300! (And 'Why I Love Brian', part 24)

After two years, this isn't exactly a huge achievement, but it's nice that I've actually written about my life and things I care about here with some level of maturity, rather that what I did at my old livejournal, which consisted of whining and Quizilla. :P

My day got better--I watched LOST with Colin, Katie, Robin and Leah (who Robin's been chatting up for a few weeks...hey-oh!). They're so fun to hang out with. :D

I'm at the desk now, waiting for my shift to be DONE so I can go sleep before waking up to slap together a three-page draft for the class I am missing tomorrow night in order to attend John's opening night! Woo! John dropped by my shift after his rehearsal to assure me of how great the play will be (as if I had any doubts!).

In other news, BLAH SO MUCH WORK TO CATCH UP ON. WE GRADUATE IN 7.5 WEEKS!

Love you all...stay unstressed!

-A.

P.S. Why I love Brian--from over Spring Break:

Me: I saw Annie's boyfriend on Alex Mack--he's the reason I like the dark hair/light eyes combination.

Brian: Funny you should say that--Alex Mack was the reason I became attracted to girls who turn into goo.

A Frustrating Day.

This morning, John and I were supposed to drive back to my hometown of Sewickley so I could see my little brother KJ in a musical for the first time. He had a supporting lead in The Sound of Music--one of my personal favorite shows--and I was SO EXCITED to go and support him.

Unfortunately, last night it decided to snow--not much in Baltimore or Pittsburgh, but the snow decided to plop itself right in our path--6 to 10 inches, apparently, although I have no idea what the weather was ACTUALLY like on the Turnpike, as we never left. Both of my parents warned me about the danger of driving on the Turnpike in snow (the travel speed was reduced to 45mph there), and if we were only going to be there for one day it wasn't worth it. Of course, Mom left the decision entirely up to me (Dad basically told me not to come), which (of course) means that I knew I had to stay home. I was furious. I cried for a few hours, had John call Mom to tell her--because I didn't want to talk--and had John tell Mom to tell Dad, and tell him not to call me.

Maybe I was overreacting (John insisted I wasn't), but I was SO disappointed. I've never seen KJ perform, especially a role like Max Detweiler, and I had my heart set on it. I hated having to surrender to something as stupid and changeable as the weather--especially when I couldn't see it myself. I'm still now sure if it was worth it to stay--if we'd have been in any REAL danger to drive down. Either way, it's done now. :/

John was instrumental in getting me through the day--apart from putting up with my tears, he was all too willing to stick around and make me lunch (after we fell asleep for three hours--crying always tires me out) and snuggle me up if I needed it. And, of course, offer me delicious Chinese food for dinner. Seriously, he knows how to show me love. :P

I also cut myself some bangs today--John initially brought it up--citing photos of me from Fall 2008. He thinks I'd look great in bangs again, and Robin quickly seconded this when I brought up cutting my bangs to Katie on Wednesday night when we all went out for burgers (and to watch Canada cream Russia--woo!). So, I decided 'What the hell?', and cut my bangs in the bathroom this afternoon. They need to grow in a little bit, but I'm happy--I just need to pay a bit more attention to my eye makeup now. :P

The senior party--entitiled 'Gala Obscura'--is tomorrow night. It's a cocktail party, and I have to decide what on Earth to WEAR. I don't want to go too formal, but I would hate to be overdressed. What to do?!

Hope you're all doing well. Stay warm!

Love,

-A.

Devastating for anyone who knows/has known anyone with an eating disorder.

Read this article, by Liz Jones (formerly the editor of British Vogue), and you'll understand the frustration I felt during the whole Lacie disaster. (Thankfully she seems to be doing much better--she's looking healthy.)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1191429/Fatten-What-happened-anorexic-Liz-Jones-eat-normally-weeks.html

When life gives you lemons...

I mentioned it here, and I posted it on my art blog--over winter break, I ran into a family friend, and he generously offered me a connection to a new online magazine-type site that needed an illustrator. I e-mailed the editor (his friend), who welcomed me enthusiastically and promptly. I sent her my ideas and sketches and then...nothing.

I called her four or five days later, and she answered immediately, praising my sketches and just claiming to be weighed down by the holiday season (fair enough) and negotiating about my payment (also fair). She said she'd get back to me the following week. So, I waited.

I sent her at least seven e-mails over this past month. I got zero response. I didn't call, because I have my own schooling to be worrying about, and frankly, the ball was in her court.

I saw her on Facebook today (where I've seen her frequently--she definitely has the time to be answering my e-mails), and decided to connect again. She just waved me off saying Valentine's Day is busy for the site, and when I asked her a direct question--is the project happening or not?--she signed off. BITCH. FACE. MCGEE.

