and Lauren didn't get to meet because Lauren was in Ohio this weekend visiting friends. But they'll both be here on the 29th to meet! Pretty exciting!

We also got our Christmas tree, but our (working) lights only cover about 2/3 of the tree. Class. :P

Cheese-tastic aside (Lauren, skip to the end :P): Since being with John, I've really begun to understand what Godly love is. I always knew God loved me, but I had no idea what that love felt like to palpably give and receive until I got into a relationship with John. He's really made me realize what it means to commit and to take chances but also feel entirely sure and confident in myself and in my relationship. He proves to me (even more) how completely God takes care of His people. I'm so thankful, and so happy. I love him! Yay!

Hope you all have an amazing and merry Christmas!

Love,

-A.

Happy Halloween!

I'm sitting here at the Commons desk at 4:45 am in an Alice in Wonderland costume. I am tired and ready to wash off my heavy blush, but I still have another hour and change to go.

The last week has been busy, but I still feel so behind! This weekend is very welcome though--I love Halloween, Betsy is visiting, and it means we're another week closer to 1) the play, 2) my 21st birthday, and 3) my Thanksgiving trip to John's house! :D Yay!

The play is doing well, although we've begun to hit that in-between where everyone is tired and a little flat, so we forget little things. It will definitely pull together into something amazing, and I'm really excited for that. You should all come see it--November 13th and 14th in the BBox at MICA. 8 pm. Tickets are only $5 if you're not a MICA student! So cheap!

My Dad called me this morning and scared me: "I've got a bone to pick with you." I got nervous--I always get worried that when he calls, it's because I'm in trouble, or something bad happened. As it turns out, he only called because he found this link to some songs I recorded for a zine project sophomore year, and asked why I didn't tell him about the site before (honestly, not that many people know about it to begin with!). He liked the songs (especially 'Nice Girl', the one I wrote in high school from Letta's point of view about her idiot crush and this big mess of a love triangle that dominated those four years), and was very complimentary, which was a pleasant surprise (and relief). :)

Also, it was John's brother's 17th birthday yesterday, and he passed his driving test! (I am also officially lamer for not knowing how to drive.)

I've been in this place lately where I've been wanting to surpass all of the coming months and their stresses--thesis, deadlines, bill-paying, etc.--and just get to graduation and satisfaction and the place where it all (allegedly and clichédly) 'commences'. I know that I have to go through all of this to get to the 'good stuff', or to be ready for it at all. I'm just impatient. It's difficult knowing all of the awesome things that are waiting for me after this year and not being able to get at them! It's a very frustrating and obvious dilemma.

However, the future good stuff is WELL worth the wait. I know that for sure.

I'm such a sap. :)

Love,

A.

Hopefully the Summer of Death has passed on as well...

It's been an emotional week over here--my Aunt Suzanne, who was diagnosed with cancer in May, died on Tuesday at about 5 AM--my Dad called me while I was in class, and there was this moment of confusion: 'Why is he calling? We just talked a few days ago...' Then it struck me that Suzanne must have died--he'd mentioned in the last call that there wasn't much longer. I slipped out of class and listened to the voicemail he left--sure enough, she'd died. I called him back, and he told me he and Lisa were the last people to see her--they tucked her in around midnight. She's being cremated, so he said he'd call back when they had plans for a memorial--it didn't have to be right away because she isn't being interred.

I was sad for Dad, and for Suzanne's live-in boyfriend and his son. It's odd, because I was out-of-town for the entirety of Suzanne's treatment, save Robby's funeral, and I barely saw my DAD that weekend, let alone had the chance to visit Suzanne. It's like it didn't happen.

I'm not super-close to my Dad's family, but Suzanne was absolutely the aunt that made the most effort with us. Remembered our birthdays, etc. She, like the rest of Dad's side, had her major issues, but she was fun and sweet and good-hearted.

The rest of the week was fine, if less productive than I'd have liked (story of my life)--John and I attended our first read-through on Saturday. It went well, although we all still have work to do. I need to learn how to make a British accent sound natural in two months' time. Get excited. And John and I were getting pretty excited about the trip to Annapolis we planned for this coming weekend to attend the Navy Homecoming football game with his family, even though we'd have to miss a rehearsal, which is whatever, because the game is a great opportunity to bond with John's people. (Again.) :)

Sunday was a particularly full day--Emily, John, and I got up early to go to the farmer's market with Melissa and a cute little junior named Mika, which was a lot of fun--we sang Disney songs. :D Afterwards, Em, John, Jen and I attended church. I was so thankful that Jen decided to attend with us, and to me complete joy, she loved it, and wants to keep coming with us! I'm really excited for that. The service itself was really great--we arrived a bit late, but we managed to integrate ourselves into the congregation during the sign of peace. Perfect timing. :P

The message was about poverty and wealth, and about the provisions of God, which is something I struggle with. I've been getting better about it, though! It was just good to have that reinforcement--God will always provide, and he has.

Dad called while I was in church--during the week, I talked to both Mom and Lauren about coming home for the service, etc. Lauren and I both expressed reluctance--it's inconvenient and expensive to get home, not to mention that we're not on the best terms with Dad. However, we also knew he'd take it as a personal insult if we were to explain that we're busy (I'm a senior in the midst of thesis. and Lauren is still getting used to a whole new school), and would take it out on us for months/years to come.

Dad left a voicemail, which I listened to after the service. As it turns out, the memorial service was planned for Saturday, the same day as the football game. :( Agonizing decision time. So, I called Lauren, who decided that she may as well go home for it (She also noted that I should "Just go to the game--repayment for all the times Dad bailed on us.", which is ungenerous, but not unfair.). Mom sympathized with me, and we weighed the options together (1. Have a fun weekend with my boyfriend's family and make sure Dad writes me out of his will. 2. Go home and sit in my Nana's parlor for an hour and half, hating life, but still ensuring $300 for Dad come Christmas).

