Valentine's Day and a few churchy/cultural musings

Last year's Valentine's Day was a huge disappointment (even in Italy). This year made up for all that and more. :D

John and I went to church yesterday morning, then grabbed lunch at Sofi's Crepes with Emily and our neighbor Maggie before John had to go to rehearsal for Midsummer. I did laundry, showered and dressed for dinner before meeting John to go to P.F. Chang's in the Harbor. We caught the Light Rail and made it in time for our 6:30 reservations, which ended up being closer to 7:30 reservations due to delays. BUT, we got a super-awesome cushy VIP booth, so that made up for it. :) We got egg rolls (YES) and I got almond and cashew chicken, which was delicious, and John and I shared a banana spring roll dessert with pineapple-coconut ice cream. YUM! It was a really fun and relaxing dinner, and I just love him! :D

Nora (Robin's squeeze) and Dewey (Nora's elder brother and JEN'S recent romantic interest) also visited this weekend. Nora came to my performance at Coffeehouse of Luurrrve (I sang "I've Never Been In Love Before" from Guys and Dolls) and John, Jewey (as we nicknamed Jen/Dewey), Emily, Colin, Katie, Nora, Robin and I all gathered at our place to play Balderdash (for about three hours!) afterwards! Super fun and super silly. :D We'll just say--geese, swans, kakkerlak (kyaa-kur-lyaaaak), and The Stuff: DO YOU HAVE IT?

As I said, I woke up early yesterday, and John, Emily, Maggie and I went to church. The sermon itself was fine--about Jesus growing to learn and know His Father and His purpose, etc. However, there were two testimonies about 'Unity Month' in the church. The first was from a Korean woman who didn't really experience a racially-diverse church until she and her husband went to Paris for his job. When they came back they found Faith Christian Fellowship (where I attend), and knew that's where they wanted to belong because of it's diversity. Fair enough.

The second woman grew up quite sheltered--lived in Colorado, college in western Massachusetts. She decided to attend medical school in Baltimore, which was obviously a huge change. She started attending FCF and obviously found herself more integrated with non-whites. Okay, cool. BUT, then she used the phrase 'racial reconciliation', and spoke about how she realized we (as in, "we whites") have to repent for what our forefathers did to the slaves. "Our country was built on the backs of slaves and Native Americans," she said. "We need to stop overlooking and sugar-coating that aspect of history." She closed with, "Happy Black History Month!"

I was pretty annoyed by the whole testimony. Another thing--our bulletins explained Unity Day, and this sentence appeared: 'For youth who have grown up in a generation sheltered from the legal racism of our past, was the Obama victory a big deal?"

Firstly, it is important to remember that the US did own and use slaves for a hundred years before the Civil War. It is part of our history, and we teach that history in order to acknowledge that wrong to subsequent generations. I've never felt that the participation of slaves in the founding of our country was overlooked or underrepresented. In fact, I would say that that's an aspect of history we concentrated on. In my (Northern and mostly white) elementary and middle school, we absolutely observed Black History Month. It didn't make a big difference to me then--I was brought up to look at people as equals no matter what. (A side note--I despise the phrase 'African-American'. The first part of this article [vulgar though it may be] describes my thoughts on the subject exactly.)

As I got older, I heard about the movement to pay restitution to black families in our recent history (like, in the last thirty years), and it made me realize that it was a step backwards for anyone (of any race/color) to dwell on the mistreatment of blacks during slave times. Those who perpetrated those offenses (not to mention those who suffered them) are long dead. And not only that--private organizations were BOYCOTTED due to their connections to slavery. I'm talking as recently as 2005. Was the Emancipation Proclamation not enough of an apology? Freedom wasn't enough? I mean, I'm Irish--can I ask for reparations for MY ancestors being mistreated at the turn of the century? Can I boycott the places that denied them jobs until they apologize for their long-dead managers? What about Chinese History Month? Indian History Month? No? But I digress.

I do believe that racism is still alive and well--I'm not an idiot. I'm aware that several groups (racism does not belong to blacks, as it is unfortunately thought to) are being mistreated and prejudiced against in the US. However, I am a firm believer that this is an exception to the rule now.

The recent election is a whole other issue--the fact that it was so important that Obama was black (half-black--he's as black as he is white, people) was pretty sickening to me. WHO CARES IF HE IS BLACK? The important thing is if a politician is ready, competent, and if he or she in the best person for the job. Age, sex, and race/color DO NOT MATTER.

Obama's election could be an indicator that the US has reformed enough, and is 'ready', as a country, for a black president. Or, perhaps, we never had a more competent political option from another race/color in recent memory (Jesse Jackson? Al Sharpton? UGH.). Or perhaps, some people were voting for him because of his race and color. This CNN exit poll shows that the LARGE majority of every minority voted for Obama, including 95% of black men who voted voted for Obama, and 96% of black women. I think that it is just as bad to vote for Obama because he is a person-of-color as it is to vote against him for it. I could have cared less that Obama is half-black--I didn't vote for him because I think he was the absolute wrong choice.

It think it's time to stop singling out any race/color. The color of our skin is simply aesthetic. We are made equal. By paying more attention to one over another, we're moving away from equality and towards racism--however good our intentions may be.

I mentioned the testimony to my sister--her response was telling:

Lauren: Ahh, Black History Month. The most useless month of recognition...Me and my BLACK FRIEND FROM AFRICA were talking about that the other day. (Her emphasis--the friend is 'Jabbie', her neighbor from Sierra Leone. From Wikipedia: "Unlike most African nations, Sierra Leone has no serious ethnic or religious divisions. People often married across tribal and religious boundaries.")

Me: What did he say?

Lauren: He said that whenever they specially recognize black people then it's not equal, because they're trying to promote black people when they should be just like everyone else.

_______

Well, there you go.

Joyeux Anniversaire á moi!

You heard right--I am now 21!

Which, to those of you who have known me for any length of time, means that almost nothing will change, except that I can now go to bars with my friends without having to flash the bouncer/bartender. (JOKES.)

My weekend was excellent--the play was a success, and John and I got an amazing dinner at my godparents' house last night, as well as a new laptop from my mom (which I need to configure with my home internet somehow).

This morning was also very pleasant--I was my Problem of Evil class today with my slightly scary ex-CIA agent professor, and during our break, he did the little finger crook and beckoned me over, stony-faced. I about crapped my pants.

So, I walked over, and he looked at me levelly. "You've done it again."

Pause.

"You did very well on your test. You like this stuff, don't you? You're interested in it?"

I was so relieved, and totally pleased! We chatted a bit more about the distinct lack of God-talk that takes place at MICA before class started up again. When I got my test back, I saw that I did fine, but I certainly wasn't the highest grade in the class--I wondered why he'd chosen to take me aside. Maybe it was because my essay spoke so clearly to faith--my professor is a practicing Catholic. Either way, it was a very nice birthday gift. :)

My plan for the day--I have work until 3 (Robin did the packages at the desk for me as a gift!), then I'm going to shower and get ready for dinner with John, who is taking me out at 6 (but I get to open my gift before dinner! :D). We're going to get home before 9 in order to greet my friends, who are coming for the little get-together Jen planned for me! Yay!

I'll also be wearing the new dress that Lacie sent me. I've been in contact with her again, and was pleasantly surprised to find a package from her a few days ago. It's a gorgeous dress:

And I look fantastic in it. It's always great to be given the perfect birthday outfit.

I'm really looking forward to tonight! I'll update ASAP!

Love,

-A.

ETA: I can't believe I forgot to mention this--Lauren was awesome and called me exactly at midnight to wish me happy birthday. :D It was a very, very pleasant surprise and a very welcome talk. My sister is, once again, incredibly prying and inappropriate, but she really makes me laugh, and I love when she calls. :) I'm bummed I'll be missing her at Thanksgiving, but her birthday is coming up!

Halloween Fun!

There will be more and better photos eventually, but here we go:

My group was:

-Betsy and her little sister Mamie as Luigi and Mario, respectively.

-Robin as Robin A. Bank. (He's been a 'Robin' every year--Robin the Boy Wonder, Robin Hood, and Robin Williams as Patch Adams.)

-Jess as Quinn Fabray (from Glee!).

-Colin as Bob Ross (He even made Happy Tree stickers!).

-Katie as The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

-Ben as TinTin (I have no photos of him here yet--there was only one, and it was not flattering. :P).

-Jen as a Baltimore Cop (No photos of her yet either!).

-John as The Doctor (from Doctor Who--he is a huge Anglophile, in case you haven't noticed).

-Me as Alice (as you remember!).

Here's a better look at my costume (and incidentally John's), which I was very proud to have sewn myself out of an old thrift store dress and a dust ruffle! (Jen made my 'Drink Me' bottle at the last minute like a champ.)

It was a lot of fun--Robin was a leeetle drunk (and by a little, I mean blasted), and just did hilarious things all night. The after-MICA party came to our apartment and it was an all-around good time! I'm happy. :)

However, that means that it is now November. Let's see what that means:

Today is November 2nd.

Closer is in a week and a half.

My 21st birthday is in exactly two weeks.

My Mom's 46th birthday is in three weeks.

Thanksgiving is in three and a half weeks.

My sister's 19th birthday is in exactly four weeks.

