An important discovery.

The past week since Mom and Robert got married has seen a change in me. I've become much firmer--even bordering on rude--with mom when she's tried to engage me in an adverse way. It's made her much meeker with me very quickly. On one hand, I'm glad to avoid more arguments, especially over stupid things. On the other, I feel that I might be denying myself the opportunity to defend myself in more depth. Like, am I showing independence by side-stepping her confrontations? Or am I just being stubborn and petty?

The discovery I'm referring to is that I've been worrying myself over something nonexistant. That is, my mom's expectations for me. 'Nonexistent' is a very final term, of course. I know Mom has general expectations for me--success, security, etc. But her aversion to my current plans (I mean future plans of engagement and marriage, not the current living situation), has made me wonder: what does she want from me? I've asked myself that question many times, but have always been distracted from the answer. Truly, what does she want from me?

I realized that she doesn't know anymore than I do. And because of that, I don't really know why she's mad! I don't know, so I can't counter it. I haven't frustrated her wishes for me to be successful or secure yet--nothing's happened! All I've been made aware of is what I shouldn't do--don't get engaged right now, don't move because you can't afford it, etc. The only "do" I've been offered is work harder, make more money. Which is fine--I know I need to work, I know I have a lot to do to make up the money I owe, both personally and for school. I have been working--both waitressing and doing art--and I feel good about it. Mom seems to approve, which is great. (As old/independent as I get, I've still been conditioned to long for her approval.)

I'm not sure what will come of this revelation, but I'll be sure to keep you posted. :)

-A.

P.S. In other news, I've updated my blog, so go check it out!

Here comes the bridesmaid...

I received my bridesmaid dress yesterday, and I must say it was both better and worse than I imagined. This is it:

Granted, the color is digitally overlaid, but it's not too far off. The lime in my dress is only a few shades cooler than the digital approximation. However, the dress fits PERFECTLY, and I'm grateful for that (no need to spend any more on this dress than absolutely necessary). The cut is actually really flattering, and it's far less shiny than the picture indicates. Whew.

Just...the COLOR. I look like lettuce. And not even spring mix. Iceberg.

I decided I can shorten it someday and be Tinkerbell for Halloween. Or I could, you know, sell it. :P

Last night was a welcome bit of fun--John, Colin, Katie, Robin and I went to Turps (a local sports bar) for their half-price burger night, then to Rita's, then Katie and I kicked the boys out to watch Glee. :P ACTUALLY, they were just too lame to stay (although John watched it with me Tuesday night, so he's forgiven). I love having a group I can call home base, even if we only found each other in the last year of MICA. After all, I found my best friends from high school the summer after we graduated!

Not to wax too nostalgic (especially since we haven't even graduated yet!), but I'm really hopeful that we'll all stay close as we head out in our separate directions. Thankfully we all have Luke and Jessica's wedding next year, and eventually my own and maaaybe Colin and Katie's? ;)

I believe we can do it. :)

Early morning means a long day--hanging my senior show (which isn't the same as the commencement show) and watching more presentations, and just being thankful that today isn't last week. There's still a long way to go, but I'm learning how to take it better, slower.

Thank God I have so many blessings in the shape of John and my friends and family!

-A.

Looks like I get to keep my job..

Thank goodness!

I also spoke to my Uncle David about securing a loan for the rest of the rent I owe ($750). Mom was frustrated that I didn't ask for another $900 in order to pay back my godmother for the loan I got from HER. I understand and appreciate consolidating, but I'm not at all the type to ask for more than I immediately NEED, and since I'm paying it all back anyway, sending it off to two separate people or just one isn't really the battle I'm going to pick.

To my Mom it's a personal thing--she doesn't like that I got a loan from my godmother at all, and she feels that as Kathleen's close friend, it's her responsibility to get her money back first. Which I totally get, and in an ideal world, I agree. But it seems sort of weird to repay one loan with another. I don't know. Maybe I just didn't feel comfortable asking for almost $2000 from an uncle I'm not even that close to. But he was more than willing to help (Thank God), and we're on our way.

And actually, $750 is the number right now--I have another month to come up with whatever I can give my landlady before the lease is up, and I could be down to $500 by then! (Wishful thinking...) We'll see.

Today is a full day--thankfully I don't have class tonight, and can concentrate on doing work and going to bed early. WHEW.

Hope you're all well and caught up with whatever you're up to!

-A.

Since this is all out in the open now...

I told Mom today, so now I can tell you all.

I owe my landlady $1250 in back rent. I got a $900 loan from my godmother a few months ago for part of the larger debt. I kept both of these things a secret from my mom for four months, which was stupid, I know, but I know how stressful her life is already.

The emotional breakdown I had this week was largely to do with this debt, and the fact that I had plans to move to a new place with Betsy and had the new deposit and slightly more expensive rent to worry about, etc. made me seize with a panic so intense I could barely see straight.

This afternoon, my mom began asking me questions about the new lease and the deposit and how I would pay and jobs, which sent me into a decision--I could lie and evade about the debt, or I could tell her and maybe get some real help. So, I told her. She wasn't mad, just frustrated that I left her out of it for so long.

We decided, tentatively, for me to move home and pay off the debt without worrying about rent or bills. It sucks that I won't be living as close to John as I'd hoped to, but this is more important right now. We'll still be together, after all--there's no changing that.