The frustrating part was that I knew what I had to do, but it's very difficult to accept the fact that I would get no grace from him in this, and I honestly need the small sum he gives me every year for school. I hate having to depend on someone unreliable, but as pathetic as it is, I made the choice to go home and ensure that sum. Obviously John was understanding and encouraging (as he always is, the dear), but I was still pretty disappointed that I'd have to miss out on time with him and with his family, especially as The Girlfriend instead of The Mystery Friend-Thing. :P

I called Dad back, and without mentioning the game, told him that I intended to come home. He gave me a little relief by saying he'll be paying for my ticket home and back, which is nice, and I am starting to look forward to seeing Lauren and Brian (I miss making 'Why I Love Brian' posts--we haven't talked much lately) and Brandon, and Mom and KJ. I wouldn't have made it back until Thanksgiving, otherwise. And I do feel good about going back to be with Dad, even if it's hard to be the bigger person. I can do it and I'll try and be charitable.

As I mentioned in my last entry, John met my parents and godparents last weekend. It went quite well--Kathleen (my godmother) was completely charmed by him ("He's CATHOLIC?!! How wonderful!") and while my godfather Dane and my Mom goofed on his nerdiness, they liked him a lot as well. Mom came to Baltimore on the evening of the 14th and had dinner with John and I, which also went well, and I brought up the idea of bringing John home for Thanksgiving, which she was very receptive to. Unfortunately, John's mom was less into the whole thing, and put the kibosh on that pretty quickly, which I understood, as Thanksiving is her holiday in New Jersey, blahblahfamilytime.

However, despite her reluctance to let John travel one state over for Thanksgiving, she is apparently willing to pay for half of my plane ticket to go to England with John and two of our friends--they're going for Spring Break to visit John's friends from Bournemouth (where he studied this past spring). Now, this SOUNDS great, and I would love to be able to do it, but A) My mom is VERY against this idea ("You'd be traveling with a boy who is not your husband!"). Granted, I would go anyway, but that brings us to B) Even half a ticket is out of my price range.

My solution: Ask Dad for a Christmas/Graduation gift. :D Sounds perfect, right? Cue Aunt Suzanne's death. That sounds insensitive--I don't consider Suzanne's death a burden in that way--but truly, it is not the right time to be asking for money to be whisked away to Europe for a week. But who knows, maybe when I go home we'll talk about it.

But NOW, as this entry took me a day and a half to complete and post, it's time to go to my first one-on-one rehearsal with Kristin as Alice! It should be fun.

Love--

-A.

I've got sunshine...

Betsy moved out today--off to bigger and better things! (Psh, what's better than rooming with me? :P)

Before I go any further, GO PENS!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Anyone who was not there watching with me was seriously missing out on the hilarity. :D) YEAH PENGUINS!!!!!! PITTSBURGH RULES!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem.

So--this morning was spent helping Betsy and her Dad load up the cars. Mostly work, although I got a little break to talk to Melissa, who I saw for a whole forty minutes during her 3 day visit. :/ I don't really like that, but she apologized for not calling, so it's fine. We still have so much to catch up on.

After we finished packing everything up, Betsy's dad took us to lunch at Paper Moon and we talked about high school and Greasers-versus-Socs and tattoos and pregnant teens and living together before getting married. You know, all that wholesome family stuff. :P

I saw Bets and her Dad off in the early afternoon, and began to think seriously about an offer Betsy made me while we were emptying her room: she suggested that I move in. After all, I've been missing the sun like mad in my dark little room (for those of you who don't know, the windows of my room face inward to a shaft running down the middle of my building), and it would be nice to have a bedroom I actually WANT to spend time in. BUT, the person I really had to clear it with was Kirsi, the girl who is replacing Betsy for July and August. So, I called her, and she was completely gracious and permissive ("I'll only be there for two months anyway!"), so I started moving things in right away.

Already I'm feeling lighter and happier! Seriously, having a well-lit room is a huge thing for me. It's kind of funny, actually--I observed to Betsy last night that it would be her last night in that room. Oddly enough, it was my last night in my own room as well! Unfortunately I only moved a few things in before I had to go to work (where I'm now updating from), but the evening should be full of happy moving. :) Hopefully Jen doesn't mind, although I can't imagine why she would.

Jen should be returning in the middle of this week, so I'll be taking the next few days to spruce the apartment up a bit--cleaning the kitchen properly and finally getting rid of the piles of useless crap in the dining room (which is mostly Jen's--she gets touchy about people moving it, so I'll have to be delicate) to make the place look more complete. And decorating my new room, of course. :) Betsy left some photo prints behind, so maybe I'll put some of them up--leave a bit of her in the room, in a way. :) She was pleased that I'll be the one taking care of her room while she's gone.

(A huge group of old people just came in for a tour. Adorable, but also confusing. :/ :P)

Tomorrow morning is my third interview with the Hard Rock Cafe (I found out today the employees got to dress like rock stars at work today! Awesome!), and if I get the job, I start work right away and train for the day! Dad is less-than-keen on the fact that I'll have to make my way back from the Harbor late at night, but I think I can handle it. Wish me luck!

I also got to reconnect with an old friend today--I've never mentioned him here because he left MICA back in February of '08, before I started posting. The guy, Ty, was MIA for a year before I decided yesterday on a whim to text the number I had under his name, to see if it was still him. It was! He called me today and we caught up, and he's apparently making plans to visit in the fall! Ty was one of the guys I hung out with for the majority of sophomore year (including one DISASTROUS date). He was unhappy at MICA, but he sounds like he's enjoying himself a whole lot more. :)

It feels like things are going into a weird, new place--no Betsy, new job, new roommate, my first mostly-friendless summer in Baltimore. But I have faith I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. :D

More soon! Love,

-A.

Not a bad cure for restlessness...

Today was an unproductive day for the most part, but I got to talk to a lot of awesome people. :)

I had my second interview at the Hard Rock Cafe today, and was invited back for a third on Monday morning. Wish me luck!

I arrived a little early for the interview, which was at 11, and then ended up waiting an extra hour in Barnes & Noble, starting a book called Thirteen Reasons Why that I intend to buy as a reward if I get the HRC job. Never mind that I went right back to B&N and finished it after my interview was over. :P It's excellent, I completely recommend it. I especially recommend that you call me first and let me read it to you. :D

On my ride home on the light rail, David called me just to catch up, and aside from being incredibly supportive ("Whoever sent tht Honesty Box message is obviously in love with you. They are so jealous of your confidence."), is always so interested in what is going on in my life. It's really nice. :)

I chatted with him when I got home, and got to talk to my Mom for the first time in forever! She's been busy working and doing her thing, so I haven't been able to talk with her as much as I'd like. Ever since going to Italy, since our communication was so patchy, I got used to telling her only the abbreviated versions of the news in my life. It was just nice to get it all out with her and hear her input. It's not that I need her input, but it puts me at ease to hear from her. :)

However, she did bring up Dad, and the shit he's been pulling with KJ, which makes me sick to my stomach. He takes KJ for an hour on Stanley Cup playoff days, and drops him off at Mom's before watching the games elsewhere with HIS friends. He talked about this No Doubt concert all week with KJ, only to be taking his wife, her daughter, and her friend. Not KJ. >:( It makes me so angry I can hardly speak.