Winter Break is three weeks after that.

BLAAAAH.

Love,

A.

Pumpkin Picking and Wedding Accoutrements.

I forgot to mention the awesome time I had picking pumpkins at Baugher's Farm on Sunday afternoon with Robin, Colin, Katie, Ben, Nicolette, and Jen! (Shame on me!)

We went up around 1:30 and found the place to be PACKED, waited in line a few times for the hay ride up to the pumpkin patch (which was fine, because the weather was PERFECT). We took a lot of absurd photos (including an extended photo shoot where Robin and Colin switched shirts and Robin climbed all over the broken tractors pretending to be a farmer). I'll post some when I get them. :)

We all got the perfect pumpkins (Jen had a huge one, then she saw an abandoned one while we were in line for the hay ride back, and spent ten minutes deciding which one she wanted), and got some food (yummy hot dogs, hamburgers, and fries), then checked out the marketplace and tasted some amazing (FREE!) apple cider and fudge. We also acted like little kids and took photos in the 'face-sticky-outie' things (You know what I'm talking about), and got a hilarious video of Colin playing on the kids ride-y tractor.

:D I love my friends.

Even better, on Wednesday we're having a Pumpkin Carving/Seed Roasting/Pie Making party (with the apples Colin and Katie picked from the same farm the week before)! I need to prep my design! (I bet Colin will have something appropriately geeky and type-based. :P Graphic Designers. Sheesh.)

ALSO, I finally got some info back on Alexandre and Rheanna's wedding! I got a message from Rheanna with all of the bridesmaids attached, so we can start being all buddy-buddy. I'm excited. :)

Another good thing--I may be doing an illustration job for a Baltimore sports blog! At this point, it REALLY looks like it needs a designer instead of an illustrator, but if they pay me, I don't really care! :P I like Baltimore, I like sports, I like drawing! And I like money. It's a win-win-win.

Betsy is coming this weekend, too! So much excitement! And yet, I need to be concentrated on my thesis, etc. Signed up for ArtMarket, and I have some stuff to assemble.

Love you all, and I hope you're well.

-A.

Hopefully the Summer of Death has passed on as well...

It's been an emotional week over here--my Aunt Suzanne, who was diagnosed with cancer in May, died on Tuesday at about 5 AM--my Dad called me while I was in class, and there was this moment of confusion: 'Why is he calling? We just talked a few days ago...' Then it struck me that Suzanne must have died--he'd mentioned in the last call that there wasn't much longer. I slipped out of class and listened to the voicemail he left--sure enough, she'd died. I called him back, and he told me he and Lisa were the last people to see her--they tucked her in around midnight. She's being cremated, so he said he'd call back when they had plans for a memorial--it didn't have to be right away because she isn't being interred.

I was sad for Dad, and for Suzanne's live-in boyfriend and his son. It's odd, because I was out-of-town for the entirety of Suzanne's treatment, save Robby's funeral, and I barely saw my DAD that weekend, let alone had the chance to visit Suzanne. It's like it didn't happen.

I'm not super-close to my Dad's family, but Suzanne was absolutely the aunt that made the most effort with us. Remembered our birthdays, etc. She, like the rest of Dad's side, had her major issues, but she was fun and sweet and good-hearted.

The rest of the week was fine, if less productive than I'd have liked (story of my life)--John and I attended our first read-through on Saturday. It went well, although we all still have work to do. I need to learn how to make a British accent sound natural in two months' time. Get excited. And John and I were getting pretty excited about the trip to Annapolis we planned for this coming weekend to attend the Navy Homecoming football game with his family, even though we'd have to miss a rehearsal, which is whatever, because the game is a great opportunity to bond with John's people. (Again.) :)

Sunday was a particularly full day--Emily, John, and I got up early to go to the farmer's market with Melissa and a cute little junior named Mika, which was a lot of fun--we sang Disney songs. :D Afterwards, Em, John, Jen and I attended church. I was so thankful that Jen decided to attend with us, and to me complete joy, she loved it, and wants to keep coming with us! I'm really excited for that. The service itself was really great--we arrived a bit late, but we managed to integrate ourselves into the congregation during the sign of peace. Perfect timing. :P

The message was about poverty and wealth, and about the provisions of God, which is something I struggle with. I've been getting better about it, though! It was just good to have that reinforcement--God will always provide, and he has.

Dad called while I was in church--during the week, I talked to both Mom and Lauren about coming home for the service, etc. Lauren and I both expressed reluctance--it's inconvenient and expensive to get home, not to mention that we're not on the best terms with Dad. However, we also knew he'd take it as a personal insult if we were to explain that we're busy (I'm a senior in the midst of thesis. and Lauren is still getting used to a whole new school), and would take it out on us for months/years to come.

Dad left a voicemail, which I listened to after the service. As it turns out, the memorial service was planned for Saturday, the same day as the football game. :( Agonizing decision time. So, I called Lauren, who decided that she may as well go home for it (She also noted that I should "Just go to the game--repayment for all the times Dad bailed on us.", which is ungenerous, but not unfair.). Mom sympathized with me, and we weighed the options together (1. Have a fun weekend with my boyfriend's family and make sure Dad writes me out of his will. 2. Go home and sit in my Nana's parlor for an hour and half, hating life, but still ensuring $300 for Dad come Christmas).

The frustrating part was that I knew what I had to do, but it's very difficult to accept the fact that I would get no grace from him in this, and I honestly need the small sum he gives me every year for school. I hate having to depend on someone unreliable, but as pathetic as it is, I made the choice to go home and ensure that sum. Obviously John was understanding and encouraging (as he always is, the dear), but I was still pretty disappointed that I'd have to miss out on time with him and with his family, especially as The Girlfriend instead of The Mystery Friend-Thing. :P

I called Dad back, and without mentioning the game, told him that I intended to come home. He gave me a little relief by saying he'll be paying for my ticket home and back, which is nice, and I am starting to look forward to seeing Lauren and Brian (I miss making 'Why I Love Brian' posts--we haven't talked much lately) and Brandon, and Mom and KJ. I wouldn't have made it back until Thanksgiving, otherwise. And I do feel good about going back to be with Dad, even if it's hard to be the bigger person. I can do it and I'll try and be charitable.

As I mentioned in my last entry, John met my parents and godparents last weekend. It went quite well--Kathleen (my godmother) was completely charmed by him ("He's CATHOLIC?!! How wonderful!") and while my godfather Dane and my Mom goofed on his nerdiness, they liked him a lot as well. Mom came to Baltimore on the evening of the 14th and had dinner with John and I, which also went well, and I brought up the idea of bringing John home for Thanksgiving, which she was very receptive to. Unfortunately, John's mom was less into the whole thing, and put the kibosh on that pretty quickly, which I understood, as Thanksiving is her holiday in New Jersey, blahblahfamilytime.

However, despite her reluctance to let John travel one state over for Thanksgiving, she is apparently willing to pay for half of my plane ticket to go to England with John and two of our friends--they're going for Spring Break to visit John's friends from Bournemouth (where he studied this past spring). Now, this SOUNDS great, and I would love to be able to do it, but A) My mom is VERY against this idea ("You'd be traveling with a boy who is not your husband!"). Granted, I would go anyway, but that brings us to B) Even half a ticket is out of my price range.

My solution: Ask Dad for a Christmas/Graduation gift. :D Sounds perfect, right? Cue Aunt Suzanne's death. That sounds insensitive--I don't consider Suzanne's death a burden in that way--but truly, it is not the right time to be asking for money to be whisked away to Europe for a week. But who knows, maybe when I go home we'll talk about it.

But NOW, as this entry took me a day and a half to complete and post, it's time to go to my first one-on-one rehearsal with Kristin as Alice! It should be fun.

Love--

-A.

I fear the drop, but once I get started...

Last Friday afternoon, Colin, who organized our Six Flags trip, Facebook-chatted me with the warning that hurricane-level rains/storms would be hitting NJ the following day, and could we maybe take the trip Sunday instead? Now, the trip had already been rescheduled once, and I had work on Sunday, not to mention that this was short-notice and this had been a seven-day forecast. I told him no way.

SO, I woke up at 7:20 AM the next morning, and called Robin five times to make sure HE was up and moving. Jen and I walked down to Colin/Katie's place at eight and met up with the three of them and Jess, who drove from Frederick, MD to be with us! We had some coffee and chit-chatted before driving out at 8:30.

The drive was easy, and a lot of fun--I actually felt so joyful to be spending time with these new friends. Colin drove, Robin was in the passenger seat, Katie, Jess, and I were in the back seat, and Jen was in the way back, where there were two extra seats one can pull out for children. :P The only hassle we ran into was a little bit of traffic about ten miles outside of the park.

We finally arrived, and the sky looked grey and it had already rained, but we were hopeful. After all, the park was nearly empty, which is always good. We met Betsy (!) in the entrance of the park, where she'd been cooling her heels waiting for us for about a half hour, but in the meantime, had made friends with a guy on stilts. We also noticed the 458' (45 stories) tower of Kingda Ka, currently the world's tallest and fastest coaster. It's pretty scary-looking, but Robin and I both committed to it first thing.

