For those of you who were wondering why I changed the URL...

Marla knows. The secret somehow got to a friend of Marla's--a MICA girl--via my blog. This is a mystery I don't quite understand, because the girl would've had to get it from our mutual work computer at MICA, and it's been two weeks since we left MD, meaning this girl either A) magically acquired the URL on her own on Thursday or B) has been reading it for awhile since Fall semester and decided to wait it out instead of tell Marla right away. Either way: shady. Marla is in NYC with this girl right now, and she told Marla on Thursday.

So, she's furious, naturally. Hurt, upset, and insulted.

I am deeply sorry that I hurt her, of course. That was the LAST thing we wanted, obviously, because we kept it on the DL. I get the feeling that Marla thinks we were laughing at her behind her back somehow--like, "Oh, look how dumb she is, haha", which was NOT the case, as you all know. Our only concern was about her feelings, because we knew that, for some reason, she was very not okay with the idea of us getting together in ANY way. Robin said she was almost more mad that it was me he got together with than the fact that we lied. (ETA: Upon their second conversation, Robin says that she seemed more upset about the lying, which is a relief, in the sense that she's being rational and not just passionate.)

I'm conflicted. I mean, of course I'm horrified that I hurt her. I never intended it to go this way, and we probably shouldn't have lied. That was where we were wrong--the lying.

But truthfully, after Marla was the one who initiated the break-up talk, and now that's it's been over 6 months and she's been dating other people--well, it's not her place to tell us whether or not we can see each other, and it's not her place to be mad that we got together. It's not like I helped Robin cheat, it's not like he dumped her for me, and it's not like this was a weird rebound thing a week after they broke up. But of course, I can't say this.

Yes, I knew Marla would be mad. She'd made me aware of how she would feel if it were to happen. Maybe I should have been more loyal, I don't know. But what I do know is that I don't regret a second of the time I spent with Robin. This drama may be undesirable, but it is worth it ten times over. I care about him a lot, and I don't think either of us are sorry for the closeness we've shared.

Of course, Marla would punch us in the soul if she heard that, so we're downplaying it to "we just kissed from time-to-time" status. Maybe we should just come out and say it, but at this point, we're salvaging the friendship as best we can.

So, disloyal friend and dirty mistress I remain until further notice. :P

Love,

-A.

P.S. I'll try and update about New Year's in the next day or so. :)