But I don't want to concentrate on that. KJ is over it--he's angry, but he knows Dad is a dick. It just makes me sad because since Mom will be traveling all summer for work, Dad is supposed to be the point-man. UGH. I just remembered what else Dad said. KJ told Dad that he was supposed to be in charge while Mom is gone, and Dad said this (brace yourself): "So, I guess your Mom will be giving me back my child support, then?"

>:O SERIOUSLY. GOD DAMMIT.

Once again, I can't think about this for too long without wanting to vomit.

Thankfully, I got a distraction towards the end of our conversation--the doorbell rang. My eBay dress arrived four days earlier than I expected! I got off the phone with Mom--making sure she knows just how grateful I am for her--and tried on my dress with my new stapless long-line bra. The dress was even more lovely than I imagined, and it fit me perfectly! So, so gorgeous. :D Maybe I can have Betsy take some photos of me in it before she moves out on Saturday and post them here. :)

Betsy and Ben [not Bennett] arrived back at my apartment after some errands. After admiring my dress :P, we talked a bit and caught up and then Ben left and our friend Claire came over and I'm now listening to Betsy and Claire talk about this past semester, catching up and reflecting for a last visit.

It's really sad to think about Betsy leaving--I know that we'll see each other and keep in touch, for sure, but we've gotten so close and get each other so completely. I know that I don't have that with Jen, and I usually have at least one roommate I connect with on that kind of level. We'll see who our next third is this coming semester. :/

I'm doing well. I'm taking things one day at a time, and I'm reminding myself to keep it up every day--I get ahead of myself so often. And exchange I had with Mom today said it best:

Me: I don't know, I've probably been making it more dramatic and difficult than I should.
Mom: Well, that's just you.

It was good-natured, which is unusual for criticism from my Mom. :) It was almost a compliment, in a way. :P

So, the most important thing in my life for the next day is GAME 7 WOOOOO!!!!! And after that, my interview! Good thoughts for both, please! :D

Love,

-A.

New York, New York: Where cute Jewish babies threaten to kill each other in the sandbox. Part One.

This weekend, I went to Glen Rock, New Jersey, New York City, and Great Neck, Long Island.

It was so much fun I can only begin to describe it. :) (Be warned, this is a detailed account!)

Betsy and I picked up Jessica and Ben (friends of Betsy's, acquaintances of mine [not this Ben]) and got on the road at about 9 pm on Thursday night...and drove in the wrong direction for 45 minutes. WHOOPS.

Thankfully, we were heading north to New Jersey in short order, and Betsy and I went ahead and sang along (perhaps annoyingly) to the songs on her iPod (for those who don't know us, we have virtually identical tastes in music)--we knew almost all the words to every song, as Jess pointed out (I'd like to think admiringly :P).

We stopped in Delaware for a late snack around 11 and observed some of it's fine patrons and employees (including a freakishly tall blonde woman and an uncomfortably flirtatious clerk) and got a very strange blend of foods (hamburgers, trail mix and Starburst) for the last half of the trip.

We finally made it in to Glen Rock, Betsy's hometown, by about 1 AM--we were all exhausted, but still stayed up meeting and greeting Betsy's adorable parents and puppy until about 3 AM. (In the midst of this, Ben drops the unexpected news that he is very allergic to dogs...ooooops!) Finally, we crashed in Betsy's basement--Ben and Jess on the couches with the "fluff blankets", as Jess coined the term, and Betsy and I on the air mattress on the floor.

We set our alarms for 8 AM, but then reality kicked in, and we woke up at 11:30. :P

But, we got a treat for our laziness, which was a DELICIOUS bagel breakfast with cream cheese and lox and tasty jellies. :) And who doesn't love tasty jellies?

We took the NJ Transit (and had a sighting of Betsy's ex's best friend) to the Path, and ended up on 9th street, outside of Betsy's brother's apartment building. I got my first taste of Pinkberry a few blocks later (YUMMY) and at Ben's suggestion, we went to the Cooper-Hewitt Museum to see the sustainable design exhibit, which was really, really cool. Even better, because we got in for free, thanks to Ben's previous employment there!

By the time we got out of the museum, the temperature had dropped to frosty, which was awful for us girls, who were dressed in shorts and dresses and tee shirts. So, we sought warmth in a Mexican restaurant on 83rd that we still can't guess the name of! The type on the awning was really hard to read, and the receipt was labeled 'Percy's Bar and Grill'...wtf? Either way, we had some tasty sangria (serving the underaged, gasp!), and mole sauce (made from chocolate, not moles).

It was even colder when we left the restaurant, so we stopped into a Gap to see if they had some cheap sweaters, but alas, even their sale prices were positively ridiculous, so we forwent that and decided to head back out of the city--Ben and Jess went to Ben's house in Long Island for the night, and Betsy and I took the train back to Glen Rock, where we made brownies and watched the ends of Runaway Bride and Little Women (I cried when Beth died, I'll admit it!).

The next morning, Betsy and I rode with her dad into the city to pick up Ben, Jess, Betsy's sister Katie and brother Tom, and brother's girlfriend Amy. It was a surprisingly quick and easy pick-up, and when we got back to Glen Rock, we basically sat on our asses watching movies all afternoon until the pre-Memorial Day, Memorial Day cookout! I swear to God, best scallops I've ever had. Also, we got delicious homemade ice cream from this little place called Van Dyk's. :D

We also met Betsy's former neighbor and childhood friend John, who, aside from mild racism and lack of tact, is very nice and funny. The five of us were 9 years old for a couple hours and played on a nearby elementary school playground, earning such nicknames as "Baller Ben" and "Jenius (or 'Jeanius', as Ben prefers) Jess", and getting shown up by smaller kids climbing on the jungle gyms.

Then we tortured the boys and watched Dr. Horrible (less-to-no-torture) and Hitch (medium-to-heavy-torture) and went to bed.