Blessedly, the rain held off all day, and the sun even came out! It was perfect. The first roller coaster we went on was El Toro--we all rode it (Jen gets nervy about coasters, and it was ALMOST the only one we all rode together), and it was TERRIFYING. I wasn't sure if I could do Kindga Ka after wimping out on El Toro--a wooden coaster.

But we kept on trucking, and by the end of the day, Robin, Colin, Jess, and I had ridden every coaster in the park (Jen, Katie, and Betsy sat out a few. Losers. :P), eaten some tasty amusement park hot dogs and french fries, gotten soaked on the Rapids ride (Jess and I, at least), and treated ourselves to ice cream.

So, yes, we rode Kingda Ka. It was really nerve-wracking at first, especially with the signs placed at the entrance of the ride that read: "Sometimes Kingda Ka's train doesn't make it over the hill. This is a normal occurance. The track is designed to reverse itself and reset." SCARY. But, we did it, and it was actually a lot of fun! I can't imagine being in the front row for that one though. :/

Since we got done with all of the coasters fairly early (we had less than 15 minute waits on all rides), I suggested that we do a couple again. We re-rode Bizarro with Jen and Katie, who missed out the first time, and Betsy, Robin, Colin, and I got in line to re-ride Nitro. When we got to the top of the line, obviously the line was longest for the front row (Nitro seats four-across), but Colin suggested we wait it out (all four minutes longer) and ride in front. New Daredevil-Alyssa was all about it, and Betsy, after slight hesitation, agreed. So, we strapped in.

I should preface by saying that Robin is afraid of the big, slow ascent, not the drop. There's something about it that really freaks him out--the possibility that something could go wrong. Kingda Ka has a massive ascent, but it goes 128 miles per hour, so there's barely time to register it. Nitro, however, is loooong and sloooow. I was happy as a clam, and Robin, two seats over, was like stone, clutching his harness and fixed on the top of the hill. In an attempt to loosen him up, I reached over Betsy to give him a high-five.

He glanced briefly in my direction, "I'm good." I had to laugh.

The ride was, naturally, the best one of the day. :)

Katie, Jess, and I boldly danced with the creepy Mr. Six guy in front of a crowd of people after that (there is video that I'll post when I can), doing the Macarena and the Cha Cha Slide and YMCA. We left the park pretty soon after that, and said goodbye to Betsy (:( ), and got on the road. The drive back was a more difficult, as the sky broke open less than twenty minutes after we left the park (Colin is a trooper). We decided to drive through Colin's hometown in PA, right near Philly, and get a cheesesteak. It was delicious, and nice to see a piece of Colin's life outside of MICA. :) Post-cheesesteak, the rain was even WORSE, elevating Colin from 'trooper' to 'demi-god' at maneuvering through it.

I had the awesome opportunity to bond with Katie, Colin, and Jess, who I don't see that often/know that well, and see Betsy, who is all ready to be an accomplished graduate student! I'm confident that the trip will spawn a pretty awesome set of friendships. At least, I hope so.

Secondly, I started classes:

Monday: The Problem of Evil. My professor is a stern-looking man with a cane who attended Yale, Oxford, and St. Andrews. He was drafted in 1969 (after dropping out of his first year of college) and went to Southeast Asia for 13 months, and returned to an offer to work for the CIA, which he did for a couple decades. He'd learned 15 or so languages before he suffered a stroke in 2003 or 2004. He had to relearn talking and walking, and he writes with his left hand now. Since then, he's brought his knowledge of languages up to nearly 20. WHAT. WHAT. AMAZING. So far, this class looks like it will be fascinating in matters of faith. I'll be challenged and reaffirmed all-together, I think. I'm excited. :)

Tuesday: The Lab. Whitney Sherman, my professor, is the chair of the illustration department. She's been described as a 'Dragon Lady', but that hasn't come out at all yet. The point of this class is to produce something to be sold--being so wrapped up in my thesis plans, I had to come up with something on the fly, and ended up with a pretty great idea, if I do say so myself! Obviously, writing is therapy to me. Also, revenge/retribution/justice has been a recent theme in my life. SO, I combined the two, and intend to make a witty "Little Book of Revenge"--a sort of workbook for people to put down all the things they WISH they could do, without actually causing harm, of course. There'll be sections for each sort of offender (exes, co-workers, roommates, telemarketers), and a blank section for "Supplies" and "Execution". I think it'll be a hit--my classmates laughed and Whitney was encouranging. At least...I'd buy it. :)

Wednesday: Art and Architecture of Ancient Egypt. The best thing about this class is that I know and am friends with a lot of people in it. :) My professor is a youngish fat man with that unfortunate idea that luscious, shoulder-length hair will distract me from his hugeness. However, he seems knowledgable, and I'm looking forward to it, although it seems like a lot of work.

Thursday: Senior Thesis. The doozy. My section, with the very-pregnant, very-British, and very-adorable Rebecca Bradley, is populated with a few unfortunate candidates (in both personality and quality of work), but overall, I'm pleased. My presentation was okay, but it just reinforced the amount of work I need to get done. BLAAAH.

Senior Seminar. Allan Comport is my hero. I resolve to become one of his favorites by the end of this year, dammit. The whole of MICA IL '10 (about 100 students) broke into "study groups" of five--sort of support groups for the coming year. I got nervous--one of the unfortunate candidates above nearly approached me to form a group, but I wiggled out, and my group consists of: Tiff (Marla's roommate), Michael (Robin's roommate), Kyle (one of the first kids I made friends with at MICA), and Adam (who is a practical stranger to me, but is very nice and pretty cute :P). I'm nervous--I always get nervous about sharing work--but I think this'll be a good group, especially since I need to learn Photoshop and Kyle is really good. :D

Objectivity: What I thought was going to be a class related to the divine ratio, and other mathematical awesomeness is now a class unrelated to "Nature, numbers, and doubt", as the subtitle first referenced, but rather "An introduction to the philosophy of science." It's going to get bloody. :P John and I will be the lone Christians/Conservatives holding down the fort in the corner. My professor, Patrick, is a nearly-thirty, bald southern man who is actually really attractive (there's a touch of James McAvoy in him), but has this absurd and amazing Southern-crossed-with-posh-philosopher voice. I can't even begin to describe it without an accompanying imitation.

As far as Hector, it isn't even worth explaining at this point--our wires got crossed, misunderstandings, blah blah. Ian helped me sort things out a bit on my end thanks to his insight into Hector's feelings (or lack thereof). It's basically as I suspected-but-chose-to-push-away: He's not interested in a relationship, and I suspect if he was, he wouldn't want it with me. This was a big disappointment at first, but I'm dealing and am really looking forward to moving ahead as FRIENDS. Ian was kind enough to soften the blow by letting me in on the fact that Hector said he really enjoys spending time with me [as a friend], and I think, awkwardness aside, we'll be fine. :) Special thanks to Emily, Robin, Brandon, and Jen for putting up with me.

In other news, for those of you who are QVHSites, ALEXANDRE IS ENGAGED AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL. For those of you who don't know who that is, Alexandre (or 'The Xandman'), was a sweet but SUPER-nerdy kid in my College-in-High-School French class senior year. He got a girlfriend his freshman year at Pitt, and our CHS class was so stunned and thrilled, we actually organized a BARBECUE at his house in order to meet her. It was excellent, and she's very cool.

SO, three years later, they're all engaged! Yay!

I've also spent the last few days visiting with John and his friend from the UK, Abi, who he met while studying abroad. She's really funny and fun, and isn't offended that my apartment is London-themed and nicknamed "The Flat". (Emily R., hopefully you aren't offended either. :P) Today I'll be hanging out with them again, and if the new friendship I'm trying to establish with Hector works out for tonight, I'll see him this evening. Wish me luck!

Anyway, I'm off to hang out with Robin soon. I'm showered, wearing my new skirt and feeling pretty good (despite my small problem of missing 2/3 of a desk shift this morning...ooops). Hopefully the rest of my day can be productive and fun!

More soon--Love!

-A.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

I have this bad habit of weaving these elaborate fantasies and letting myself believe they have roots in reality. Or, perhaps, the roots are in reality, but I sprinkle this Fantastical Miracle-Gro on them that makes it sprout into something that is very pretty, but ultimately fabricated.

Then again, I'm hard on myself--even my friends think he's shown interest.

Let me get to the point: last night, I saw Hector, and he invited me to a movie/party at Ian's (Robin's freshmen roomie and my first MICA crush) place. We went on a walk through Bolton Hill beforehand, and he called Ian to confirm the plans, and mentioned that he was with me. I invited Robin, Emily, and Jen, and we all went and had a really great time. Hector had to go back to Virginia for the night, so I asked if I could walk him out. He said yes--and not in a hesitant or grudging way--so I walked him out. I have to say, I was pretty tipsy. As soon as Ian's apartment door closed, Hector started power-walking out. I asked what was with the Speedy McSpeedster-ness, and he just mumbled that he "always walks fast when he's tipsy". Me: WHAT?

So, we get out to his car, and he opens his door and stands behind it. "Well, I'll see you later." Me: "Um...are you not going to hug me goodbye?" He hugs me--and not a weenie, lame hug either, a good one. I remind him about our lunch plans, and then he hesitates: "Well, I'm supposed to have lunch with Ian and Eileen when I get back..." Me: "Well, whenever you can." And he left.

