Family Update!

My Mom got married! Woooo! :D

She and her fiance made a last-minute decision to just go ahead and get married already, and planned a small ceremony in just 9 days! It went over really well, and we're all really pleased to be moving ahead!

There was an after-party hosted by one of Mom's close friends, which was lovely (and tasty!), although I was a little frustrated to get made fun of by my Mom, sister and brother for legally having a beer (they basically treated it like a big joke, or like it was surreal, since I'm such a goodie-two-shoes, I guess).

Yet, it's not weird for teenage Lauren to have a cigarette with Mom four minutes later? Also they've both been shooting tequila since age 13? Just struck me as odd.

Despite the awesome occasion of the marriage, other family drama has arisen:

My family (I'm referring to my immediate family, but I guess this applies to the aunts and uncles, etc. as well) has an tendency to be all talk--myself included. Thanks to rampant family drama (owing partially to my engagement, but more to prior family issues), we've all been in this knot of passive-aggression for--in some cases--years. It's a mess. Everyone has done something to hurt someone else (my mom is usually the one getting offended, I find), but no one will talk about it, and just lets it fester into an open sore of tension and bitterness.

In this case, my aunt said something nasty about my Mom to my sister, who chose to tell Mom about it instead of saying something directly to my aunt. Then, in turn, Mom is hurt and upset, but refuses to directly address my aunt, etc. This is riding on the heels on some other comments of my aunt's...

When I hear what has been said, I suspect that my aunt's venom has to do with her disagreement of how Mom reacted to my engagement to John. My aunt was the first to hear--direct from Mom--how she felt about the situation, and was the one who sort of warned the rest of Mom's siblings about Mom's attitude, in the hopes that I would receive some support from family if I wasn't getting it at home. My aunt expressed to me a few times her disagreement, and definitely said things she shouldn't have--although I wasn't going to be the one to upset Mom with them for no reason. Unfortunately, she chose to say something rude about Mom's reaction in front of KJ, and KJ--being a loyal son--went directly to Mom as well.

So, I felt responsible for my engagement (and Mom's reaction) inciting my aunt's feelings and comments, so I took it upon myself to me direct and cut to the heart of the matter. I sent a message to my aunt, making it clear that I understood communicating her disagreement with Mom's style, but badmouthing her repeatedly was a wrong move, and that I hoped she would make it right. Mom didn't know I sent the message.

This was two weeks ago. I mentioned the message to Mom this morning, as Mom brought up the situation in general. Mom thought I should have asked Lauren first if it was okay to contact my aunt (wtf?), but was grateful that I took the steps to defend her. (You mean, took the steps to be direct for the first time in our family?)

As fate would have it, I received a reply a few hours later--and apparently Mom got a voicemail. My aunt was "irate"--Mom's words--and apparently had no idea what I was talking about. I replied back, apologizing if I came off as rude and outlined the facts I had that made me send the message in the first place. I told her if I got it wrong to please correct me, but I get the feeling she was surprised I defended Mom at all, since Mom is not supportive of my engagement and my aunt is.

We'll see. I AM sorry if I came off as rude, but I'm not sorry for calling someone out on a nasty comment about my mom. Just saying. Honestly, it should've been addressed as soon as it came out of my aunt's mouth. I guess that's what I get for making the effort to diffuse the situation.

Friday the 13th--as unlucky a day as it ever was. :P

-A.

Three weeks later...

Things have settled. As soon as John went back to New Jersey all hell broke lose. Mom was FURIOUS--and still is, for the most part. Thankfully, things are slowly moving back from screaming fights to heated discussions to relatively normal day-to-day life.

I won't detail the arguments here--it's not necessary--but I will say that having repeated circular talks about something that won't happen for two years doesn't help a thing. Hopefully we can all move forward together as time goes on.

In other news, stuff with X and John has been patched up, and I spoke to Lacie last night for the first time in a while. Well, I actually saw her a month ago, which I never actually detailed here! Odd. Long story short: Me, Brian, and our friends Chris and JJ went mini-golfing, and Lacie was there with her longtime ex (and Brian, Chris, and JJs friend) Matt. It was a little bit of a "Busted!" moment, because Matt has largely spoken ill of Lacie since they broke up for good. It was awkward for everyone (after all, Brian and I are 'exes' of Lacie's, too), but we were all friendly.

I've been home alone for the last day--Mom and Robert are in Maryland/DC for a job interview (keeping my fingers crossed!) and KJ is at Dad's. Lauren moved back to OU and is settling into her new house, which is awesome.

I got a job at an upscale boutique in town--I'm pretty excited. I get to sell rich ladies expensive clothes. And we're encouraged not to lie, so I get to tell them if they look fat! Pretty psyched. Also waiting to hear from The Clay Cafe--one of those paint-your-own pottery places. They said they're losing two people by the end of this month. Hopefully my art school cred will get me in!