We shot for 8 am again, and were slightly more successful--we got up at 9:30 (well, Ben managed to get up at 8, and decided to poke Jess in the head in order to wake her :P).

We got another pleasant breakfast surprise from Betsy's mom, who made us plain, blueberry, and chocolate pancakes serves alongside strawberries. OMG SO GOOD.

We drove to Long Island, which was, again, very easy and short, and got to know each other a bit more, concentrating on phobias. They ranged from the less serious (spiders for Betsy), to the funny in theory but actually valid (bridges for Jess) and the scary and tragic (small spaces/confinement and bad news for me, hurting others for Ben). It was really pleasant to get to know Jess and Ben better--they're both really funny and thoughtful and fun to be around. :)

Ben's neighborhood of Great Neck was adorable and Jewish and reminded me of Sewickley in a lot of ways (as did Glen Rock, for that matter). We met his parents--his mother was adorable--and brother, and after looking at some baby pictures and witnessing a funny water fight between Ben, his brother and their dad, we hopped in Betsy's car and headed into town.

Unfortunately, at this point, I had missed a call from Dad, and his voicemail gave me that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that said there was something wrong (although I'd chalked it up to some disappointment in me he had). I got a text from Mom as well, so I answered that, and she asked if I'd spoken to Dad. I said no, and the sick feeling intensified, so I asked why. Apparently, my Dad's older sister was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer, and was given about 8 months. :( My aunt and I aren't close, but she's the closest family to me that's died while I've been old enough to understand. I was shocked, and I cried a little, but mostly out of being overwhelmed--I love my aunt, and she was absolutely the most invested and attentive of my Dad's siblings to us, but the closeness just isn't there to feel the loss for myself. I feel the loss for my Dad, though. Very sad.

Thankfully, I was with three supportive, wonderful friends who were nothing but helpful.

Okay, this has to be continued...part two coming up!

BTW, I just had contact with Marla for the first time in, oh, 6 months. It was uncomfortable, but a breakthrough. I got to apologize in person. More soon.

Love,

-A.

I Kept My Promise to Myself!

I didn't make out with Dan.

Yesterday was so, so awesome. And not just because of the party Dan took me to--I spent the morning with my mom, just chatting with our hairdresser while Mom got highlights put in and we had a leisurely lunch with Robert. The sun was out all day, and I got to take a long walk with Brian (who complained about the heat the whole time, like a weenie :P).

Dad's even went well! Lauren, KJ, and I were all there, as well as Sam (Dad's wife's daughter), and we had a good dinner and dessert and worked together to answer silly Jeopardy questions. It was a lot of fun!

We left Dad's at 7:30, earlier than expected, but I still took the whole hour before Dan arrived to change most od my outfit, take forever to do my hair and makeup (Headband or carefully hidden bobby pin? Flats or heels? Red lipstick?). I just finished my lipstick when Dan arrived at 8:30, and we headed out to his friend Shannon's birthday party, which was in Oakland.

We stopped at his place on the way over, and he made me a drink--a Floradora cooler, I think? Two shots of gin in it, but I was fine. Then we made it to the party at abot 9:45, and I was told to try the sweet tea vodka. Holy shit. That stuff goes straight to your head, and, okay, get ready for it...

I was drunk for the first time.

I KNOW, I know. Try to contain your shock. BUT, once the sweet tea vodka got to be too much, I had some water and didn't get too far over my head.

But, the mild drunkness was less important than the boy I met--Ben. He got to the party about 40 minutes after Dan and I, and is slender and good-looking and immediately came over to the couch I was on, and sat between me and this other girl Desiree. We got to talking about his t-shirt and we ended up spending the whole night together. (He told me later that he was interested in Desiree at first!) We were just talking at first, then hanging out outside--he shared his cigarettes with me, then he got me a beer and we were absorbed into conversation about religion (because I ALWAYS end up in there conversations so randomly! Sheesh!). After another cigarette break, he had his arm around me, and was holding my hand.

Holy crap, the tension in the room by then--people knew I'd come with Dan, obviously. I was one of the few people that NO ONE knew. And they were now noticing that I was openly affectionate with someone else. To defend myself, because I know this seems lame--Dan never specified that I was his date, and honestly, he was probably counting on me as a sure makeout session and not much more. I mean, he likes me, but he has no intention of doing anything real.

Besides, this was something new and exciting. :)

So, Ben (Bennett, and not Benjamin, which is very, inexplicably sexy to me) was holding my hand and offering me his jacket by the end of the night while 3/4 of the party (minus a few guests, the birthday girl among them, who were passed out) walked to a pizza place at 3 AM. As we left the birthday girl's apartment, one guest, a particularly drunk girl, pronounced: "You are really, pretty, you know that? Like, REALLY PRETTY. You are SO pretty!"

Dan, Desiree, Ben, and I ended up driving back to Dan's place after pizza, and after a few awkward minutes in his sitting room, I announce that I have to go home, as it is 4 AM. and my mom would have a conniption if she were to wake up to my empty bed.

SO, Ben offers to drive me home, and we awkwardly exit together while Desiree moons at a disinterested Dan. Ben was a trooper, and made it from Oakland to Sewickley with no trouble, considering he isn't from the area. We got to my house around 4:40, and he left at 6:30.

Yep.

Ah, kissing, how I've missed you.

Anyway, he lives in Virginia (and drove 4 hours for the party, I know!) and is eager to visit me next week when I get back to Baltimore, yay!

I told Robin, but you know what, it wasn't weird! And guess what! I found a Craigslist Missed Connection addressed to HIM! Weird, weird, weird! But cool. :)

So...I guess we'll see how this progresses, hm?

DREA IS HOME! WOOOOOOO!!!!

The Pens tied the series! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love you all!

-A.

Ugh, this patience thing is overrated.

No response from Craigslist mystery guy yet, unfortunately. Dammit.

However, I did get to have a short chat with Robin today, and I tell you, the more we talk, the more I think that we'll be A-OK, especially once we get back into each other's lives and have things to talk about again.

I asked Dad for some money to float June rent until I get a job and have something to build on. He was shockingly compliant, and he told me he would take it out of the money he set aside for me for this year--$2000, his tax return. I'm taking $500 for rent, and $100 for expenses for travel--Lauren is generously volunteering to drive me to Baltimore either Sunday or Monday. It's looking like Monday, as Lauren has a final Monday morning, and besides, Sunday is Mother's Day, after all.

