The link is back!

http://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=4045137

Gold stars, please! :D

GLEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I auditioned for Glee! Please view and give me gold stars!

(Hint: you can give as many gold stars as you want! ;D)

http://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=4045137

PS. For some reason the direct link doesn't work--search 'Alyssa' in the toolbar on the Glee page. I should be the first entry--I have no profile image. Thanks!

I'm on fire, and now I think I'm ready to bust a move...

When John took me to visit Betsy over the break, she revealed herself to be my Secret Santa, and she gave me an adorable mug with this awesome letter 'A' on it, and a ticket to see Motion City Soundtrack, who is one of our favorite bands!

The concert was last night, finally, and I went with Betsy, her sister Mamie and their friend Nora (who has recently been snuggling it up with Robin!). We went right after my first senior/graduation meeting.

(STRESSFUL. I was getting really freaked about it, but John insisted that it just looked like a lot to take because I was looking at it all at once. He demanded that I have fun at the concert. :D)

We got there at the end of the first band, The Swellers, who sounded pretty cool. Then This Providence, who were fronted by this attractive Englishman with what was possibly a wedding ring? Pretty cool, and the band was great. The last opening band, Set Your Goals, was just a bunch of rapping/screaming, which was not so fun, particularly when the moshing started.

But then Motion City came on and they were super-great and really fun to watch. I've never been more rowdy at a concert. :D They played a bunch of my favorites. They played: The Future Freaks Me Out, Hold Me Down, LGFUAD, This Is For Real, Last Night, Broken Heart, Even If It Kills Me, My Favorite Accident, Perfect Teeth, The Red Dress, and a few songs from the new album that I didn't really know (I only heard the album existed about a week ago and I didn't listen to it before the concert): Atat, Her Words Destroy My Planet, Pulp Fiction, Hysteria, Worker Bee, A Lifeless Ordinary, and Delirium. Super fun. :)

The best part was at the end of the show--they played their last song and left the stage. A few moments later, a few kids started chanting 'One more song!' and within ten seconds the whole venue was one voice. "One more song! One more song! One more song!" Clapping and speeding up as we went. The whole place was in on it for a solid minute as we sped up, and I was worried what would happen if the chant culminated and they didn't come out for an encore.

Thankfully, I wasn't disappointed! They reappeared, and the lead singer was like "That was beautiful, you guys." It really was. Not to be totally cheese-tastic. :D I love stuff like that! I love groups of strangers coming together spontaneously for something awesome and fun! So, they played Disappear, another song from the new album, and for the last song, Everything is Alright, which is one of my favorites and I was hoping they would play it, so I was really excited!

So, naturally, when I got home, I had, like, seven hours of homework ahead of me and I didn't get to bed until 5:30. Oh well. :P Worth it, and it was a good warm-up for my grave shift tonight.

Today was busy, but rewarding. I had class from 1-3:45, then 4-8, just in time to get to Colin's for pizza and LOST with Jen, Robin, Nic, and eventually Katie and John (my teacher is a LOST fan, so we'll probably always get out before 9). I've watched maybe ten full LOST episodes, and most of those were from the second season, so I only know about 25-30% of what I should, but that's more than enough for me to follow, especially since I watched the last season finale last fall. It was just nice to be with my friends. :)

John kept me company for the first half of my shift (an hour and a half to go, wooo!) and read to me for awhile. Sweetie.

The snow has been TUMBLING down here! It's totally beautiful--night snow is the best kind; I love seeing it illuminated by the streetlights--and there are rumors of maaaybe classes being canceled (but I'm not going to jinx it!). I'm personally looking forward to sleeping in either way--my first and only class is at 7 pm!

Hope you're all doing well. :)

Love,

-A.

I constantly break my own rules.

(ETA: I meant to post this yesterday, but it saved as a draft for some reason. Sorry!)

Firstly, go listen to DNA. I saw them live by accident--I was leaving work yesterday and they were playing on the ESPNZone Pier next door, so I stopped. There are three of them, and they do all of the techno/electronic stuff themselves live! They each play two or three instruments/devices each (guitars, keyboards, drums [electric and regular], laptops, cool sound-makery things). It's all executed with so much precision and life and energy and fun! If you're in Baltimore, they're playing at Recher Theater in Towson tomorrow night. Check it out.

