Here comes the bridesmaid...

I received my bridesmaid dress yesterday, and I must say it was both better and worse than I imagined. This is it:

Granted, the color is digitally overlaid, but it's not too far off. The lime in my dress is only a few shades cooler than the digital approximation. However, the dress fits PERFECTLY, and I'm grateful for that (no need to spend any more on this dress than absolutely necessary). The cut is actually really flattering, and it's far less shiny than the picture indicates. Whew.

Just...the COLOR. I look like lettuce. And not even spring mix. Iceberg.

I decided I can shorten it someday and be Tinkerbell for Halloween. Or I could, you know, sell it. :P

Last night was a welcome bit of fun--John, Colin, Katie, Robin and I went to Turps (a local sports bar) for their half-price burger night, then to Rita's, then Katie and I kicked the boys out to watch Glee. :P ACTUALLY, they were just too lame to stay (although John watched it with me Tuesday night, so he's forgiven). I love having a group I can call home base, even if we only found each other in the last year of MICA. After all, I found my best friends from high school the summer after we graduated!

Not to wax too nostalgic (especially since we haven't even graduated yet!), but I'm really hopeful that we'll all stay close as we head out in our separate directions. Thankfully we all have Luke and Jessica's wedding next year, and eventually my own and maaaybe Colin and Katie's? ;)

I believe we can do it. :)

Early morning means a long day--hanging my senior show (which isn't the same as the commencement show) and watching more presentations, and just being thankful that today isn't last week. There's still a long way to go, but I'm learning how to take it better, slower.

Thank God I have so many blessings in the shape of John and my friends and family!

-A.

A little venting that's been building up over nearly three and a half years. (Also, template re-do!)

I’ve always doubted my talent in the visual arts. I’m quite sure of my singing talent, and decently confident in my acting abilities (usually), but I’ve never quite sat comfortably with my art.

I like my art just fine, for the most part, but it’s difficult to attend such an amazing school where you see so many fantastic people making this gorgeous, seemingly effortless work constantly. MICA does a good job of not fostering a comparative or competitive spirit, particularly within the illustration department, but I’ve always had that tendency without any help. I have a very hard time not comparing myself to my fellow classmates, for better or for worse (usually for worse).

I acknowledge that I am absolutely not the most talented student in my year and major. Most days I’m not sure I’m even in the top 50%, which is disheartening, as I’ve chosen this for my career. My mom (oh, moms) assures me I’m way too hard on myself, but I’m not so sure. After all, she isn’t here all the time, seeing what I see. Plus, she’s my MOM.

I get disappointed in myself. I know a large part of my disappointment has to do with my own lack of work ethic, which is a start. This is an issue I need to solve, and soon. However, people outside of the art community don’t seem to understand how difficult and time-consuming art really is. Try having to complete multiple pieces within a week or two. These artworks must be smart, conceptual, beautiful, individual, and perfectly-crafted. I admit, I wasn’t aware of what art was going to demand of me when MICA first accepted me.

When I arrived home after my first semester at MICA, most of my friends asked a similar question: ‘How do you grade art?’ With all of the things I mentioned above; all the effort and intelligence and beauty. Sort of like Miss America. Haha, just kidding. Miss Americas aren’t intelligent. :P

It’s a challenge, and it’s often a really fun challenge. Sophomore year was the most fun for me—the projects were usually small, quirky, useful assignments: editorial, mostly. My Narrative Illustration class helped me turn out some of my best work because I’m passionate about characters and stories. It’s a good feeling, seeing your work improve. But it’s hard to keep that confidence up when that improvement still hasn’t raised you to a level where you can compete professionally with your collegues.

I nurse a strange paranoia in myself. At MICA—at any art school—we critique artwork. Not only in class, but amongst ourselves—we rank out who can draw and who can’t. I have this feeling that my closest friends at MICA (exceptionally talented designers and artists in their own right) privately think of me as the least talented among us. I may be entirely out of my mind in thinking that (actually most of my friends haven’t seen my work due to this very insecurity), but it’s a feeling I can’t shake.