UGH. I felt like an idiot for the rest of the evening--I'm trying to take into account that Hector is quiet and reserved, but this is still confusing. I even went so far as to talk to Ian about it, which was actually really funny:

Me: "Sooo...I have a megacrush on Hector."
Ian: "Psh, I know."
Me: "WHAT?! HOW?"
Ian: "When he told me he was with you tonight, when he called me."
Me: "HAS HE SAID ANYTHING?!"
Ian: "No, but I think he likes you."
Me: "???!?!?!?!"
Ian: "You're his type, you know?"
Me: "KO$ M)IF&^K FP W%$GR?!!"
Ian: "Don't sweat it--you could probably just tell him, haha!"
Me: "No, you really don't understand--"
Ian: "But he hasn't said anything to me, or I'd tell you. See ya!"
Me: *reduced to a ridiculous, quivering mass of nervous laughter*

So, that buoyed my spirits for about ten minutes, then I got into The Flat (our new nickname for our now London-themed apartment--my room is Little Italy) with Jen and Emily and I got really frustrated with myself, because of the first paragraph of this entry. I have mentioned here before that I have the tendency to not let myself be sad--I belittle my own upsettedness because I know that I do this stupid fantasy thing and I need to train myself not to.

I force myself to be fine--"I'll be fine tomorrow, I know I'm being stupid, this is dumb." People always tell me, "You're allowed to be upset, this isn't your fault. Feel what you feel." But I can't. At least not until I'm in private, and even then I berate myself. My mom gave me some advice as an adolescent for when I ran into small-to-medium frustrations or troubles: "Let yourself be a complete mess for 24-36 hours, then let it go." Now, I don't like being a mess at all, especially when I don't deserve it. There is NO REASON for me to be upset. NOTHING HAPPENED!

Bah. Why do the guys I like feel lukewarm about me, but the guys who like me are the ones I feel lukewarm about? Jen and I were lamenting that fact yesterday afternoon. Why can't I fall for someone who can fall for me so completely? Emily was great about that--she assured me that I should never settle. She told me I'm amazing, and should be with a guy who knows and acknowledges that.

But enough. I'm now concentrating my energies into getting Robin a date, which seems to be going well thus far. :) I pushed the baby bird out of the nest and he's starting to fly! (I'm lame and cheesy. :P)

Funny aside: After seeing me with both Robin and Hector, Emily hesitantly said: "I can't really see you with anyone but..."

"Robin?" Jen helpfully supplied.

"Yeah," she admitted guiltily. Aw, Em. :)

Also, hilarious. :D

:D

Okay! After a few days of suspense, I finally got to see Hector yesterday evening!

It was sort of funny, really. He arrived Sunday night--I'm not sure what time--but I didn't get to see him. The next morning, Emily W. went to graduate orientation. Mid-morning I realized Hector must be orienting as well, and lurked around campus like a creep for a couple hours hoping to spot his tour group. I'm dumb. :P

Naturally, I didn't see him, so I went home for a little while and tried to work. In that time, Hector had tweeted a photo of his vantage point at the graduate luncheon--he was sitting directly behind Emily! I tweeted him back about it, remarking on the coincidence, and he asked why she hadn't said hello, and broke the news that he would be leaving for VA that night! Emily got home at about 3:30, and I mentioned the exchange--she'd recognized Hector, actually, and had meant to say hi, but got caught up in her day, which is fine, of course, but she promised to introduce herself at the graduate dinner at 6 pm.

So, I went to the MICA store and bought a new sketchbook, then arranged myself in the park, in the shade of a tree, to sketch for awhile before Robin called, then Paul called! He's back in Baltimore, and he met me in the park before I ushered him back to my apartment to meet Emily. After a little while, Jen got home, and the three of us goofed around while Emily got ready to go back for dinner. Close to 7 pm, my phone rang. Dum-duh-duh-DUM! Triumph!

I answered, trying not to sound too eager, and Hector told me that Emily had introduced herself, and that she suggested that he come say hey--so he did! He had arrived outside at that point, so we hung up, and I hurled myself into the living room at Jen and Paul: "OMG HECTOR'S DOWNSTAIRS!", then hurled myself out of the apartment before patting my hair and proceeding calmly (but cutely) down the stairs to open the door for him. We hugged, and I showed him up to the apartment. We sat at the kitchen table and he acknowledged that it was a little weird to be with me in person, after texting and tweeting all this time. But it was comfortable and nice and we talked about our families and crazy parents and hometowns and favorite places and thesis.

He talked more than I did, which was welcome, but he listened intently to all my insanity, and he LOVED the chart on the fridge that I made about all of the Apartment 6 drama that took place amongst Rybin VanSchachlin (one link per syllable) last fall. We talked about art and his new apartment (it was nice, he was using phrases like "When you see the apartment", etc.), and he stayed about an hour. And OF COURSE, in the last two minutes of our visit, he says something about the force behind believing. I say: "I believe a lot of things." His response? "Oh, well, I don't believe in anything." UUUUGH. ANYWAY. When I walked him out, I told him we should make lunch plans for the following week, once he gets back from Virginia. He answered, "Absolutely." :D

SO, he left, and Emily returned about an hour and a half later. I immediately informed her that she's a saint, and she told me how it went down: she approached him at the dinner, and introduced herself, and mentioned that I'd shown her Ink, and that's how she knew who he was (and not through my massive crush). They laughed about the Twitter-related coincidence of sitting near each other at the luncheon, and apparently Hector remarked that the Twitter stuff is "this passive-aggressive thing [he and I] do". Hmmm. Then HE asked if I was around and what I was doing, and when Emily said I was at the apartment just hanging out. So HE said that he should stop by, which she obviously encouraged. So he did! Yay! :)

Yeah, I really don't want to wait a week to talk to him again, BUT, he'll be here all year. So.

Woo!

Classes start in less than a week. WTF. Hopefully I can get everything done!

Love,

A.

Returning to the Recent Past and other kinds of Time-Travel.

Lauren and Abby picked me up from the bus station when Robby died, and one of the first conversations we had was about his idea of the afterlife. Lauren, being as close with Robby as she was, was lucky enough to get a packet of photocopied pages directly from Robby last summer--the packet, according to Robby, summed up his ideas and beliefs about God and the world around us.

I got the chance to skim it the day before the funeral--Lauren had left it out on her bed, having finally gotten around to reading it. I'm afraid I don't remember specifics, but I remember the bulk of it having to do with reconciling God and Science into Order--to be neither purely scientific or purely religious in name. The phrase 'God of Order' was used a lot.

The point is, Lauren was vehement about Robby's salvation--"I can't believe that he's in Hell. I cannot believe that." And I agreed. But how does one get around that niggling Biblical message? John 3:16 and everything we learned about in Sunday school?

I've been coming across a few interesting passages on this subject lately, including this entry from a blog called Growing Up Lane, written by two young Catholic sisters:

"Vatican II teaches that 'Those who, through no fault of their own, do not know the gospel of Christ or his church, but who nevertheless seek God with a sincere heart, and moved by grace, try in their actions to do his will as they know it through the dictates of their consciences—those too may achieve eternal salvation (LG 16).' Also, in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) we find this: 'Every man who is ignorant of the gospel of Christ and of his Church but seeks the truth and does the will of God in accordance with his understanding of it can be saved. It may be supposed that such persons would have desired baptism explicitly if they had known its necessity' (CCC 1260).

God has written Himself into all of our hearts, and this is known to most people as conscience. Those who seek and have a conscious desire to do good, to respond to this knowledge of God in their heart, are participating in God’s plan and serving Him as faithfully as is possible for them. Just because they are ignorant of the source of the graces and salvation they may receive, it does not mean that they cannot attain them. This, however, is not an excuse for settling for what you have and refusing to further your knowledge of God. We must continually work to join ourselves with God as intimately as possible. As Catholics, we believe that this is reached as a member of the Church that was founded by Christ, and participating in the sacraments He has given us, most importantly joining in true communion with Him through the celebration of the Eucharist.
So, 'no salvation outside of the Church' means that salvation only comes from Christ through the Church, not that only members of the Church are saved."

I am no longer Catholic, of course, but I think this is a good sum-up. While, yes, the Bible says that salvation is only for those who believe in Christ and the promises of the Crucifixion and Resurrection, this leaves a lot of holes and possibilities ('What about the pygmies who've never heard of Jesus?!'). Obviously, we can't rely on the idea that Robby didn't know anything about God or Christianity--his parents are Christians, and I know they attended a Lutheran church (I'm pretty sure it was Lutheran) as children. But, knowing that God is merciful and gave us a brain to explore, paired with the idea of God "writing Himself onto our hearts" as our conscience--the bottom line is, God doesn't want us to fail.

Another thing--and hopefully this doesn't come off as morbid--but Robby's death was one without fault. It wasn't a car accident or suicide (blessedly). It was an Act of God--I would say, a specific event that serves to further God's will. This doesn't make it a pleasant endeavor--Robby's death was intensely painful--but it offers some explanation: God's plan working through the life and death of a young man seeking knowledge. I can only hope that this explanation doesn't cause anyone to blame God.