Wish me luck! I'll definitely need two jobs this summer, but if they're two jobs I like, I'm totally okay with that! I don't need to revisit the summer after freshman year. *shudder*

Love,

A.

Feeling Empowered.

It's a good thing. :D

Bethany Beach!

Most of you know I spent Friday-Monday at Bethany Beach in Delaware with John's family (after my minor-to-moderate eff-up of missing the Thursday night bus)--I had a marvelous time.

I met his whole maternal side--the Orsinis (Mrs. J's brother Rick, his wife Karen and their four young'uns: Ricky, twins Cassie and Brianna, and baby Nicky), the Cunninghams (Mrs. J's younger sister Nancy, her husband Ken, and 16-year-old twins Tom and Matt), and the Schmermunds (Mrs. J's older sister Janet, her husband Bob, son Richie and his fiancée Mandee (both 20) and daughter Kat (24) and her cute boyfriend Doug. [Bobby (22) is their brother, but he didn't come.]). BAM. All from memory.

Anyway, my first evening was easy, because we had crabs that night for dinner, and it's hard to be self-conscious while eating crabs. :P

Mandee and Richie arrived that night, and since the two of them are so close in age to John and I, we ended up bonding over the next few days--the next day at the beach was PERFECT weather. Sunny but not too hot, and the water was SO WARM. IT was wonderful, except that John is a killjoy who refuses to swim. Jerk. But we DID have a nice beach walk and talked some stuff out, which reinforced to me that I am not crazy, and when I mean something I'm usually saying it truthfully and accurately. I admit, I was a little vindicated after that conversation--it made me realize that it was more misunderstanding and none of the inadvertent leading-on-of-John it was made out to be.

I only suffered a tiny bit of sunburn on my back (even though I was wearing an SPF 50 sunscreen made for babies! Or "Baby 50" as we dubbed it during the trip). That'll teach me to try and sunscreen my back by myself. Ooops.

That night was the PIRATE MURDER-MYSTERY PARTY. It was so much fun and everyone got into it (save the Orsinis, who left that afternoon)--I was Alice Tremain, "shrewd and intelligent" first mate to 'Saucy' Nancy Martin (John's Aunt Nancy). It was a total blast, and I had a sexy costume and made some pretty amazing costumes for OTHERS on the fly. Even though I wasn't the MOST successful in the game (although there is no clear 'winner'), I had a lot of fun and it made me a lot more comfortable to talk to people I didn't really know (after all, you HAVE to be friends after plotting someone's death/fighting a duel/bargaining for a governor's pardon, right?).

The next day John and I stayed in--I read while he napped, and we went into town in the evening and bought him some sunglasses (I picked them out and he looks fabulous) and books, and a touristy t-shirt for me. :P

We had a big spaghetti dinner that evening, and after the grownups went to bed, Kat, Richie, Mandee, John, Anthony (John's younger brother), and I had a board game fest. We split into two teams (I was with Mandee and Richie) and we played Pictionary, Taboo, and Smart Mouth--it was a lot of laughs and a lot of fun ('TooT", "Dance Dance ___?" "In your Pants-Pants!"). :D

We made it to the beach the next morning and saw a pod of dolphins swimming close to shore. :) John and I shared my towel and read our books while Richie and Mandee played backgammon and Anthony watched. It was just really pleasant and relaxed. Mandee and I bonded about the recent engagement and upcoming wedding (Wooooo!) and over Gossip Girl, but disagree on hockey (boo, Caps!). And Richie attends the Naval Academy and is fun and funny and they're adorable and I'm going to stop gushing now before the cuteness starts coming out of my ears.

Although, I DID get the third degree from John's mom a bit. If you've been following mine and John's tumultuous history (:P), you know that I opened up the lines of communication with him mom when I went to NJ to see Harry Potter. I did this so I could erase the stigma of the flaky impression I'd given her based on my tentativeness towards John. But I was pretty stunned when she basically cornered me Monday morning: "How are you and John? I know you're staying just friends..."

It started out innocently enough; I apologized for the confusion--I hate looking flaky and lame. She was surprisingly abrupt. "I guess I was just wondering--why did you even come here? Did you just come to tell him you didn't want to be with him?"

"Uh, no, of course not. Honestly, I came because I selfishly wanted to meet and be accepted by your family. You're all wonderful."

"Why have you been bringing up Christine so much?" (As you may remember, Christine is John's ex who is pretty obsessed with the idea of getting back together, and is none-too-thrilled about the fact that I was invited to Bethany this year after only three months of a friendship, while she was only invited after four years of a relationship. Ooops.)

"Because it's funny." (Seriously! She kept calling!)

And out of NOWHERE, it gets personal: "What about you and Robin? You guys dated but you're still close." I'm not sure what she meant by this--maybe she thinks I'm still holding on to Robin how Christine is holding on to John? Which is NOT the case in the LEAST. Let's make that clear.