So, we'll see if I decide to pursue this--on one hand, it's paying professional work for a resume. This is a very good thing. If the opportunity DID open to me, I would take it, but OHMYLORD would there be a contract drawn up. I want to be PAID, and this flaky behavior does not indicate prompt paychecks.

I sent another e-mail to a separate editor--clearly the one I was in contact with is unreliable--asking for some answers. Wish me a prompt response!

In other news, Alexander McQueen committed suicide. D: Sad.

On a lighter note, Taylor Lautner is legal! Whoop, whoop! :P

Stay warm!

-A.

In case you haven't been watching the news, or you live in CA...

THERE IS THREE-PLUS FEET OF SNOW IN THE DC AREA. RIDICULOUS.

I think this says it all:

Weatherman Freaking Out Over DC Snowpocalypse
Uploaded by TheDlisted. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.

I had a grave shift last night at the dorm building about three blocks from my house. Usually a six-minute walk. On the way there John and I were ankle deep in snow, and that was bad enough. Six hours later, on the walk back, we were KNEE-DEEP, almost up to our thighs in snow. It took us almost twenty minutes to get back. RIDICULOUS. And intensely beautiful, but so absurd a sight I can barely describe it.

Here's a photo from closer to DC, but it is entirely comparable to Baltimore right now:

This sounds so incredibly lame of me, but this freaks me out! It's scary not knowing when it's going to stop coming, especially when there's already so much! It's been snowing for nearly 48 hours already. But John and I are still trudging (trekking) through this mess to get to a friend's engagement party. (Usually a fifteen minute walk...an hour now?!)

Wish us luck--all of you stay warm and safe!

Love,

-A.

Eughhh. Gross.

Lauren

this weekend was dads weekend [at Ohio University]

4:32pmAlyssa

okay

4:32pmLauren

and i was at a party last night

with dads.

that were hammered

it was HYSTERICAL

Apart from the moral implications...

It's been interesting to observe the commentary on not only the gross actions taken by John Edwards in the face of the revelation about his affair, child, Andrew Young's looming book release (The Politician, February 2010) and Game Change, but on the standards of political coverage on this and other scandals, some true, some false.

For example (from here):

"The book Game Change, on the 2008 presidential campaign, continues to be in the news because people are fascinated to find out what was going on. Imagine if a book came out reporting the blockbusting news that during the campaign Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin's unmarried teenaged daughter had been pregnant. Or that Palin's ex-brother-in-law was fired from his job as a highway patrolman in Alaska. Who would buy that book? Nobody, because we all know that, along with a whole lot of intimate details about the extended Palin family, because that was considered news during the campaign.

What wasn't considered news was that John Edwards was very openly having an affair with a Rielle Hunter, who was supposedly videotaping segments of his campaign. But as everyone involved in the campaign knew, the real reason she was traveling with the campaign had nothing to do with videotape, or at least not the videotaping she was doing during the day.

The campaign staff knew; the reporters covering the campaign knew because it was obvious; and the National Enquirer reported the affair and reported that Edwards was the father of Hunter's baby.

Now for a presidential candidate to father a child with a supposed member of his campaign staff during the campaign is still big news, and when the story finally came out it cost Edwards his political career. All they had to do was follow the money. Hunter didn't have a real job with the campaign and the campaign paid her over $100,000.

But none of the mainstream reporters would touch it during the campaign.
...
By comparison, on the Republican side there is no level that is too low to go. The result is that a rumor that John McCain had had an affair with a Capitol Hill lobbyist was on the front page of The New York Times. It was a front page story despite the fact that after devoting a team of reporters to the rumor for months, all the reporters could come up with was that some McCain staffers said they thought McCain spent too much time with this attractive female lobbyist. That's front page news. The fact that Edwards fathered a child with a woman who he had hired ostensibly to videotape his campaign is not news. The fact that Elizabeth Edwards ripped off her own shirt at an airport in an argument with John Edwards is not news."

Hm. Solid points. I would say, while I know this is a right-leaning columnist, a person from any party should be able to see the bias in this. (It's interesting to note that I saw nary a Tweet about the whole debacle. John Edwards was not a Tweeting topic. Astounding.)

Either way, it's disgusting to realize the levels some people will stoop to. Even before I read the excerpt from Game Change, I was mortified at the idea that a man would not only commit adultery against his ill wife and children (who are absolutely victims too), but father a child. And not only father a child, but DENY his paternity, knowing full well that it is his. Despicable.

(And what about birth control? Considering Edwards' support sex education which includes instruction on how to acquire and use it, he's not really holding up his end.)

After reading the excerpt, I was appalled. Appalled at the recklessness, carelessness, and sheer egocentricity of this man. Naturally, I can understand that this testimony could very well be exaggerated, but it is still an amazing set of events to be revealed.

