Merry Christmas!

I hope you're all having a wonderful day with family and friends! This year is the first Christmas spent away from my mom, Dad, and siblings, and I miss them very much, but I'm very happy to be with John and his family, who have shown me so much love and hospitality!

Spread some love around today.

Be joyful! Christ is born! :)

Love,

A.

Why I Love Brian, Part Thirty-One

Brian: Oh my God.

Me: Yeeeees?

Brian: I'm totally not for changing classic stories in major ways, BUT I might make one exception. Rumor has it Legolas might have more than just a walk-in cameo in The Hobbit.

Me: Yes, I heard that.

Brian: And for what reason did you not immediately share that information with me?

Me: Haha, sorry, I was about to go to work this morning when I saw it online.

Brian: Once upon a time a girl named Alyssa who failed her friend named Brian. The end.

@@@

I'm in New Jersey now, moved in to an apartment about 3 miles away from John, working as a waitress at a diner and getting used to my new surroundings! Sadly my computer is a bit on the fritz, but once it's fully operational I can continue real-job-searching without worrying it'll crash with all my stuff on it!

I'm happy. The transition has been smooth and I'm happy about my apartment. I've been feeling a little socially-deprived, but it's only been a week, and people are busy with the holidays, etc. I should be concentrating on work, anyway!

This is a pretty crappy update, but I'm hoping to have more to add once the holidays kick into gear--my dear friends Abby and Greg are coming to visit me next weekend, and I'm so excited to see them! :D More updates as they come!

-A.

Why I Love Brian, Part Thirty

Me: I'm not going to stare openly at your crotch because that's weird.

Brian: Hahahaha--and further proof: if I was worried about it, I wouldn't wear scrubs pants and nothing else in the first place! Go ahead and stare openly, but be warned, my crotch has the same impregnating powers as my eyes...But...not the way you think.

@@@

And later...

Brian: Our conversations, and the revelations that come from them, rock.

Me: Haha, I know! I agree wholeheartedly. You're cool.

Brian: I'm something alright.

Why I Love Brian, Part Twenty-Nine

Brian: My eyes have been known to be so piercingly beautiful I can impregnate with a glance alone.

@@@

Should I just convert this blog into a WILB blog? :P

Why I Love Brian, Part Twenty-Eight

Brian: Nothing wins a girl over easier than being a creep.

Me: Look at Edward Cullen!

Brian: Hahaha--true.

BUT

His charms work on a girl like Bella.

The last thing i want is a girl like Bella.

@@@

Smart man.

Why I Love Brian, Part Twenty-Seven

Brian

so...

black people. you wanna explain this to me? (Blogger's Note: He's not a racist, I promise. Also, I wrote that BEFORE I looked back at this link. I've never changed.)

11:57pmMe

haha

what?

11:58pmBrian

i dont know

im bored

i come up with nonsense

11:58pmMe

lol

11:59pmBrian

and im so hungry

11:59pmMe

aw

bagels?

11:59pmBrian

f word

none

11:59pmMe

haha

12:01amMe

well

is there anything in the house?

12:01amBrian

nothing

no bread

Today

12:02amMe

12:07amBrian

i wanna make some clam chowder

but we dont even have milk

12:07amMe

i thought you didn't need it

12:07amBrian

for that one kind i didnt

the can i have does

12:08amMe

12:09amBrian

i suppose i could still make it to GE and buy something

but i have no clothes on

and i suppose thats an easy thing to remedy

but...

im so weak from having no food.. im probably just going to lie here until my father wakes up and spoon feeds me something in the morning

An important discovery.

The past week since Mom and Robert got married has seen a change in me. I've become much firmer--even bordering on rude--with mom when she's tried to engage me in an adverse way. It's made her much meeker with me very quickly. On one hand, I'm glad to avoid more arguments, especially over stupid things. On the other, I feel that I might be denying myself the opportunity to defend myself in more depth. Like, am I showing independence by side-stepping her confrontations? Or am I just being stubborn and petty?

The discovery I'm referring to is that I've been worrying myself over something nonexistant. That is, my mom's expectations for me. 'Nonexistent' is a very final term, of course. I know Mom has general expectations for me--success, security, etc. But her aversion to my current plans (I mean future plans of engagement and marriage, not the current living situation), has made me wonder: what does she want from me? I've asked myself that question many times, but have always been distracted from the answer. Truly, what does she want from me?

I realized that she doesn't know anymore than I do. And because of that, I don't really know why she's mad! I don't know, so I can't counter it. I haven't frustrated her wishes for me to be successful or secure yet--nothing's happened! All I've been made aware of is what I shouldn't do--don't get engaged right now, don't move because you can't afford it, etc. The only "do" I've been offered is work harder, make more money. Which is fine--I know I need to work, I know I have a lot to do to make up the money I owe, both personally and for school. I have been working--both waitressing and doing art--and I feel good about it. Mom seems to approve, which is great. (As old/independent as I get, I've still been conditioned to long for her approval.)

I'm not sure what will come of this revelation, but I'll be sure to keep you posted. :)

-A.

P.S. In other news, I've updated my blog, so go check it out!

Family Update!

My Mom got married! Woooo! :D

She and her fiance made a last-minute decision to just go ahead and get married already, and planned a small ceremony in just 9 days! It went over really well, and we're all really pleased to be moving ahead!

There was an after-party hosted by one of Mom's close friends, which was lovely (and tasty!), although I was a little frustrated to get made fun of by my Mom, sister and brother for legally having a beer (they basically treated it like a big joke, or like it was surreal, since I'm such a goodie-two-shoes, I guess).

Yet, it's not weird for teenage Lauren to have a cigarette with Mom four minutes later? Also they've both been shooting tequila since age 13? Just struck me as odd.

Despite the awesome occasion of the marriage, other family drama has arisen:

My family (I'm referring to my immediate family, but I guess this applies to the aunts and uncles, etc. as well) has an tendency to be all talk--myself included. Thanks to rampant family drama (owing partially to my engagement, but more to prior family issues), we've all been in this knot of passive-aggression for--in some cases--years. It's a mess. Everyone has done something to hurt someone else (my mom is usually the one getting offended, I find), but no one will talk about it, and just lets it fester into an open sore of tension and bitterness.