Jen went to Long Island on Tuesday, just in time for Robin to arrive on Wednesday! We had a really, really good visit--We met at Penn Station when his bus got in, and he and I hung out with his roommate Michael for a little while before going back to my place, where Colin met us and we walked to The Brewer's Art (a little bar/restaurant-type place on Charles Street) in celebration of Robin's 21st on the fourth. After a hysterical re-telling of THE ROOM amongst ourselves and some DELICIOUS and HUGE hamburgers, we walked back to my apartment. Sarah C. (who lived in Italy when I did--I'm sure I've mentioned her here) came over and helped me lighten my hair even MORE (it's a light-golden-brown-bordering-on-blonde now--but it may be full-on Heigl blonde by September!) while we introduced her to THE ROOM. She loved it (OF COURSE).

Of course, no visit with Robs would be complete unless I watched him and Mike swear at each other about Tekken for an hour or so. :) We got breakfast together the next morning at On the Hill, and he saw me off to work. It was a short visit, but so good!

Six days 'til Bethany Beach with John and his fam, and only a few short weeks 'til school! Yay! I'm really looking forward to being back with my friends, having a social life, working the desk and SEEING ACTUAL STUDENTS. Getting back into artwork, as stressful and intense as that will be.

In other news, boys are confusing. :) BUT I CAN STICK IT. DON'T TEXT FIRST, ALYSSA.

I'm also seriously thinking of buying this, furthering my transformation into Audrey Hepburn.

Also, Brandon is visiting tomorrow! He's driving into Baltimore to see me! It should be nice to have someone else around in the apartment, especially someone cool. Maybe I'll show him THE ROOM, too? Lauren and her friends saw it (YES) and ADORED it (while simultaneously hating it). Excellent.

I have the whole of next week off from Hard Rock to make room for desk shifts and Bethany. Woo!

An abrupt change of subject: I sense that I'm becoming the girl I simultaneously befriended and hated in high school (and still do now)--the one who gets used to being complimented/liked so that when someone doesn't rush to compliment her, she gets all freaked out. I HATE that I have traces of that in me after this summer. (This doesn't make the compliments I HAVE gotten any less wonderful--to the four boys who have told me I'm beautiful that read this. :P)

Love,

-A.

What is my life? Part ten trillion.

A lot to update.

So, because John was in France and he reads this, I didn't want him to find out that I had "chosen" (in the lightest possible way) Mark just by reading this--I had more respect for him than that and wanted to tell him in person, so I haven't mentioned Mark or John here at all in the last ten days.

Basically, I dated Mark for almost two weeks, and it went well. He watched the Pens games with me, and was there when we won. He gave me the most amazing surprise on Tuesday night when he brought me to a Jack's Mannequin concert--needless to say, I was completely shocked and excited and it was a fantastic show and Brian is jealous that I saw it before him without even trying. :D

But, after the concert, when I kissed Mark 'thank you', it felt all wrong. Like, 'I-am-NOT-supposed-to-be-kissing-you' kind of wrong. I tried to shrug it off and not let it ruin the evening, because I had a spectacular time, truly. It was such a thoughtful gesture.

So, John returned on Wednesday, and after my first day of work, I went by his house to welcome him back and he had brought me a bouquet of yellow flowers ("to brighten the place up now that Betsy left") and a red rose (Beauty and the Beast and all that jazz). It was so sweet, and it made what I had to say even more difficult. But, I broke the news and he took it well enough--he seemed to understand at least. I made sure he knew he did everything right, and that I wasn't really going to choose either of them--I realized that neither of them are right for me (as I feared when this all started). What I didn't expect however, was the scale of his feelings--he took me by surprise when he told me he's "never felt this way about anyone". And yes, that includes his ex-girlfriend of nearly 6 years. WOW. It was far more emotional than I expected.

But we parted on okay terms, and agreed that I would still meet his friends from home, who came in last night from New Jersey.

But, there was still the case of Mark to wrap up. I asked Mark to pick me up from work yesterday, and I told him that we shouldn't see each other romantically anymore, and he's been wonderful and it has nothing to do with anything he could control. He was "shocked", but took the blow stoically enough--at first. He asked me if it was because he moved too fast (yes and no--he was just in a 5-year long relationship and we're at different stages; it's something neither of us could control), and I assured him that there was no one else. We said goodbye and although he got emotional as well, we had a parting joke, so I'm not too worried that--after a while--we might be friends.