Now, as a Conservative, it was not even possible for me to consider Edwards as a leader of this country in politics alone. Political leanings aside, this situation positively murders any ounce of credibility in his personal character. Don't get me wrong--politicians from both parties have made utter fools of themselves

In other news, the plans set in motion on the subject of health care reform have been put on hold since Scott Brown's election. Brown officially ended the super-majority in the senate, reclaiming filibuster-rights for the Republicans. As far as its supporters, this puts the state of the health care bill originally set to go through to Massachusetts in jeopardy. We'll see where this ends up.

This is the most I've commented on politics publicly (ish) ever. I like it.

-A.

I'm not even keeping score anymore.

On Saturday, Ben came and picked me up from work (that day, a woman took a photo of me with her iPhone in order to trick her friends into thinking she saw Anne Hathaway at Hard Rock, haha!), and we got dinner and rode in the paddle boats on the dirty, dirty harbor and did dramatic readings from internet chatrooms via his BlackBerry. You'd think we were nerds. :P

When we got back to the apartment, Jen informed me that she'd been invited to a party by her TA, Jon, and didn't want to go alone. Ben offered our company and his car, as the party house was in Hampden. After a lot of indecisiveness and changing in and out of pajamas, the three of us got in the car and got lost on our way to the party. :D We did make it, though, and I was surprised to find that it was a block party--there were a bunch of drunk Hampdeners sitting in folding chairs drinking and eating barbecue in the alleyway. I attempted to hula-hoop--one of the 40-year-old Hampden women, Tina, was kicking my ass and trying to teach me. She was very drunk but very encouraging. :)

After spending a little time in the alley, the three of us went into Jon's friend's house for some gumbo that had gone cold and fruit salad. After eating, I just wanted to explore the house a bit--the owner is a MICA alumnus, so it was very artsy, and ended up walking in on the alumnus-in-question rolling a joint in his living room. WHOOPS. But I forced my jaw closed and my eyebrows down and was chill about it, even though I wanted to elbow Ben in the face for taking the joint when they passed it around. (Love you, doll! :P)

While they were smoking, I started chatting with a guy in a blue plaid shirt with pretty olive eyes about living in Italy. Nick, the olive-eyed boy, is 24 and has an intensely handsome face, and was so soft-spoken and interested about my visit. (That, and he didn't take the joint. Bonus points.) It was a short chat, but we kept glancing at each other until I left to try hula-hooping again. I did manage to impress everyone with being able to "skip" the hoop. Woo! After a little while, Nick came out and was watching me and Ben try to hula-hoop with Tina guiding us nearby. When we finally stopped, Nick, who was obviously a bit drunker than when we first talked, chatted with me a little more before leaning in and adorably half-whispering: "I think you're super-cute", and confessing that he could only talk to be because he had a few beers in him.

I was charmed, and he asked me out to dinner, so we exchanged numbers and parted ways for a little while. Jen, Jon, Jon's friend Eli, Ben, and I made the plan to go a couple blocks to Rocket to Venus, a cute little bar/restaurant, so I told Nick we were heading out, and I invited him to join us if he liked. So, we went ahead--when I left the party, Tina slurred that we had to make a date to hula-hoop more and that I was so pretty. :D--and I texted him the name of the place, and he met us. I was actually surprised they let me in at all, as I was the only one under 21, but I guess they just let it slide and pretended my vertical PA ID was valid. :P Nick bought me a beer and we flirted a bit and he told me how cute/beautiful I was about fifty-trillion times and wouldn't stop starting at me. :) However, at this point I'm putting together that he is an agnostic socialist Ravens fan to my conservative Christian Steelers fan, but I let it go because we just met and I barely know him and besides, we hadn't even kissed yet!

We all walk back to Jon's house (different from the party house) and Nick and I sort of lag behind and he kisses me and holy EFF is he a good kisser, and we get to Jon's place and just chill out on the lawn while everyone else goes inside, and we talk and kiss a little more and he tells me about his visits to Ireland and Italy, and I break the news that I won't be having sex with him (which he takes very well). :P We finally go inside and the others are watching The Dark Knight. I sit on the stairs and he sits on the arm of the chair opposite me and touches me knee then gives me the 'Upstairs?' eye movement, which I immediately rebuff. After a few minutes he sits next to me on the stairs and nuzzles me, then lifts his lips to my ear and--

"I want to get married."

I smile, puzzled. "What? In general, or to me?"

He just looks at me. I try not to frown. "You're joking. Ha ha."

"Why not?"

I laugh quietly again and lower my voice. "What do you mean 'why not'? We don't even know each other. You just met me."

"You are one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. Let's get married. I'm serious. Tomorrow." His voice has that muzzly quality that someone who is drunk and sincere has.

Me---> 8/ "No. That's not a possibility."

But he wouldn't back down. He wasn't forceful at all, but he was only concerned with doing something crazy and making an amazing story. After a few minutes, I excused us to go outside and talk this through without a potential audience.