In this case, my aunt said something nasty about my Mom to my sister, who chose to tell Mom about it instead of saying something directly to my aunt. Then, in turn, Mom is hurt and upset, but refuses to directly address my aunt, etc. This is riding on the heels on some other comments of my aunt's...

When I hear what has been said, I suspect that my aunt's venom has to do with her disagreement of how Mom reacted to my engagement to John. My aunt was the first to hear--direct from Mom--how she felt about the situation, and was the one who sort of warned the rest of Mom's siblings about Mom's attitude, in the hopes that I would receive some support from family if I wasn't getting it at home. My aunt expressed to me a few times her disagreement, and definitely said things she shouldn't have--although I wasn't going to be the one to upset Mom with them for no reason. Unfortunately, she chose to say something rude about Mom's reaction in front of KJ, and KJ--being a loyal son--went directly to Mom as well.

So, I felt responsible for my engagement (and Mom's reaction) inciting my aunt's feelings and comments, so I took it upon myself to me direct and cut to the heart of the matter. I sent a message to my aunt, making it clear that I understood communicating her disagreement with Mom's style, but badmouthing her repeatedly was a wrong move, and that I hoped she would make it right. Mom didn't know I sent the message.

This was two weeks ago. I mentioned the message to Mom this morning, as Mom brought up the situation in general. Mom thought I should have asked Lauren first if it was okay to contact my aunt (wtf?), but was grateful that I took the steps to defend her. (You mean, took the steps to be direct for the first time in our family?)

As fate would have it, I received a reply a few hours later--and apparently Mom got a voicemail. My aunt was "irate"--Mom's words--and apparently had no idea what I was talking about. I replied back, apologizing if I came off as rude and outlined the facts I had that made me send the message in the first place. I told her if I got it wrong to please correct me, but I get the feeling she was surprised I defended Mom at all, since Mom is not supportive of my engagement and my aunt is.

We'll see. I AM sorry if I came off as rude, but I'm not sorry for calling someone out on a nasty comment about my mom. Just saying. Honestly, it should've been addressed as soon as it came out of my aunt's mouth. I guess that's what I get for making the effort to diffuse the situation.

Friday the 13th--as unlucky a day as it ever was. :P

-A.

Finally!

My wisdom teeth are gone! My surgery was this morning at about 8 AM. I was glad to get it over with after this monstrosity of a situation from earlier this year.

I admit, I was nervous about going under anesthesia, but I don't even remember falling asleep. I barely remember waking up! I just remember being helped over to recovery and getting oddly weepy for some reason--although I don't think any actual tears were shed.

Brandon was a super-trooper and took me to and from the doctor's this morning, and Mom has been readily available to me all day. :) I'm sore, but not too swollen. I wish I could drink something, but I'm too nervous about disrupting the blood clot (which still isn't forming, over 4 hours later >:( ) and getting a dry socket, which I hear are the absolute WORST.

Might feel up to a milkshake later, though. :P

In other news, things in the house have gotten a lot better--although there have been bumps! John and Mom's fiance have had one phone conversation, which cleared up a lot of angst on both sides. I'm optimistic that things will turn out, in time.

It's John's 22nd birthday tomorrow, and I've sent him some goodies in the mail to tie him over until I can see him in person. I know, almost a year of dating, plus engagement and I'm missing his birthday because of work and teeth. But I'll be there at the beginning of September for our one-year anniversary!

On a sadder note, tomorrow is also the anniversary of Robby's death. I've been spending a lot of quality time with Brian this summer--well, as much as our schedules will allow anyway--and that's meant a lot to me. Brian's one of my best friends, and I'm really proud of him.

There's a tailgate being held for Robby at a Pittsburgh Pirate game in two weeks, which should be a really great event in his memory.

Mom just made me a milkshake, so I'm going to enjoy that and watch some crappy daytime TV! :D

Wish me a speedy recovery!

Love,

A.

Happy Birthday America!

A Fourth of July without fireworks is wasted. So go see some.

LOL

Biblical Mysteries and our Birthright

I'm watching Biblical Mysteries on the Science Channel, and they brought up the contrast between the four traditional Gospels--Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John--and the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas.

According to this show, Thomas' Gospel indicates that we can all be "Sons of God", like Jesus was the Son of God, as opposed to the word of the Four Gospels, which says the Jesus was the only one.

I think the words of Thomas' gospel are a bit twisted here. I agree that humanity are all children of God. We are all loved equally and perfectly by God. However, we are NOT equal to Jesus.

Firstly, Jesus is God--that whole Holy Trinity thing: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Secondly, Jesus wasn't just a guy--he was SENT to die for our sins, which none of us can attest to.

Now, if we go along with the scholarly idea that Jesus was NOT divine, I guess someone could make that argument. But, the "scholarly" hypothesis doesn't really apply to those who believe what Christianity means: that Jesus WAS divine, was sent by God to die for our sins, and did so.

So, yeah. Just felt like I wanted to clarify the difference between 'Child of God' and 'Son of God'. Kind of important.

Three weeks later...

Things have settled. As soon as John went back to New Jersey all hell broke lose. Mom was FURIOUS--and still is, for the most part. Thankfully, things are slowly moving back from screaming fights to heated discussions to relatively normal day-to-day life.

I won't detail the arguments here--it's not necessary--but I will say that having repeated circular talks about something that won't happen for two years doesn't help a thing. Hopefully we can all move forward together as time goes on.

In other news, stuff with X and John has been patched up, and I spoke to Lacie last night for the first time in a while. Well, I actually saw her a month ago, which I never actually detailed here! Odd. Long story short: Me, Brian, and our friends Chris and JJ went mini-golfing, and Lacie was there with her longtime ex (and Brian, Chris, and JJs friend) Matt. It was a little bit of a "Busted!" moment, because Matt has largely spoken ill of Lacie since they broke up for good. It was awkward for everyone (after all, Brian and I are 'exes' of Lacie's, too), but we were all friendly.

I've been home alone for the last day--Mom and Robert are in Maryland/DC for a job interview (keeping my fingers crossed!) and KJ is at Dad's. Lauren moved back to OU and is settling into her new house, which is awesome.