I spent the evening calling people and filling them in--I've left a lot out here for the sake of my own sanity, so call if you need more details--and around 10 PM, I called John and asked when I should go over (his friends were set to arrive at 1 AM). No answer. Okay, fine--I waited until 10:40, and called again. Nothing. Then 11. Nothing.

Then he called me back, and had clearly been pretty upset all day--he was sniffling on the phone. He informed me that he'd just gotten off the phone with his ex--he'd called so he could apologize, because 'now he knows how she feels'. (Twist the freaking knife, please. I alreday feel like shit for hurting you.)

He also told me that all of his female friends don't understand how I could turn down such a great guy, blah blah, etc, and he told me he ended up defending me. I told him he didn't have to defend me, and that I know exactly where his friends are coming from, but he insisted that I did nothing wrong. (Which I didn't.) Basically, that led to him telling me that Cara, the girl he's staying with right now and one of his best friends, doesn't want me in her house because I hurt John. It's not really her concern, but I understood, so I let that be, and offered my own apartment if he still wanted his friends to meet me. What it came down to, is that I agreed to wait up and he would text if he wanted to bring them over.

I accidentally fell asleep a little after midnight, and awoke at 3:30 AM, mad at myself for falling asleep in my clothes, annoyed at my stinging eyes (I'd left my contacts in), and feeling dirty and uncomfortable. I also had a text from John, explaining (as I'd expected) that the "consensus" was, he shouldn't see "the infatuee" (AKA, me) so soon, and I may not meet his friends at all this weekend. I do completely understand this, but it's all so freaking DRAMATIC!  I'm 2-for-2 in making boys cry this week, and that doubles my quotient from over the last five years!

What I don't understand is--and I am not trying to devalue or disqualify either boy's feelings--how did those feelings develop so quickly?! After all, Mark and I dated for just under two weeks, and he wanted to take me home to his parents, and John and I dated not at all (although I appreciate the bonding time we spent together)! How am I supposed to deal with all of these strong feelings--good and bad? How can I be responsible for something I can't control?

I suppose the answer is that I can't be.

And because this is my blog and I have to write down one small, selfish thing: I hurt two people, and I'm still alone. That really, really sucks.

Okay, that's enough.

I'll talk to you all soon, I hope--work is seriously cutting into my internet time. :P

Love,

-A.

The Exception to the Rule.

Before I dive in to the point of my title, Ben came to visit yesterday and stayed the night. I owe a lot to Ben for his (baldly honest) insight into my personality. It's always a pleasure to hang out with him and especially to confide in him, because when we move past the snark and the disagreements and psychoanalysis and I just need a hug, he's always there for me 100%, on my terms. (Mostly. :P) It means a lot. Thank you, Ben. :)

(Also, did I not say Gossip Girl is amazing? Told you! :P)

I got a message from Marla today, requesting that I remove from Facebook the photos Betsy took of me in the corset Marla made. Apparently, asking me to remove them has everything to do with her wanting to preserve the artistic integrity of her "creative content" (the corset--as opposed to the images, which are rightfully Betsy's), and nothing to do with the fact that she probably sent me those nasty Honesty Box messages. (After all, I had those photos up for two weeks and she didn't say a word until my second response to the HB messages.) I'm not certain, but then again, I don't know anyone else who uses the word "rather" on a daily basis. I removed the photos, obviously. No need to start a fight. But, I did add in my return message that I hate how things have ended up between us.

Betsy and I had a girl's day, starting with shopping and culminating in eating candy and watching "He's Just Not That Into You", which I enjoyed far, far more than I expected. Now, I don't want to spoil a thing, BUT, there's a particular emphasis on the Rules of dating and the Exceptions. Like, the guy will call if he wants to be with you is a Rule. Or, he finally calls after a month and you end up happily ever after? Exception.

As I've said before, I've absolutely had my moments with boys where I over-analyze and mistake his intentions or feelings. Some not so serious, some heart-breaking. We all do it. We've all been on the other side as well. I've been more present to it in the last two weeks than I have in a while.