We talked for about an hour, I guess, in circles mostly--I concentrated on why it's a crazy and dumb idea, and he concentrated on painting a picture of a life where we'd visit Europe every year (he loves to travel), and he'd take his photos and I'd illustrate books, and we'd have two kids and he'd never root for the Steelers. He also confided to me that Tina told him to follow meand fall in love with me immediately after I left the party. Truthfully, he was that kind of endearing fateful type of romantic-comedy hero who is saying something completely insane, but with the air of finally seeing things clearly at the climax of the film.

And this is why, instead of running in the other direction as about 60% of you told me to do, I agreed to still go out to dinner with him. I KNOW, I KNOW. (I can hear Lauren's "YOU'RE RETARDED" from here.)

I also went to Chris' place last night and watched half of Braveheart. I'm not sure what to make of Chris and I--he was all into it at first, but now I'm sensing this hesitance. Also, he paid more attention to his dog than to me, which I cannot abide. I don't know yet, though--Chris is just awful at expressing his feelings verbally, as far as I can tell.

And, Ben makes a Brian-esque observation about me:

Ben: You should be a spy.

Me: Haha. Why should I be a spy?

Ben: Persistent. Hunger for knowledge. Spying is like gossip. Except, instead of 'Who slept with who', it's 'Who has nukes'.

And some more "Why I Love Brian", Parts Twelve and Thirteen:

Brian: Caleb, Matt and I are reaching new levels of gay. We're going to tan before we go to Vegas.

Brian: Time to work some Mystery Method at the Edge tonight.

(shortly thereafter)

Brian: Nothin'. No girls at all. It's a 'dick farm' as Caleb put it.

Sidenote: Letta is arriving on Wednesday night, late. I am working hard to fix her and Ben up and it is working AWESOMELY. BECAUSE I AM AWESOME AND SO ARE THEY. YES. They are freakishly perfect for one another, and I am excited for both of them. :)

Another congratulations to my awesome sister, who was accepted and is attending Ohio University this fall. :D I'm so proud of her!

I love my friends, and as crazy as it is, I love my life.

-A.

What is my life? Part ten trillion.

A lot to update.

So, because John was in France and he reads this, I didn't want him to find out that I had "chosen" (in the lightest possible way) Mark just by reading this--I had more respect for him than that and wanted to tell him in person, so I haven't mentioned Mark or John here at all in the last ten days.

Basically, I dated Mark for almost two weeks, and it went well. He watched the Pens games with me, and was there when we won. He gave me the most amazing surprise on Tuesday night when he brought me to a Jack's Mannequin concert--needless to say, I was completely shocked and excited and it was a fantastic show and Brian is jealous that I saw it before him without even trying. :D

But, after the concert, when I kissed Mark 'thank you', it felt all wrong. Like, 'I-am-NOT-supposed-to-be-kissing-you' kind of wrong. I tried to shrug it off and not let it ruin the evening, because I had a spectacular time, truly. It was such a thoughtful gesture.

So, John returned on Wednesday, and after my first day of work, I went by his house to welcome him back and he had brought me a bouquet of yellow flowers ("to brighten the place up now that Betsy left") and a red rose (Beauty and the Beast and all that jazz). It was so sweet, and it made what I had to say even more difficult. But, I broke the news and he took it well enough--he seemed to understand at least. I made sure he knew he did everything right, and that I wasn't really going to choose either of them--I realized that neither of them are right for me (as I feared when this all started). What I didn't expect however, was the scale of his feelings--he took me by surprise when he told me he's "never felt this way about anyone". And yes, that includes his ex-girlfriend of nearly 6 years. WOW. It was far more emotional than I expected.

But we parted on okay terms, and agreed that I would still meet his friends from home, who came in last night from New Jersey.

But, there was still the case of Mark to wrap up. I asked Mark to pick me up from work yesterday, and I told him that we shouldn't see each other romantically anymore, and he's been wonderful and it has nothing to do with anything he could control. He was "shocked", but took the blow stoically enough--at first. He asked me if it was because he moved too fast (yes and no--he was just in a 5-year long relationship and we're at different stages; it's something neither of us could control), and I assured him that there was no one else. We said goodbye and although he got emotional as well, we had a parting joke, so I'm not too worried that--after a while--we might be friends.

I spent the evening calling people and filling them in--I've left a lot out here for the sake of my own sanity, so call if you need more details--and around 10 PM, I called John and asked when I should go over (his friends were set to arrive at 1 AM). No answer. Okay, fine--I waited until 10:40, and called again. Nothing. Then 11. Nothing.

Then he called me back, and had clearly been pretty upset all day--he was sniffling on the phone. He informed me that he'd just gotten off the phone with his ex--he'd called so he could apologize, because 'now he knows how she feels'. (Twist the freaking knife, please. I alreday feel like shit for hurting you.)