I got a job at an upscale boutique in town--I'm pretty excited. I get to sell rich ladies expensive clothes. And we're encouraged not to lie, so I get to tell them if they look fat! Pretty psyched. Also waiting to hear from The Clay Cafe--one of those paint-your-own pottery places. They said they're losing two people by the end of this month. Hopefully my art school cred will get me in!

Wish me luck! I'll definitely need two jobs this summer, but if they're two jobs I like, I'm totally okay with that! I don't need to revisit the summer after freshman year. *shudder*

Love,

A.

ENGAGED WOOOOO!!!!!

As most of you already know, John and I got engaged this past weekend at the end of my week-long visit. It was wonderful and awesome, and I will describe the whole experience, but I'm in the process of creating an engagement/wedding blog now, apart from my personal one. I'll still update this one, but I'll be using the wedding one for wedding details/inspiration/musing. Once I get it up and running, my first post will be all about the engagement, and I'll link you right over.

ETA: Here you go! Up and running!

But, I CAN describe the trip in the meantime. Mom and I headed out to Maryland with Robert and KJ on May 28th so I could complete my move, pay my landlord (yay!), and meet up with John. John drove down from New Jersey to help me move out, and to attend my godmother's daughter Mary's graduation from the Naval Academy.

Here's us, with Mary in her dress whites, now an Ensign! The graduation was long (we had to be in the DOOR by 9 after standing outside in line for more than a half-hour), but the weather was PERFECT (although John and I got a teensy bit sunburned). Mary's party was afterwards, and I got to meet her handsome boyfriend Van Gordon (just a nickname--he goes by Gordon).

John and I headed up to Gambrills to his aunt and uncle's place after the party and spent the night there--Richie and Mandee surprised us by coming by the next day. I've written about them: Richie is John's cousin who also attends the Naval Academy, and Mandee is his gorgeous fiancée. They're a year younger than we are, and got engaged in July of 2009, but that's only because they wanted to make sure all of the midshipmen could attend the wedding before getting shipped out to their assignments a month after graduation. And since you can't get married while you're enrolled in the Naval Academy, they scheduled the wedding for one week after Richie's graduation. Intense!

So we visited briefly with them and got on the road to New Jersey, where we spent the night at John's best friend Dave's and met a few of his friends. we went out to the beach for about twenty minutes that night--it was gorgeous, even if it was chilly. Looking at the ocean in the dark is scary, but it's exciting. We went back to Cranford, John's hometown, the next day and then to John's OTHER aunt and uncle's place about an hour away for dinner and, the following day, a Memorial Day picnic. Lots of cute babies running around, throwing Cheerios at the Koi pond. :)

We met up with another one of John's close friends, Brian (or B. Ho, as I've tagged him here before) and drove to a pier on the seaside where we had an awesome lunch at a restaurant that I sadly can't remember the name of (they had this specialty butter made with garlic, oregano, dill, salt, and pepper, and maybe paprika? It was SO GOOD). We also introduced him to Wizard People, Dear Reader, which, if you're a Harry Potter fan and you haven't seen it, you should do that ASAP.

The rest of the week was basically spent hanging out and watching back Doctor Who episodes to get me caught up (we finished the whole first season) until Saturday, when set-up for John's grad party when into overdrive. The whole day was spent moving/cooking/assembling/rummaging through the garage to find every little thing necessary for the celebration, which came together without a hitch. Even better, I got to see a bunch of John's friends that I haven't seen in months, like Tracey and Marie (more on her in a moment), and John even surprised me with the awesome Colin M. Ford, who came all the way from Baltimore for the party! It was an awesome time, and I'm so glad I was there.

There was one person in John's life who did NOT attend, but that's mostly because she wasn't invited, and she isn't technically in John's life anymore. John's ex, Christine (tagged 'X'--which they actually call her, along the lines of 'Xmas') has been making things plenty weird for those of John's friends who are still in touch with him. I'd spoken to one of her close friends, Kim, in the past, who confirmed that Christine has brought me up, at least, and the fact that she's uncomfortable with Kim and I being friends (jerk). Dave also told us that X called him right before our graduation and asked him "Why did John cut me out of his life?" (never mind that she was the one to unfriend us on Facebook three months ago), "Why doesn't he like me anymore?" Sigh. Because you broke up TWO YEARS AGO. She has a boyfriend, too--sure, he looks like a potato, but they've been together almost as long as John and I have, and it's just not fair to him.

Now, at the party, Marie indicated that as soon as Christine found out about John's grad party (through me, actually--I asked Marie on her wall if she was coming--I didn't really think about Christine and Marie still being friends), Christine started calling and texting Marie after about a year of not doing anything of the kind. Obviously Marie knew what was up, so she didn't bother to return the messages--one particular voicemail was Christine saying that she "wants [Marie's] opinion on something that's been tormenting [her] for awhile". SIGH.

Marie eventually got it out of her in text--X was confused about John: first he "chews [her] out" via Facebook message (which he did, but only to tell her to stop being so desperate and weird and start treating him like a friend, NOT like an ex), and then he acts all interested in her life again! (AKA, he sent her a Happy Birthday message nearly SIX months after the initial "chewing out".) This girl. She is just so in love with John STILL--which I really can't blame her for entirely, John is a lot to lose--but it's been two years, she's had other boyfriends/hookups, she's IN A RELATIONSHIP, and still pining. It's unhealthy and weird.

I would have absolutely no issues with John and Christine being friends. Zero. If she could just stop acting like a stalker, we'd be good to go.

After the party, Tracey and Marie and a bunch of cousins and aunts and uncles stayed over, and that was the night John proposed. :D More on that another time.

The following day was all celebration and a lot of driving. We went to a wonderful church that morning, and packed up our stuff and got on the road to Pittsburgh, which is when I found out that Marie had sent Christine a looooong message, basically telling X how much she was missing out on by being so weird to John and I. It was very straightforward and mature. I was super-impressed with Marie. Hopefully Christine doesn't take it the wrong way--but that's pretty inevitable, I'd say.

