THE FUTURE.

I've been thinking about a lot of facets of the future. Jobs, relationships, art, and direction in general. Let's look at some categories:

Jobs: This is the most unpredictable/uncontrollable of the four, at least as far as gainful employment is concerned. I might not get a super-profitable job thanks to not being able to drive (urg--although I wouldn't have a car even if I knew how), or a lack of credentials. I might be waiting tables or doing less-than-dignified (but perfectly fine) jobs until further notice. I'm okay with this. The problem is FINDING the job in the first place. Is anyone even hiring anymore? And are they willing to be very flexible about extended visitation with long-distance boyfriends? (That's a JOKE. Ish.)

Art: John has been instrumental in reminding me not to take myself so damn seriously all the time. I'm usually pretty down on myself/my art. I'm very aware that I'm not in the top 10% of my class as far as talent/skill--maybe not even the top 30%! (On a sidenote--having the money to get a laptop/programs to extend my skill set would've revolutionized the work I produced at MICA.) But regardless, I know that it's useless to beat myself up. I AM talented, even if I don't draw LIKE a specific other student.

I freaked myself out last night about Showcase--when the illustration seniors get to talk to an art director who was (hopefully) part of a list we submitted in March. My thesis teacher informed me that I got very lucky, and will be talking to Sarah Vinas...the art director of Glamour magazine. WHAT. So, naturally, I'm TERRIFIED, and wishing my work was ten trillion times better/more/editorial/sexier and oh-god-WHY did I do a final with old people?!

But, John kindly reminded me (after I moved myself to tears) that this isn't a job interview. She's here to talk to me about how to move forward and where to go from here. Having some time to live and work at home without the pressures of rent and bills (for now) is ideal--I can take time to worry about my art and only my art. I can experiment, practice, maybe even branch out into some design-y things. (I know!)

Relationships: John and I are obviously staying together after graduation. I don't think anyone here was questioning that. But, also obviously, this will be the biggest challenge we've faced yet as a couple (THANK GOD--what a gift! Only having to worry about a few months apart). There are big things coming for us, and I'm not worried about the distance. We're both devoted to making the effort, which takes care of that.

Direction: This one is a bit more elusive than a job, but rather easier to control, oddly enough. It goes hand-in-hand with the other three categories, and those determine it. I know--where does the aspect of control come in?! But I guess what I mean is that you should have faith that you'll end up where you need to be.

The best example of this for me starts waaay back when I was in fourth or fifth grade. I had a friend named Teresa, who was actually a bossy, controlling, BITCH, but she could draw pretty well for a nine year old. Naturally, I wanted to be just like Teresa, so I started to draw more. That summer, my mom asked if I'd like to enroll in an art class with my other friend Anna, who went to a different school. I said no, reasoning that Teresa would teach me what I needed to know about drawing (I think I cited 'shading' specifically to my mother :P). The next year, Anna moved away, and Teresa and I fell out a couple years later.

If I had started taking real art courses then, where would I have ended up? Still at MICA? (I think so.) I think that was the first time that I was offered a chance to decide my life's direction. When I was a dumbhead and said no, I was gently guided in that direction later by something that appealed more to my silly teenaged self (a character in a book who happened to be an artist). So, I got into art again, and here I am, graduating from art school. Coming to MICA was a wonderful thing, even if it was only to put me in the company of wonderful friends and a wonderful man. (I don't think that's the case, but I think you get my meaning.) Everything happens for a reason.

So, with that, John's here and is going to read to me. :) What a great guy. <3

Love,
-A.

A Wonderful Day! :D

What a happy follow-up! I'll have photos soon.

So, last night was the MICA Senior Party: 'Gala Obscura'. I picked out a sexy outfit (low-backed lacy corset top [with cardigan, just in case] and black high-waisted skirt with my sky-high Nine West heels) and met John, then Katie, Colin, and Robin on campus to catch the shuttle to the Wind-Up Space, where the party was held. We arrived first (yeah, we're THOSE people), but we got first pick of the seating, free beer and wine [woooooo], and the delicious food (lamb [LAMB!], spinach dip, yummy fruits and veggies...but no desserts...awwww). We met Jessica there. Everyone looked so good! Katie wore this AMAZING black kimono-esque tunic from the 70s (her mom's) with studded booties, Jess looked perfectly classy in a belted black sheath, and the boys dressed it up with ties! (With a cardigan, in Colin's case; and a vest, sans tie, in John's case.) Yay for pretty!