He also told me that all of his female friends don't understand how I could turn down such a great guy, blah blah, etc, and he told me he ended up defending me. I told him he didn't have to defend me, and that I know exactly where his friends are coming from, but he insisted that I did nothing wrong. (Which I didn't.) Basically, that led to him telling me that Cara, the girl he's staying with right now and one of his best friends, doesn't want me in her house because I hurt John. It's not really her concern, but I understood, so I let that be, and offered my own apartment if he still wanted his friends to meet me. What it came down to, is that I agreed to wait up and he would text if he wanted to bring them over.

I accidentally fell asleep a little after midnight, and awoke at 3:30 AM, mad at myself for falling asleep in my clothes, annoyed at my stinging eyes (I'd left my contacts in), and feeling dirty and uncomfortable. I also had a text from John, explaining (as I'd expected) that the "consensus" was, he shouldn't see "the infatuee" (AKA, me) so soon, and I may not meet his friends at all this weekend. I do completely understand this, but it's all so freaking DRAMATIC!  I'm 2-for-2 in making boys cry this week, and that doubles my quotient from over the last five years!

What I don't understand is--and I am not trying to devalue or disqualify either boy's feelings--how did those feelings develop so quickly?! After all, Mark and I dated for just under two weeks, and he wanted to take me home to his parents, and John and I dated not at all (although I appreciate the bonding time we spent together)! How am I supposed to deal with all of these strong feelings--good and bad? How can I be responsible for something I can't control?

I suppose the answer is that I can't be.

And because this is my blog and I have to write down one small, selfish thing: I hurt two people, and I'm still alone. That really, really sucks.

Okay, that's enough.

I'll talk to you all soon, I hope--work is seriously cutting into my internet time. :P

Love,

-A.

I am popular lately!

Since I returned to Baltimore, I have been chatted up by three different guys! Maybe four, but that remains to be seen.

The most recent was a guy named Mark--he graduated in '08 and built the sets for Good Thing, the play I stage managed last spring. We never really talked much during the show--although we got along well--and all of a sudden he contacts me on Facebook and invites me to dinner! I suspect it has something to do with the fact that my profile picture is me looking model-hot in a corset. (Sources also say he's only recently single out of a long-term relationship, so we'll see.)

Since he invited me in a message, I told him I can't accept online invites and gave him my number. I intend to accept if and when he calls. Why wouldn't I? :) He is really handsome--not my usual, much broader and muscular--and from our limited and past interaction, totally nice.

We'll see how it goes over!

In other news, Ben (Bennett) came over last night and we went out to dinner. It's refreshing to have a person like him around--he's unlike any friend I've ever had, which is both awesome and sort of annoying. :P But we get along well and he's fun to be around. It's also nice to have a friend I can kiss goodbye on the cheek without feeling weird about it. I've wanted that forever! Odd desire, I know.

Also, I had coffee with John on Tuesday (he's the 'maybe four' mentioned above) and WOW, do we hit it off every time we see each other! Even better, we got to talk about faith (conservative Christian, w00t!) and he was on my page, even finishing my sentences! Very, very, very nice. And it's pretty clear that we want to spend more time together--he invited me to Boston this weekend (!), but I had to work--sorry Drea! :((( And he also offered to drive from New Jersey to Baltimore to pick me up and take me BACK to New Jersey so I can see Harry Potter 6 with him and his friends (we are nerds. love it.)! Generous and cool. There's obviously a lot of affection on both sides in a short time, but I like it! He's a sweetheart.

WHAT IS MY LIFE?! Lauren must have inadvertently passed along her hotness!

So! Anyway, I saw Marla again today, and it's looking like she's decided that our tactic for the rest of forever will be Ignoring. Classic. So, that's where we are now.

ANYWAY, enough about my social calendar--no response from the Walters yet, affirmatively or negatively. But, they did send me an e-mail that the internship was intended for grad students, but they'd pass my resume on anyway. So, it's looking unlikely, but who knows? I have a lot of cool stuff behind me.

Hope you're all doing well! Love you--

-A.

To quote Lauren: "What is my life?!"

This was going to be an entry about my own dumminess, but it's going to turn into something exciting and fun!

I commandeered Betsy's computer to pass the time until she got home from her dinner, and I got a comment on Facebook from this guy Eric, who I worked on Ink with last spring--we haven't seen each other in a year. He's in Baltimore for the week, and he's a Gossip Girl fan, too, and after talking for maybe three minutes, all of a sudden, I am smack-dab in the middle of plans to re-watch the season finale with him! Tonight!

It isn't a huge deal--he is cute and funny and a Christian, though--because he's going back to Texas, his home state, on Saturday. But hey, I'm not about to turn down company for a GG-loving cutie pie. Especially one I haven't seen in a year!