Feels good to get that off my chest.

-A.

...

These past 36 hours have been beyond awful. My anxiety has been eating me up over money and schoolwork and the time I have to do it in. I'm feeling a bit better after talking to John and Allan (my seminar teacher), but I'm still dealing with some bad crap. I honestly had an emotional breakdown yesterday--or as close to one as I've ever had before.

I accidentally missed a 6-9AM shift this morning, and I'm nervous about what that will mean for my job (although it's unlikely I'll be fired with only three weeks left in the semester), and due to my financial situation I CANNOT not have a job. I called my boss right away, of course, and I probably sounded hysterical (although I didn't cry, shockingly), but he was heading into a meeting and told me he would just send me an e-mail so we could follow up. Hopefully he is the kind of man who is afraid of tears and won't have the heart to fire me if I break down in his office. :P All kidding aside, however, it is serious, and I wish I could stop feeling like such a mess.

Allan, thankfully, excused me from Seminar today, and I got to have a relaxing shower. After John and I grab lunch, I'm spending the day on thesis, which has been sadly neglected due to my panic over getting stuff for my Portfolio presentation done. Allen also pushed that back to the 22nd for me. Whew.

I'm not bursting into hysterical tears at every thought of this misfortune now, thank God. Allan (who is also a Christian), gave me the always-great advice of surrender to God. I admit, I have been trying. I'm just not sure what surrender is supposed to feel like, I guess. I know God has taken amazing care of me, at least as far as my own eating habits are concerned, but I really just want this anxiety taken away so I can focus on what I have to do rather than on being a wreck for two hours.

I hope you're all having a better week than me. Wish me luck!

Love,

-A.

An Actual Report.

My last entry was more of a rant, so here's a real update of how my time at John's was:

-Hung out with Brian and finally got to Pete and Elda's, a yummy (and POPULAR) pizza place near the beach.

-Hung out with Marie at the West Side Tavern and sang KARAOKE: 'Since U Been Gone' and 'Somebody to Love'. I rocked it out.

-Visited St. Rose, where John went to high school, with Brian, Dave, and another former classmate, Alicia; then we met up with Sharon (who went to St. Rose) and her boyfriend Pat, and grabbed dinner at a diner nearby and went to Sharon's for Pictionary, Finish Lines, and Disney Trivia. Aw, yeah.

The bottom line is, I'm really, really happy. I've never felt this great about being with another person. I just get really scared of things sometimes--tears-and-panicky-scared: jobs, money, "The Real World"--but I feel so much more secure knowing John is going to be there, right with me. Whew. Thank you, God.

In other news, school has started again! I had my first two classes today, one (a portrait class) which I dropped due to expenses (a skull and paper are expensive!), but I replaced it with a Professional Development course that fits in the same slot and fulfills the same studio requirement, but is only 2.5 hours per week. YES. I'm also taking Life Styles with Dan Krall, who is awesome. I took Narrative Illustration with him sophomore year and I can easily isolate that time as the period I grew the most. He was encouraging and helpful, and tough, and I'm looking forward to working my butt off again for him. :P

More soon,

Love,

A.

In a few short hours...

I shall be on my way to New Jersey with my wonderful boyfriend for the Thanksgiving holidays! I could not be happier about this than if he were coming home with me! (As I've met his family and he's only met my mom and godparents.)

This year, so John tells me, will be a smaller Thanksgiving dinner-guest wise (his aunts and uncles come for hors d'ouvres and then go elsewhere for dinner most years), but I'm still aiming to impress, so I decided to make a yummy-looking Butternut Squash-Apple soup for the table (courtesy of the awesome Orangette)! I'm pretty excited to try it--I've never really cooked for anyone aside from my family or roommates before. Wish me luck!

I'm equally happy about the break from school (although I'll still be attempting to draw for thesis--we'll see how that goes). This morning was VERY hectic, as I was working on the final touches for my book for Whitney Sherman for The Lab, then sending it out to Lulu with an extra kick in the pants for shipping--both set me back more than I'd hoped, but hopefully these will sell! I ordered ten books (so if they don't sell I won't have spent hundreds of dollars), and intend to hand make covers (because Lulu.com doesn't like the image I wanted for my cover and never let it be the size I wanted. But whatevs). Wish me luck on that, too, because ArtMarket is only two weeks away! So much to do! And then, in three and a half teensy weeks, I'll be halfway done with my senior year. WHAT.

I'm done packing and ready to go! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Be thankful! (and not just for food!)

Love,

A.

I miss human interaction.

Hi all!

I just finished a lovely visit with Ben, who came to relieve me of my recent loneliness now that Betsy and Jen have left (although Jen gets back tonight). :)

I also had a successful day at work yesterday! My trainer, Jonathan, decided that since I was on my last day of training, it was time to shove me out of the nest, as it were, and have me present at the daily pre-shift meeting. It wasn't a big deal, but I was pretty nervous (as most of you know, I hate doing something in front of a crowd if I have a chance of failing). I did it, and I ended up being a huge hit! I was stunned! But obviously pleased. :) There's nothing like success, especially when it's unexpected. :D

And right after work, Ben picked me up and we got down to some very, very important business--watching Gossip Girl. :P

I had today off, and I'm off tomorrow, so I'm going to TRY and get some thesis stuff started. Ug.