It was low-key, but really fun! Some of us got more than a little tipsy (ROBIN AND JESS :P), but there was dancing (Colin dances! I never knew!) and it was so, so great to see most of the cool people from our class together (making people pay $20 for a party is a sure way to weed out the dirty people--aka the ones who drink PBR :P). Plus, I got a lot of compliments on my outfit!

Bethany (a rather large-busted graphic designer): "OMG YOU LOOK GREAT. YOUR BOOBS ARE OUT! HAHA, MINE TOO! *points to herself*"

Haha, Bethany.

Katie and I had a great heart-to-heart during the party about our respective boyfriends and futures. It's really nice to have a girlfriend who WANTS to talk about these things! It's a refreshing break from people who are unserious about life/don't really know where I'm coming from.

The party went from five to eight, although we got out of there around 8:30--The Super-Six (Me, John, Colin, Katie, Jess, Robin) piled into Colin's Volvo and headed out to a duckpin bowling place where we played three games under our 'bowling names'. We averaged the scores--John (J-squared) won by a landslide, then Katie (K-Dizzle), then me (A-Bomm...Woo, bronze!), then Jess (J-Whaat), Colin (The Explosion), and Robin (Mondo Boss). It was really, really fun. :D I drew cartoon portraits of all of us, with John lending some awesome lettering skills to our names, and Colin offered some helpful advice in morphing the unsatisfactory drawings into hilarious characters. (Ex: Colin became Agnes de Goodwood, and I became Gus the Trucker.)

It's nice to have a niche. Better than nice.

Time for homework, then John and I are going to his aunt and uncle's for dinner. :)

Love,

-A.

Past, Present, Future.

I've been realizing lately that I've been so excited about the future and graduation and starting a life for myself, it's been hard to concentrate on the present. I have to say, I'm amazed that I've found any motivation to push through the work I have left.

I suppose I just reorganized my mind to think "You can have this awesome thing, but you have to do this, this, and this first." I'm still a procrastinator (of course), but I'm getting a lot done anyway.

I just need to pay attention to the extras--updating my art blog, etc.

I don't have class until 7 pm tonight, and I have to say, I am very glad about that. I have some thesis work TO DO. I SHOULD have started almost an hour ago, but I'd rather update you all. :)

I should do something before I meet John for lunch. Love you all!

-A.

(BTW: Apparently it's doppelganger week on Facebook! Change your profile picture to a someone you've been told you resemble. I put Anne Hathaway. Doy.)

Happy Halloween!

I'm sitting here at the Commons desk at 4:45 am in an Alice in Wonderland costume. I am tired and ready to wash off my heavy blush, but I still have another hour and change to go.

The last week has been busy, but I still feel so behind! This weekend is very welcome though--I love Halloween, Betsy is visiting, and it means we're another week closer to 1) the play, 2) my 21st birthday, and 3) my Thanksgiving trip to John's house! :D Yay!

The play is doing well, although we've begun to hit that in-between where everyone is tired and a little flat, so we forget little things. It will definitely pull together into something amazing, and I'm really excited for that. You should all come see it--November 13th and 14th in the BBox at MICA. 8 pm. Tickets are only $5 if you're not a MICA student! So cheap!

My Dad called me this morning and scared me: "I've got a bone to pick with you." I got nervous--I always get worried that when he calls, it's because I'm in trouble, or something bad happened. As it turns out, he only called because he found this link to some songs I recorded for a zine project sophomore year, and asked why I didn't tell him about the site before (honestly, not that many people know about it to begin with!). He liked the songs (especially 'Nice Girl', the one I wrote in high school from Letta's point of view about her idiot crush and this big mess of a love triangle that dominated those four years), and was very complimentary, which was a pleasant surprise (and relief). :)

Also, it was John's brother's 17th birthday yesterday, and he passed his driving test! (I am also officially lamer for not knowing how to drive.)