Now I have to go pick up some supplies--this goof likes Pepsi over Coke. WTF? :P

Love you all--

-A.

P.S. Seriously, God. You rock. You ALWAYS know when I need these pick-me-ups. You ALWAYS deliver. :)

Why does everything I write about have a tinge of bitterness or melancholy to it?

I don't want to talk about my Dad, because the more we talk about him, the less I want to talk to him. And frankly, I need the little money he DEIGNS to contribute.

(By the way, he brought over the $13,000 convertible yesterday.)

On a stupid, petty, so, so over note--my mom brought up again that I lost a lot of weight over my trip to Italy. "Like, 20 pounds!" Now, I did not lose 20 pounds. Don't get me wrong, I lost a noticable amount (especially noticable after 4 months of absence), but at no time in my life have I EVER been 20 pounds overweight.

My aunt was also at my house at this point--"Not 20 pounds--I mean, you lost weight, but Maggie, seriously?"

Lauren was helpful in that regard, "I don't even notice a difference."

But mom was VEHEMENT, "NO. She was MUCH heavier before she left,"

"Mom, I don't think it's as much as twenty. Maybe ten."

And, no lie, she gives me the glare like I'm in need of a serious reality check. "ALYSSA. Um, YES. Twenty pounds. At least."

And she launches into the very embarassing story about when I was a freshman in college and my bras were cutting lines into my shoulders, so we opted to get a breast reduction consult. The surgeon, a frosty blonde and overly-made-up woman in her fifties, told me I needed to lose 20 to 30 pounds and then reevaluate my situation. I was, naturally, mortified at being told (for the first time) that I was aywhere near overweight--let alone 20-30 lbs over! But, my mom agreed with her and told me I was being oversensitive. That was the first of a few confrontations my mom instigated with me about my weight over the next two years.

My aunt seemed sympathetic to me at that story, and asked me if I'd ever felt like I was overweight. I answered honestly, and at this point, I'm mortified to find that I'm trying desperately to keep my voice steady, "Only when my mom told me I was." And the psychoanalysis begins--"So it was only after someone else told you you were overweight? Mag, she's completely okay with her appearance."

"Well, yes Cath, but there's something to be said for a lack of SELF-AWARENESS."

Thank GOD I lost that weight, because, jeez, who knows what she'd have said under the same circumstances had I returned the same or--God forbid--any bigger.

Okay, I just needed to take that down--just vent for a moment about that.

The bulk of the day was actually quite pleasant--it was my cousin's first holy communion today, and I went to a Catholic service for the first time in ages, then to a brunch at the aforementioned aunt's house, and I got to show my art around a bit and catch up with people--particularly my cousin Evan's girlfriend Cally. She is just so sweet and I admit, I'm a little nervous that she and Evan are about to head into a long-distance relationship (they're off to college in the fall). It's silly and finicky, but I really like her. :)

Anyway, my restlessness to get the hell out and take a walk after my mom's storytelling tonight has since turned into exhaustion--I'll update with something a bit cheerier soon--promise!

Love--
-A.

>:(

I've been a little annoyed the past few days--not in general, but at Melissa.

She's been strangely critical of me, like, putting me on the spot in front of our friends. First it was something simple and throwaway--I didn't think anything of it because it was so silly. We were having dinner with the apartment across the hall, and I must have guessed something about someone, and they asked me how I knew, and I jokingly replied, "Because I know everything." (Those of you who know me know I say this all the time.)

And Melissa immediately replies, very seriously, "No, you don't, Lyss."

Me: "Um...I...know that? I'm...kidding?" But it was no big thing, so I let it slide.

One instance where she was justified was when she got a call from Nadia--I guess I've never written about her here, which is weird. She's this Pentacostal born-again Christian from Canada that Mel and I met a few months ago at a Baptist church here. She's always rubbed me the wrong way--she's enthusiastic about her faith and that's awesome. However, she's naive and I think the best phrase to describe her would be 'So heavenly bound, she's no earthly good'. So, when Mel hung up with her, I half-jokingly said, "What's Nadia up to? Being crazy?"

And Mel got very stern and was like, "You shouldn't talk about Nadia like that. She's not crazy." And she's right, I was out of line, and I apologized.

But in the past couple days, she's been particularly prickly. Two days ago I was in the studio with Mel and Sarah, and I hadn't eaten all day, and it was about 4 pm. Mel and I were about to go home, and I don't even know what I did to prompt it, but Melissa volunteered, a little snottily, "When you don't eat you get really irritable and everyone can see it." Sarah and I were both really stunned, and later, Sarah said that I handled it very well.

Last night was probably the most tense, though. She had just returned from a non-date (in her opinion) with an Italian boy, and she told us all that he offered to drive us all up to the countryside this weekend if we wanted. Everyone was really into it, but I gave Mel a 'maybe', because I have a SHIT TON of work to do (and so does she) before our show on the 6th. She gave me a little pushback but let it go. A few minutes later she says, "You better come this weekend."