Also, I hate money. More accurately, I hate NOT having money. (I actually like money a whole lot.)

I love you all so, so much and I hope you're having a good one! :)

Whoa, a post without romantic drama or intrigue. What has this blog become?! :P

-A.

Ugh, this patience thing is overrated.

No response from Craigslist mystery guy yet, unfortunately. Dammit.

However, I did get to have a short chat with Robin today, and I tell you, the more we talk, the more I think that we'll be A-OK, especially once we get back into each other's lives and have things to talk about again.

I asked Dad for some money to float June rent until I get a job and have something to build on. He was shockingly compliant, and he told me he would take it out of the money he set aside for me for this year--$2000, his tax return. I'm taking $500 for rent, and $100 for expenses for travel--Lauren is generously volunteering to drive me to Baltimore either Sunday or Monday. It's looking like Monday, as Lauren has a final Monday morning, and besides, Sunday is Mother's Day, after all.

I got a couple late texts from Joey V. and Dan--I get to see both of them before I go home, which is a very pleasant surprise, as Joey is wrapped in wedding plans for Rachaela (but thankfully, not so ensconced that he can't scheme with me), and Dan is harder to get ahold of then a greased pig. Ew.

A reminder about Dan, to myself--readers may skip this part if they wish--Alyssa, no matter how much you miss making out, DO NOT KISS DAN. Yes, he is tall and charming, but he is also very bad at commitment and at being straightforward about anything. Don't fall into the default makeout mode! You are better!

Okay, cool.

Also, I like playing detective. I am lame. WHATEVER. Brian is kind enough to indulge me (as he has a similar fantasy, I can't say it's a selfless indulgence, but OH WELL. WE ROCK).

Anyone who saw Gossip Girl last night (which I watched with Bess, because she is AWESOME--Em, where did you get sich a cool sister? :P), OKAY. CAN CHUCK BE REAL AND MINE NOW?

Ahem.

I'm feeling happy. It's nice. :)

I also like being able to update a lot, but I also feel lame that I have no readers. :P BE BETTER, GUYS.

No, I love you.

More soon--

-A.

That Sinking Feeling, or These Things Come In Threes

I've had a surfeit of helplessness since I got home.

Not just in me--I've been seeing it everywhere. From talking about a cement-trapped patient in Grey's Anatomy to helping Lauren illustrate a boy who can't tie his shoes, it's coming at my from all sides.

And the weirdest thing is how STRONGLY I'm reacting.

I burst into tears talking about Grey's Anatomy--Lauren was properly embarassed of me--I got overwhelmed by the image of a trapped, panicked person and I started to cry--and not just cry, SOB. I dry-sobbed for twenty seconds before getting a hold of myself. I've always had a fear of being confined (claustrophobia and all that). Lauren brought it up in front of Brian again tonight and I teared up. I'm starting to freak out now.

Moving on.

My own illustrations even made me upset--the helpless expression I drew on the little boy broke my heart.

Watching Veronica Mars trapped in an old refrigerator tightened a fist around my heart, just for a moment.

This will be my tenth post tagged "Helplessness".

Why do I feel helpless? Trapped? Is it because I have no job prospects and $500 of rent is due June 1st? That's part of it, I'm sure. Is it because I have a thesis proposal to write and no fucking clue what I want to do? Is it because I know I'm going to sink under my workload next year? Is it because I'm not sure my art is good enough?

UGH. I'm disgusted with myself! I want to be able to say to myself, like Mom and Melissa can say, "God is handling it, it will be fine", but I don't think God will be dropping off an envelope full of money for me, or give me any more ease with my interpersonal relationships or learning how to sell myself and my art. I know He's got me, but I also know I've got this controlling part of me for a reason--it motivates me to want more than to step off. But, I can have all the aggression in the world, but with no outlet or opportunity, that means nothing.

I know I'll be taken care of, even if I have to ask for help (number one brand of shame for me--it's a long story why, maybe I'll tell it one day), and I know opportunities will pop up, but I'd just rather be DOING something then waiting here with no control.

It's like with Robin and Marla--I'm inert, ready to move forward in both situations, but I have to wait until I GET there, SEE them, be ACTIVE. I'm oddly lazy in that way--I want to move forward with Robin and Marla and be friends, and I want to be working and earning money for rent, etc. BUT, I'm only too eager to forgo the part where I have to take a risk--talking to employers, talking to Marla (not so much Robin). The place where I'm in danger of rejection. My least favorite place of all time, saving the place of shame. Although I guess shame comes with both.

I am happy--I had a really good night with Brian and Lauren, and I got to see Abby and Joey this past weekend and that was AWESOME.

I am happy, but I am not secure. I won't be until I have enough money for two months of rent in the bank.

Sheesh. I need to take a chill pill and go to SLEEP. It's 4 AM for goodness' sake.

See you all in the morning--love, love, love--

-A.

Two days in a row?! Insanity!

I guess I'm just making up for the slacking I've done lately. Besides, I haven't said much about Florence/Italy ITSELF. So, I'm going to do what I call an "Emily Post", and observe what's going on AROUND me, as opposed to what is just going on WITH me.