So, we get back to Pittsburgh and I am TERRIFIED, but manage to tell my mom and Robert and KJ about the engagement--Mom reacted pretty well, although she's been sort of tense around us for the past couple of days. I called Lauren and Dad and told them, too--Lauren sounded positively disgusted on the phone: "ARE YOU SERIOUS? With, like, a RING?" (Imagine the word 'Ew' hanging unspoken after that sentence, and you can picture her tone. :P) We also told Joey V. and the Ruzichs, who were very excited for us. Telling people is the best part. :)

So, families and close (in proximity) friends aside, we told Facebook Monday morning, and have gotten a pretty steady stream of positive comments. Let me tell those of you reading that we are not getting married for close to two years--we're not jumping into anything here, despite popular opinion. Have faith in us!

So now we're home, and having lunch with my mom's parents today before John drives back to New Jersey. :((((((

I hope you're all having as good of a week as I've been! So much love to all of you!

-A.

Political Interlude

I promise I'll post some real photos and graduation updates, but right now it's 3 AM and I'm writing to a 16-year-old who penned a guest article for Lemondrop (yeah, those jerks who commissioned me sort-of then didn't follow up). Check it out. (Referring to the title she chose, Palin's comment could never be construed as slander on any level. Please.)

My response in the comments:

@@@

Elizabeth, I sympathize with your position--while I am a supporter of the bill, I suffered plenty of discrimination at the hands of my peers due to my own political beliefs, so I want to talk to you as an equal--you're obviously articulate and I don't want to talk down to you, but I may say some things you don't like.

I was a conservative at a tiny liberal art conservatory in Baltimore, MD of all places--almost unheard of, and it showed in the speakers and events they chose to have, in the open criticism of my opinions. (I actually just graduated less than a week ago!)

Your school's administration reserves the right to do whatever they wish regarding their activities and trips. It's too bad that they chose to involve politics in girl's basketball where I don't really think it is relevant, but I entirely agree that the school has the right to make that decision and deserves no criticism for exercising that right as they saw fit.

However, I suggest you read the bill if you haven't--it's only fifteen or so pages long. http://www.azleg.gov/legtext/49leg/2r/bills/sb1070s.pdf

The most important thing to note is that the bill clearly indicates that no person would be asked for "papers" (which actually means a driver's license or something similar, not some trumped-up recall to the Third Reich, speaking of skewed information to serve a political agenda, Elizabeth) without reasonable/probable cause. This refers something as simple as being pulled over--law enforcement is not being asked to seize latinos in the streets.

I know there is a lot of uproar about the possibility of racial profiling. Let me set up a scenario. Having lived in Baltimore, I got plenty of emails from Campus Safety regarding attacks and muggings in the neighborhood. I am not exaggerating--literally every single one of those emails described a black man between 18 and 30 in a black hoodie. If you didn't know, Baltimore is populated mostly by black residents, and how many of those must fit that description! Does that mean the police went out and collared every person that fit that description? Hardly.

It is just a matter of fact that illegal immigration is a very serious problem for the residents of Arizona, and it's a matter of fact that the closest neighboring country is Mexico, which borders AZ. Therefore, it's a logical conclusion to draw that the bulk of illegal immigrants will be Mexican or perhaps Central American latinos.

What I'm trying to say is that this isn't strictly about race, this is about looking for the proper suspect. If I got mugged by the black twenty-something in Baltimore, they wouldn't go looking for a white man or Asian man or latino man, would they?

It's another misconception that this law was passed regarding the economy alone. It's easy to find information that plenty of illegal immigrants pay taxes despite a lack of citizenship (it is actually their healthcare payments where they fall the most delinquent). Apart from the fact that they have entered this country ILLEGALLY, disregarding FEDERAL (and now state) law, there have been an appalling amount of drug-related and sexual crime perpetrated by illegal immigrants, often linked to gang activity. http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=51424

This article, written in 2006, reports that there are approximately 240,000 sex offenders who are illegal immigrants. And that was in 2006! Four years ago!

This is a safety issue. This is a health issue. Sexual assault is one of the most horrifying ways to violate a person, US resident or no. This is more serious than any party line. Just consider the ramifications of the law being broken, rather than the one that was just passed.

(Good luck on your other games!)

@@@

(Abby, I will respond to your e-mail! I've just been so preoccupied with finishing up MICA and getting settled at home!)

Hope you're all well!

-A.

Weddingweddingwedding.

So, I basically get to do makeovers tonight. It's going to be RIDICULOUSNESS. But also awesome.

Keep an eye out.

-A.

Dunzo!

I turned in my commencement show artwork today, and e-mailed my final paper to a professor--I am officially DONE. Holy crap!

Apart from hanging my work on Monday, I'm completely done with my responsibilities to MICA! So weird! I'm old!

I'm going home on Thursday, and I'll be back on Sunday morning for graduation! BLAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

I'll probably go home with Mom the following day (hopefully after a Devlin/Jennette brunch), spend the week at home job-searching, etc. Then coming BACK to Maryland for Mary's graduation from the Naval Academy on the 24th. John wants me to come back to New Jersey with him after that--He's having his graduation party on June 5th, and there's a production of Beauty and the Beast in Scranton on June 6th, but I doubt Mom will go for a two-week jaunt to NJ when I'm meant to be earning money to pay back the personal loans I owe (let alone the student loans).

But, John proves (once again) to be flexible and understanding, so, we'll talk about it at graduation, and he's willing to come pick me up in Sewickley to take me back for the graduation party/Beauty and the Beast. The next time I'd see him would be July 15th, for the Jennette family picnic--I've never met his dad's side before!

In less thrilling news, my wisdom tooth pain has returned with a vengeance. It's been a little over a month since my last flare-up, and this has been worse than anything I've had yet. I told Mom about it and she's reassured me that it's a priority to get them out when I get back, so I'll get the surgery for real this time ASAP. Hopefully this is a very temporary (if almost unbearable) pain--please let it go away during the wedding/graduation! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. It can hurt when I get home and can do something about it!

Hope you're all pain-free!

-A.

The End of the MICA Chapter

Classes and finals are (essentially) over for me!

My plans for the next few days are:

-Hang the commencement show.
-Start packing.
-Attend a super-fun Victorian tea party.
-Go to a wedding! As a bridesmaid!
-GRADUATE!