"He's my best friend. Yeah, we dated, but that was 1/5 of our time together. We're BEST FRIENDS."

"It just seems to me like you're waiting on someone else. Waiting to text or call someone else."

Now, I told John about Hector--writer of Ink and my current interest--during our beach walk, but he didn't mention that part to his mom. She's good.

"You're good. Yes, there is someone, but I'm not trying to make John hold out for me until it works out/doesn't work out with this other boy." Obviously.

"I'm not trying to be the interfering mom here, but he is my son. But if you guys are cool, I'm cool."

I did understand that, and I was too put-on-the-spot to really process, but later, talking to Jen, I realized that it was an overstep on her part. John and I are both adults. And we are, indeed, 'cool'. So, if a conversation like that happens again (which I doubt it will), I maaay have to be a little more firm.

But overall, the trip was excellent, and it was a great chance for me to meet and get to know new people and get closer to John and his family. :)

For those of you that never saw me in Ink, here's a link to the whole short film--it's about 20 minutes. Enjoy! :D

I'll update when something fun happens--only two weeks left until classes start! Both awesome and nerve-wracking.

Love,

-A.

P.S. I WANT:

For those of you who were wondering why I changed the URL...

Marla knows. The secret somehow got to a friend of Marla's--a MICA girl--via my blog. This is a mystery I don't quite understand, because the girl would've had to get it from our mutual work computer at MICA, and it's been two weeks since we left MD, meaning this girl either A) magically acquired the URL on her own on Thursday or B) has been reading it for awhile since Fall semester and decided to wait it out instead of tell Marla right away. Either way: shady. Marla is in NYC with this girl right now, and she told Marla on Thursday.

So, she's furious, naturally. Hurt, upset, and insulted.

I am deeply sorry that I hurt her, of course. That was the LAST thing we wanted, obviously, because we kept it on the DL. I get the feeling that Marla thinks we were laughing at her behind her back somehow--like, "Oh, look how dumb she is, haha", which was NOT the case, as you all know. Our only concern was about her feelings, because we knew that, for some reason, she was very not okay with the idea of us getting together in ANY way. Robin said she was almost more mad that it was me he got together with than the fact that we lied. (ETA: Upon their second conversation, Robin says that she seemed more upset about the lying, which is a relief, in the sense that she's being rational and not just passionate.)

I'm conflicted. I mean, of course I'm horrified that I hurt her. I never intended it to go this way, and we probably shouldn't have lied. That was where we were wrong--the lying.

But truthfully, after Marla was the one who initiated the break-up talk, and now that's it's been over 6 months and she's been dating other people--well, it's not her place to tell us whether or not we can see each other, and it's not her place to be mad that we got together. It's not like I helped Robin cheat, it's not like he dumped her for me, and it's not like this was a weird rebound thing a week after they broke up. But of course, I can't say this.

Yes, I knew Marla would be mad. She'd made me aware of how she would feel if it were to happen. Maybe I should have been more loyal, I don't know. But what I do know is that I don't regret a second of the time I spent with Robin. This drama may be undesirable, but it is worth it ten times over. I care about him a lot, and I don't think either of us are sorry for the closeness we've shared.

Of course, Marla would punch us in the soul if she heard that, so we're downplaying it to "we just kissed from time-to-time" status. Maybe we should just come out and say it, but at this point, we're salvaging the friendship as best we can.

So, disloyal friend and dirty mistress I remain until further notice. :P

Love,

-A.

P.S. I'll try and update about New Year's in the next day or so. :)

Well, I'm glad I checked this AFTER Christmas. :/

I got a C+ in Illustration Concepts. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

Seriously, the grade I was worried about was 19th Century French Art, and at least she handed me a B- (I probably deserved a B, but I'll live). But a C+ from Jose? I was actually stunned when I saw that. I mean, I'm not breathing into a paper bag or anything, but come on! That was the last thing I expected. On the last day of class, I passed Jose on the way out and he was like "Oh, great work!" WTF?

SRSLY. WTF. The last C+ I got was in a class I despised above all others with a teacher who despised me right back. I was just happy to get through the class! But this is an actual shock to me. I'm really disappointed.

I still have my scholarship, blahblah, so I guess it's not the end of the world, but I'm still mad and I am definitely not looking forward to telling my parents. Ug.

I definitely know I wasn't as devoted to my schoolwork as I could have been this semester, but I was more stressed than ever with all of the preparation for studying abroad, etc. Not to mention the constant drama in my apartment, and my social calendar dwindling down to one person 97% of the time. You know who you are. ;P I had a lovely semester, I really did. I just hope this wasn't the fee I had to pay for it.