I've been in this place lately where I've been wanting to surpass all of the coming months and their stresses--thesis, deadlines, bill-paying, etc.--and just get to graduation and satisfaction and the place where it all (allegedly and clichédly) 'commences'. I know that I have to go through all of this to get to the 'good stuff', or to be ready for it at all. I'm just impatient. It's difficult knowing all of the awesome things that are waiting for me after this year and not being able to get at them! It's a very frustrating and obvious dilemma.

However, the future good stuff is WELL worth the wait. I know that for sure.

I'm such a sap. :)

Love,

A.

Crossing the T's and Dotting the I's.

I am not very good at it. :/ I always forget these important things!

I'm having a teensy panic because I'm supposed to be meeting Rebecca, my thesis advisor, before 5ish PM, and I left the book I made this past semester in my apartment, but, because the girl I sublet to, Lee, hasn't given me her key yet, and because Jen and Betsy are out, I am now locked out with no way to get my book! :(

But, Jen or Lee should be back before 4 pm--at least, I think. I'll let you know how it goes.

ANYWAY, Betsy cut and lightened my hair last night--it's about five inches shorter and light gold/brown. Not too drastic of a change, but good. :) I look more grown up, but simultaneously more tough, in a way. Or maybe I'm just projecting. :P

Jen, Betsy, and I had a photo shoot in our basement last night--it is super-creepy and horror-set worthy, and on top of that, the photos came out beautifully. Once Betsy posts them on her website, I'll direct you over.

In exciting news for Lauren, her dating slump is over (although considering she's never really dated, I suppose it never technically began), and she has FOUR guys looking for her attention this summer. Two of them are about 23 (kind of old for her 18-year-old self, and one may have a girlfriend already), and one is a pothead (a definite no for her, thankfully), and the other was in her graduating class, but doesn't have the best reputation for sobriety. We'll see how it pans out. I'm just pleased that she starting to get the attention she deserves.

No romantic opportunities for me, of course--it's a little soon to say, after all--but I should be concentrating on school and work anyway. :) Seeing the commencement party yesterday for MICA '09 gave me a little scare, coupled with this thrill of excitement. But mostly scared. :P

Hope you're all having a good day. Wish me luck with getting into my apartment!

-A.

P.S. For those of you who watch Gossip Girl. Holy ish. Last night?! AMAZING.

P.P.S. For those of you who watch the Pittsburgh Penguins. Holy ish! On our way to the Cup! One down, three to go! :D

The Brighter Side

I did get to help Lauren take some initiative with the boy she likes--some older guy at school, I guess. Lauren's never had a boyfriend, and she's always been sensitive about it, especially considering how popular her two best friends are with the boys (I hear you, Lauren, don't worry!). BUT, despite that discomfort, she'd never taken the bull by the horns and ASKED A GUY OUT.

She refused to go to Prom if no one asked her, and just never felt comfortable being the 'asker', and never gave the time of day to the boys that liked her (they were usually friends of hers that she wasn't interesting in dating, and I get that, but ONE DATE).

I've had my own share of experience as the move-maker (remember when I gave my number to Doctor Cutie from JHU in that bar a year ago?), and I advised Lauren to just make the move with this boy (although the big-sister part of me is wondering how old this guy is/what his deal is. Like, is he 20 and saving money at CCAC, or 25 and in community college because he's a dummy?).

SO, she took my advice and wrote him a Facebook message (I know, but it's a start), asking him for a study date. And the next day, she texted me a glad response that he'd called her back (NOT texted, but called--awesome) and was into it. Unfortunately, we haven't heard from him since then (he'd called from a friend's phone--his was broken and that could have something to do with it), and the test they were meant to study for is tomorrow. :/

HOPEFULLY he just decided to ditch the study date and take her out properly. :P But seriously, Lauren is too beautiful to be allowed. WTF?

Mom has been in LA since Tuesday, and will be back late tonight--we're going to Dad's, which might be a little tense as Lauren and Dad got into another fight (similar to the blow up early last summer about Dad being crap at parenting) and this is her first time there in weeks. Great.

KJ's 14th birthday was on Sunday, and I'm so proud of him! I swear, his guitar and drum skills have just shot up since I was gone! It's just so weird to see him as tall as me, and his voice is so deep now! I feel weird that I missed it, and I guess it was cool to see the jump, but I've always been there, and as soon as the biggest changes starting coming, I wasn't.