I had my interview with Sarah Vinas, the art director of Glamour magazine, yesterday. Overall I think it went well! I was a little intimidated at first, but she proved to be really personable (but professional), and she offered some good advice--some which I'd heard from others, but that's normal. My biggest concern (and don't I know it)is settling on a style/media/vision. I need to focus myself. This summer will be an excellent time to explore that, so I'm looking forward to it. :) Sarah offered to e-mail me with a few references for people/places that could potentially be interested it my work, and offered to be a contact for me (which was very generous). Successful, I think!

Oh my gosh, here comes real life!

The rest of yesterday was really great as well (apart from getting up at 5:45 for a shift). I got to class at 10 after a rushed shower after my shift (which ends at 9). I'd dressed carefully (doy, art director of GLAMOUR), and got to the studio as a bunch of people were laying out awesome food for everyone to have during the day. I waited around for a bit, talked to Joey V. on the phone, had my interview, and had to immediately jet off to Target (to return that dress) and to Ikea (to get frames for the commencement show).

The drives to both places were so quick, John and I didn't get lost, and both ventures were fast and easy. I was so happy! So, we decided to go to PF Chang's for a late lunch/early dinner, which made me even happier. :D Because I'd woken up early and had such a rush-around sort of day, I fell asleep right in the car! So unlike me.

Oh, and then John and I watched The Power Rangers Movie. I know you're jealous.

In other news, Betsy is coming up next week for graduation! I haven't seen her since Winter Break! Unfortunately the wedding will make me miss her for the first few days, but it'll be a fun time! I'm still in this weird in-between where I'm aware of the end, but I'm still doing so many things I can't absorb it yet. I wonder how I'll be when I get to that point. Eep!

Hope you're all well!

-A.

>:(

It's insulting when people don't think I take my responsibilities seriously.

Thankfully, I met up with Melissa on my way back from my class (I had a good crit with Dan Krall--I got an A!), and she reminded me that God will always provide, and if I make my stresses into prayers, I'll be fine. This year has made me realize over and over that God always has me in his sight.

I'm trying to work towards my grad show, my graduation, my summer, one step at a time. It's been challenging in some respects, but I know that I'm taken care of, so it's also been somewhat reassuring. I know I'll get a job (or two), I know I'll make money (and art!) this summer, I know that I'll be fine, even if it will take some extra effort, and I don't like being told that I'm being irresponsible, or that I don't understand what I'm doing.

But I'm not thinking about that now.

Now, I have to think about my show--John and I are going to Target on Thursday, I'm returning that blue dress (I found a better one at Village Thrift, surprisingly!), and then going to Ikea to buy five frames (cheaply, let's hope!). Whew. Then I start installation on Friday! Eep!

Also, last grave shift tonight! I get to work on a paper, which is easy-peasy. Thank goodness for that!

Things will be FINE. I'm sure of it.

Graduation Weekend, and 'Why I Love Brian', Part 26

The reality of graduation is starting to hit me. UGH.

Actually, I'm really excited. There are some amazing things happening in my life, even alongside the money troubles and long-distance drama. I'm excited to come back to Sewickley again for the summer and a bit beyond. Granted, it was NOT my (or my mom's) plan for me to move back in--I had no desire to work backwards. However, I'm embracing it because it's necessary.

My only issue is the stress of finding a job and earning money. Mom is eager for me to get work in the arts right away, but that's difficult enough as it is without A) a license, or B) (even if I had one) a car to use. I have a friend, Sara Beth, who works at ModCloth--a great creative outlet and Pittsburgh company, but it looks like they're only hiring for jobs that are a bit out of my skill set--web development and management stuff. And Joey V. works at The Cafe in Sewickley, which apparently pays well. I've never served, but it's a nice place (although I've heard the drama is intense--at least while Chase worked there).

I'm not too worried, but I don't like the pressure being applied--it's unnecessary, especially when I haven't even gotten home to survey the options.

However, all of that is on the back burner, as we mount an attack on the monstrosity known as 'Graduation Weekend'. John and I want to blend the families for graduation dinner, which his mom is totally up for, but...my mom is hesitant. In part due to nerves about my growing up and moving quickly, etc., and in part about wanting it to be a family day, and in another (I'm willing to bet) larger part, money ["I'd be responsible to foot the bill at whatever restaurant they chose for you, me, and my parents"]. Which I completely sympathize with, but...not the best excuse, as Mimi and Pappy have ALWAYS offered (cheerfully) to treat us. Is it a pride issue? She did say she wasn't interested in Mimi and Pappy paying. It's whatever.

However, she acknowledged without prompting that John and I are going to get married, so I was pleased about that.

Mom, instead, wants to get drinks with John's family and have dinner at my aunt's (who she has not even consulted yet, by the way). If that's the way it has to be, I'm okay with it, but I don't really get her hesitance. I don't want our families to be strangers to each other!

Not to mention the crunch of hanging my show between the 8th and 12th, coming home on the 13th, rehearsal dinner on the 14th, wedding the 15th, home on the 16th! Insanity! But it'll be fun. :)

@@@

For some humor, Brian and I had this hysterical (to us) conversation about founding a religion based on the song 'Bet on It' from High School Musical 2.

Seriously. Watch this first to understand what the hell we're talking about.

Me: [on 'Do It For Our Country' from Grease 2] It's not 'Bet On It' quality, but good.

Brian: Well, to be fair, nothing is. Ever. Past, present or future.

Me: Soooo true. That song changed my life and the way I look at modern movement.

Brian: If we were asked to make a time capsule of human kind to send out into space, 'Bet On It' would be my number one choice

Me: Absolutely. SO GOOD.

Brian: It represents music, movie, tv, art, one of our future Gods in his early days.

Me: Totally. Can we found betonitism?

Brian: It's a perfect choice for a time capsule. We will base an entire philosophy upon it.

Me: We'll be Boltonites.

Brian: I'm really liking this.

Me: Like 'Peace be with you', 'Bet on it' will be our blessing.

Brian: We can have a 'Bolton's Prayer':

"We will not talk at you"

"We will not get in your head"

"We will listen to our own heart talking"

"We will count on our own self instead"

Me: YESSSSS.