I was surprised at her forcefulness, "Why?"

She said something to the tune of "You just should."

I replied, a little saltily, I'll admit, "No. I don't have to do it because you're telling me to. I have a lot of work to do this weekend. I'm not saying no, I just need to think about it."

She immediately looks down and remarks, "Well, YOU'RE in a bad mood tonight."

And I'm pleased to say I had the right reply to shut her down for the evening: "No, I'm not. I've eaten today and everything!"

And I said it all with a smile. Emily later said that she thought I was kidding around.

I know Melissa gets impatient with my matter-of-factness (unlike, say, Robin, who finds it charming, for some reason. :P). But there is a better way to handle it than to try and 'humble' me in front of our friends.

Christine's brother left this morning for Australia (for a giiiiirl) after a week in our apartment, so last night was 'Get-To-Know-Jim' night. I heard about his high school sweetheart, his first time (the girl [not the sweetheart, actually] was a recent ex, then jumped into bed with another guy the same night--ouch), his bitchy cheating ex, and his current girlfriend, who has an eating disorder and moved out of the house at 16 because her family life is crazy. But yeah, I always end up having these deep, serious conversations, which I like. It's just funny knowing I'll probably never see him again, and I know all this stuff about him.

Okay, today is Etching and Painting Conservation Lecture. Then MORE drawing--I intend to get all the final penciling done tonight, so I can get to inking tomorrow. Yippee! :P

Hope you guys are doing well! Love you and miss you.

-A.

Why I love Brian, again. (He's not actually racist, I promise.)

Brian: I cant believe that was two years ago.

Me: Time is flying.

Brian: Like a negro.

Me: WHAT.

Brian: Hahaha, I dont know.

Two days in a row?! Insanity!

I guess I'm just making up for the slacking I've done lately. Besides, I haven't said much about Florence/Italy ITSELF. So, I'm going to do what I call an "Emily Post", and observe what's going on AROUND me, as opposed to what is just going on WITH me.

Italians have a very interesting taste. They dress fabulously well, usually in black. They are trendy as all-get-out, to a fault, even. (Puffy coats with elastic belts? EEK!) Every female here wears boots--it was one of the first things I bought besides food, firstly because they were cheap (I may have mentioned the January sales before), and secondly because Florence seems to have every style of shoe I ADORE. They also like blondes. At least the men do. :P Ask Morgan about the encounter she had her first week here, where a guy blatantly felt her ass up in the street.

The Italians practice what they call "Bella Figura". Have I mentioned it here? I forget. Basically, the objective is to look as good as you can before you walk out the door. Why the eff hasn't America gotten on that?! As a result, I LIKE to think I look more cleaned up than usual--I actually put on makeup 90% of the time now, and I try and make the effort to look aloof and bitchy. Hey, it seems to work for the Italians! I've barely been cat-called!

They also have a few obsessions: Marilyn Monroe and A Clockwork Orange. I swear, you see that shit EVERYWHERE. They pay a few respects to my girl Audrey, as well, but not nearly as much as Marilyn (typical! :P). And kebab. There's a place on every corner! This is great for my mouth, but bad for my wallet. (That's what she said.)

As for dislikes, I think that can be summed up in one big one: Traffic laws. I swear to God, the only rule is "Don't hit anyone". And the unspoken one is, "Be as big of an impatient tool as possible, too." Graar.

So, yeah! So far, that's my observation. Limited, I know, but you're reading the blog of a girl who hasn't even been inside the Uffizi for longer than an hour. And I live across the street. :/ I'm a shameful human being.

In other news, my mushroom soup went over VERY well last night! It was a little too salty, but I can fix that! I'm definitely making it for all of us when I come home! What do you guys think? My mushroom soup, and Em can make those little molten cakes of DELICIOUSNESS. Bri? Drea? Ab-Fab? Any input? Tasty bread? Salad?

The rest of my day is going to be pretty boring and slacker-y. I got about 2/3 of the way into my first little figurine (I changed my mind about the paper cutouts for now, but I'm not forgetting about them) and then, I think I changed my mind AGAIN and might do cute, tiny watercolors with my chubby little character running around and getting overwhelmed and gossiping and basically doing everything I do. :P

Did I tell you guys about my latest critique with Kevin, the MICA students supervisor? I told him I was interested in injecting more humor into my work--I feel like so many art kids take themselves SO SERIOUSLY. At that, he got really weirdly smug and "oh-yes-I-know-all-about-you" and was like "Yes, you do have that crooked smile." Do I? Really? I think he's thinking of the face I make when I'm trying not to laugh at him. I think he says shit like that because I hit the nail on the head with him in our first meeting and pointed out his caffeine jitters and mismatched socks.