He's got his Teen Attitude coming out, too--the only thing I don't like! Is every boy that bitchy at that age? Can any male readers give me the answer to that? Man, and they say GIRLS are bad?

I got to talk to Drea on Monday, which was really good--I missed her. I miss all of my girls! Why can't we just find some gorgeous penthouse in NYC and be fabulously rich and carefree and independent together forever? :P I have to say, I'm bummed that we're all separated again this summer. The summer after freshman year was awesome for that--even though I was working two jobs that made me want to cut my own head off, I still had you guys nearby.

I think it's just that fear of change coming out of me again! :) But I'm fine. Like I said in my last entry, once I have my own apartment, boyfriend, and job (banning all the work that goes into getting those things) I'll be all set! :P

Love you guys, and I hope you're having a good week--

-A.

Ciao, Venezia!

So, this weekend was a sometimes-fun, sometimes-obnoxious foray into Venice Carnevale!

Me, Mel, and three of the four members of #10 (Noel, Morgan, and Emma) caught the train out of Florence at 8:30 AM on Friday morning, and made it into Venice, and into the hotel by noon. Once good thing I can say about the cheap-but-should-have-been-cheaper hotel was that it was WARM. Venice was freezing! Naturally, being near all that water.

Friday was really amazing--we got the obvious gondola ride (but at 20 euro less than usual! Score!). We had the privilege of having a cute gondolier, Thomaso, who informed us that one needs over 6 YEARS of training to be a gondolier! Holy EFF.

After the ride, we hit the market at Piazza San Polo, where we saw the hot Catholic priest calendars that make me want to weep--the cover priest should not withhold his glorious genes from humanity! Interestingly enough, there was also a hot gondolier calendar, and we started joking around about Thomaso being in it, and lo and behold! He was Mr. August! That was pretty fantastic, to say the least. :)

That night, we got all gussied up in our masks, and hung out in one of the piazzas with live music, apparently cobbled together by three drummers, a sax player, a trumpeteer, and a tambourine. Fun, but all the shoving and bumping kind of made me want to smack a bitch. We poured ourselves into bed around three AM.

Saturday was okay--a lot more people in the city, that's for sure. The density must have tripled overnight! Mel and I went separately from Noel, Morgan and Emma, who decided that sleeping was more imporant than being in VENICE. WHATEVER. We met up with the missing member of #10, David, briefly, then with our other roommates and our building-mates (who came to Venice with SACI), and hung out at Piazza San Marco for the afternoon, tooling around in our masks and feeding the pigeons, who are not shy and WILL land on you if you prompt them.



BAM. (My new profile pic, naturalement.)

Melissa and I made it out of Venice after an HOUR of shoving through the crowd, but we made it to the bus, met up with our oversleeping travel buddies, and caught the train home. We. Were. EXHAUSTED. To say the very least. But that didn't stop Me, Mel, and Emma from staying up 'til 3 AM to watch Green Wing, which is the UK's solution to Scrubs, but BETTER.

Sidenote: I've been making a ton of allusions to how awesome "Hey Arnold!" was this week. Like, a TON.

Sunday was lazy--Mel and I just lounged around, made a big breakfast, then got a pancake dinner. :) I had a mini-freak out about money and my art and the future, and I was reminded of how lucky I am to be friends and roommates with Mel. Once again. :) As if I could forget!

Today was fine--went to Santa Maria Novella and sent my belated V-Day gift to Robin. I have to run, actually, I'm making dinner for my roomies tonight and I need to pick up a few things!

I love you guys, and I'll try and be less of a lame about updating! (Although I must say, I'm keeping up the best out of all of you! Save Ab-Fab, who seems to be on-par. Ab--how are you and G? Everything good?)

Have a great day!

-A.

P.S. Did I mention my mom is OFFICIALLY ENGAGED?! WOOOOOOOO!

Happy Valentine's Day!

[The nurse] doesn't know that I'm strangely euphoric, sitting here thinking about how lucky I am to have so much to lose — my rock, my mystery, the love of my life — that I'm sitting here thinking 'in sickness and in health'. 'I will,' I think. 'I do.' But all I can say is yes. "Yes. That's my husband." (From this article.)