I got a couple late texts from Joey V. and Dan--I get to see both of them before I go home, which is a very pleasant surprise, as Joey is wrapped in wedding plans for Rachaela (but thankfully, not so ensconced that he can't scheme with me), and Dan is harder to get ahold of then a greased pig. Ew.

A reminder about Dan, to myself--readers may skip this part if they wish--Alyssa, no matter how much you miss making out, DO NOT KISS DAN. Yes, he is tall and charming, but he is also very bad at commitment and at being straightforward about anything. Don't fall into the default makeout mode! You are better!

Okay, cool.

Also, I like playing detective. I am lame. WHATEVER. Brian is kind enough to indulge me (as he has a similar fantasy, I can't say it's a selfless indulgence, but OH WELL. WE ROCK).

Anyone who saw Gossip Girl last night (which I watched with Bess, because she is AWESOME--Em, where did you get sich a cool sister? :P), OKAY. CAN CHUCK BE REAL AND MINE NOW?

Ahem.

I'm feeling happy. It's nice. :)

I also like being able to update a lot, but I also feel lame that I have no readers. :P BE BETTER, GUYS.

No, I love you.

More soon--

-A.

Why does everything I write about have a tinge of bitterness or melancholy to it?

I don't want to talk about my Dad, because the more we talk about him, the less I want to talk to him. And frankly, I need the little money he DEIGNS to contribute.

(By the way, he brought over the $13,000 convertible yesterday.)

On a stupid, petty, so, so over note--my mom brought up again that I lost a lot of weight over my trip to Italy. "Like, 20 pounds!" Now, I did not lose 20 pounds. Don't get me wrong, I lost a noticable amount (especially noticable after 4 months of absence), but at no time in my life have I EVER been 20 pounds overweight.

My aunt was also at my house at this point--"Not 20 pounds--I mean, you lost weight, but Maggie, seriously?"

Lauren was helpful in that regard, "I don't even notice a difference."

But mom was VEHEMENT, "NO. She was MUCH heavier before she left,"

"Mom, I don't think it's as much as twenty. Maybe ten."

And, no lie, she gives me the glare like I'm in need of a serious reality check. "ALYSSA. Um, YES. Twenty pounds. At least."

And she launches into the very embarassing story about when I was a freshman in college and my bras were cutting lines into my shoulders, so we opted to get a breast reduction consult. The surgeon, a frosty blonde and overly-made-up woman in her fifties, told me I needed to lose 20 to 30 pounds and then reevaluate my situation. I was, naturally, mortified at being told (for the first time) that I was aywhere near overweight--let alone 20-30 lbs over! But, my mom agreed with her and told me I was being oversensitive. That was the first of a few confrontations my mom instigated with me about my weight over the next two years.

My aunt seemed sympathetic to me at that story, and asked me if I'd ever felt like I was overweight. I answered honestly, and at this point, I'm mortified to find that I'm trying desperately to keep my voice steady, "Only when my mom told me I was." And the psychoanalysis begins--"So it was only after someone else told you you were overweight? Mag, she's completely okay with her appearance."

"Well, yes Cath, but there's something to be said for a lack of SELF-AWARENESS."

Thank GOD I lost that weight, because, jeez, who knows what she'd have said under the same circumstances had I returned the same or--God forbid--any bigger.

Okay, I just needed to take that down--just vent for a moment about that.

The bulk of the day was actually quite pleasant--it was my cousin's first holy communion today, and I went to a Catholic service for the first time in ages, then to a brunch at the aforementioned aunt's house, and I got to show my art around a bit and catch up with people--particularly my cousin Evan's girlfriend Cally. She is just so sweet and I admit, I'm a little nervous that she and Evan are about to head into a long-distance relationship (they're off to college in the fall). It's silly and finicky, but I really like her. :)

Anyway, my restlessness to get the hell out and take a walk after my mom's storytelling tonight has since turned into exhaustion--I'll update with something a bit cheerier soon--promise!

Love--
-A.

The Brighter Side

I did get to help Lauren take some initiative with the boy she likes--some older guy at school, I guess. Lauren's never had a boyfriend, and she's always been sensitive about it, especially considering how popular her two best friends are with the boys (I hear you, Lauren, don't worry!). BUT, despite that discomfort, she'd never taken the bull by the horns and ASKED A GUY OUT.

She refused to go to Prom if no one asked her, and just never felt comfortable being the 'asker', and never gave the time of day to the boys that liked her (they were usually friends of hers that she wasn't interesting in dating, and I get that, but ONE DATE).

I've had my own share of experience as the move-maker (remember when I gave my number to Doctor Cutie from JHU in that bar a year ago?), and I advised Lauren to just make the move with this boy (although the big-sister part of me is wondering how old this guy is/what his deal is. Like, is he 20 and saving money at CCAC, or 25 and in community college because he's a dummy?).

SO, she took my advice and wrote him a Facebook message (I know, but it's a start), asking him for a study date. And the next day, she texted me a glad response that he'd called her back (NOT texted, but called--awesome) and was into it. Unfortunately, we haven't heard from him since then (he'd called from a friend's phone--his was broken and that could have something to do with it), and the test they were meant to study for is tomorrow. :/

HOPEFULLY he just decided to ditch the study date and take her out properly. :P But seriously, Lauren is too beautiful to be allowed. WTF?

Mom has been in LA since Tuesday, and will be back late tonight--we're going to Dad's, which might be a little tense as Lauren and Dad got into another fight (similar to the blow up early last summer about Dad being crap at parenting) and this is her first time there in weeks. Great.

KJ's 14th birthday was on Sunday, and I'm so proud of him! I swear, his guitar and drum skills have just shot up since I was gone! It's just so weird to see him as tall as me, and his voice is so deep now! I feel weird that I missed it, and I guess it was cool to see the jump, but I've always been there, and as soon as the biggest changes starting coming, I wasn't.

He's got his Teen Attitude coming out, too--the only thing I don't like! Is every boy that bitchy at that age? Can any male readers give me the answer to that? Man, and they say GIRLS are bad?