Christmas went just fine! I got money, some books about Florence, Beedle the Bard, travel accoutrements, two thongs in my stocking (from my MOTHER, sheesh. Right, Em?), these shimmery purple dark chocolate M&Ms, and a REALLY SOFT brown blanket. And of course, I got to see Ab-Fab, which was wonderful! :)

Hope you all had a good haul yourselves!

Christmas Eve!

Happy Christmas Eve!

I must say, the events of this Christmas Eve have been, well, eventful!

Let me first describe how the day usually goes:

-We go to my Mom's parents' place in the early afternoon for an antipasto lunch.
-We grandchildren open gifts by order of age (youngest to oldest). Each aunt and uncle draws a name to buy for early in the season.
-The aunts and uncles guess how much change is in the jar shaped like a toy soldier.
-We go to church.
-We come back to Mimi and Pappy's and have dinner.
-The change is counted and the winning couple gets the cash.
-We watch TV then go home.

The day started off normally enough, up until my turn in the youngest-to-oldest lineup. "Alyssa's turn!" A few moments of glances and shuffling. "Who had Alyssa?" More glances and shuffling. Awkward silence. Then cheerful chatter. "Oh, here you go! Open the one from Pappy and I! Okay, Brooke again!"

Needless to say, I was pretty mortified that I had been forgotten about, but I think I acted pretty gracefully in the face of that. On my next turn, a card appeared with $200 dollars inside, hastily collected while the younger kids had their second turn. But it was money, and I wasn't about to turn it down. Later on, we figured out that my Aunt Betsy and Uncle Pete (coincidentally the only couple NOT at the festivities) were the ones who had drawn my name, but had mistakenly gifted KJ.

Then everyone placed their bets on the change jar, and the kids all got in on it this year--but only for fun,the adults get the money. I was the last one to bet, and I bet low--$79.67.

So, we went to church, where I saw Tony (who looks good) and JonDel (who looks fat), and made fun of Geoff's sermon that somehow equates a Facebook wall with the Gospel. *facepalm*

But, either way, I know what the day is really about, and I felt filled with the glory of God despite his stupid sermon. :)

So, we got back to Mimi and Pappy's and ate some tasty, tasty dinner, and Lauren and my cousins Will and Evan counted the change.

The total came to $79.52. I was thrilled, but Mom snottily reminded me that even though my guess was closest, I wasn't eligible to win the money. Well, boo. (My Aunt Katie and Uncle Tripp insisted that I get the money, but to no avail.)

As it turns out, Betsy and Pete were the couple to win. So, Mimi called them at their home in Bethesda, Maryland and told them they won, then handed the phone over to Pappy, who told them that I guessed within 15 cents. When he got off the phone, he announced to the room all officially and adorably that Betsy and Pete "bequeathed" the $79.52 to me. :)

So, boo yah.

And how appropriate was that? :P

Oh, God, you and your sense of humor. :D

Also, we revealed KJ's drum set to him tonight! Or rather, Lauren completely ruined the surprise by letting KJ walk home from church alone! Jerk. :P But he loves it, and that's what matters. :D

I'm home now, and I just got a text message from Robin that he's about to go swimming. On Christmas Eve. In Buffalo, NY. SRSLY.

Jealous. ;)

Anyway, I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! Love you all very much, and I'm so blessed to know all of you!

Muah.

-A

Copy/Paste

So, I went to Barnes and Noble about ten days ago with Robin, Sam, and Jessie. There was a cute guy who works there and we were checking each other out, but we left before I got a chance to catch him to get his number. SO, I went out on a limb and put out a 'Missed Connection' on Craigslist. Lo and Behold, ten days later--he e-mails me! He thought I was cute and remembered that I was wearing all black. So, we're getting coffee this weekend. I know, I know what you're all thinking.

BUT, it's just one date and, after a Facebook check, I'm not sure there'll be a second date. Besides, I leave in six weeks. :P

I came home from Robin's last night to a screaming fight between Jen and Betsy over Ryan. Betsy has had Ryan over (as friends) the past few days because they were helping each other with some art projects. Ryan agreed to model for some photos for Betsy, and Jen was FURIOUS to return home to find a shirtless Ryan getting crayon wax getting dripped on his face for a photo. So, she acted huffy for a little while, went to class, then came home and decided to tell Betsy to stop being friends with Ryan and to stop having him over. Generally being bitter and immature and overreactive BIG TIME. I just went into my room and LET IT GO. They tried to involve me at one point and I was like: "UM, NO. I'm not part of this." I just wanted to shout, "JEN. ARE YOU GOING TO BE MAD ABOUT DYLAN OR ABOUT RYAN. YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH. YOU CAN'T HAVE ALL THE LOVE AND ALL THE ANGER."

It was silly. But they both apologized once it wound down.