And when we initiate people, we'll have a questionnaire:

"Did you ever:

A) Doubt your dreams would ever come true?

B) Blame the world but never blame you?"

Brian: Hahahahahha, this is too much.

Me: Oh! And "Did you ever:

C) Push away the ones you should have held close?

D) Let go?

E) Not know?"

Brian: Hahahaha, I just got to that part in the song... as I have it on repeat now.

Me: And when they get accepted, they'll have to say, "I will never try to live a lie again".

Brian: The choreography just blows my mind.

Me: The guy must have been on 'luudes when he made it up.

Brian: Seriously. He woke up that day and was like, "MAN have I got a great idea for this dance sequence. We'll have him dancing on the golf course... and inexplicably start running and doing bizarre jumps every few steps... It'll look GREAT!"

Me: "Question Three: When met with a golf course, you do what?:

A) Throw the sand from the sandtraps emoishly.

B) Prance around doing complicated leaps.

C) Watch yourself reflectively in the water hazard."

Brian: D) All of the above.

Me: YES. Trick question. It is ALWAYS all of the above... Because Troy does whatever it takes.

@@@

We have fun. :)

Hope you're all well!

-A.

Something I must comment on.

There has been a lot of controversy about the recently passed law regarding illegal aliens in Arizona. The Facebook Group "1 MILLION Strong AGAINST the Arizona Immigration Law SB1070" offered a concise, clear definition of the law and it's tenets. Have a look:

Current law in Arizona and most states doesn't require police to ask about the immigration status of those they encounter, and many police departments prohibit officers from inquiring out of fear immigrants won't cooperate in other investigations.

The new law makes it a crime under state law to be in the country illegally. Immigrants unable to produce documents showing they are allowed to be in the U.S. could be arrested, jailed for up to six months and fined $2,500. Other provisions allow lawsuits against government agencies that hinder enforcement of immigration laws, and make it illegal to hire undocumented workers for day labor or knowingly transport them.

That being read: what is the bad part in this law? Is it the ejecting ILLEGAL aliens part? Is it that it establishes a way to keep tabs confidently on who is/is not a documented worker/citizen is the United States? (Another thing to note is that the first sentence of the second paragraph says that the new law means it's illegal, according to the state, to be in the country illegally. Like, you know, the FEDERAL LAW that says the same thing.)

Obviously there has been fear that this law will encourage racial profiling. Mexico is the only foreign country that Arizona borders. It is a near certainty that any illegal immigrants to be found in Arizona are Mexican/Hispanic. It's like telling a police officer a redhead robbed you and then they bring in only black-haired people to the lineup. Who should they be looking for?

Perhaps it could be an inconvenience for those of Hispanic descent who are legally allowed to live and work in the States, sure, but if you're legal, you have nothing to worry about. This shouldn't be an insult.

There's also been some complaints about having to carry papers, saying it recalls the Nazi persecution of the Jews in the same way. Leaving this sensationalist claim itself alone, the US are not trying to persecute illegals because of their race. We're not trying to hunt down and execute illegals. We're simply doing what we should have done a decade ago and restored this to federal concern.

John had a great parallel for the use of citizenship papers--are we not all required to carry driver's licenses? A police officer has the right to stop any driver for any reason and ask for one's license and registration to assure that the party is driving legally.

I believe that every person who wants to become a US citizen should have the right to do so. It's a matter of completing the due process. Learn about the Constitution, what the US represents (or once represented, some might say), and learn English. Any other country would ask the same of anyone desirous of citizenship. I honestly wish more US citizens understood what their country is about.

I can't abide anyone (from ANY country) coming into America illegally in order to take advantage of tax-free income. I can't abide people hiring illegals knowingly for cheap labor. Have a family to support back home? I sympathize. Now get legal or get out. Why should we be lenient on those who are breaking our laws? That is a very serious question!

Feel free to leave any thoughts/comments/arguments!

-A.

The link is back!

http://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=4045137

Gold stars, please! :D

THE FUTURE.

I've been thinking about a lot of facets of the future. Jobs, relationships, art, and direction in general. Let's look at some categories:

Jobs: This is the most unpredictable/uncontrollable of the four, at least as far as gainful employment is concerned. I might not get a super-profitable job thanks to not being able to drive (urg--although I wouldn't have a car even if I knew how), or a lack of credentials. I might be waiting tables or doing less-than-dignified (but perfectly fine) jobs until further notice. I'm okay with this. The problem is FINDING the job in the first place. Is anyone even hiring anymore? And are they willing to be very flexible about extended visitation with long-distance boyfriends? (That's a JOKE. Ish.)

Art: John has been instrumental in reminding me not to take myself so damn seriously all the time. I'm usually pretty down on myself/my art. I'm very aware that I'm not in the top 10% of my class as far as talent/skill--maybe not even the top 30%! (On a sidenote--having the money to get a laptop/programs to extend my skill set would've revolutionized the work I produced at MICA.) But regardless, I know that it's useless to beat myself up. I AM talented, even if I don't draw LIKE a specific other student.

I freaked myself out last night about Showcase--when the illustration seniors get to talk to an art director who was (hopefully) part of a list we submitted in March. My thesis teacher informed me that I got very lucky, and will be talking to Sarah Vinas...the art director of Glamour magazine. WHAT. So, naturally, I'm TERRIFIED, and wishing my work was ten trillion times better/more/editorial/sexier and oh-god-WHY did I do a final with old people?!

But, John kindly reminded me (after I moved myself to tears) that this isn't a job interview. She's here to talk to me about how to move forward and where to go from here. Having some time to live and work at home without the pressures of rent and bills (for now) is ideal--I can take time to worry about my art and only my art. I can experiment, practice, maybe even branch out into some design-y things. (I know!)

Relationships: John and I are obviously staying together after graduation. I don't think anyone here was questioning that. But, also obviously, this will be the biggest challenge we've faced yet as a couple (THANK GOD--what a gift! Only having to worry about a few months apart). There are big things coming for us, and I'm not worried about the distance. We're both devoted to making the effort, which takes care of that.