To be fair, it is a romantic comedy, and there were happy endings. BUT, people end up single. I was impressed at the honesty, despite the character exaggerations. The happy endings were wonderful and totally made me cry. They weren't altogether shocking, but just enough of a romantic twist to make me literally cry out with something like joy at the TV. :) It's one of my favorite things about romantic comedies, and also one of my least favorite.

We all want to be the Exception to the Rule, on some level. But, I think, what I want more than the thrill and drama of being The One to Change Him, is to be...happy. I would love that grand romantic gesture after all the struggle, but I'd prefer to work through the struggle from the start. It's like a song you might know: "I'd rather be working for a paycheck then waiting to win the lottery." I want romance and wonder and that thrill in my gut when He Finally Gets It. But why would I wait for a man that doesn't want me from the start? It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

All of that aside, after watching a movie like that, I'm just ready to be in love. :P Because I am a girl who loves seeing joy.

Love you all!

-A.

P.S. Let's Go Pens! We've got a big game ahead of us!

Up-Date.

I'm sure the suspense has been building. :P (Does anyone even read this still?)

My date was very, very good.

He picked me up 5:15 sharp, as he said he would, and complimented my outfit as any girl would expect (and I did look pretty cute :P) and we drove out to Fells Point (bonus points to him, as Weezer was playing in the car when I got in). The conversation never lagged, and he was just as active in asking me about my family and likes and dislikes and complimenting me about my ability to tell a story well. We got to the restaurant and were talking so easily and so much that we had to send the waitress back twice before we had our orders ready!

The dinner conversation was...unorthodox. He brought up his ex (holy shit, 5 year relationship--apparently she dumped him in August) asked me about mine, and we traded stories. This is usually a sort of taboo, but, being me (AKA ravenous for information) and finding his honesty charming, I was okay with it. He also pointed out, to my delight, that his first kiss was when he was a senior in high school (he went to an all-boys school, so, not much opportunity) and he described himself as a 'slow-mover'. And, what else would a date be without an in-depth discussion of our religious viewpoints! :P

Mark is Catholic, born and bred, and it shows. But, unlike a lot of Catholics, he understands that it's not just attending every Sabbath and Holy Day or doing CCD or washing your hands this many times before you eat, it's about your faith. He started to make some complaint, and I got a little nervous, but he only meant to observe that his experience in the Catholic Church was lacking as far as NOT GOING DEEPLY ENOUGH. He wants to investigate MORE. It was so cool. He really seemed to get what I was saying, and could joke with me as well as answer honestly. We had a few good discussions (NOT debates at all), and he was quick to validate my viewpoints that maybe he hadn't considered before.

So, after dinner. we walked around Fells Point as it started to drizzle, and we talked a bit about how out-of-the-blue his invitation was. I kind of busted him on noticing my booby-corset-profile photo that is currently on Facebook, and I guessed that was one of the reasons he chose me. He conceded to that fact cutely and was a great sport ("It caught my eye...you are very attractive."). And he earned major points by saying that even though the photo was what drew him in, he noticed that I was a Christian (GOD ANSWER--typo and it stays :P), and that made the decision for him. He then offered a ride on the water taxi, but the rain looked like it was going to really come down, so he asked if I wanted to see a movie instead! I agreed, and we drove back to my place to check the times.

I showed him Betsy's website, and he was impressed (as well as complimentary, which made Betsy fall in love without even meeting him), and we headed out to catch the 9:20 showing of Angels and Demons. We showed up WAYYYY early and caught the end of Night at the Museum 2 (eh, looked okay) and then killed some more time at Barnes and Noble until our movie started. The movie was actually a lot of fun, in that hit-you-over-the-head-with-mystery kind of way. Ewan MacGregor is a foxy priest (bad, Alyssa, bad!), and there were some gasp-worthy moments. :)

However, down side, the theater was FREEZING. I had worn a dress to dinner, and thankfully had the presence of mind to change into jeans at my apartment, but my thin cardigan wasn't doing the job. I was shivering, and he noticed, so he ASKED if he could put his arm around me. :D Of course, I let him. (He also asked all night if it was okay that he was paying for me--apparently his ex hated when he did. WHAT.)

As we left the movie theater, he rested his arm around my shoulder to guide me though the door, and I sort of grazed his waist to show that I noticed. :P I went to put my arm through his, and he straightened his arm, obviously expecting me to hold his hand, and there was about .8 seconds or "Wait, what?", but I did it his way and slipped my hand into his. It had started to rain, making my chill all the worse! But I was having too nice of a time to let it get to me. We got back to my place around midnight (7 hour date!) and he walked me to my door...