To change tack, I’m not sure I can say that I’m passionate about art. Maybe about portraits. I’m not sure I can say I’m passionate about MY art. I enjoy doing it, certainly, and I often like what I do. I love looking at beautiful art, but I’m the first to say I’m a strict classicist with little to no interest in contemporary fine art. I’ve felt passionate about people and about singing, but I’m not sure I’ve felt that same rush about art. Perhaps it’s because I’ve never really expressed myself artistically.

The closest I’ve ever come to doing so was in a thirty-page comic book/diary I drew while I was in Florence, Italy this past Spring. It was funny and cute and sometimes sad, and my artwork made some huge strides, and I was happy with the product, but I’m hesitant to call what I do ‘expressive’.

Or maybe I’m just being a giant WEENIE. Thoughts?

Thanksgiving was lovely (the soup went over well!) and TOO SHORT. But I can’t wait for this semester to be over so I can take John home to my family! :D

I got to talk to Em and Drea this week, for the first time in a babillion years. I’ve been realizing lately how close I am to them, and how much closer I’ve stayed to them as my MICA friends have shifted. I love you guys!

Overall, I’m happy, if stressed with all the effing work I have to do before the semester’s end:

-At least 15 pages of thesis work done, plus a few pages inked plus final critique.
-10 page paper for Art and Architecture of Ancient Egypt plus a final exam.
-Objectivity final exam.
-ArtMarket and final Lab critique.

BLAH.

Wish me luck.

Lots and lots of love,
-A.

In a few short hours...

I shall be on my way to New Jersey with my wonderful boyfriend for the Thanksgiving holidays! I could not be happier about this than if he were coming home with me! (As I've met his family and he's only met my mom and godparents.)

This year, so John tells me, will be a smaller Thanksgiving dinner-guest wise (his aunts and uncles come for hors d'ouvres and then go elsewhere for dinner most years), but I'm still aiming to impress, so I decided to make a yummy-looking Butternut Squash-Apple soup for the table (courtesy of the awesome Orangette)! I'm pretty excited to try it--I've never really cooked for anyone aside from my family or roommates before. Wish me luck!

I'm equally happy about the break from school (although I'll still be attempting to draw for thesis--we'll see how that goes). This morning was VERY hectic, as I was working on the final touches for my book for Whitney Sherman for The Lab, then sending it out to Lulu with an extra kick in the pants for shipping--both set me back more than I'd hoped, but hopefully these will sell! I ordered ten books (so if they don't sell I won't have spent hundreds of dollars), and intend to hand make covers (because Lulu.com doesn't like the image I wanted for my cover and never let it be the size I wanted. But whatevs). Wish me luck on that, too, because ArtMarket is only two weeks away! So much to do! And then, in three and a half teensy weeks, I'll be halfway done with my senior year. WHAT.

I'm done packing and ready to go! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Be thankful! (and not just for food!)

Love,

A.

A teensy update!

Work is starting to catch up to me, and I wanted to post a quick update about how I'm doing before I get swallowed up!

Yesterday I failed to make a 9/9/09 entry, even though 9 has always been my favorite/lucky number! However, the day itself was great--John and I had our first official date, and since it was Colin's birthday, Robin and another GD friend Nicolette (who was in all of my freshman core classes) conspired with me to do something for Colin's 22nd! Nic provided the cake, and I suggested trimming it with Swedish Fish and Skittles (his favorite candy). It was too sweet and too yummy, and hopefully none of us got diabetes. Jen and Ben and Jess were there too, and John came with me and Katie showed up later (the Six Flags crew, minus Betsy and plus John!), and it was so fun to see everyone. :) There was also another viewing of THE ROOM, which is always awesome. :D I love my friends.

I'm happy. :) I know I have a lot of stress and work ahead of me, but I am really happy, and I just need to match my happy with motivation! :P

I hope you're all equally happy and enjoying your week!

Love,

-A.

Crossing the T's and Dotting the I's.

I am not very good at it. :/ I always forget these important things!

I'm having a teensy panic because I'm supposed to be meeting Rebecca, my thesis advisor, before 5ish PM, and I left the book I made this past semester in my apartment, but, because the girl I sublet to, Lee, hasn't given me her key yet, and because Jen and Betsy are out, I am now locked out with no way to get my book! :(

But, Jen or Lee should be back before 4 pm--at least, I think. I'll let you know how it goes.