Direction: This one is a bit more elusive than a job, but rather easier to control, oddly enough. It goes hand-in-hand with the other three categories, and those determine it. I know--where does the aspect of control come in?! But I guess what I mean is that you should have faith that you'll end up where you need to be.

The best example of this for me starts waaay back when I was in fourth or fifth grade. I had a friend named Teresa, who was actually a bossy, controlling, BITCH, but she could draw pretty well for a nine year old. Naturally, I wanted to be just like Teresa, so I started to draw more. That summer, my mom asked if I'd like to enroll in an art class with my other friend Anna, who went to a different school. I said no, reasoning that Teresa would teach me what I needed to know about drawing (I think I cited 'shading' specifically to my mother :P). The next year, Anna moved away, and Teresa and I fell out a couple years later.

If I had started taking real art courses then, where would I have ended up? Still at MICA? (I think so.) I think that was the first time that I was offered a chance to decide my life's direction. When I was a dumbhead and said no, I was gently guided in that direction later by something that appealed more to my silly teenaged self (a character in a book who happened to be an artist). So, I got into art again, and here I am, graduating from art school. Coming to MICA was a wonderful thing, even if it was only to put me in the company of wonderful friends and a wonderful man. (I don't think that's the case, but I think you get my meaning.) Everything happens for a reason.

So, with that, John's here and is going to read to me. :) What a great guy. <3

Love,
-A.

GLEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I auditioned for Glee! Please view and give me gold stars!

(Hint: you can give as many gold stars as you want! ;D)

http://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=4045137

PS. For some reason the direct link doesn't work--search 'Alyssa' in the toolbar on the Glee page. I should be the first entry--I have no profile image. Thanks!

Just Like A Prayer...

Things have been going a lot more smoothly. I still have a lot to do (although tonight and tomorrow will take care of that, mostly), and there are only three weeks until the Wedding/Graduation!

Speaking of graduation, I intended to wear my Nanette Lepore to graduation, but then I went of Target.com and found this amazing number. It was such a great deal and the planets had aligned so well for me (on sale, free shipping, left in my size alone) that after sleeping on it, I decided to buy it for graduation. :) And I'll DEFINITELY wear it again, and again, and again...

I got to sit in on the senior animators reviewing their films so-far--John's looks really great! I can't wait until he finishes and inserts the remaining scenes!

I'm looking forward to coming home how--Em will be there, and I'm really looking forward to spending some time with her after barely seeing her for the past year! :P Apart from that, I have a friend who works at ModCloth, and she's a great contact--maybe I could work there and get to look at awesome clothes all the time? We'll see.

Hope you're all well! Good luck with finals/thesis!

-A.

Here comes the bridesmaid...

I received my bridesmaid dress yesterday, and I must say it was both better and worse than I imagined. This is it:

Granted, the color is digitally overlaid, but it's not too far off. The lime in my dress is only a few shades cooler than the digital approximation. However, the dress fits PERFECTLY, and I'm grateful for that (no need to spend any more on this dress than absolutely necessary). The cut is actually really flattering, and it's far less shiny than the picture indicates. Whew.

Just...the COLOR. I look like lettuce. And not even spring mix. Iceberg.

I decided I can shorten it someday and be Tinkerbell for Halloween. Or I could, you know, sell it. :P

Last night was a welcome bit of fun--John, Colin, Katie, Robin and I went to Turps (a local sports bar) for their half-price burger night, then to Rita's, then Katie and I kicked the boys out to watch Glee. :P ACTUALLY, they were just too lame to stay (although John watched it with me Tuesday night, so he's forgiven). I love having a group I can call home base, even if we only found each other in the last year of MICA. After all, I found my best friends from high school the summer after we graduated!

Not to wax too nostalgic (especially since we haven't even graduated yet!), but I'm really hopeful that we'll all stay close as we head out in our separate directions. Thankfully we all have Luke and Jessica's wedding next year, and eventually my own and maaaybe Colin and Katie's? ;)

I believe we can do it. :)

Early morning means a long day--hanging my senior show (which isn't the same as the commencement show) and watching more presentations, and just being thankful that today isn't last week. There's still a long way to go, but I'm learning how to take it better, slower.

Thank God I have so many blessings in the shape of John and my friends and family!

-A.

Looks like I get to keep my job..

Thank goodness!

I also spoke to my Uncle David about securing a loan for the rest of the rent I owe ($750). Mom was frustrated that I didn't ask for another $900 in order to pay back my godmother for the loan I got from HER. I understand and appreciate consolidating, but I'm not at all the type to ask for more than I immediately NEED, and since I'm paying it all back anyway, sending it off to two separate people or just one isn't really the battle I'm going to pick.

To my Mom it's a personal thing--she doesn't like that I got a loan from my godmother at all, and she feels that as Kathleen's close friend, it's her responsibility to get her money back first. Which I totally get, and in an ideal world, I agree. But it seems sort of weird to repay one loan with another. I don't know. Maybe I just didn't feel comfortable asking for almost $2000 from an uncle I'm not even that close to. But he was more than willing to help (Thank God), and we're on our way.

And actually, $750 is the number right now--I have another month to come up with whatever I can give my landlady before the lease is up, and I could be down to $500 by then! (Wishful thinking...) We'll see.

Today is a full day--thankfully I don't have class tonight, and can concentrate on doing work and going to bed early. WHEW.

Hope you're all well and caught up with whatever you're up to!

-A.

Limbo.

The meeting didn't tell me much--Lonnie still needed to think about whether or not he's going to fire me. I did cry, but I didn't intend to. We'll see what happens. He says his decision will be made by tomorrow.

Today was a procrastinator-y day, but I made more thumbnails than I ever have for an assignment, which is surprising. Although it was only four thumbnails--rather, eight, because the assignment is for two posters. John finished reading Pyramids to me today--we're reading Terry Pratchett's novels split into categories (Wizards, Witches, Death, Night Watch, etc.), and then reading in the order they were published within that category.

There are a few stand-alones that we're reading in between the categories--Pyramids is one of those. We've read the whole of the Wizard saga so far (minus one, which was a sort of comic book add-on, The Last Hero, which we're reading next): The Color of Magic, The Light Fantastic, Sourcery, Faust Eric, Interesting Times, and The Last Continent, plus Pyramids (That's seven books in about four months!). Small Gods is next, then the Witches.