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! Can I start by saying Robin is cute and he designed me an adorable, thoughtful Valentine. :)

I'm actually having a fairly shit day. The Godspell production was canceled, and I didn't find out until I got to the church and heard about the canceled audition, then the canceled show entirely. They're moving it to September.

I'm really, really, incredibly disappointed. I was looking so forward to this, and it was so perfectly timed. Now I'm not sure why I heard about it in the first place--as far as a Plan is concerned. To teach me about disappointment? (I think I know all about that one, thanks.) Something bigger and better coming down the line (which I can hope for, but I can't know)?

I don't know if I ever indicated this to any of you, but you know how most people, when something bad happens, try to reward themselves? Buy Ben and Jerry's, go out, stay in and do something fun? I'm the opposite of that. When something good happens, I reward myself, but when something bad happens, I tend to want to punish myself, even if it wasn't my fault. And I don't mean self-harm or anything like that, I just mean I want to let myself wallow. I deny myself anything that might make me feel better--it's perfect timing that my roommates aren't here to try and cheer me up.

Maybe I'll try and break that bad habit and buy myself some shoes. And gelato. And stay in and work on art for the night.

Are you guys doing anything special? Going out? Staying in?

I love you all--you're all my Valentines! :D

-A.

My birthday festivities.

I had a shift on the 15th from 9pm-12am, so I turned 20 while sitting at the Commons desk. I ACTUALLY turned 20 at 4:59pm, while I was in Robin's bed.

I woke up at about 10, and just laid there until my dad called at 10:30, then got up and got myself to CLEANING. Our apartment was pretty gross (piles of dishes, clutter, dust, hair), and even though it was my birthday, I was happy to get all the crap out for 1) my party and 2) the girl I may sublet to who is coming to see the apartment tomorrow evening. It's now a trillion times more beautiful, thanks to MOI. :)

Unfortunately, Jen had to take the opportunity to be a complete ASS and talk to her ex-boyfriend on the phone and get into yet ANOTHER fight and cry all over Betsy for twenty minutes while I forced myself not to go in and yell at her. I SWEAR. Jen--Dylan always warns you that he's going to treat you badly. Boys always warn us. Yes, it sucks that he treats you like that, but you choose to engage in it time and time again, so it's your fault. I'm unafraid to say that you getting hurt by Dylan is your fault. If you had just broken it off in the first place instead of fucking him when he visited over fall break, you wouldn't be in this mess. And yet she STILL intends to take him home for Thanksgiving and pretend they're still together. LAME.

ANYWAY, I vented about it to Betsy for an hour or so while Jen ran out to get brunch, and then at about 2:30, Robin called me to tell me that his bus got in 45 minutes earlier than expected--a lovely birthday surprise. He had been in New York to see Andrew WK perform with a string quartet. So, Betsy and I picked him up, and I hung out at Robin's while Betsy and Jen started the cake.

I made it home around 5:30, then helped a mopey Jen dress (she looked all gorgeous :D), then Betsy (who has the most bomb-ass [to borrow a Lauren Term] gold Dolce high-heeled oxfords I've ever seen), then, at about 6:30, I started curling my hair. I was ready by seven, and Robin showed up around 7:20, then Erin and Melissa a few minutes after then. But, of course, my birthday seems to end up being the day people have the least respect for showing up to places on time, so Marla, Paul, and Tiff didn't get there until 8:30. And THEY had the menus! Grrr. So, we ordered our food (only five of us ended up eating out of the group of eleven), and started cake while we were waiting (Hot!Ryan [looking HOT] and Colin joined us for that). The cake was SO rich and tasty. :)

Our food showed up, and we laughed A LOT, about art kids, mostly. :) It was an incredibly pleasant evening, and I have leftovers to look forward to when I get home. :D

I'll try and have some pictures of my HAWT outfit and my AWESOME shoes by this afternoon. :) Thanks for the birthday wishes, you guys! Love you!

-Alyssa

...

Well. There it is.

:(

Ouch.

Chase broke up with me last night.

We hadn't been talking as regularly, on the phone or in texts, but I supposed we were both busy. I called him on Friday because Betsy, Jen, Robin, and Ryan may be going to New York this coming weekend (the weekend Chase was supposed to visit), and they wanted us to come with them, so I asked him about it, and he was being dodgy and uncomfortable and evasive on the phone. I was uneasy, but I tried to shake it off, but Robin and I started thinking that maybe he wasn't coming after all. It sort of lingered in the back of my mind over the weekend, but then I texted him yesterday at 4:15, and he finally got back around to me at 6:15. We texted about his sister and work for an hour or so until he finally called me.