I stepped on my headphones yesterday. I'm very, very glad that Lauren is getting my new ones for my birthday. :)

How are all of you? Only a few more days 'til I get to see you! Love you. xoxo

-Alyssa

"O, say can you see?"

First of all: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AB-FAB! Hope it's amazing. Be safe. :)

(I originally wrote 'Be sage'. So, yeah, get on that, too.)

I got my passport today! It's kind of amazing, because they said it would take three weeks, and it's only been a little over a week. :) Maybe because I'm so close to DC.

My picture is fairly dreadful (the whites of my eyes blend into my skin), but it made me feel this weird surge of patriotism to receive the passport. Sort of an odd reaction--feeling patriotic when you receive a document that allows you passage OUT of your home country. :P

My visa application goes next, and the quick receipt of my passport is a lovely relief--the visa is supposed to take FOREVS. Em, any insight?

The passport's quick delivery is just another nice reminder that God is looking out for me. :)

The rest of today will be spent eating, thrift-shopping for my Halloween costume (I'm copying one of my Mom's ideas and being a Marionette), then curling up at home and rereading the rest of Watchmen. Did you ever finish that, Ab?

What are all of you doing for Halloween? Costumes, parties, pumpkin-carving?

It's so gray and rainy here--it was surprising humid this morning, but it's cooled down a bit since then. Strong winds, too. I want to hear some thunder and see some lightning! (But only after I get home and curl up--my living room has four windows with an awesome view of the sky.)

In other news, the drama has settled between my roommates, but unfortunately for Ryan, he suffered a very, VERY painful--erm--personal injury and has been out-of-commission for a couple of days, knocked out on painkillers. (Rotated testicle. WTF.) He's doing better, but is, naturally, a little embarrassed. Poor guy.

ANYWAY. Not much else to report, but I hope you're all staying warm and happy and healthy. :)

Love you!

-Alyssa

HOW much drama is going down in my apartment?

THIS much drama is going down in my apartment:

Last night, me, Jen, Betsy, and Ryan had a little campfire cookout in Ryan's backyard. It started out okay, until Jen got upset because she was thinking that something was going on with Betsy and Ryan, so she went to leave. (She and Ryan are no longer together, but she's still totally into him.) Ryan followed her and managed to convince her to come back.

While he was out with Jen, Betsy and I talked about the situation. Betsy insisted there was nothing going on, but I pressed her a little bit: "Do you like Ryan?" And she was evasive for a few minutes. "Do you like Ryan? Straight up, it's okay if you do." "Yeah, I do." "Okay."

Then, Jen and Betsy went and talked, and Ryan and I talked. He also rejected the claim that there was soomething going on, and I pressed, and he rejected. We talked some more and it was fine--he seemed to be thinking the same things I was, and I finally said things were going to be complicated because Betsy, in fact, likes him.

Him: "Seriously? She actually does?"

Me: "UM. DUH."

Him: "Yeah, that's complicated."

So, Betsy and Jen re-emerged, and we walked to the playground. Immediately, Jen came to me and said that Betsy was about to admit her feelings and talk things out with Ryan. Me: "WTF?"

So, I pretended I had to pee and we walked back to Ryan's apartment, and poor Jen burst into tears and said she didn't want to be the girl that kept them apart out of her own bitterness and jealousy. I had a couple flashbacks to the times when Lacie would start dating a guy I liked, then say "I won't go out with him if you don't want me to." Which made me the bad guy.

I felt deeply for Jen at that moment. Betsy and Ryan didn't come back, so we went home. Jen knew there was something up, and my own suspicions were growing. I was actually getting kind of annoyed that I hadn't seen it before. I left Jen at the apartment and called Robin, and filled him in on the whole thing--he was blown away, of course, and we totally see eye-to-eye on it's ridiculousness.

I got back to the apartment, and I heard Betsy in Jen's room, confirming that she and Ryan are now together. (That was quick.) THEN I HEARD RYAN'S VOICE. And I was like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?" If I had been Jen, I never could've handled both of them together.

I finally went to bed, and got filled in this morning by Betsy (apparently Jen slept in Betsy's bed, how did she do that? I'd die.), and apparently Ryan has really serious feelings for Betsy. Like, has totally liked her for awhile. I died for Jen.

Later in the morning, Jen and I were in the living room and she started crying again. I went to sit with her and just hold her for a little while.

Then she said, "I made a huge mistake. I misjudged him and just thought he was a guy who didn't want a relationship. But he didn't want a relationship with ME. If I had dealt with this better, I would be the one with him." And then I thought of Chase and Alli, and I empathized so deeply with Jen that a few tears leaked out for her.

Then Betsy came in and SHE started crying, saying she was the reason everyone was miserable. So I immediately stopped crying, because it was too much. The atmosphere was no longer me feeling for Jen, but Jen and Betsy feeling for each other, so I removed myself emotionally.