We'll be reading 36 books in all. There are more--maybe we'll get around to those, too. :) And there are even more in store (by other authors) after that!

Almost sleep time. Hope you're well!

-A.

Whew.

Things have been much better since spilling the truth to Mom, but I'm still nervous about my meeting with Lonnie tomorrow--wish me luck!

In other news, I went to NYC yesterday for a class and walked through 15 galleries, thirteen of which were filled with shitty art. (UGH.) I really like New York (too bad John doesn't--too busy for him), and I wish I could have spent the day doing what I wanted rather than hiking through Chelsea in the chill.

I spent the first half of the day giving tours at the MICA Open House, which was fun, but TIRING, and now John and I are about to have dinner. Sorry to dash!

Hope you're all well!

-A.

Since this is all out in the open now...

I told Mom today, so now I can tell you all.

I owe my landlady $1250 in back rent. I got a $900 loan from my godmother a few months ago for part of the larger debt. I kept both of these things a secret from my mom for four months, which was stupid, I know, but I know how stressful her life is already.

The emotional breakdown I had this week was largely to do with this debt, and the fact that I had plans to move to a new place with Betsy and had the new deposit and slightly more expensive rent to worry about, etc. made me seize with a panic so intense I could barely see straight.

This afternoon, my mom began asking me questions about the new lease and the deposit and how I would pay and jobs, which sent me into a decision--I could lie and evade about the debt, or I could tell her and maybe get some real help. So, I told her. She wasn't mad, just frustrated that I left her out of it for so long.

We decided, tentatively, for me to move home and pay off the debt without worrying about rent or bills. It sucks that I won't be living as close to John as I'd hoped to, but this is more important right now. We'll still be together, after all--there's no changing that.

Feels good to get that off my chest.

-A.

...

These past 36 hours have been beyond awful. My anxiety has been eating me up over money and schoolwork and the time I have to do it in. I'm feeling a bit better after talking to John and Allan (my seminar teacher), but I'm still dealing with some bad crap. I honestly had an emotional breakdown yesterday--or as close to one as I've ever had before.

I accidentally missed a 6-9AM shift this morning, and I'm nervous about what that will mean for my job (although it's unlikely I'll be fired with only three weeks left in the semester), and due to my financial situation I CANNOT not have a job. I called my boss right away, of course, and I probably sounded hysterical (although I didn't cry, shockingly), but he was heading into a meeting and told me he would just send me an e-mail so we could follow up. Hopefully he is the kind of man who is afraid of tears and won't have the heart to fire me if I break down in his office. :P All kidding aside, however, it is serious, and I wish I could stop feeling like such a mess.

Allan, thankfully, excused me from Seminar today, and I got to have a relaxing shower. After John and I grab lunch, I'm spending the day on thesis, which has been sadly neglected due to my panic over getting stuff for my Portfolio presentation done. Allen also pushed that back to the 22nd for me. Whew.

I'm not bursting into hysterical tears at every thought of this misfortune now, thank God. Allan (who is also a Christian), gave me the always-great advice of surrender to God. I admit, I have been trying. I'm just not sure what surrender is supposed to feel like, I guess. I know God has taken amazing care of me, at least as far as my own eating habits are concerned, but I really just want this anxiety taken away so I can focus on what I have to do rather than on being a wreck for two hours.

I hope you're all having a better week than me. Wish me luck!

Love,

-A.

Easter.

I hope you're all (Christian and non-Christian alike) are having a good [Holy] week. :)

Easter as Christians know it is very different from how Easter began. We borrowed the word 'Easter' in the same way as we borrowed our Christmas date and traditions--from the pagans.

The bunnies-and-candy holiday we know now is actually a bit closer to the original celebrations of 'Ostara' or 'Eostre'--fertility festivals about the birth of spring and verdant things centered around a Germanic Goddess and most recently, the Neopagan/Wiccan community.

Easter, as celebrated by Christians, is about Jesus' Resurrection after the Crucifixion. Rebirth, forgiveness, etc. Good Friday is typically solemn--Jesus traditionally hung on the cross from noon until three in the afternoon. Up until this year actually, I spent these hours alone, just being quiet or reflecting. This year, I was eating crepes in the sunshine. Oooops...

But it's not as though I forgot--the Crucifixion is essential to the Christian faith.

HOWEVER.

It is very, VERY important to remember that the Crucifixion is not the most important part. The Resurrection is. The death is worthless without the rebirth. Christ did not die in vain because God lifted Him back up into Heaven, and us with Him! That's why Easter is so important. It's a celebration of our own eventual entry into Heaven. Isn't that AWESOME?!

I know! So go celebrate and thank God for your life!

John's mom and brother are in town to see Midsummer tomorrow night--we're going out to his aunt and uncle's in Annapolis tomorrow for a barbecue, and on Sunday for Easter mass and brunch! :D Hope you all have a wonderful day!

-A.

P.S. Thesis is coming along SLOOOOWLY. It would be going much faster if I wasn't worrying about:

a) My seminar presentation, complete with business cards and postcards, portfolio site and hard portfolio to pass around. BLECH.

b) My other assignments--a 5-8 page paper, weekly assignments for my worthless 'Professional Practice for the Visual Artist' course, and Life Style illustration assignments.

Wish me luck and (more importantly) motivation!

Yeah, basically.

"Today's liberalism may stand on decades of failed ideas, but it is failure in the name of American redemption. It remains competitive with -- even ascendant over -- conservatism because it addresses America's moral accountability to its past with moral activism. This is the left's great power, and a good part of the reason Barack Obama is now the president of the United States. No matter his failures -- or the fruitlessness of his extravagant and scatter-gun governmental activism -- he redeems America of an ugly past."

-From this article.

In other news, I updated my art blog with some colored digital sketches! Woot woot!

It's been a good past couple days--I spent almost 48 straight hours with John, because the water was turned off in my apartment and I like being able to use the bathroom/shower when I want to without walking a block. It's been nice. :) His room actually has light come through his unblocked window. I missed sunlight--although today has been RAINY. Blech.

Hope you're all having a good week so far!

-A.