I got to talk to Drea on Monday, which was really good--I missed her. I miss all of my girls! Why can't we just find some gorgeous penthouse in NYC and be fabulously rich and carefree and independent together forever? :P I have to say, I'm bummed that we're all separated again this summer. The summer after freshman year was awesome for that--even though I was working two jobs that made me want to cut my own head off, I still had you guys nearby.

I think it's just that fear of change coming out of me again! :) But I'm fine. Like I said in my last entry, once I have my own apartment, boyfriend, and job (banning all the work that goes into getting those things) I'll be all set! :P

Love you guys, and I hope you're having a good week--

-A.

Undoing the knots.

I met up with Brandon yesterday--the second Person-To-See on my list since I got home (the first was Brian of "Why I Love Brian" fame), and spilled my guts to him a bit about my and Robin's breakup. He was sympathetic but logical, as usual, which meant he was simultaneously saying things like "Where the eff did this come from? Those aren't good reasons to break up. That sucks." and "There is no way you guys can be friends anymore. It'll fall apart."

My mom had a similar sentiment, but coming from a different place: "You should drop him. He rooked you. Tell him to stay the hell away from you."

Harsh, naturally. I want to stay friends with Robin--that was our first priority.

They both (along with a couple others at SACI) suggested that there's a third party. I'm not so quick to support that theory--I'd like to think that Robin would be more honest with me than that.

We've talked on the phone three times since I got home, and it's been okay, but always slightly awkward and not FORMAL, but stiff. I hate that. Maybe it'll get better when we're in person. I'm just having this terrifying feeling bubbling up in my stomach that things will fall apart like Brandon said. He was right about Lacie and I, after all.

I have a theory about any relationship. Each party has to put in 100%, okay? Doy. We all know this. If they both do this, things can work out much more evenly and with a higher success rate. If both parties let it drop off, say, only giving 60% each, it'll disintegrate on it's own. If one person is only giving 90%, the other person works to give 110% to balance that and so on. If one party is super-dedicated to making the relationship work, he or she will overextend him or herself to meet the difference, whether it's a small one (10%) or a huge one (say, 80%).

I learned this from my mom, who worked for ten years to make her marriage with my dad work because she thought it was her fault that it wasn't working, when in reality, Dad was the one who wasn't doing a damn thing. I've inherited my mom's tendency to overextend--I take care of people and end up ignoring or sacrificing my own comfort in the process. At least, I used to.

That whole shebang ended in my friendships as far as The Lacie Situation--I learned to never, ever let any friend jerk me around and take advantage of my the way Lacie did. I hardened somewhat.

Maybe I hadn't learned to take-no-bullshit romantically yet until the break-up with Robin. Not that I think I was taking care of Robin the way I did Lacie (I was her Mom/Sister/Confidante for five years plus), but I was easy on him. I let him off easy after the breakup. I didn't intend to, and I guess I can't say that there isn't time for me to still get answers that I want and need. I think that after I left for Italy, the effort to keep the relationship going was 99% mine. I thought a lot of things about how Robin was feeling and I got a lot of green lights, so it was Full Speed Ahead for awhile. Until mid-February, when I actually challenged Robin by trying to move forward.

That was when things changed a bit. He had been resistant to our becoming "official" because of our "differences"--the ones that would be too big to get past. Faith, politics, lifestyles. All understandable. But I asked him to try and let go of worries about the future--I cared about him and just wanted to be in the moment, in the relationship (which was a huge step for me on its own). I asked him not to let me talk him into it, which he took into account, and accepted my offer. Great!

But as soon as I even HINTED at the fact that we would have to tell people, specifically Marla, he got very tense. He broke up with me two weeks later, citing our differences once more, anxiety over telling people about us, and our 'doomed-to-fail'-ness. He assured me Marla had nothing to do with it, and maybe that's true. Maybe he was too worried that the whole thing would blow up within our social circle.

Either way, he dropped the Effort ball at some point. Now, I'm not saying that is always the wrong thing to do, but in this case, we hadn't been together on the same continent as a couple yet, and I was to return in one month when we broke up. Everyone I told was stunned--"Where did this come from?", "You'll be home in four weeks!", "What random timing...", etc.

It sucked, hard, but I'm actually feeling okay about it. I mean, I'm bummed on some level, I guess, but I worked hard to get over it. Mom insists that I moved on too fast, let Robin off way too easy. (Coming from the woman who told me we hadn't been together long enough to warrant disappointment in the first place. *eyeroll*)

I guess I just didn't/don't want to dwell on it, but more and more I just want to get some answers and move forward again, even if it's in a completely different direction.

Hope you're all having a fantastic week--love you all!

-A.

Two days in a row?! Insanity!

I guess I'm just making up for the slacking I've done lately. Besides, I haven't said much about Florence/Italy ITSELF. So, I'm going to do what I call an "Emily Post", and observe what's going on AROUND me, as opposed to what is just going on WITH me.

Italians have a very interesting taste. They dress fabulously well, usually in black. They are trendy as all-get-out, to a fault, even. (Puffy coats with elastic belts? EEK!) Every female here wears boots--it was one of the first things I bought besides food, firstly because they were cheap (I may have mentioned the January sales before), and secondly because Florence seems to have every style of shoe I ADORE. They also like blondes. At least the men do. :P Ask Morgan about the encounter she had her first week here, where a guy blatantly felt her ass up in the street.

The Italians practice what they call "Bella Figura". Have I mentioned it here? I forget. Basically, the objective is to look as good as you can before you walk out the door. Why the eff hasn't America gotten on that?! As a result, I LIKE to think I look more cleaned up than usual--I actually put on makeup 90% of the time now, and I try and make the effort to look aloof and bitchy. Hey, it seems to work for the Italians! I've barely been cat-called!

They also have a few obsessions: Marilyn Monroe and A Clockwork Orange. I swear, you see that shit EVERYWHERE. They pay a few respects to my girl Audrey, as well, but not nearly as much as Marilyn (typical! :P). And kebab. There's a place on every corner! This is great for my mouth, but bad for my wallet. (That's what she said.)

As for dislikes, I think that can be summed up in one big one: Traffic laws. I swear to God, the only rule is "Don't hit anyone". And the unspoken one is, "Be as big of an impatient tool as possible, too." Graar.

So, yeah! So far, that's my observation. Limited, I know, but you're reading the blog of a girl who hasn't even been inside the Uffizi for longer than an hour. And I live across the street. :/ I'm a shameful human being.