ANYWAY, Betsy cut and lightened my hair last night--it's about five inches shorter and light gold/brown. Not too drastic of a change, but good. :) I look more grown up, but simultaneously more tough, in a way. Or maybe I'm just projecting. :P

Jen, Betsy, and I had a photo shoot in our basement last night--it is super-creepy and horror-set worthy, and on top of that, the photos came out beautifully. Once Betsy posts them on her website, I'll direct you over.

In exciting news for Lauren, her dating slump is over (although considering she's never really dated, I suppose it never technically began), and she has FOUR guys looking for her attention this summer. Two of them are about 23 (kind of old for her 18-year-old self, and one may have a girlfriend already), and one is a pothead (a definite no for her, thankfully), and the other was in her graduating class, but doesn't have the best reputation for sobriety. We'll see how it pans out. I'm just pleased that she starting to get the attention she deserves.

No romantic opportunities for me, of course--it's a little soon to say, after all--but I should be concentrating on school and work anyway. :) Seeing the commencement party yesterday for MICA '09 gave me a little scare, coupled with this thrill of excitement. But mostly scared. :P

Hope you're all having a good day. Wish me luck with getting into my apartment!

-A.

P.S. For those of you who watch Gossip Girl. Holy ish. Last night?! AMAZING.

P.P.S. For those of you who watch the Pittsburgh Penguins. Holy ish! On our way to the Cup! One down, three to go! :D

HOLY SHIT IT'S APRIL.

Wow, guys. Two weeks and I'll be home with you! Can you believe it?!!!! I can't.

Not much new here, getting more work done on my comic, for sure! It's coming along really, really well, if I do say so myself.

David and I have been bonding awesomely! We get along so, so well, and we can talk about anything! It's been a huge relief to me--it's not that I don't feel comfortable talking to Mel or my roommates, but I guess I just feel like David is more sympathetic to me. We understand why the other is frustrated--we can level with each other without offering advice about how to react to something. I'll miss him!

Other than that, I've been thinking about classes for next semester, and enjoying the warmer weather--all standard positives!

I've been chatting with John on our Facebook wall about getting a few classes together next semester, and I got a really nice reply message from Casey (Robin's friend from high school, remember him from way back over Winter Break?), detailing how his semester is going. I messaged him back in January, and I was curious to see how he was doing--Casey and I got along really well, and I have to say, I want to keep hanging out with Robin's friends!

Emily--I found out my Painting Conservation final is this coming Thursday, and I'm supposed to come out to you on Wednesday. :/ I'm going to try and talk my teacher into letting me take it Wednesday morning, which would be IDEAL, because then all my written tests/shows would be out of the way, save my Etching finals, and I'll have another week to take care of that. :) I'll let you know how it goes down. Worst comes to worst, I'll have to come in on Thursday night. :((( Is that a super-issue?

Okay, I have to go, but I love you guys, and I miss you!

-A.

Wow, February.

Already! That means I haven't exactly 2 months and 3 weeks left here!

I know, don't get too excited. :P

In other news, the Steelers are AWESOME. I admit, I got a little nervous in the end! But we pulled that shit out and reminded people who we are.

I'm supposed to meet with my teacher today for critique BUT I don't have anything. :D OH WELL. I'll just tell him I need a little more time and get cracking!

Hiked from Fiesole to Settignano on Saturday--the sun came out just for us, and it's been raining ever since. I wish I had more to report on!

I love you guys. Drea--I haven't heard from you in a while. Are you still reading?

Muah!

-A.

How could I forget?!

This morning, I totally forgot to tell you guys how awesome my MICA friends are!

Last night, Paul, Marla and Robin came over, and me, my roomies and the others ate some Chinese food to celebrate the end of the semester. I worked from 9-12, amd Robin visited and then walked me back to my apartment, where I found the door locked. That was normal, so I turned my key and tried again. The bolt was done. Again, not too weird, but it was awfully early to be locking up for the night. So, I unlocked that and tried again. The CHAIN lock is done, too! So, then I figure there's something up inside that is not meant for me to see yet.

Me: "Did you know about this?"
Robin: *grin* "Know about what?"