Italians have a very interesting taste. They dress fabulously well, usually in black. They are trendy as all-get-out, to a fault, even. (Puffy coats with elastic belts? EEK!) Every female here wears boots--it was one of the first things I bought besides food, firstly because they were cheap (I may have mentioned the January sales before), and secondly because Florence seems to have every style of shoe I ADORE. They also like blondes. At least the men do. :P Ask Morgan about the encounter she had her first week here, where a guy blatantly felt her ass up in the street.

The Italians practice what they call "Bella Figura". Have I mentioned it here? I forget. Basically, the objective is to look as good as you can before you walk out the door. Why the eff hasn't America gotten on that?! As a result, I LIKE to think I look more cleaned up than usual--I actually put on makeup 90% of the time now, and I try and make the effort to look aloof and bitchy. Hey, it seems to work for the Italians! I've barely been cat-called!

They also have a few obsessions: Marilyn Monroe and A Clockwork Orange. I swear, you see that shit EVERYWHERE. They pay a few respects to my girl Audrey, as well, but not nearly as much as Marilyn (typical! :P). And kebab. There's a place on every corner! This is great for my mouth, but bad for my wallet. (That's what she said.)

As for dislikes, I think that can be summed up in one big one: Traffic laws. I swear to God, the only rule is "Don't hit anyone". And the unspoken one is, "Be as big of an impatient tool as possible, too." Graar.

So, yeah! So far, that's my observation. Limited, I know, but you're reading the blog of a girl who hasn't even been inside the Uffizi for longer than an hour. And I live across the street. :/ I'm a shameful human being.

In other news, my mushroom soup went over VERY well last night! It was a little too salty, but I can fix that! I'm definitely making it for all of us when I come home! What do you guys think? My mushroom soup, and Em can make those little molten cakes of DELICIOUSNESS. Bri? Drea? Ab-Fab? Any input? Tasty bread? Salad?

The rest of my day is going to be pretty boring and slacker-y. I got about 2/3 of the way into my first little figurine (I changed my mind about the paper cutouts for now, but I'm not forgetting about them) and then, I think I changed my mind AGAIN and might do cute, tiny watercolors with my chubby little character running around and getting overwhelmed and gossiping and basically doing everything I do. :P

Did I tell you guys about my latest critique with Kevin, the MICA students supervisor? I told him I was interested in injecting more humor into my work--I feel like so many art kids take themselves SO SERIOUSLY. At that, he got really weirdly smug and "oh-yes-I-know-all-about-you" and was like "Yes, you do have that crooked smile." Do I? Really? I think he's thinking of the face I make when I'm trying not to laugh at him. I think he says shit like that because I hit the nail on the head with him in our first meeting and pointed out his caffeine jitters and mismatched socks.

Directly after this, he told me a horrifying story about a boy he was in 4th grade with who slit his wrists (and survived), due to bullying. #1: FOURTH GRADE. #2: KEVIN, WTF? DISTURBING.

Sidenote: I love my Facebook 'Favorite Quotes' section. I have a fantastic sense of humor, you know that? :P

I'm going to call my mom in the next half hour, and she's going to be all cute and engaged, and I feel a little bad to have to bring the hammer down on that in any way, but I NEED to get some solid info on the finances so I won't get beaten by the SACI:NY lady! She's out for blood, I swear.

On a lighter note, apparently Betsy and Jen (you remember, my MICA roommates from last semester) were not shy in asking Robin how far we've gone! He told them the (modest, ungraphic) truth--which is fine by me, I'm just surprised they were so forward about asking! Jen maybe, but Betsy was apparently the one who asked! Funny, and it makes me miss them. :)

Okay, I'm out. Love you guys! I'll update soon.

-A.

ETA: Just got off the phone with Mom, and we settled on a game plan for the SACI housing bill. She's really, really excited about her and Robert (of course!), and she told me that KJ is constantly playing his guitar and drums, that his grades are great, and he's taking up track and tennis! His play opens this weekend--I wish I could be there to see it! Man, he's going to be 14 soon. It seems like he's taking forever to age, but I know he'll be a man before I know it!

Let me let you in on an excerpt from an e-mail he sent after I asked him to assist me with the SACI bill: "As you well know, money is tight all over for most folks and last minute surprises are more difficult to handle. Lisa and I have always been happy to do what we can and I hope you understand that. This is frustrating for me because you're my daughter, I love you and I don't want this to create a hardship for you. I wish I could just pay it but that's not possible."

Logical, realistic and completely understandable.

But wait, what's that I hear? DAD BOUGHT A 2-SEATER CONVERTIBLE. SRSLY.

Thank you, Daddy. Thank you for focusing on the important expenses. For real.

But you've all heard me complain about this a million times. :P

Ciao, Venezia!

So, this weekend was a sometimes-fun, sometimes-obnoxious foray into Venice Carnevale!

Me, Mel, and three of the four members of #10 (Noel, Morgan, and Emma) caught the train out of Florence at 8:30 AM on Friday morning, and made it into Venice, and into the hotel by noon. Once good thing I can say about the cheap-but-should-have-been-cheaper hotel was that it was WARM. Venice was freezing! Naturally, being near all that water.