I was flipping through my History of Silence course notes yesterday morning as well, and found two quotes I wrote in that apply:

"Because you seek Me with your whole heart, I will let Myself be found." -God to Man

and

"In my practice, actively trying to find something: it becomes there." -Keenan, (a classmate of mine)



In other news, I got a random Facebook chat message from Lacie's older brother Wesley night before last. We've never spoken ten words to each other, so this was surprising (I thought it was Lacie, at first, but the conversation quickly proved to me that it wasn't.) So, we had a game of Scrabble and we talked about my thesis project. After he beat me by 100 points, heh, we said goodnight, and he told me to let him know the next time I visit NYC (he lives there now and his pursuing his doctorate of philosophy). Hold your horses--he lives with his long-time girlfriend in the city, so no romantic interest from either side. As if.

Things with Hector are...progressing. Nicely.



:)



I also got the chance to talk on the phone with Paul for the first time in forever! It was really awesome in all--it's been a LONG time--but of course, we had to breach the Marla/Me/Robin topic. And here I thought Paul was Mr. Neutral, which is apparently not the case. He took the opportunity to knock my legs out from under me: "Then I heard Marla's side of the story and was a lot less okay with the situation after that...but I'm not getting involved. It's none of my business." GRAAR.

I actually let it slide pretty well yesterday, but today I found myself really angry. Like, REALLY angry about it. I was at the point where I was almost totally cool with everything, then that little comment threw me off. Which should be a big hint that I wasn't really okay about it. I guess it's just frustrating that I continue to be the sole perpetrator in this, that my name is the one getting kicked around eight months later. Hm.

ANYWAY. I have an awesome week-and-a-half to look forward to: Emily W. moves in tomorrow and Hector gets back Sunday, then I have my last week of work, and THEN SIX FLAGS with Colin, his girlfriend Katie, Robin, Jen, Jess, Ben, and BETSY! It'll be so fun! I can't wait. Then school. CRAP.

But I AM excited, and I can't wait to see everyone! :D Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on a very important conversation. :P



Love,

-A.

Bethany Beach!

Most of you know I spent Friday-Monday at Bethany Beach in Delaware with John's family (after my minor-to-moderate eff-up of missing the Thursday night bus)--I had a marvelous time.

I met his whole maternal side--the Orsinis (Mrs. J's brother Rick, his wife Karen and their four young'uns: Ricky, twins Cassie and Brianna, and baby Nicky), the Cunninghams (Mrs. J's younger sister Nancy, her husband Ken, and 16-year-old twins Tom and Matt), and the Schmermunds (Mrs. J's older sister Janet, her husband Bob, son Richie and his fiancée Mandee (both 20) and daughter Kat (24) and her cute boyfriend Doug. [Bobby (22) is their brother, but he didn't come.]). BAM. All from memory.

Anyway, my first evening was easy, because we had crabs that night for dinner, and it's hard to be self-conscious while eating crabs. :P

Mandee and Richie arrived that night, and since the two of them are so close in age to John and I, we ended up bonding over the next few days--the next day at the beach was PERFECT weather. Sunny but not too hot, and the water was SO WARM. IT was wonderful, except that John is a killjoy who refuses to swim. Jerk. But we DID have a nice beach walk and talked some stuff out, which reinforced to me that I am not crazy, and when I mean something I'm usually saying it truthfully and accurately. I admit, I was a little vindicated after that conversation--it made me realize that it was more misunderstanding and none of the inadvertent leading-on-of-John it was made out to be.

I only suffered a tiny bit of sunburn on my back (even though I was wearing an SPF 50 sunscreen made for babies! Or "Baby 50" as we dubbed it during the trip). That'll teach me to try and sunscreen my back by myself. Ooops.

That night was the PIRATE MURDER-MYSTERY PARTY. It was so much fun and everyone got into it (save the Orsinis, who left that afternoon)--I was Alice Tremain, "shrewd and intelligent" first mate to 'Saucy' Nancy Martin (John's Aunt Nancy). It was a total blast, and I had a sexy costume and made some pretty amazing costumes for OTHERS on the fly. Even though I wasn't the MOST successful in the game (although there is no clear 'winner'), I had a lot of fun and it made me a lot more comfortable to talk to people I didn't really know (after all, you HAVE to be friends after plotting someone's death/fighting a duel/bargaining for a governor's pardon, right?).

The next day John and I stayed in--I read while he napped, and we went into town in the evening and bought him some sunglasses (I picked them out and he looks fabulous) and books, and a touristy t-shirt for me. :P

We had a big spaghetti dinner that evening, and after the grownups went to bed, Kat, Richie, Mandee, John, Anthony (John's younger brother), and I had a board game fest. We split into two teams (I was with Mandee and Richie) and we played Pictionary, Taboo, and Smart Mouth--it was a lot of laughs and a lot of fun ('TooT", "Dance Dance ___?" "In your Pants-Pants!"). :D

We made it to the beach the next morning and saw a pod of dolphins swimming close to shore. :) John and I shared my towel and read our books while Richie and Mandee played backgammon and Anthony watched. It was just really pleasant and relaxed. Mandee and I bonded about the recent engagement and upcoming wedding (Wooooo!) and over Gossip Girl, but disagree on hockey (boo, Caps!). And Richie attends the Naval Academy and is fun and funny and they're adorable and I'm going to stop gushing now before the cuteness starts coming out of my ears.

Although, I DID get the third degree from John's mom a bit. If you've been following mine and John's tumultuous history (:P), you know that I opened up the lines of communication with him mom when I went to NJ to see Harry Potter. I did this so I could erase the stigma of the flaky impression I'd given her based on my tentativeness towards John. But I was pretty stunned when she basically cornered me Monday morning: "How are you and John? I know you're staying just friends..."

It started out innocently enough; I apologized for the confusion--I hate looking flaky and lame. She was surprisingly abrupt. "I guess I was just wondering--why did you even come here? Did you just come to tell him you didn't want to be with him?"

"Uh, no, of course not. Honestly, I came because I selfishly wanted to meet and be accepted by your family. You're all wonderful."

"Why have you been bringing up Christine so much?" (As you may remember, Christine is John's ex who is pretty obsessed with the idea of getting back together, and is none-too-thrilled about the fact that I was invited to Bethany this year after only three months of a friendship, while she was only invited after four years of a relationship. Ooops.)

"Because it's funny." (Seriously! She kept calling!)

And out of NOWHERE, it gets personal: "What about you and Robin? You guys dated but you're still close." I'm not sure what she meant by this--maybe she thinks I'm still holding on to Robin how Christine is holding on to John? Which is NOT the case in the LEAST. Let's make that clear.

"He's my best friend. Yeah, we dated, but that was 1/5 of our time together. We're BEST FRIENDS."

"It just seems to me like you're waiting on someone else. Waiting to text or call someone else."

Now, I told John about Hector--writer of Ink and my current interest--during our beach walk, but he didn't mention that part to his mom. She's good.

"You're good. Yes, there is someone, but I'm not trying to make John hold out for me until it works out/doesn't work out with this other boy." Obviously.

"I'm not trying to be the interfering mom here, but he is my son. But if you guys are cool, I'm cool."

I did understand that, and I was too put-on-the-spot to really process, but later, talking to Jen, I realized that it was an overstep on her part. John and I are both adults. And we are, indeed, 'cool'. So, if a conversation like that happens again (which I doubt it will), I maaay have to be a little more firm.

But overall, the trip was excellent, and it was a great chance for me to meet and get to know new people and get closer to John and his family. :)

For those of you that never saw me in Ink, here's a link to the whole short film--it's about 20 minutes. Enjoy! :D

I'll update when something fun happens--only two weeks left until classes start! Both awesome and nerve-wracking.

Love,

-A.

P.S. I WANT:

I constantly break my own rules.

(ETA: I meant to post this yesterday, but it saved as a draft for some reason. Sorry!)

Firstly, go listen to DNA. I saw them live by accident--I was leaving work yesterday and they were playing on the ESPNZone Pier next door, so I stopped. There are three of them, and they do all of the techno/electronic stuff themselves live! They each play two or three instruments/devices each (guitars, keyboards, drums [electric and regular], laptops, cool sound-makery things). It's all executed with so much precision and life and energy and fun! If you're in Baltimore, they're playing at Recher Theater in Towson tomorrow night. Check it out.

Jen went to Long Island on Tuesday, just in time for Robin to arrive on Wednesday! We had a really, really good visit--We met at Penn Station when his bus got in, and he and I hung out with his roommate Michael for a little while before going back to my place, where Colin met us and we walked to The Brewer's Art (a little bar/restaurant-type place on Charles Street) in celebration of Robin's 21st on the fourth. After a hysterical re-telling of THE ROOM amongst ourselves and some DELICIOUS and HUGE hamburgers, we walked back to my apartment. Sarah C. (who lived in Italy when I did--I'm sure I've mentioned her here) came over and helped me lighten my hair even MORE (it's a light-golden-brown-bordering-on-blonde now--but it may be full-on Heigl blonde by September!) while we introduced her to THE ROOM. She loved it (OF COURSE).

Of course, no visit with Robs would be complete unless I watched him and Mike swear at each other about Tekken for an hour or so. :) We got breakfast together the next morning at On the Hill, and he saw me off to work. It was a short visit, but so good!