So, Paul comes to the door and says "If I let you in, will you go STRAIGHT to your room?" So, of course, I do. Robin comes in after a few minutes and faces away from my window with me (my window looks straight into the kitchen):

Me: "How long have you guys been planning this?"
Robin: "I have no idea what you're talking about." *grin*

Finally, Betsy knocks on my door, and I turn around to see Paul, Betsy, and Jen ushering in a MASSIVE cake shaped like an alligator's head, covered in green M&Ms with a little sign saying "Cya Later Gator!" and "In a while, Crocodile!" Apparently, they all went to the supermarket as soon as I left for my shift. :) (Minus Marla, who went to a yuppie party in Federal Hill with her fellow fashion designer.) Aww, they're so sweet! So, we all changed into red-and-green (Italian colors, you know) and watched Pineapple Express (or slept though it :P), and Ryan showed up during the movie, which was nice.

___

Robin just called me to tell me he'll miss me.

:)

I'm really going to miss him, too. Not just the kissing part, obviously, but he's really grown to be my best friend this past semester. I don't really talk to anyone the way I talk to him (mostly because he's the first close guy friend I've ever really had). I think we're both like "Who are we going to confide in now?!", because while I love Melissa dearly, I can't talk to her about things with Robin, because she's even more pristine than me. And I she doesn't know the history of my roommates, or my friends at home. I won't have any more Robin to come around or to go to whenever I want to see him, and that's sad. It's like moving away from The Boy Next Door that I grew up with and shared everything with.

:(

Aw, now I'm sad.

Either way, my friends and roommates showed me how loved I am, and how much I'll be missed, and I'm SO grateful for them and their love.

But, I admit, I can't wait to get back to all of you. I've missed you guys, and I feel like we've been deprived of each other since Summer '07.

I love you all, and I'll be nearly home by this time tomorrow! :D

Muah!

-A

P.S. www.betsyvanlangen.com

>>Portfolio
>>Interrobang
>>I'm the third one in: white face with black text. :) Betsy is the first one, with the paint. Jen is covered in eggshells, Ryan in crayon wax, and Robin is PB and J.

My calender for the coming semester!

Arrival date – housing opens ....................................... January 7
Orientation........................................................... January 8 – 11
Classes begin............................................................ January 12
Midterm break .........................................February 28 – March 8
Final exam week......................................................April 14 – 17
Departure date – housing closes.....................................April 20

102

I realized that my Worst Day EVER post was my 100th post. Ooops.

But I'm still worrying. :(

Anyway, I have one more week of MICA. I'll be home Sunday the 21st. You all better be home so I can call you up immediately and come see you!

I can't even believe I'll be getting on that plane (hopefully on time) in three weeks.

That's nothing. No time at all. God damn.

I'm going to miss you guys so muuuuuuch! :( But I know I'll get to talk to you a good bit since I have Skype now, so. :) DOWNLOAD IT SO I CAN SEEEE YOU.

As soon as I get home, I have to launch myself into packing properly (you're all welcome to give me tips on traveling lightly abroad :P), seeing all of my friends, tying up loose ends, etc.

Basically it will go like this:

Dec 21st: Return Home.
Dec 21-23: See you guys as much as I possibly can. Pack.
Dec 24-25: Christmas with my family.
Dec 26-31: See you guys as much as I possibly can. Pack.
Dec 31-Jan 1: Go into Pittsburgh with Robin to see Jessie and Sam and perhaps Marla. Maybe we can make a huge, blended party out of it? What are you guys doing for New Year's?
Jan 1: Say goodbye to Em! :( Pack more.
Jan 2-Jan 5: Say all my goodbyes and have last-hang-outs. Watch the new Gossip Girl with Abby M!
Jan 6th: Get on a plane to New York! OMGGG! Then to Frankfurt, then to Florence with Melissa!
Jan 7th: Cry all the way there, arrive, and have a fantastic time! :D

Sound good?

Finals are almost done--I have one exam today, one tomorrow, a project due Wednesday (basically finished), and 2 pencil drawings and a typed story I've already written due Thursday. Nothing too exerting, thankfully. At this point, my biggest anxiety are those visa forms, and how Mom needs to get then back to me NOW.

Okay, deep breath. God's got this.