Friday was really amazing--we got the obvious gondola ride (but at 20 euro less than usual! Score!). We had the privilege of having a cute gondolier, Thomaso, who informed us that one needs over 6 YEARS of training to be a gondolier! Holy EFF.

After the ride, we hit the market at Piazza San Polo, where we saw the hot Catholic priest calendars that make me want to weep--the cover priest should not withhold his glorious genes from humanity! Interestingly enough, there was also a hot gondolier calendar, and we started joking around about Thomaso being in it, and lo and behold! He was Mr. August! That was pretty fantastic, to say the least. :)

That night, we got all gussied up in our masks, and hung out in one of the piazzas with live music, apparently cobbled together by three drummers, a sax player, a trumpeteer, and a tambourine. Fun, but all the shoving and bumping kind of made me want to smack a bitch. We poured ourselves into bed around three AM.

Saturday was okay--a lot more people in the city, that's for sure. The density must have tripled overnight! Mel and I went separately from Noel, Morgan and Emma, who decided that sleeping was more imporant than being in VENICE. WHATEVER. We met up with the missing member of #10, David, briefly, then with our other roommates and our building-mates (who came to Venice with SACI), and hung out at Piazza San Marco for the afternoon, tooling around in our masks and feeding the pigeons, who are not shy and WILL land on you if you prompt them.



BAM. (My new profile pic, naturalement.)

Melissa and I made it out of Venice after an HOUR of shoving through the crowd, but we made it to the bus, met up with our oversleeping travel buddies, and caught the train home. We. Were. EXHAUSTED. To say the very least. But that didn't stop Me, Mel, and Emma from staying up 'til 3 AM to watch Green Wing, which is the UK's solution to Scrubs, but BETTER.

Sidenote: I've been making a ton of allusions to how awesome "Hey Arnold!" was this week. Like, a TON.

Sunday was lazy--Mel and I just lounged around, made a big breakfast, then got a pancake dinner. :) I had a mini-freak out about money and my art and the future, and I was reminded of how lucky I am to be friends and roommates with Mel. Once again. :) As if I could forget!

Today was fine--went to Santa Maria Novella and sent my belated V-Day gift to Robin. I have to run, actually, I'm making dinner for my roomies tonight and I need to pick up a few things!

I love you guys, and I'll try and be less of a lame about updating! (Although I must say, I'm keeping up the best out of all of you! Save Ab-Fab, who seems to be on-par. Ab--how are you and G? Everything good?)

Have a great day!

-A.

P.S. Did I mention my mom is OFFICIALLY ENGAGED?! WOOOOOOOO!

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Why is it that more than almost anything, money (or my lack of it) backs me up so completely? Everywhere I am, it follows me around like a storm cloud, and I hate it.

I found out about a week ago that I have an outstanding housing balance, and after I spoke to the SACI rep in NYC, I talked to my grandparents--who, as you all know, offered to cover the expenses of my semester so I could experience Italy. I assumed that they just hadn't received the SACI bill or something, but their e-mail response was basically like "Oh, we were only covering the tuition (which went through MICA). We don't have $4100 for housing." Which is perfectly fine--just a bad misunderstanding. I'm more than grateful that they got me this far.

But now, I'm put in that horrible crunch where I have to:

A.) Get (another) loan.
B.) Get a credit card and pay the balance on credit.
C.) (Worst case scenario, of course) Being forced to leave SACI mid-semester, which opens up a WHOLE other can of worms about me being behind on my degree plan, getting left behind, etc.
D.) Discover a rich relative, become their favorite niece and murder them for the inheritance. :P

I guess it's nothing to be too stressed about right this second, but I hate that shameful feeling that stems from everything involved with this situation--my failure in planning, admitting that failure, and the tension of trying to rectify it. I just feel crappy about how poorly I end up handling these situations! I know I should just stop whining and DO what I need to do. I just want to stop feeling so blocked by these problems.

ANYWAY, I'm doing well otherwise. I have a Skype date with Robin in 45 minutes, and I'm finally getting started on my independent pieces tonight! The sketching is complete, and now I'm starting the cutouts themselves! I'm really excited to get them going.

I love you guys, and I hope you're doing well!

-A.

My sexiness is complete.

I've been having a lovely day!

This morning, Mel and I got up and Emma met us at our place, and we went out to shop the January saldi! (Sales.)

Mel and Emma were on the hunt for boots, and I was just tagging along really, and if I found something cheap, great! Now, my feet are far too big to find boots here in the EU (a 41 [the largest size I saw] was about the right length, but my feet are WAY too wide), BUT, I did stop into this shop called Goldenpoint, where I knew I could find some cheap tights. So, I was looking at the wall of tights, and I saw a particular package of sheer black, lace-topped thigh-highs. I was, naturally, smitten. They weren't in my size, so I had to dig around a little to find the right pair.

Then I saw a pair that were seamed, and my heart skipped, so I grabbed those in my size too. THEN, at the counter, I saw a small box with a picture on it. A picture of a gorgeous lace garter belt and matching stockings. And I think I died a little with excitement. (I was inspired by you, Em! :P) SO, I bought the seamed stockings and the garter belt set for about 25 euro, which isn't bad at all. AND, to satisfy my little girl side, I found a pair of bright red tights practically next door for 4,75! IT WAS AMAZING. And now, I am sexy.