He started by apologizing for not calling as much, and I shouldered some of the blame (the phone works both ways, after all). Then he started in with those words I hate:

"I'm just going to get right to it. This isn't working out."

"Oh. Okay."

"It's just, it's hard to not have you here. I need someone here."

"Okay."

"I was going to write a letter, but I thought you might want to say something right away, and I want to give you that chance."

"Yeah. What...When did you decide this? What brought this on?"

He paused. I had a psychic moment, It's someone else.

"I'm in love with Alli."

(For those of you who don't know, Alli is Chase's coworker. He liked her for a while, and they finally started making out/dating in May. He said 'I love you' to her, too. She didn't say it back. A few weeks later, he noticed this other guy had started hanging around Alli more and more, and when he talked to the guy, he found out that this guy and Alli had been dating for a month, at the same time she was seeing Chase. Chase was pretty upset, naturally, and he talked about it with me a lot, but I always thought that the tone of our conversations were that he had learned a lesson, that he was over it. I guess he wasn't.)

"Oh. I see. Okay."

"She told me the other day that I looked different to her, and I asked if it was because she couldn't have me. (At this point I stopped listening because it was unbelievable to me.)"

"Mmhm. And does she feel the same way?"

"I think she does. We talked a few days ago."

"Okay. Then, why did you say you loved me?"

"I felt like I did." Stab. "I shouldn't have said it." Twist.

"No, you shouldn't have."

"I felt like I owed it to you to explain all this. I didn't want to pretend it just wasn't working out."

"You're right, you do owe it to me."

So, we talked a little more. Or, rather, he talked and I listened, or half-listened. I knew it was coming, but it was still a shock, you know? It's like, when you get scared, and then a few seconds pass, and the load of adrenaline hits your bloodstream.

He tried to tell me that it wasn't about my age, or my mom's rules. Which was fine, and I believe him. He said I wasn't a distraction to him, and that things would be different if I were close by. Maybe they would be for a little while, but if he's really in love with someone else, then it would have interfered eventually.

"Look, I really care about you. You're so special. And beautiful. And the most supportive woman I've ever met. And you're so understanding."

"Yeah. Thanks. Well, I guess that's that."

"You can call me if you have anymore questions or concerns or anything like that."

"Sure. Maybe I'll see you around. Good luck with Alli. Keep going with law school, too."

"Thanks, I will."

"Goodbye, Chase."

"Bye."

And that was that.

My roommates and Robin were exceedingly supportive, which was lovely. I called Drea, who was properly scandalized for my sake, and I called Lauren--I thought it might be better if she told Mom instead. The conversation went sort of like this:

Me: Chase dumped me.
Lauren: *GASP* WHAT?
Me: *surprised* Erm, yeah.
Lauren: *Insensitive*
Me: *Less surprised*
Lauren: Do you want me to tell Mom?
Me: What do you think she'd say if I told her?
Lauren: ...maybe I should tell her.

So, she did, and I spoke to Marla, who was very comforting. She told me I was dignified and handling it so well and un-hysterically. When I got home, my Mom called, and was offended that I hadn't gone to her first. She said mostly what I expected ("I'm sorry you're sad." vs. "I'm sorry Chase dumped you."), and I sort of put her in her place when she asked why I didn't call her first:

Me; You can't be surprised that you weren't the first person I called.
Mom: Actually, I was. I figured you know that I love you even f I wasn't into the Chase thing.
Me: Remember how you felt about telling your parents when Tim bugged out? When Brian bugged out? (My mom's two fiancee's that my grandparents' weren't thrilled about.)
Mom: Okay. YES. I'm completely with you. No, I totally get it. You're right.

Ha. So, me and my roommates and Marla and Robin watched A Knight's Tale (Gah, dreadful female lead) and talked. I wrote Chase a letter, and after the movie was over, Robin made me cry, but from laughing this time. :)

I'm feeling better today, but it still hurts. I mean, it's not like he said "I made out with someone else". It was "I'm in love with someone else." With a girl who already used him and threw him away like a tissue. Who only wants him because she can't have him. Or, well, I guess she CAN have him. I'm so angry with him. But I know it's for the best if he's not going to see me as someone worthy. I want someone who loves me 150%, and he wants someone familiar that he can see and touch.