Six days 'til Bethany Beach with John and his fam, and only a few short weeks 'til school! Yay! I'm really looking forward to being back with my friends, having a social life, working the desk and SEEING ACTUAL STUDENTS. Getting back into artwork, as stressful and intense as that will be.

In other news, boys are confusing. :) BUT I CAN STICK IT. DON'T TEXT FIRST, ALYSSA.

I'm also seriously thinking of buying this, furthering my transformation into Audrey Hepburn.

Also, Brandon is visiting tomorrow! He's driving into Baltimore to see me! It should be nice to have someone else around in the apartment, especially someone cool. Maybe I'll show him THE ROOM, too? Lauren and her friends saw it (YES) and ADORED it (while simultaneously hating it). Excellent.

I have the whole of next week off from Hard Rock to make room for desk shifts and Bethany. Woo!

An abrupt change of subject: I sense that I'm becoming the girl I simultaneously befriended and hated in high school (and still do now)--the one who gets used to being complimented/liked so that when someone doesn't rush to compliment her, she gets all freaked out. I HATE that I have traces of that in me after this summer. (This doesn't make the compliments I HAVE gotten any less wonderful--to the four boys who have told me I'm beautiful that read this. :P)

Love,

-A.

My 200th Post!

To kick us, off let's have some Why I Love Brian, Part Fourteen:

Brian: (About the Jack's Mannequin/Fray concert) These drunk ass girls came behind us and it was the tightest packed concert ever, there was no room. And they were screeching like I've never heard before, and then they started to jump.

Me: UGH.

Brian: Landing on people's feet, elbowing people in the head, yelling at the bassist, who they claimed to know. And then this girl behind us started to jump again, elbowed this one girl in the head, then elbowed me. And I finally got real low, used my shoulder and just threw her. Like, 5 feet. And yelled a bunch--some curse words. Then she pushed me back. Pretty good, too--I'll give it to her.

HAHAHAHHAHAA. Oh, Kev, you crack me up.

Now, about my weekend. The visit with Letta was absolutely wonderful. I was only sorry that I had to work so much. :/ However, this arrangement did lend itself to my master plan: Hook-Letta-Up-With-Ben.

Mission: Accomplished.

They hit it off, and despite a few bumpy points (AKA Letta acting weird as shit), really enjoyed each other's company (they are both awesome--what could've gone wrong?!). We'll see how things pan out for the future.

My July 4th was WONDERFUL. I had work in the morning, which was fine--easy. When I got home that evening, I found out Ben and Letta had spent the day walking around Baltimore, talking silly photos and climbing monuments illegally. Romance at it's finest. :P (Sidenote: we also ended up wading in one of the fountains on my street a few nights ago. It was cold, but fun!) We made a plan to picnic on the roof, and we made hot dogs (boiled in beer--new!) and turkey burgers and french fries, and Jen was kind enough to leave us a few of the cupcakes she'd made for the cookout SHE attended.

Once we made everything, we loaded it all into plastic bags and hoisted it up my fire escape to the roof. The first few stories were easy--all stairs. But then you get to the last story, and it's a ladder. And I had a bag around my wrist and my eyes facing straight forward, telling myself to 'look at the bricks, and ONLY the bricks' as I dangled over the Park Avenue sidewalk. But, I made it, unscathed. :D Lauren called me, and Mom texted, and it really put the cherry on top to hear from them, even briefly. :) (Mom called me a 'yenta', hahaha.)

We laid out our blanket and food and ate and drank and talked for awhile, until the sky got dark and the fireworks shows started. ALL of them. It was like a 360-degree show! At least 12 shows going, overlapping each other. So much fun! And Ben taught Letta and I to tango, and we cuddled on the blanket together after the show was over and just enjoyed talking and laughing. After a while, we cleaned up and descended, and walked to 7-11 and sat outside, sipping our drinks and talking about people from home--explaining the drama to Ben, mostly. :P

We all fell asleep in my living room to James and the Giant Peach playing on the PS2, and I woke up on the floor early, and crawled up onto the vacated couch. I still got up early enough to make cinnamon rolls though! And we ate those the next morning and watched funny videos and chit-chatted and enjoyed the morning. We went for lunch to Jay Viccino's Italian on Charles Street. OKAY. Why on earth haven't I gone there before?! They're delicious, AND they offer 10% off for MICA students! AWESOME.

But, alas, we did have to say goodbye at some point. :( But I know we'll talk soon, and hopefully often.

It was a wonderful visit, and an awesome weekend--thanks to all of you who were involved! :D I hope the rest of you had a great one, too. :)

Love!

-A.

Letta's here!

And everything is going swimmingly. I will posit again that I am a genius. :D

I've given Ben and Letta a great deal of space in the past day, as I've been working and they've gone on smoke breaks. My patience has been exercised pretty damn well, I must say! But naturally, I'm still me, and by the end of Ben's visit this afternoon, I went from sitting by the living room window, watching them smoke to sprinting across the hall to my neighbors place in order to get access to a window looking out over the parking lot and Ben's car. (And, in talking to that neighbor, I missed the kiss! I'm ashamed at my spy skills. :P) I'd like to thank Zoe-Zoe for not thinking I'm a crazy creepo stalker.

It's so good to have her here, and I'm just enjoying her company, even while I'm posting and she's playing video games (something I simply cannot get into, no matter what). We can work independently, together, and it's a lovely feeling. :)

I had a great talk this morning with Robin, who called me from the Adirondacks to ask about the visit and to talk about his doings at the lodge where he's visiting. Now, Robin and I have been best friends the whole time, but something about this particular conversation clicked that last missing piece into place, and it's nice to feel perfectly at ease and warm and comfy and excited about being friends with him again. :D

Betsy called too, and makes me miss her all the more! Although Jen and I are doing well at bonding, considering our newly shared active dating lifestyles. (AKA, I've been a ho lately.)

In other news, I am shamelessly addicted to Twitter. Just, get it and tweet with me. I get the updates ON MY CELL. Seriously. Do it.

Chris, my work friend/date situation, has been basically ignoring me since our awkward Braveheart interaction. And when he isn't ignoring me, he's glad-handing me. Being WAY too nice, but detached. Honestly, I'm totally cool with things being done, he just needs to man up and tell me the deal. Especially now that Raul did his part and accidentally spilled the beans about a July 4th BBQ that Chris is currently planning that I am not invited to. Ooooops. :) But, Raul took the liberty of inviting me ("Everyone's welcome!"), and who knows? Maybe I'll show up looking hot. :P

As for Nick, he sent me a few drunken texts last night, and if you have a sharp eye (read: if they post it), you may see one on Texts from Last Night. Just saying. He texted me this morning, too, but I think I offended him unintentionally. :/ Well, if implying that drinking alone every night isn't healthy is wrong, well--well, it isn't wrong. I am right.

:)

Love you all,

-A.

I'm not even keeping score anymore.

On Saturday, Ben came and picked me up from work (that day, a woman took a photo of me with her iPhone in order to trick her friends into thinking she saw Anne Hathaway at Hard Rock, haha!), and we got dinner and rode in the paddle boats on the dirty, dirty harbor and did dramatic readings from internet chatrooms via his BlackBerry. You'd think we were nerds. :P

When we got back to the apartment, Jen informed me that she'd been invited to a party by her TA, Jon, and didn't want to go alone. Ben offered our company and his car, as the party house was in Hampden. After a lot of indecisiveness and changing in and out of pajamas, the three of us got in the car and got lost on our way to the party. :D We did make it, though, and I was surprised to find that it was a block party--there were a bunch of drunk Hampdeners sitting in folding chairs drinking and eating barbecue in the alleyway. I attempted to hula-hoop--one of the 40-year-old Hampden women, Tina, was kicking my ass and trying to teach me. She was very drunk but very encouraging. :)

After spending a little time in the alley, the three of us went into Jon's friend's house for some gumbo that had gone cold and fruit salad. After eating, I just wanted to explore the house a bit--the owner is a MICA alumnus, so it was very artsy, and ended up walking in on the alumnus-in-question rolling a joint in his living room. WHOOPS. But I forced my jaw closed and my eyebrows down and was chill about it, even though I wanted to elbow Ben in the face for taking the joint when they passed it around. (Love you, doll! :P)

While they were smoking, I started chatting with a guy in a blue plaid shirt with pretty olive eyes about living in Italy. Nick, the olive-eyed boy, is 24 and has an intensely handsome face, and was so soft-spoken and interested about my visit. (That, and he didn't take the joint. Bonus points.) It was a short chat, but we kept glancing at each other until I left to try hula-hooping again. I did manage to impress everyone with being able to "skip" the hoop. Woo! After a little while, Nick came out and was watching me and Ben try to hula-hoop with Tina guiding us nearby. When we finally stopped, Nick, who was obviously a bit drunker than when we first talked, chatted with me a little more before leaning in and adorably half-whispering: "I think you're super-cute", and confessing that he could only talk to be because he had a few beers in him.