I love you guys! I can't wait to see you. :)

-A

(ETA: Mom called--the forms will be here tomorrow by noon, then on Thursday morning I can get it sent out. Whew. Dear God, let this be timely!)

My birthday festivities.

I had a shift on the 15th from 9pm-12am, so I turned 20 while sitting at the Commons desk. I ACTUALLY turned 20 at 4:59pm, while I was in Robin's bed.

I woke up at about 10, and just laid there until my dad called at 10:30, then got up and got myself to CLEANING. Our apartment was pretty gross (piles of dishes, clutter, dust, hair), and even though it was my birthday, I was happy to get all the crap out for 1) my party and 2) the girl I may sublet to who is coming to see the apartment tomorrow evening. It's now a trillion times more beautiful, thanks to MOI. :)

Unfortunately, Jen had to take the opportunity to be a complete ASS and talk to her ex-boyfriend on the phone and get into yet ANOTHER fight and cry all over Betsy for twenty minutes while I forced myself not to go in and yell at her. I SWEAR. Jen--Dylan always warns you that he's going to treat you badly. Boys always warn us. Yes, it sucks that he treats you like that, but you choose to engage in it time and time again, so it's your fault. I'm unafraid to say that you getting hurt by Dylan is your fault. If you had just broken it off in the first place instead of fucking him when he visited over fall break, you wouldn't be in this mess. And yet she STILL intends to take him home for Thanksgiving and pretend they're still together. LAME.

ANYWAY, I vented about it to Betsy for an hour or so while Jen ran out to get brunch, and then at about 2:30, Robin called me to tell me that his bus got in 45 minutes earlier than expected--a lovely birthday surprise. He had been in New York to see Andrew WK perform with a string quartet. So, Betsy and I picked him up, and I hung out at Robin's while Betsy and Jen started the cake.

I made it home around 5:30, then helped a mopey Jen dress (she looked all gorgeous :D), then Betsy (who has the most bomb-ass [to borrow a Lauren Term] gold Dolce high-heeled oxfords I've ever seen), then, at about 6:30, I started curling my hair. I was ready by seven, and Robin showed up around 7:20, then Erin and Melissa a few minutes after then. But, of course, my birthday seems to end up being the day people have the least respect for showing up to places on time, so Marla, Paul, and Tiff didn't get there until 8:30. And THEY had the menus! Grrr. So, we ordered our food (only five of us ended up eating out of the group of eleven), and started cake while we were waiting (Hot!Ryan [looking HOT] and Colin joined us for that). The cake was SO rich and tasty. :)

Our food showed up, and we laughed A LOT, about art kids, mostly. :) It was an incredibly pleasant evening, and I have leftovers to look forward to when I get home. :D

I'll try and have some pictures of my HAWT outfit and my AWESOME shoes by this afternoon. :) Thanks for the birthday wishes, you guys! Love you!

-Alyssa

The Big Bang

An elite group of seven scientists are aiming to recreate the Big Bang tomorrow in Switzerland.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. It scares me, actually. Maybe I'm being stupid, but it just doesn't sit right. It's like the Tower of Babel to me.

I guess the only thing I can do to feel less weird about it is to pray about it.

Happy Cake Day, by the way! Hope you guys ate your cake!

Love you,
Alyssa

Because I was too distracted and forgot to post this last night.

To-Do:

-Pack, pack, pack.
*clothes/shoes (begun)
*art supplies
*books (begun)
*furniture
-Dinner with my grandparents.
-Go to the bank.
-Target avec Drea and Em.
-Watch Pride and Prejudice/Wizard People, Dear Reader. (Looks like neither will happen--ah well, there's always Christmas.)
-Say my buh-byes.

:(

August First--a brief summary

Yup, it's August already. One month 'til school, three and a half months 'til my birthday, five months 'til Christmas.

I figure I've gotten off to a good start--cute outfit, talking grownup-to-grownup with Mom, and eating some Kix, which I had the pleasant surprise of discovering in the cabinet this morning. :)

I have SO MUCH to do before going back, primarily learning to drive and getting my passport. Yes, I'm getting my passport. Mimi and Pappy really want to help me go to Florence, and I figure, being almost twenty, it's about time I had one.

Less than a week 'til you guys are home! :DDDDD

Love,
Alyssa