Why I Love Brian, Part Thirty-Five and Thirty-Six

Brian: "I just heard the creepiest line ever on an infomercial. It's for "Pajama Jeans"--which is basically jeggings--they said they're "like a sexy second skin"...

Have you ever wished you had a 'sexy second skin', Alyssa?

...That's something fuckin' Buffalo Bill would be into."

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Me: How's [your wacky Professor]?

Brian: Haha--same old yesterday. No idea what he's talking about...sit in class thinking of how many ways I can kill myself with just my glasses.

Why I Love Brian, Part Thirty-Four

Brian: In my dream I was trying out for the school play. I was very excited about this, I don't know why, and I thought I did really well in my audition. And I got a part. They painted me white and I was part of the background...I think I was snow.

Why I Love Brian, Part Thirty-Three

Brian (on his potential new suit): I'm gonna look like Don Draper. Scratch that--Don Draper's gonna look like me.

Why I Love Brian, Part Thirty-Two

Brian: (On Elisabeth Moss' Golden Globes' dress) Just stay away from circular designs on the boobies. Boobies are already lovely on their own, no need to try and dress them up.