So, the three of us crossed the Ponte Vecchio, still looking for boots (we were unsuccessful, as they were A. Very expensive or B. Not our taste), and we stumbled onto this awesome, cheap mini-supermarket. I bought 1,5 liters of Sprite for 1,60! (Very cheap, let me tell you.) And cereal! And butter! It was exciting. :D

Anyway, tonight, #10 is coming over to our place to make a yummy, communal dinner, and then me, Morgan, Emily and Christine are going to find this bar that's broadcasting the AFC championship between the Steelers and the Ravens! Hopefully we kick butt! Go Steelers!

I love you and miss you all. Hope you're all having a great day! Let's talk soon!

-A.

The Marcato.

Let me briefly describe a trip to the Marcato Centrale.

You walk past hundreds of street vendors, selling t-shirts and leather goods, and telling women that they'll give them a "deal for [their] pretty smile".

Then you get to the warehouse, and you walk up the steps and into a wall of raw meat smell, which isn't pleasant, but somehow amazing to see all of the butchers with their aprons stained with pinkish blood carving up chickens and pigs and cows. I even saw a whole rabbit carcass today, frozen in mid-leap, but on it's back, skinned and tasty-looking.

The first floor is all meat, cheese and bread (there's a cute bread stand with yummy baguettes where the workers wear straw hats with sunflowers on them). There's a candy stand and a few produce stands, but the good produce is on the second floor. You can get almost anything there. Dried fruit, nuts, blood oranges, delicious apples. God, so GOOD!

It's hard to order what you want initially, especially if you don't know the numbers. So you do a lot of pointing and holding up the right number of fingers, until you learn to say "Una uva moscotello" (a scoop of black raisins), et cetera. It's actually really rewarding once you get through a transaction by yourself, even if you use a little English. :P

It's always a bustle, and I like going, even if it is a walk to get there. :) And, bonus! There's a Bank that ACTUALLY changes money nearby! Pretty amazing.

I got to talk to my mom and Robin yesterday. Mom is doing fine, and KJ (for the brief time we spoke) seems just as silent on the phone as usual. :P I'm sorry I missed you Em! When I got off with Robin you had signed off! I'll catch you soon.

Me, Mel and #10 (what I call Noel, Emma, Morgan, and David's apartment) watched Hook and ate half-price gelato, which was TRES tasty. (Or MOLTO, my bad.) ALSO, I found out that David watches Gossip Girl! We totally bonded, and we have a date to watch the new episode tonight (Obviously not a real date, just a nerdy GG one)! He is the BEST. EVER. :P

I love and miss you guys! How are all of you? Update!

Muah!

-A.

To-Do Today.

Dentist Appt. (My top wisdom teeth have erupted, but they look small enough to keep. Hooray!)
Post Office (I sent my apology letter to Marla AND ran into my paternal sort-of-grandfather and his big ol' dog.)
Bank (Still not enough money for me! :D)
Packing (And I'm still SO nervous about being over the weight limit!)
Haircut (You'll all see it soon enough. :P)
Gossip Girl (If you haven't watched this, we're not friends. >:( :P)

So, now I tackle packing, then at noon, haircut, then more packing, then Gossip Girl. I will never finish Breaking Dawn at this rate! :P

I can't even believe I head out tomorrow. OMG.

I said goodbye to Robin yesterday night. It was about as hard as I anticipated--I cried a little. I'm going to miss all of you SO much, but Robin was the guy I've gotten the closest to over the past months of planning and stressing. I love you guys. :)

Okay, seriously have to start now. :*

Love,
A.

ETA: 1/6/09, 12:25AM

The To-Do List is done, I get a last China Palace lunch with my family tomorrow, and then my plane leaves at 3pm! OMG!

Love you.

A.

Christmas Eve!

Happy Christmas Eve!

I must say, the events of this Christmas Eve have been, well, eventful!

Let me first describe how the day usually goes:

-We go to my Mom's parents' place in the early afternoon for an antipasto lunch.
-We grandchildren open gifts by order of age (youngest to oldest). Each aunt and uncle draws a name to buy for early in the season.
-The aunts and uncles guess how much change is in the jar shaped like a toy soldier.
-We go to church.
-We come back to Mimi and Pappy's and have dinner.
-The change is counted and the winning couple gets the cash.
-We watch TV then go home.

The day started off normally enough, up until my turn in the youngest-to-oldest lineup. "Alyssa's turn!" A few moments of glances and shuffling. "Who had Alyssa?" More glances and shuffling. Awkward silence. Then cheerful chatter. "Oh, here you go! Open the one from Pappy and I! Okay, Brooke again!"

Needless to say, I was pretty mortified that I had been forgotten about, but I think I acted pretty gracefully in the face of that. On my next turn, a card appeared with $200 dollars inside, hastily collected while the younger kids had their second turn. But it was money, and I wasn't about to turn it down. Later on, we figured out that my Aunt Betsy and Uncle Pete (coincidentally the only couple NOT at the festivities) were the ones who had drawn my name, but had mistakenly gifted KJ.

Then everyone placed their bets on the change jar, and the kids all got in on it this year--but only for fun,the adults get the money. I was the last one to bet, and I bet low--$79.67.