I decided to go and talk with Ryan, and with Betsy's blessing, I met up with him at his house, and got his side of the story. He was incredibly gentlemanly and cool about it, and seemed grateful for my support. Oh, he's so cute. I admit, I'm a little bit jealous that he wasn't into me, after all the nice things he said, but it's okay. I can handle it with minimal issue. :P But I DID say "So, in like a month and a half, my turn, right? Just making your way around the apartment!" He luckily had a good sense of humor about it. :D

So, Ryan and Betsy are out together now, and Jen is venting to me, but she's being sensible, level-headed for the most part. I'm glad I can be here to comfort all three of them in different ways, but it's going to be very stressful for a few weeks.

I wish Robin here here! :(

Love you guys--think of me. :*

-Alyssa

ETA: Oh, bee-tee-dubs. Jen's ex Dylan is here to visit for a week now. :D She already has a rocky relationship with him. Sheesh.

Updates from/for everyone!

I know I just updated earlier, but everyone (minus Bri) updated today, and I wanted to, too. :)

Today I woke up at 12:30--I stayed up 'til almost 7 AM--and I applied for my passport. Very successfully, as it was super easy! The lady who helped me out was wonderful, and she called me "sweetie" a lot. :D

THEN, I picked up Twilight when I got home--I started reading it on Thursday. I enjoy it, but there are pockets of text where I'm like "Bella, SRSLY. Tone down the despair and drama. You don't even know him. And you talk as though you're a novel narrator and not a real girl."

I lounged and read for a couple hours, until about 5, when Ryan showed up, and he, Betsy, Jen and I went to see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. (Robin is home in Pittsburgh, and I miss him. :( ) It was really cute in places, surprisingly rough in others, and disarmingly honest overall. There's this part where Nick and Norah are lying together, and she's embarrassed, and he just tells her not to be because she's beautiful, and it's AMAZING how spot-on he was. It sounded too intimate, too real. I got shivers. YOU all know how guys sound when you're both being intimate and affectionate--it was like that.

SO, then the four of us went back to our apartments and got bundled up to walk to this Turkish restaurant for dinner. I met Ryan downstairs when I was done getting my coat on. I was wearing my pink patterned coat, pink silk scarf (thank you, Drea), and my beige wool cloche, and as soon as I stepped outside he was like,

"You look really beautiful."

Me: "THANK YOU!"

Him: "You look like something out of a movie."

It was very sweet.

So, we all walked to the restaurant, which was really cool, and we sat in this raised, enclosed booth, like a puppet show stage almost, complete with curtains, and there was a belly dancer and my food tasted like glue but it was okay because Ryan paid like a gentleman. :)

We got back to the apartment, and I read a little while the others situated their movie, and right before 12, I got up to leave, and Ryan held his arms out to hug. Naturally, I restrained myself from jumping him and his hotness and hugged him like a normal human being, then Jen asked for a hug, and then I hugged Betsy after for obvious reasons.

So, let's recap: Before the movie, he said I was lovely (he's called me that multiple times the last few days), and that I have cute moments all the time (I didn't mention that before), then I was 'really beautiful', the he hugs me. Interesting.

And HAWT.

:P

Anyway, I'm trying not to fall asleep now. Time to look at mindless stuff that will make me laugh. :)

Love you all, dearly.

Alyssa

I Dreamed A Dream (I originally typed "I dread")

'Dread' is a more accurate description of the dream I had last night. Or, well, today, actually, as I went to sleep at around 6:30 AM.

It was mostly about the guy I liked freshman year, Ian--he showed me a lot of notes and papers and journals he wrote, most of them concerning his current girlfriend, who he'd nicknamed "Singles" in the letters, which is an intensely Ian thing to do.

One paper was dated August 6, 2008 (it may've been 2007 though), and it said that 'Singles' had gotten pregnant, and they'd had an abortion. :( There was literally a frown face. Then it went on to address the child, saying that Ian would always love him or her, and I lost it in the dream--I put my arms around Ian's middle and sobbed, saying "I'm so sorry for your baby. I'm so sorry" over and over.

And then I woke up in the midst of dry sobs. I haven't awoken in actual sobs for almost four years.

The thing is, I'd heard that they'd aborted a baby. I'd heard it somewhere before, distinctly. I thought maybe Ian had said it. I had a slightly fuzzy image in my mind of Ian, sitting on Robin's couch and telling us that Eileen had gotten pregnant, but they'd had it aborted.

But I don't think that was real. I think I dreamed that too. Why am I dreaming about Ian's not-real aborted baby? Why more than once? And why August 6th?

Weird.

Also, more roommate drama has unfolded--Jen and Ryan have stopped hooking up because Jen is emotionally attached (that's what sex will do, moron), and now Betsy is flirting like hell and Jen is mega-jealous. Robin and I feel this would be best settled by me making out with Ryan and him making out with Jen. :P

Okay, love you guys. Hope you're all doing awesomely. :)

OKAY SERIOUSLY.