I was charmed, and he asked me out to dinner, so we exchanged numbers and parted ways for a little while. Jen, Jon, Jon's friend Eli, Ben, and I made the plan to go a couple blocks to Rocket to Venus, a cute little bar/restaurant, so I told Nick we were heading out, and I invited him to join us if he liked. So, we went ahead--when I left the party, Tina slurred that we had to make a date to hula-hoop more and that I was so pretty. :D--and I texted him the name of the place, and he met us. I was actually surprised they let me in at all, as I was the only one under 21, but I guess they just let it slide and pretended my vertical PA ID was valid. :P Nick bought me a beer and we flirted a bit and he told me how cute/beautiful I was about fifty-trillion times and wouldn't stop starting at me. :) However, at this point I'm putting together that he is an agnostic socialist Ravens fan to my conservative Christian Steelers fan, but I let it go because we just met and I barely know him and besides, we hadn't even kissed yet!

We all walk back to Jon's house (different from the party house) and Nick and I sort of lag behind and he kisses me and holy EFF is he a good kisser, and we get to Jon's place and just chill out on the lawn while everyone else goes inside, and we talk and kiss a little more and he tells me about his visits to Ireland and Italy, and I break the news that I won't be having sex with him (which he takes very well). :P We finally go inside and the others are watching The Dark Knight. I sit on the stairs and he sits on the arm of the chair opposite me and touches me knee then gives me the 'Upstairs?' eye movement, which I immediately rebuff. After a few minutes he sits next to me on the stairs and nuzzles me, then lifts his lips to my ear and--

"I want to get married."

I smile, puzzled. "What? In general, or to me?"

He just looks at me. I try not to frown. "You're joking. Ha ha."

"Why not?"

I laugh quietly again and lower my voice. "What do you mean 'why not'? We don't even know each other. You just met me."

"You are one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. Let's get married. I'm serious. Tomorrow." His voice has that muzzly quality that someone who is drunk and sincere has.

Me---> 8/ "No. That's not a possibility."

But he wouldn't back down. He wasn't forceful at all, but he was only concerned with doing something crazy and making an amazing story. After a few minutes, I excused us to go outside and talk this through without a potential audience.

We talked for about an hour, I guess, in circles mostly--I concentrated on why it's a crazy and dumb idea, and he concentrated on painting a picture of a life where we'd visit Europe every year (he loves to travel), and he'd take his photos and I'd illustrate books, and we'd have two kids and he'd never root for the Steelers. He also confided to me that Tina told him to follow meand fall in love with me immediately after I left the party. Truthfully, he was that kind of endearing fateful type of romantic-comedy hero who is saying something completely insane, but with the air of finally seeing things clearly at the climax of the film.

And this is why, instead of running in the other direction as about 60% of you told me to do, I agreed to still go out to dinner with him. I KNOW, I KNOW. (I can hear Lauren's "YOU'RE RETARDED" from here.)

I also went to Chris' place last night and watched half of Braveheart. I'm not sure what to make of Chris and I--he was all into it at first, but now I'm sensing this hesitance. Also, he paid more attention to his dog than to me, which I cannot abide. I don't know yet, though--Chris is just awful at expressing his feelings verbally, as far as I can tell.

And, Ben makes a Brian-esque observation about me:

Ben: You should be a spy.

Me: Haha. Why should I be a spy?

Ben: Persistent. Hunger for knowledge. Spying is like gossip. Except, instead of 'Who slept with who', it's 'Who has nukes'.

And some more "Why I Love Brian", Parts Twelve and Thirteen:

Brian: Caleb, Matt and I are reaching new levels of gay. We're going to tan before we go to Vegas.

Brian: Time to work some Mystery Method at the Edge tonight.

(shortly thereafter)

Brian: Nothin'. No girls at all. It's a 'dick farm' as Caleb put it.

Sidenote: Letta is arriving on Wednesday night, late. I am working hard to fix her and Ben up and it is working AWESOMELY. BECAUSE I AM AWESOME AND SO ARE THEY. YES. They are freakishly perfect for one another, and I am excited for both of them. :)

Another congratulations to my awesome sister, who was accepted and is attending Ohio University this fall. :D I'm so proud of her!

I love my friends, and as crazy as it is, I love my life.

-A.

Rediscovering My Heritage

I had a date with Chris yesterday, and it went well! He's not my usual type--piercings, tattoos, etc.--but we can talk and be on the same level and it's nice! He doesn't bother dating just for the hell of it--he actually wants to date someone he's interested in progressing with. He says he's more interested in me than he has been in any girl for a long time, which is always nice to hear, although it makes me a little sad that I've heard it a few times recently and it makes me wonder what the eff girls are like nowadays. Not that I'm not a great girl, but man-oh-man, where are you nice girls?!

(Sidenote: There's always this tiny flicker of disappointment that flits across a guys face when he realizes I'm not going to have sex with him. Half-pitiable, half-satisfying.)

We had a late lunch on Charles Street at Mick O'Shea's around 2, and absorbed a little Irish culture for both of us (he is VERY into his Irishness, and I never have been, really). We talked for 2 1/2 hours before I had to get going because I was meeting Mark, Jen, and Jie for Up a little after 5. So, we're going to see where things go, which sounds like a nice, slow-moving thing to me. :)

I ended up running into both Ian and Michael (two of Robin's roomies in one!)--we all kind of converged by chance at this one corner, and we caught up a bit, and I remembered how much both of them make me laugh. :D

I was still running late so I left them and met Mark outside of my apartment--he brought us pizza, and I ate a slice to be polite (I was stuffed from lunch), because it really was thoughtful of him. We met up with Jie and went to Harbor East to catch the 7:25 showing, and while we were in line for tickets, I glanced in the reflection of the glass of the box office and saw JESSIE (of formerly Sam-and-Jessie fame)! She's in town for a wedding, which I totally knew but forgot, and we immediately freaked out and hugged and are making plans to meet tomorrow for the first time since New Year's!

The movie itself was lovely and sad but also funny, and I totally cried like five times. :)

After the movie, we ran into a group of girls who graduated with Mark and Jie--one of them was bragging about making her ex cry. Who brags about that?!

We left them after a half-hour and ended up in Dougherty's Pub, where I found the Devlin crest on one of the paintings (I've seen it before so I knew what to look for) and I now know where the Devlin's came from within Ireland! Tyrone/Ulster. Bam.

So, I got a little tipsy on cider, and argued politics and a little religion with Mark and Jie (mostly Mark, who surprised me on his stances) and generally kicked butt. :P But it was fun and obviously there are no hard feelings. The transition from 'dating' to 'friendly' has been a smooth one with Mark, which I am eternally thankful for.

I have work from 12-5, then Ben is picking me up! :D It's so good when the things I've been praying for (like plenty of social activity) come true. I just love being around people. :)

Okay, I have to go--but I'll catch you all in the next couple of days!

Love,

-A.

I always was more of a Jackie than a Marilyn...

Aside from the people in retail (Jonathan, Liz, Heather, Povilis, Alysia), I've befriended a couple of servers, three in particular: Ahmed, Raul, and Chris.

Ahmed is an American-born Egyptian medical student, and the server who originally set my application aside so I could be interviewed. I apparently owe him coffee. :P

Raul is a super-cute 24-year-old from Maryland who I can actually tolerate an ironic mustache on. He's a very recent ex-hookup of Liz's though, so that would be sticky. I think he attempted a wink at me as I left work, and he definitely touched the small of my back after pre-shift today and told me I did a great job and was "very entertaining". Cutie!

Chris is a 26-year-old surfer-meets-punk who is surprisingly conservative and a Christian and understands the spirit of Christian law and belief, which is so nice to hear (although the letter of the law still escapes so many of us ;P). I found this out while he walked me home last night (a very gentlemanly move, as Baltimore is scary at night), and today, he found me in the stock room (where it's very rare to find a server) and handed me a list of bands he thinks I'll like (thoughtful!). He then stopped by as he was leaving his shift and we exchanged numbers, and he invited me to walk his dog around Patterson Park--which was a bit too out-of-my-way today, but it was a sweet invitation! He also texted me IMMEDIATELY after he left, and started asking me all those clichéd 'get-to-know-you' questions like my favorite food, color, and movie. :P I guess potential romance is never too far from my life. Ha ha.

A funny aside about our walk--a homeless woman asked us for change, but addressed Chris and I as "Jackie O" and "JFK". LOL.

So, yeah, work is going well, on the social level, at least. :P

In other news, Letta is coming to visit from July 1-5! Unfortunately I'll probably be working the 3rd and 5th,and definitely the 4th, but we should still have enough time to chillax. Ben is also going to come down and hang out--partly because I need someone to chill with Letta. :P But he is wonderful and she is wonderful, so I have a good feeling that they'll get along. :)

Also, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is coming to theaters on July 15th, and I am going to John's hometown of Cranford, NJ to meet his friends and to see it! And, because we are the hugest nerds of all time, we are dressing up. There will be photos, I'm sure. :P

Jen and I also made some surprising plans for tomorrow night and will be seeing Up with Mark and his best friend Jie. It's not a double-date, don't worry. :P But it should be a good chance for us to establish the Friend Zone.

I also got a slight bit of good news about my finances--nothing superb, but I feel a bit better about my circumstance. :)

So, good stuff all around! Thank God for that--I swear, once I did my best to let go of financial fears and to embrace making friends, it's been going great. It's nice re-remembering that I have nothing to fear. :)

Hope you're all having a lovely day! (Stay out of the heat!)

Love,

-A.

I miss human interaction.