In other news, my mushroom soup went over VERY well last night! It was a little too salty, but I can fix that! I'm definitely making it for all of us when I come home! What do you guys think? My mushroom soup, and Em can make those little molten cakes of DELICIOUSNESS. Bri? Drea? Ab-Fab? Any input? Tasty bread? Salad?

The rest of my day is going to be pretty boring and slacker-y. I got about 2/3 of the way into my first little figurine (I changed my mind about the paper cutouts for now, but I'm not forgetting about them) and then, I think I changed my mind AGAIN and might do cute, tiny watercolors with my chubby little character running around and getting overwhelmed and gossiping and basically doing everything I do. :P

Did I tell you guys about my latest critique with Kevin, the MICA students supervisor? I told him I was interested in injecting more humor into my work--I feel like so many art kids take themselves SO SERIOUSLY. At that, he got really weirdly smug and "oh-yes-I-know-all-about-you" and was like "Yes, you do have that crooked smile." Do I? Really? I think he's thinking of the face I make when I'm trying not to laugh at him. I think he says shit like that because I hit the nail on the head with him in our first meeting and pointed out his caffeine jitters and mismatched socks.

Directly after this, he told me a horrifying story about a boy he was in 4th grade with who slit his wrists (and survived), due to bullying. #1: FOURTH GRADE. #2: KEVIN, WTF? DISTURBING.

Sidenote: I love my Facebook 'Favorite Quotes' section. I have a fantastic sense of humor, you know that? :P

I'm going to call my mom in the next half hour, and she's going to be all cute and engaged, and I feel a little bad to have to bring the hammer down on that in any way, but I NEED to get some solid info on the finances so I won't get beaten by the SACI:NY lady! She's out for blood, I swear.

On a lighter note, apparently Betsy and Jen (you remember, my MICA roommates from last semester) were not shy in asking Robin how far we've gone! He told them the (modest, ungraphic) truth--which is fine by me, I'm just surprised they were so forward about asking! Jen maybe, but Betsy was apparently the one who asked! Funny, and it makes me miss them. :)

Okay, I'm out. Love you guys! I'll update soon.

-A.

ETA: Just got off the phone with Mom, and we settled on a game plan for the SACI housing bill. She's really, really excited about her and Robert (of course!), and she told me that KJ is constantly playing his guitar and drums, that his grades are great, and he's taking up track and tennis! His play opens this weekend--I wish I could be there to see it! Man, he's going to be 14 soon. It seems like he's taking forever to age, but I know he'll be a man before I know it!

Let me let you in on an excerpt from an e-mail he sent after I asked him to assist me with the SACI bill: "As you well know, money is tight all over for most folks and last minute surprises are more difficult to handle. Lisa and I have always been happy to do what we can and I hope you understand that. This is frustrating for me because you're my daughter, I love you and I don't want this to create a hardship for you. I wish I could just pay it but that's not possible."

Logical, realistic and completely understandable.

But wait, what's that I hear? DAD BOUGHT A 2-SEATER CONVERTIBLE. SRSLY.

Thank you, Daddy. Thank you for focusing on the important expenses. For real.

But you've all heard me complain about this a million times. :P

Wooooooooo!

My visa arrived! Hooray!

Whew. Thank God.

Also, I'm home! I'm sure that you've heard. :)

And I have quite a bit of Christmas shopping to do today, so I'll update soon! :D

Love,
A


8:27 pm:

Okay! I shopped with Emily and Bessala today and it was lovely! Took care of Lauren's, KJ's, and Sam's (Dad's stepdaughter) gifts:

Lauren: The Dark Knight and Now and Then DVDs.
KJ: Drum sticks for his new DRUM SET that he will shit his pants for but my mom and sister will go nuts from.
Sam: Two GG-licious headbands and some cute bow clips.
Mom: Lauren and I went in on a facial/massage.
Dad: Us kids are going in on a digital camera.
Robin: Ah-ah-ah! He actually reads this thing. :P ;)
You four!: Ditto, but you'll like them, I hope!

So far, Lisa (Dad's wife) is not yet taken care of. :/ Ooops. But hopefully Starbucks will be open and I can get her a card to go with Lauren's Penguin Bookshop card for her.

Because I didn't update yesterday, let me recap! Emily and I were invited to brunch by Robin at Sam and Jessie's with a few other friends. It was awesome to see them so soon, and I was thrilled to be able to introduce Em to Robin and the others. The food was also DELICIOUS.

Apparently, one of the other guests, Zander (who I met this summer and who Em went to SA with), asked Robin what's up with us, and I admit, I suspected that Zander was sniffing around me already, since he and his girlfriend just broke up, and he's been texting me, etc. But basically, I think he was disappointed to see that I wasn't single. Although, Zander isn't really the guy for me, although he is cute and nice and well-dressed and all that. :)

For Ab-Fab:

Robin and his brother intended to interview Andrew WK on CMU radio, and he called in and everything, but he was acting really weird and the calls got dropped a few times, and while I don't know how the interview ended, I think it was a disappointment for Robin and Alex. Sorry guys! :( But either way, I'm sure you'd want to know, Ab. Hope Ohio was fun! :D

Also, my grandparents, who are generously footing the bill for me this year so I can go to Italy, called me tonight with some abrupt news that they want to take out and co-sign a loan with me for the next semester instead of paying up front like they did this semester. If that's what they want to do, then I guess that's that, but the fact taht they bring it up literally TWO WEEKS from my departure date and IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CHRISTMAS RUSH was giving me a heart attack a little worrisome. Okay, we'll see how it pans out.

Okay, time to finish up some gifts!

Love!
A

My dad, when I mentioned Chase's age:

Me: "Yeah, Mom is kind of freaked out that Chase is 26."

Dad: "...Why?"

Me: "She thinks he's too old for me."

Dad: "Psh, no. You're old enough now. You can handle it."

:)

That's probably the last time I'll see my Dad until Thanksgiving or so. Hm.

Alyssa puts on her 'Political Hat'.

(This is more for me, but feel free to comment.)

Since seeing the trailer for Oliver Stone's 'W', and the subsequent news commentary, I've decided that people want the President of the United States to be a superhuman. (Perhaps I've reached this conclusion very late.)

Not only should he do everything to please everyone all the time while in office, he should never have had any past indiscretions. It seems that the Western world, in tormenting George W. Bush for his college days/National Guard enlistment, is indicating that the President should not be a human that makes mistakes. (Not that his National Guard enlistment was a mistake at all--it's just portrayed as one.)