Chase just texted me. Just 'Hello'. It's 2 AM. This is real-time updating.

Him: Hello.
Me: Hi. (WTF?!)
Him: What are you up to?
Me: Working a grave. Can I help you?
Him: I got your letter.
Me: I figured.
Him: Yeah, it was severe.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt your feelings? (SERIOUSLY.)
Him: No, but it was clear enough.
Me: Did you have something to say in response?
Him: What can I say?
Me: Well, you obviously had something in mind or else you wouldn't be texting me.
Him: Not so. (SRSLY.)
Me: Then why did you text? Just to confirm that you got the letter?
Him: Just my respectful nature. (SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!)
Him: Yeah, it was quicker than a letter back that I know you wanted.
Me: Honestly, Chase, I wasn't counting on a response. I think I was concise. Did you find room for much argument?
Him: Tons.
Me: Oh, do tell. (Of course he wants the fucking last word.)
Him: Yeah, I shouldn't have said a few things and I'm sorry I did.


Okay, he called. This is great.

So he was wishy-washy at first, talking about my 'severe' letter, and calling it 'rude', but when I finally pinned him down to answer specifics, he backed down and said I was right and very fair in the letter. Surprise, surprise. We talked about my grieving process and his progress with Alli (which has basically been this: "I love you." "Oh, I'm not actually sure. I have a few other boyfriends right over there." "Okay, I'll wait patiently like that puppy dog I've always been." Apparently their short-term goal is to start dating. Rather, HIS short-term goal. And THAT is what he left me for.)

The whole conversation was a lot of talking in circles about my being hurt, and him sounding like he felt pretty guilty. I hope he does. He was careless and indelicate. I told him so. And he seemed to agree. He was taken aback, I think, by my willingness to wish him luck with Alli. Honestly, if he's willing to stand around and wait for her attention-whoring self, then they deserve each other. It's Paul Jeffe and Liz Hays all over again. Sheesh. Our call got cut off thanks to his shitty phone battery. I don't know if he intends to call me back tomorrow, but it doesn't make that much of a difference.

Weirdly enough, he texted as I started to read all the entries that he's tagged in here.

Honestly, I forgive Chase, but it stuns me that he's choosing this. Well, I guess if this is what he wants, I'm okay with letting him take it.

All right, that's enough of that. *dusts off hands*

Love you all, muah!

-Alyssa

Hey-Yo.

Just a little update about how I'm doing. As you know, I was a wreck Sunday night, and yesterday I was really, really pissed off.

Today, I'm more resolute. Still bummed, still mad, but I've accepted it, and I'm doing fine. My 24 hours are up and I'm moving on. I sent the letter I wrote. Well, letters. I sent one that was written on September 30th that I never got to send, and I enclosed the new letter, which went a little like this:

Dear Chase,

A few points I wanted to make before things ended for good--before I could say my peace:

Even if I'd been with you physically, your feelings for Alli would always have interfered. Maybe I wasn't a 'distraction', per se, but it probably helped that you met me while you were so angry with her, and I showed you what a stable, grounded girl looked like. I was a change you felt you needed.

You built me up. This breakup wouldn't have been such a blow if you hadn't. You said you loved me, you indicated that you wanted to have a future with me, to marry me. Maybe I was foolish to believe you, but you were careless to say it.

You should never have indicated anything as serious as love or marriage if you had even a shadow of a feeling like that for someone else. You were unfair to me for that, and you betrayed my trust. Whether we'd been together for a month or a year, that is a heartbreak.

I thought we were on the same page as far as our faith and our goals, but I guess your goals lay closer to home, where you can see them and grasp them.

Truly, if Alli is the girl who will make you happy, and most exemplifies what you want in a partner, it would be selfish of me to keep you from that, and foolish of you not to pursue it. but I hope you aren't pursuing her because the familiar opportunity has opened to you again. I hope you weren't only waiting all this time for her to give you the time of day again. Although, if that was even a portion of your reasoning, perhaps this breakup is for the best--for me, because I want someone in 100%, and for you because I would never have satisfied you completely while Alli was on your mind.

Long-distance relationships are very difficult, as we both knew going in. I'm sorry that it was more worth it to you to pursue a more immediate target than to work for something that, while less immediate, is more reliable.

Forgive me if I seem bitter, but one can hardly blame me--if all I have to go on is now cavalier Alli was with your feelings this summer, I find it hard to swallow that you're going back for more. Hopefully she's matured since then, and I have every hope that she'll treat you like the devoted (obviously), thoughtful, and eager man that is clamoring to love her that you are. If she doesn't, I suppose that just proves her immaturity and, I suppose, your own, shall we say, wishful thinking.