So, we went to church, where I saw Tony (who looks good) and JonDel (who looks fat), and made fun of Geoff's sermon that somehow equates a Facebook wall with the Gospel. *facepalm*

But, either way, I know what the day is really about, and I felt filled with the glory of God despite his stupid sermon. :)

So, we got back to Mimi and Pappy's and ate some tasty, tasty dinner, and Lauren and my cousins Will and Evan counted the change.

The total came to $79.52. I was thrilled, but Mom snottily reminded me that even though my guess was closest, I wasn't eligible to win the money. Well, boo. (My Aunt Katie and Uncle Tripp insisted that I get the money, but to no avail.)

As it turns out, Betsy and Pete were the couple to win. So, Mimi called them at their home in Bethesda, Maryland and told them they won, then handed the phone over to Pappy, who told them that I guessed within 15 cents. When he got off the phone, he announced to the room all officially and adorably that Betsy and Pete "bequeathed" the $79.52 to me. :)

So, boo yah.

And how appropriate was that? :P

Oh, God, you and your sense of humor. :D

Also, we revealed KJ's drum set to him tonight! Or rather, Lauren completely ruined the surprise by letting KJ walk home from church alone! Jerk. :P But he loves it, and that's what matters. :D

I'm home now, and I just got a text message from Robin that he's about to go swimming. On Christmas Eve. In Buffalo, NY. SRSLY.

Jealous. ;)

Anyway, I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! Love you all very much, and I'm so blessed to know all of you!

Muah.

-A

Wooooooooo!

My visa arrived! Hooray!

Whew. Thank God.

Also, I'm home! I'm sure that you've heard. :)

And I have quite a bit of Christmas shopping to do today, so I'll update soon! :D

Love,
A


8:27 pm:

Okay! I shopped with Emily and Bessala today and it was lovely! Took care of Lauren's, KJ's, and Sam's (Dad's stepdaughter) gifts:

Lauren: The Dark Knight and Now and Then DVDs.
KJ: Drum sticks for his new DRUM SET that he will shit his pants for but my mom and sister will go nuts from.
Sam: Two GG-licious headbands and some cute bow clips.
Mom: Lauren and I went in on a facial/massage.
Dad: Us kids are going in on a digital camera.
Robin: Ah-ah-ah! He actually reads this thing. :P ;)
You four!: Ditto, but you'll like them, I hope!

So far, Lisa (Dad's wife) is not yet taken care of. :/ Ooops. But hopefully Starbucks will be open and I can get her a card to go with Lauren's Penguin Bookshop card for her.

Because I didn't update yesterday, let me recap! Emily and I were invited to brunch by Robin at Sam and Jessie's with a few other friends. It was awesome to see them so soon, and I was thrilled to be able to introduce Em to Robin and the others. The food was also DELICIOUS.

Apparently, one of the other guests, Zander (who I met this summer and who Em went to SA with), asked Robin what's up with us, and I admit, I suspected that Zander was sniffing around me already, since he and his girlfriend just broke up, and he's been texting me, etc. But basically, I think he was disappointed to see that I wasn't single. Although, Zander isn't really the guy for me, although he is cute and nice and well-dressed and all that. :)

For Ab-Fab:

Robin and his brother intended to interview Andrew WK on CMU radio, and he called in and everything, but he was acting really weird and the calls got dropped a few times, and while I don't know how the interview ended, I think it was a disappointment for Robin and Alex. Sorry guys! :( But either way, I'm sure you'd want to know, Ab. Hope Ohio was fun! :D

Also, my grandparents, who are generously footing the bill for me this year so I can go to Italy, called me tonight with some abrupt news that they want to take out and co-sign a loan with me for the next semester instead of paying up front like they did this semester. If that's what they want to do, then I guess that's that, but the fact taht they bring it up literally TWO WEEKS from my departure date and IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CHRISTMAS RUSH was giving me a heart attack a little worrisome. Okay, we'll see how it pans out.

Okay, time to finish up some gifts!

Love!
A

An Almost-Textbook Scorpio.

We've recently entered the sign of Scorpio. I'm no believer in astrology, but I find it strangely accurate sometimes. When I was a kid, I never though I was meant to be a Scorpio, because I was shy and I didn't kiss boys, and Scorpio was the confident, sexy sign. As I grew older, I could obviously appreciate the other things that Scorpio meant besides sex (although sex means something different for the sign then I thought at age 8), and it's kind of freakish how much I find myself to be like a "textbook" Scorpio, as it were:

Beneath a controlled, cool exterior beats the heart of the deeply intense Scorpio. Passionate, penetrating, and determined, this sign will probe until they reach the truth. The Scorpio may not speak volumes or show emotions readily, yet rest assured there's an enormous amount of activity happening beneath the surface. Excellent leaders, Scorpions are always aware. When it comes to resourcefulness, this sign comes out ahead.

Controlled but intense, yes. Probing? Absolutely. Awareness? For sho.

Friends and Family

Sincerity and truth are strong components of the Scorpio's friends. It can take some time before really close bonds are formed, but once done, the Scorpio will remain dedicated and loyal. Witty and intellectual, they prefer companions who are humorous and easygoing. Full of surprises, this sign will give you the shirt off their backs if that's what you need, yet once they are crossed, there's no turning back. They feel deeply, and once hurt, it can be impossible to turn things around. Commitment to family is strong and consistent with the Scorpio. They are exceptionally helpful in managing affairs, and they are excellent advocates when needed.