I'm not proud of the fact that George W. Bush was a frat boy and did things that, oh, wait, EVERY NORMAL COLLEGE GUY DOES. But that was a long time ago, and, then again, it's not really my responsibility or my business to feel embarrassed/proud of it anyway. It doesn't have an impact on the job W has done, or on my respect for him.

In fact, I think he has done an admirable job, he's followed through and protected the US, even when he's being spit on by his own country and most of the world. Frankly, I think he's doing what is necessary to keep our country safe. I don't know everything that's going down--I trust my leader to keep his country's best interests at heart. It's sad that all people see are rising gas prices.

No one enjoys war. I don't really get it when people imply that the Right WANTS this war oh-so-bad. Who wants war? It's not about wanting war, it's about the necessity of war, or, even removing the world 'war' from the equation, the necessity of protecting one's country, one's people, and the ideals held by them. (My mom brought up an interesting thought the other day: What would've happened after 9/11 if Gore had been President? Eep.)

Okay, enough about W, and a little more about the candidates at hand.

John McCain wasn't my first, second, or third choice as far as the Republican candidacy is concerned, but with his military background and overall experience, he's a valid choice considering our country's current occupation of the Middle East. He's not as conservative as I would like, but, unfortunately, I'm not so much voting FOR McCain as I am voting AGAINST his opponent.

Barack Obama has proven himself to be well-spoken, smooth, and charismatic, and has gathered himself quite a following. His campaign focuses almost wholly on 'Change'--assumedly, that indicates going as far in the opposite direction as possible from the last eight years. For the majority, dissatisfied with the Bush terms, those were the magic words, and his supporters have delicately avoided his church group affiliations and his complete lack of experience. (Think on this: Obama has been a senator for about 150 days--subtract the number of days he's been campaigning, and you're left with his collective, active senatorial experience. Scary.)

To beat the dead horse for a moment, Obama's church group (which he has since "renounced", surprise, surprise) is one that is "commit[ed] to embracement of the Black Value System" and "Pledg[ing] allegiance to all Black leadership who espouse and embrace the Black Value System". (This is taken from the [now edited] 'About Us' page for Trinity Church. The removed section is here: ) I can't imagine anyone endorsing a white candidate who was "commited to the embracement of the White agenda", can you? Not even including Rev. Jeremiah Wright's inflammatory anti-American remarks.

Granted, Obama has since publicly disengaged himself from Trinity. But, I find it hard to believe that after twenty years of attendance, contribution--and not to mention the mentorship of Wright to Obama--Obama has no stock in Trinity's message at all. But, that's all been glossed over. It makes me terribly uncomfortable that America has chosen to nominate someone as inexperienced as Obama, just to escape "The Bush Legacy".

Up until very recently, Obama had said barely a thing about his own personal platforms. Sure, he said "Change" a lot, and quite eloquently, and drew thousands to himself.

American voters, lucky for American politicians, tend to be idiots.

Don't get me wrong--this isn't across the board, and surely Americans had and have the capacity to elect brilliant and capable men. Unfortunately for this election, one man is quite a bit more brilliant (in the diamond sense--both men are clearly intelligent), and the other is quite a bit more capable. But, as Americans always do, we choose popularity over practicality.

I'm not thrilled at the tactic McCain's camp has employed in his latest ad. The ad is, admittedly, somewhat sensational, and almost in bad taste. It compares Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton in terms of celebrity. But, beneath the sensational surface, I think there's another point to be raised. Obama, perhaps, is similarly capable of the Presidency as Britney is capable of singing well/being a mom/keeping her cooch covered, or as Paris is to doing anything intelligent.

Okay, that's harsh, but Obama's lack of experience, paired with the hero worship he's recieved since clinching the ballot nomination, has made me seriously uneasy. Not to mention his obvious ambition for this Presidency--less then one hundred days as a senator before beginning his run for office. Sheesh. I've also heard people describe him as some sort of deliverer. Yes, as in Messiah-like.

*Shudder.*

It just gives me Revelation-type shivers. Geesh.

Okay, that's enough playing-pundit from me today!

Not much new--I have about ten days free from Lauren and KJ, as they will be at the Jersey Shore.

I had dinner with my mom's parents the other night, and they want to help me get to Florence, which is great. I also found out that my ex-stepgrandmother's third (current) husband (got that?) was best friends with my grandfather (her second husband)! Obviously there was an upset once Susie and Peter got married--actually, my grandfather punched Peter out--but I thought it was fascinating! I always thought they were strangers to each other!

My dad also told me today that his mother wrote a letter before her death, detailing each child's disposition, from her point of view. Dad has a copy somewhere, and he's going to find it for me. I can't wait. I've always been so curious about her--she died when my dad was 10 or so.

Okay, Tribond time!

See you guys soon!!!!!

Love you!

-Alyssa

Mmkay...

The Dark Knight was made of amazingness.

It was awesome, and all of the whispers about a possible posthumous Oscar nomination for Heath Ledger are completely justified. Also, Gary Oldman FTW. And Aaron Eckhart. :)

It was all great. The ending wasn't what I expected, but I suppose it was rather fitting.

You just have to see it yourself! Em, you and I are hitting that shit UP when you get home! :P

Dan really liked my dad and Lisa, and vice-versa. Mom and Lacie keep talking about how they wouldn't be surprised if Dan proposed after college, if things go how they are (which is...a fuzzy image of a quasi-relationship? That's solid. :P).

BAH.

I'm working up the courage to call Mark, to apologize and hopefully catch up. Maybe I don't have to, and maybe I shouldn't, but something makes me feel like unless I do, I won't be able to fully engage in a relationship (an OFFICIAL one) with Dan. But maybe I'm just making excuses.

I tried calling about fifteen minutes ago, but no answer. Hm.

I'm headed up to the B-More on Sunday, and I'm so glad to be able to move into my new place! Not so glad about the huge piles of money it takes to get ANYTHING worthwhile, but there's American consumerism. Not that I mind my quality of life. :)

Especially with cool kids like you guys around.

(Awwwwwwww...)

Also looking forward to seeing my Godfamily, who I adore. Whom?

Also, a quick scoping-for-potential-jobs session. Wish me luck!

Muah,

Alyssa