Directly after this, he told me a horrifying story about a boy he was in 4th grade with who slit his wrists (and survived), due to bullying. #1: FOURTH GRADE. #2: KEVIN, WTF? DISTURBING.

Sidenote: I love my Facebook 'Favorite Quotes' section. I have a fantastic sense of humor, you know that? :P

I'm going to call my mom in the next half hour, and she's going to be all cute and engaged, and I feel a little bad to have to bring the hammer down on that in any way, but I NEED to get some solid info on the finances so I won't get beaten by the SACI:NY lady! She's out for blood, I swear.

On a lighter note, apparently Betsy and Jen (you remember, my MICA roommates from last semester) were not shy in asking Robin how far we've gone! He told them the (modest, ungraphic) truth--which is fine by me, I'm just surprised they were so forward about asking! Jen maybe, but Betsy was apparently the one who asked! Funny, and it makes me miss them. :)

Okay, I'm out. Love you guys! I'll update soon.

-A.

ETA: Just got off the phone with Mom, and we settled on a game plan for the SACI housing bill. She's really, really excited about her and Robert (of course!), and she told me that KJ is constantly playing his guitar and drums, that his grades are great, and he's taking up track and tennis! His play opens this weekend--I wish I could be there to see it! Man, he's going to be 14 soon. It seems like he's taking forever to age, but I know he'll be a man before I know it!

Let me let you in on an excerpt from an e-mail he sent after I asked him to assist me with the SACI bill: "As you well know, money is tight all over for most folks and last minute surprises are more difficult to handle. Lisa and I have always been happy to do what we can and I hope you understand that. This is frustrating for me because you're my daughter, I love you and I don't want this to create a hardship for you. I wish I could just pay it but that's not possible."

Logical, realistic and completely understandable.

But wait, what's that I hear? DAD BOUGHT A 2-SEATER CONVERTIBLE. SRSLY.

Thank you, Daddy. Thank you for focusing on the important expenses. For real.

But you've all heard me complain about this a million times. :P

Fetish?

Is it a fetish if I get a little high from helping guys with their heartbreaks?

I've done two today already, and I'm flying here.


Is that fucked up?

Pisa e Lucca!

If you guys make your way to my Facebook, you can see that I've posted some new photos! The photo uploader is a little bit of a bitch, so they might not all be there when you log in to see them, but soon enough! Promise!

Our trip was really fun, although it was SO rainy, and subsequently freezing, which wasn't great, but the churches and museums were so awesome.

Pisa was my favorite of the two--the Tower was awe-inspiring, and the Baptistry was so amazing! They did this acoustical demonstration, where one of the attendants sang up into the cone/dome structure, and it sounded like a choir of people singing softy with them. It was wonderful. I didn't climb the tower (it cost 15 euro!), but it was enough to just see how cool it is.

Lucca had it's charms too--it's churches housed two really interesting tombs--one was a well-preserved body of a 13th century saint, St. Zita (allegedly), and the other was a commemorative marble tomb built for a teenage wife who died in childbirth. It was so gorgeous. And there were some 900 year old manuscripts in the cathedral museum! Excellent calligraphy.

All in all, a very successful trip. I'm going to try to go to Rome with them in two weeks, too, if it doesn't cost too much. Wish me luck!

Melissa and I attended an American Episcopal Church a little ways down the Arno yesterday. They're choir was small but powerful (I want to join, and I'm attending a meeting on Wednesday), but the sermon and hymns were so weird. One hymn talked about how the fishermen were happy and content before Jesus called them, and how Peter and John suffered horrible endings as a result of their service to God, and how God's Peace isn't peace at all, but we should pray for it. It was so weird.

And the female rector gave the sermon, which started out talking about Jesus calling the fishermen to follow him, and then she had this theory that they'd all known each other for years, and that the following was the culmination of a decades-long argument about 'vocation' and misunderstanding Jesus. THEN it was about a Holocaust survivor who stayed alive in Auschwitz because he was a tailor and could sew German uniforms. He came to the US, remarried, and had a daughter and a son. He taught the daughter to sew (his 'vocation'), and somehow his transferring of his suffering to her via sewing caused her to become anorexic, or something? I have no idea. It was so random. Then it was like "There is no fate or destiny, we all have a choice in our vocation." And I'm like, "Yes, we have a choice, but there's GOD'S PLAN, remember?" I don't know. I can't judge the whole place by one sermon.

ANYWAY, I guess I'll go back one or two times and see if it's for me. Mel and I are going to visit a home church next Sunday night and see what that's like as well. :)

I made a mix back for Robin. I hope he likes it! :D I miss him a lot.

I miss all of you! Florence would be so much more amazing if you were all here with me. Muah!

I have to go grab a quick snack and head back to class. I love and miss you all dearly. Have a great day!

-A.