Loyalty and dedication? All me. Prefer humorous companions? Have you MET Robin? Commitment to family? Entirely. An advocate for you? If I feel like you're entitled, of course.

Career and Money

'I desire' is the key phrase for the Scorpio. They are fantastic at managing, solving, or creating. Once the Scorpio sets their sights on a goal, there's no deterring this sign. Tasks that require a scientific, penetrating approach are always best done by Scorpions as they will delve deeply into the materials they have. Their ability to focus coupled with determination makes for strong management skills. They're not ones to worry about making friends on the job scene; rather, they prefer to see the task accomplished well.

Ooh, delving deeply. :P

Pursuing such careers as scientist, doctor, investigator, navigator, detective, researcher, police officer, business manager, and psychologist all suit the mighty Scorpio. Respect is an essential aspect of working for this sign. They need to respect their coworkers while also feeling a sense of being respected by others.

Detective! :D ...Navigator? Does anyone need to do that anymore?

Scorpions are disciplined enough to stick to a budget and unafraid of working as hard and as long as it takes to get themselves in a good financial position. Many are fortunate and inherit money. Whatever the case - and regardless of the balance - they are great managers of their dollars and are not apt to overspend. Money means security and a sense of control, which is important to the Scorpio. Therefore, they're going to hang onto the majority of the cash, making decisions carefully before turning any of it over.

Ugh, money. :/

Love and Sex

This is the strongest of the sexualities in the Zodiac. Incredibly passionate, the Scorpio takes intimacy seriously. Partners need to be intelligent and honest. Much of the foreplay for this sign happens long before the bedroom through conversation and observation. Once in love, they are devoted and loyal to the death. But relationships can take some time. The Scorpio needs to build trust and respect for a potential mate slowly and thoroughly.

Takes intimacy seriously. No, not me at all. ;P Yes to all of this.

SCORPIO TIDBITS

Health
Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body that is most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical areas for Scorpio are the genitals, bladder, rectum, and the reproductive organs.

LOL BUTTZ.

Ruling Planet
The ruling planet for Scorpio is Pluto. Traditionally, this planet rules that which is hidden from view. It also represents conception, birth, death, slow growth, generation, regeneration, unpopular causes, anonymity, phobias, and the exposition of secrets.

Aww, but Pluto's not a planet anymore. :( Exposition of secrets. :D

Colors
The colors of choice for Scorpio are dark red and maroon.

...Same...color?

Gemstone
Scorpio's star stone is the opal.

Ahem. Topaz.

Lucky Numbers
Scorpio's lucky numbers are 2, 7, and 9.

Nine! :D

Compatibility
Scorpions are most compatible with Pisces and Cancer.

Letta's a Cancer...that's something, I guess?

Opposite Sign
The opposite sign of Scorpio is Taurus.

Actually, KJ's a Taurus, and I lurve him! :)

The Perfect Gift
The best gifts for a Scorpio are sentimental choices, clothing (especially something sexy), and non-fiction books.

Non-fiction? FR RLZ?

Likes
Truth, facts, being right, teasing, longtime friends, a grand passion, a worthy adversary

LOL YES TO ALL OF THE ABOVE. I think you guys will agree. Especially on being right.

Dislikes
Dishonesty, passive people, revealing secrets

Well I like having the POWER to reveal secrets over actually doing the revealing.

House
Natural sign of the Eighth House. This house focuses on sex, taxes, death and rebirth, a partner's resources, inheritance, and regeneration.

...Meh. Abstraction, abstraction, abstraction.

Famous Scorpions
Hillary Clinton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Sean Combs, Julia Roberts

LOL, all ridiculous.

Best travel destination
Zambia, Syria, Norway, Halifax, Liverpool, New Orleans, Washington, D.C.

No, no, maybe, maybe, maybe, yes, YES.

Strengths
Passionate, stubborn, resourceful, brave, a true friend

Yes to all, at least, I like to think so.

Weaknesses
Jealous, distrusting, secretive, violent, caustic

Yep. Ooops. I'm trusting, though. Mostly.

Charismatic marks
An intense look in the eyes, muscular

LOL MYSTERY.

Best environment
Dark, sensuous places, any situation that offers power or rouses strong feelings

LOL SEX APPEAL.

:D

I just make a new one every few weeks, don't I?

In reference to yesterday's cheery post--I sat outside in the sunshine with Marla, Robin, and Michael, just shooting the breeze for a couple hours--it was nice. :)

I have a whole new To-Do List to conquer, on a much tighter schedule:

To-Do:

-Receive Mom's shipment of artwork. (MOM. SEND IT.)
-Fill out MICA application.
-Fill out SACI application.
-Write Statement of Intent.
-Get Passport photos taken.
-Scan/label artwork.
-Put labeled pieces on CD.
-Get all the necessary signatures.
-Recieve Mom's Financial Aid e-mail. (MOM. WRITE IT.)
-Update my Financial Aid dealio.
-Pay Rent.
-Buy 19th Century French Art textbook. (OR find it in the library and scan it.)

Okay, wish me luck!

You guys need to update, darnit.

Love you,
Alyssa