By the way, has she gotten over her ex-boyfriend yet?

I'm sorry, I didn't want to say anything cruel or petty. I guess I just don't want to let you go without confronting you with the scope of your decision. I really do want you to be happy. I'm just angry with you right now and I'm prone to saying mean things. I hope you can see past the anger I've left on the page to the sentiments within it. Although, I think I've been pretty measured and sensible in my delivery.

Good luck with everything, and never settle.

-Alyssa

P.S. You began to defend Alli to me during our phone call, saying she may not have done the things you thought she did initially. It was insensitive of you to try and justify your choice to me, or perhaps to yourself. You don't need to explain why you love her and not me.

So, yeah. I feel pretty good about that letter. Really good.

Also, talked to Joey V. last night, and apparently, BritNolf has a nudey pic of TK on her phone. EUGGGGGH.

Also, Drea Chamberlain thinks that sex is what makes a relationship official. Like, you're not dating at all until you do it.

WHAT. THE. EFF.

ANYWAY, I'm done with all that.

Love you guys, thanks for your support. I'm really fine, and I'm looking forward to meeting the real man I'm meant to have.

I kind of enjoy busting the freshmens' asses.

A huge batch of disciplinary letters just got logged in to the mail for the freshmen too dumb to hide their partying, and I really enjoy when one of them comes along so I can smile smugly at them. Is that cruel? They're all incredibly spoiled and ridiculous.

This is an actual conversation my friend had with one of them:

Dumb Freshman Girl: Excuse me, can you smell this milk for me?
Tiff: Sorry?
DFG: I just need to know if it's bad.
T: Did you check the expiration date?
DFG: Yeah, it's not expired yet. I didn't refrigerate it, and it smells weird.
T: You DIDN'T refrigerate it?
DFG: I didn't know you were supposed to.
T: ...
DFG: My mom does all the grocery shopping.
T: You've never helped her put away the groceries?
DFG: That's what our maid is for.

SRSLY.

ETA: OKAY. A girl just asked me if I knew why her mail key wasn't working. Why, yes, I'm well-acquainted with the inner mechanical workings of these 15-year-old mailbox locks. *eyeroll*

It's a little gross. Or a LOT gross.

So, yeah, I'm very stern with them. I do my best to be intimidating, actually. I'm scary. :P

But you all guys know me better than that. ;)

Anyway, I realize I haven't explained two situations: my roommates and Lacie.

Me, my roommates, and our two male fixtures: Let's see if you can follow this--

My best friend at MICA is Robin, who liked Betsy, but Betsy likes Ryan who's hooking up with Jen who's still interested in her ex-boyfriend Dylan (who is from Squirrel Hill, by the way). AND Betsy is still mourning her recent ex, who ended their 5-year relationship in June.

Sheesh.

Betsy just started talking to her ex again, and it has been the cause of several loud fights with her mom over the phone that ring clearly through the narrow hallway of our apartment.

So, on to Lacie: She defriended me a week ago for absolutely no good reason. She defriended me because I deigned to still like Abby M., Brian's pre-and-post-Lacie flame. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Then she shaved her head and deleted her Facebook entirely. Yup. It happened.

It just started raining, and my first listen to Jack's Mannequin's new album, The Glass Passenger is winding down. It's a good album. :)

Also, to whoever watched Gossip Girl last night--WHAT. Also, Lacie reminds me far too much of Queen!Serena to be entirely comfortable.

It just reminds me how good you all are to me, and how blessed I am to have you.

Muah!

-Alyssa

Unhealthy!

I am getting increasingly obsessed with reading the 'missed connections' page on Craigslist. You all know how much of a sap I am, after all. Sometimes the messages are like "U had blond hair adn u were soooo hott.", but sometimes they're like "You were wearing a blue dress and you took my breath away."

:)

I've looked through the Pittsburgh and Baltimore ones (and found a proposition for a professor @ MICA), and have started making my way through other cities, letting myself peek into other people's lives.

Like this one, from a 29-year-old man, posted yesterday from the Upper West Side:

'we were walking in opposite directions. i picked up your earring and caught up to you. when i got your attention, i handed you the earring and said, "here you go, ma'am. now you be careful. this city's no place for an earring all by itself." you smiled. i walked away.'

Sigh.

I am, indeed, a sap.

I had a lovely weekend. Stayed up far too late, ate too much candy, drank more alcohol than I ever have (although that just equals 1 and 3/4 glasses of wine and 3/4 of a beer over two evenings), had the right amount of fun and the right amount of drama, had a few awesome phone calls/online conversations, and I feel pretty good all around. :)

My school friends are practically bribing me to stay in Baltimore this spring instead of studying abroad. It's so tempting! But, of course, I'm going to submit my application, I'm not an idiot.

Miss you guys, update your damn blogs! :P I know you're reading this!

Love you,
Alyssa