A case of irreconcilable differences if I ever saw one.

My friend Brandon kept my chin up a little with this story:

Brandon: "I was showing a coworker my facebook and how it works
And then I used your page as an example of how you can see friends, etc. (you just made a status update or something)...

Sean: Who's that?
Brandon: (clicking on your profile picture) That's my friend Alyssa
Sean: She's kinda hot.
Brandon: ......yeah.
Both smiling.
That's all."

Thank you guys ahead of time for the support that I know you'll provide, I miss you guys. And Emily--please blog up a storm so I know how you are!

Love you all,

Alyssa

The big M.

Chase FINALLY said the "M" word out loud, directly, last night. He's only been delicately alluding to marriage for the last few weeks, and he's finally spit it out.

I have to say, again, not to worry, He didn't present it as an option yet, but as a distant possibility, once I'm graduated and available and if things keep going as well as they are now. We of course started talking about weddings--I mentioned Kamala's engagement and the ensuing chaos. :P So I told him that I'd been thinking about it more, about flowers and dresses and a guest list, and it was amazing how easily we slipped into talking about a wedding.

AGAIN: WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED ANYTIME SOON, IF EVER.

It was nice to talk about, though. It really was. Our talks have been getting more and more enjoyable and lovely, and I can't wait to have him here in person to talk about it more. And, of course, you'll all be kept in the loop.

And, once again, Mom's absurdity rears it's ugly head. I haven't told her that Chase and I are official, much less that he's visiting in two weeks, although I did allude something to Lauren today on the phone. She told me that mom had mentioned that Chase had to go through her if he intended to visit, and stay in a hotel room. First of all, "HA." and second of all, "No."

Don't get me wrong, I have every intention of remaining respectful to my mom--I love her and want her to be okay with this. BUT, I'm not about to make Chase shell out $200/night on a hotel just to see me, and it's not her decision to make.

Sheesh. But I do have to tell her within the week, and pray she doesn't try to corner him at work. :/

Anyway, another page to write on a paper and sleep time.

Love you all,

Alyssa :)

Secrets.

I left a secret in a book today.

Sometimes you just can't share things out loud.

I go back to Baltimore tomorrow--it's good and bad. As tough as it is to leave everyone, it's for the best, whether it's to expand or challenge myself.

I feel so full. In a good way. :)

*speechless*

I just...

I could really fall in love.

I could.

Really.

I'm meeting his parents tomorrow, and he said I would be meeting his two crazy dogs, too. He mentioned that he loves having dogs, and when I said I'm a cat person, he said he could never have a cat, and I was like "Disappointment!" and he was like "No, no cats. You can have a cat calendar."

Did you guys catch that?

The implied future in one house.

I'm over analyzing and getting really psyched, but I have to tell someone, and you guys are it.

So, okay, I'm done. But I'm really excited, and I think this could be the real thing.

AHHHHHHHHH!

Okay.

Love,
Alyssa

P.S. Oh, yes, and my grandparents insisted on paying for this year at MICA. So I can go to Florence.

Oh, and Liz Peduto is ENGAGED. WHOA.

Can he say anything wrong? Seriously?

Okay here are some things that we've covered tonight:

Chase:

-likes my mom, and is completely respectful of her concerns about his age.
-wants to approach our relationship on Christian terms.
-respects and approves of my sexual boundaries.
-gets along very well with my brother and sister.
-wants to talk about phone calls and visiting and WORKING ON KEEPING A RELATIONSHIP GOING.
-isn't afraid of the prospect of failure, and is realistic about the challenges our respective ages and the distance presents.
-gets me tingly when he kisses me. TMI, maybe, but it's important.

I. Am. So. Psyched.

But I am totally bumming about leaving. I won't see him for at least three months, if I come home for Thanksgiving.

Well, I guess it's time to leave it in God's hands.

Ah! God, please take care of me! I know You will but this is all new and weird!

(Can you tell I'm going nuts?)

Love,

Alyssa