And hugged me.

He cited our 'slow-mover' dispositions (more his than mine, I'll admit, but its good for me) and we made plans to watch tonight Penguins' game together. :) I admit, a kiss wouldn't have gone amiss, BUT, waiting for the right moment is even better--besides, I think I've been a little bit of a kissing-slut (as my mom would call it) lately, and slowing things down may be just what I need.

So, he'll be over tonight to watch the game, and probably make fun of me for my, um, enthusiasm, let's say. :P It should be good. :) I spent part of this morning tidying up the bathroom and kitchen for when he arrives, although I still have a ton to do. :/ But it's worth it!

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, and it's working, for the most part (first time ever. :P). Wish me luck!

(And GOOOOO PENS!)

Love!

-A.

Sad, potentially lovely song. Too bad the performer has a terrible voice.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me,
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break,
I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it’s real,
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees,
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

Happy 20th to me!

I am no longer a teenager, and I welcomed midnight while singing a really good Jack's Mannequin song. All good. :)

I kind of enjoy busting the freshmens' asses.

A huge batch of disciplinary letters just got logged in to the mail for the freshmen too dumb to hide their partying, and I really enjoy when one of them comes along so I can smile smugly at them. Is that cruel? They're all incredibly spoiled and ridiculous.

This is an actual conversation my friend had with one of them:

Dumb Freshman Girl: Excuse me, can you smell this milk for me?
Tiff: Sorry?
DFG: I just need to know if it's bad.
T: Did you check the expiration date?
DFG: Yeah, it's not expired yet. I didn't refrigerate it, and it smells weird.
T: You DIDN'T refrigerate it?
DFG: I didn't know you were supposed to.
T: ...
DFG: My mom does all the grocery shopping.
T: You've never helped her put away the groceries?
DFG: That's what our maid is for.

SRSLY.

ETA: OKAY. A girl just asked me if I knew why her mail key wasn't working. Why, yes, I'm well-acquainted with the inner mechanical workings of these 15-year-old mailbox locks. *eyeroll*

It's a little gross. Or a LOT gross.

So, yeah, I'm very stern with them. I do my best to be intimidating, actually. I'm scary. :P

But you all guys know me better than that. ;)

Anyway, I realize I haven't explained two situations: my roommates and Lacie.

Me, my roommates, and our two male fixtures: Let's see if you can follow this--

My best friend at MICA is Robin, who liked Betsy, but Betsy likes Ryan who's hooking up with Jen who's still interested in her ex-boyfriend Dylan (who is from Squirrel Hill, by the way). AND Betsy is still mourning her recent ex, who ended their 5-year relationship in June.

Sheesh.

Betsy just started talking to her ex again, and it has been the cause of several loud fights with her mom over the phone that ring clearly through the narrow hallway of our apartment.

So, on to Lacie: She defriended me a week ago for absolutely no good reason. She defriended me because I deigned to still like Abby M., Brian's pre-and-post-Lacie flame. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Then she shaved her head and deleted her Facebook entirely. Yup. It happened.

It just started raining, and my first listen to Jack's Mannequin's new album, The Glass Passenger is winding down. It's a good album. :)

Also, to whoever watched Gossip Girl last night--WHAT. Also, Lacie reminds me far too much of Queen!Serena to be entirely comfortable.

It just reminds me how good you all are to me, and how blessed I am to have you.

Muah!

-Alyssa

Prepare your ears...

For the feast of a lifetime:

http://www.purevolume.com/DreaChamberlain




...


Okay, it's not THAT bad, her tone is just iffy at times, and the lyrics could NOT be MORE cliched. And the mixing is just dreadful.

It has potential. With a LOT more editing and some voice lessons. And maybe a good songwriter.

Any song that says "All the colors of the rainbow is you" has GOT to be erased from all records. First of all, bad grammar. Second of all, ew.

I'm such a bitch. :)

ETA: The aforementioned lyrics are to a worship song. I just realized this, at the end of the song. She started saying "Lord" all of a sudden. I mean, I'm a Christian, a pretty devout one. I don't claim to know much about what God thinks, but I'm pretty sure he would hate this song.

Aw, I'm mean.