Hi all!

I just finished a lovely visit with Ben, who came to relieve me of my recent loneliness now that Betsy and Jen have left (although Jen gets back tonight). :)

I also had a successful day at work yesterday! My trainer, Jonathan, decided that since I was on my last day of training, it was time to shove me out of the nest, as it were, and have me present at the daily pre-shift meeting. It wasn't a big deal, but I was pretty nervous (as most of you know, I hate doing something in front of a crowd if I have a chance of failing). I did it, and I ended up being a huge hit! I was stunned! But obviously pleased. :) There's nothing like success, especially when it's unexpected. :D

And right after work, Ben picked me up and we got down to some very, very important business--watching Gossip Girl. :P

I had today off, and I'm off tomorrow, so I'm going to TRY and get some thesis stuff started. Ug.

Also, I hate money. More accurately, I hate NOT having money. (I actually like money a whole lot.)

I love you all so, so much and I hope you're having a good one! :)

Whoa, a post without romantic drama or intrigue. What has this blog become?! :P

-A.

I've got sunshine...

Betsy moved out today--off to bigger and better things! (Psh, what's better than rooming with me? :P)

Before I go any further, GO PENS!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Anyone who was not there watching with me was seriously missing out on the hilarity. :D) YEAH PENGUINS!!!!!! PITTSBURGH RULES!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem.

So--this morning was spent helping Betsy and her Dad load up the cars. Mostly work, although I got a little break to talk to Melissa, who I saw for a whole forty minutes during her 3 day visit. :/ I don't really like that, but she apologized for not calling, so it's fine. We still have so much to catch up on.

After we finished packing everything up, Betsy's dad took us to lunch at Paper Moon and we talked about high school and Greasers-versus-Socs and tattoos and pregnant teens and living together before getting married. You know, all that wholesome family stuff. :P

I saw Bets and her Dad off in the early afternoon, and began to think seriously about an offer Betsy made me while we were emptying her room: she suggested that I move in. After all, I've been missing the sun like mad in my dark little room (for those of you who don't know, the windows of my room face inward to a shaft running down the middle of my building), and it would be nice to have a bedroom I actually WANT to spend time in. BUT, the person I really had to clear it with was Kirsi, the girl who is replacing Betsy for July and August. So, I called her, and she was completely gracious and permissive ("I'll only be there for two months anyway!"), so I started moving things in right away.

Already I'm feeling lighter and happier! Seriously, having a well-lit room is a huge thing for me. It's kind of funny, actually--I observed to Betsy last night that it would be her last night in that room. Oddly enough, it was my last night in my own room as well! Unfortunately I only moved a few things in before I had to go to work (where I'm now updating from), but the evening should be full of happy moving. :) Hopefully Jen doesn't mind, although I can't imagine why she would.

Jen should be returning in the middle of this week, so I'll be taking the next few days to spruce the apartment up a bit--cleaning the kitchen properly and finally getting rid of the piles of useless crap in the dining room (which is mostly Jen's--she gets touchy about people moving it, so I'll have to be delicate) to make the place look more complete. And decorating my new room, of course. :) Betsy left some photo prints behind, so maybe I'll put some of them up--leave a bit of her in the room, in a way. :) She was pleased that I'll be the one taking care of her room while she's gone.

(A huge group of old people just came in for a tour. Adorable, but also confusing. :/ :P)

Tomorrow morning is my third interview with the Hard Rock Cafe (I found out today the employees got to dress like rock stars at work today! Awesome!), and if I get the job, I start work right away and train for the day! Dad is less-than-keen on the fact that I'll have to make my way back from the Harbor late at night, but I think I can handle it. Wish me luck!

I also got to reconnect with an old friend today--I've never mentioned him here because he left MICA back in February of '08, before I started posting. The guy, Ty, was MIA for a year before I decided yesterday on a whim to text the number I had under his name, to see if it was still him. It was! He called me today and we caught up, and he's apparently making plans to visit in the fall! Ty was one of the guys I hung out with for the majority of sophomore year (including one DISASTROUS date). He was unhappy at MICA, but he sounds like he's enjoying himself a whole lot more. :)

It feels like things are going into a weird, new place--no Betsy, new job, new roommate, my first mostly-friendless summer in Baltimore. But I have faith I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. :D

More soon! Love,

-A.

Not a bad cure for restlessness...

Today was an unproductive day for the most part, but I got to talk to a lot of awesome people. :)

I had my second interview at the Hard Rock Cafe today, and was invited back for a third on Monday morning. Wish me luck!

I arrived a little early for the interview, which was at 11, and then ended up waiting an extra hour in Barnes & Noble, starting a book called Thirteen Reasons Why that I intend to buy as a reward if I get the HRC job. Never mind that I went right back to B&N and finished it after my interview was over. :P It's excellent, I completely recommend it. I especially recommend that you call me first and let me read it to you. :D

On my ride home on the light rail, David called me just to catch up, and aside from being incredibly supportive ("Whoever sent tht Honesty Box message is obviously in love with you. They are so jealous of your confidence."), is always so interested in what is going on in my life. It's really nice. :)

I chatted with him when I got home, and got to talk to my Mom for the first time in forever! She's been busy working and doing her thing, so I haven't been able to talk with her as much as I'd like. Ever since going to Italy, since our communication was so patchy, I got used to telling her only the abbreviated versions of the news in my life. It was just nice to get it all out with her and hear her input. It's not that I need her input, but it puts me at ease to hear from her. :)

However, she did bring up Dad, and the shit he's been pulling with KJ, which makes me sick to my stomach. He takes KJ for an hour on Stanley Cup playoff days, and drops him off at Mom's before watching the games elsewhere with HIS friends. He talked about this No Doubt concert all week with KJ, only to be taking his wife, her daughter, and her friend. Not KJ. >:( It makes me so angry I can hardly speak.

But I don't want to concentrate on that. KJ is over it--he's angry, but he knows Dad is a dick. It just makes me sad because since Mom will be traveling all summer for work, Dad is supposed to be the point-man. UGH. I just remembered what else Dad said. KJ told Dad that he was supposed to be in charge while Mom is gone, and Dad said this (brace yourself): "So, I guess your Mom will be giving me back my child support, then?"

>:O SERIOUSLY. GOD DAMMIT.

Once again, I can't think about this for too long without wanting to vomit.

Thankfully, I got a distraction towards the end of our conversation--the doorbell rang. My eBay dress arrived four days earlier than I expected! I got off the phone with Mom--making sure she knows just how grateful I am for her--and tried on my dress with my new stapless long-line bra. The dress was even more lovely than I imagined, and it fit me perfectly! So, so gorgeous. :D Maybe I can have Betsy take some photos of me in it before she moves out on Saturday and post them here. :)

Betsy and Ben [not Bennett] arrived back at my apartment after some errands. After admiring my dress :P, we talked a bit and caught up and then Ben left and our friend Claire came over and I'm now listening to Betsy and Claire talk about this past semester, catching up and reflecting for a last visit.

It's really sad to think about Betsy leaving--I know that we'll see each other and keep in touch, for sure, but we've gotten so close and get each other so completely. I know that I don't have that with Jen, and I usually have at least one roommate I connect with on that kind of level. We'll see who our next third is this coming semester. :/

I'm doing well. I'm taking things one day at a time, and I'm reminding myself to keep it up every day--I get ahead of myself so often. And exchange I had with Mom today said it best:

Me: I don't know, I've probably been making it more dramatic and difficult than I should.
Mom: Well, that's just you.

It was good-natured, which is unusual for criticism from my Mom. :) It was almost a compliment, in a way. :P

So, the most important thing in my life for the next day is GAME 7 WOOOOO!!!!! And after that, my interview! Good thoughts for both, please! :D

Love,

-A.

A Semi-Solitary Weekend

With Betsy at home in New Jersey for the weekend, and Jen home for two weeks on Long Island, I have four long days by my lonesome. I had a wonderful visit with Ben, who drove up from Virginia at short notice to be with little old me. :)

Ben and I have bonded amazingly well lately--two phone conversations in the last three days lasting over 3 hours. They've been informative, funny, and sometimes difficult, but always rewarding. It's nice to have a friend that challenges me. It's good for me.

I had two shifts yesterday, and at the end of my second, a DA I've known for years, Tiff (not Marla's roommate!) came in with a boy I don't know and I ended up talking with her about the events of the past year (I told her about my upcoming date with Mark and she inquired about Robin and I).

The most fascinating part was, the guy she came in with, Jie, ended up being Mark's best friend! He didn't have much info to offer about Mark--save a little insider stuff about his ex (they've been done for awhile, and were on-and-off for almost their whole 4 YEAR RELATIONSHIP. Yeesh.). I am a little wary that this is just a rebound thing, but I'm not going to make any decisions about that until the actual date!

In other news, I applied to City Cafe (Donna's has been flaky and silent), and I've been mostly holed up watching reruns of Gossip Girl: Season One. Seriously. Everyone needs to watch this show.

Tonight is up in the air--I don't have a shift and I'm uncreative. :P

But Betsy is back tomorrow, and then my date on Wednesday! Maybe I should enjoy the relaxation. :P Also, I'm hoping to secure this gorgeous dress on eBay--




Wish me luck! :)

Love,

-A.