An important discovery.

The past week since Mom and Robert got married has seen a change in me. I've become much firmer--even bordering on rude--with mom when she's tried to engage me in an adverse way. It's made her much meeker with me very quickly. On one hand, I'm glad to avoid more arguments, especially over stupid things. On the other, I feel that I might be denying myself the opportunity to defend myself in more depth. Like, am I showing independence by side-stepping her confrontations? Or am I just being stubborn and petty?

The discovery I'm referring to is that I've been worrying myself over something nonexistant. That is, my mom's expectations for me. 'Nonexistent' is a very final term, of course. I know Mom has general expectations for me--success, security, etc. But her aversion to my current plans (I mean future plans of engagement and marriage, not the current living situation), has made me wonder: what does she want from me? I've asked myself that question many times, but have always been distracted from the answer. Truly, what does she want from me?

I realized that she doesn't know anymore than I do. And because of that, I don't really know why she's mad! I don't know, so I can't counter it. I haven't frustrated her wishes for me to be successful or secure yet--nothing's happened! All I've been made aware of is what I shouldn't do--don't get engaged right now, don't move because you can't afford it, etc. The only "do" I've been offered is work harder, make more money. Which is fine--I know I need to work, I know I have a lot to do to make up the money I owe, both personally and for school. I have been working--both waitressing and doing art--and I feel good about it. Mom seems to approve, which is great. (As old/independent as I get, I've still been conditioned to long for her approval.)

I'm not sure what will come of this revelation, but I'll be sure to keep you posted. :)

-A.

P.S. In other news, I've updated my blog, so go check it out!

Family Update!

My Mom got married! Woooo! :D

She and her fiance made a last-minute decision to just go ahead and get married already, and planned a small ceremony in just 9 days! It went over really well, and we're all really pleased to be moving ahead!

There was an after-party hosted by one of Mom's close friends, which was lovely (and tasty!), although I was a little frustrated to get made fun of by my Mom, sister and brother for legally having a beer (they basically treated it like a big joke, or like it was surreal, since I'm such a goodie-two-shoes, I guess).

Yet, it's not weird for teenage Lauren to have a cigarette with Mom four minutes later? Also they've both been shooting tequila since age 13? Just struck me as odd.

Despite the awesome occasion of the marriage, other family drama has arisen:

My family (I'm referring to my immediate family, but I guess this applies to the aunts and uncles, etc. as well) has an tendency to be all talk--myself included. Thanks to rampant family drama (owing partially to my engagement, but more to prior family issues), we've all been in this knot of passive-aggression for--in some cases--years. It's a mess. Everyone has done something to hurt someone else (my mom is usually the one getting offended, I find), but no one will talk about it, and just lets it fester into an open sore of tension and bitterness.

In this case, my aunt said something nasty about my Mom to my sister, who chose to tell Mom about it instead of saying something directly to my aunt. Then, in turn, Mom is hurt and upset, but refuses to directly address my aunt, etc. This is riding on the heels on some other comments of my aunt's...

When I hear what has been said, I suspect that my aunt's venom has to do with her disagreement of how Mom reacted to my engagement to John. My aunt was the first to hear--direct from Mom--how she felt about the situation, and was the one who sort of warned the rest of Mom's siblings about Mom's attitude, in the hopes that I would receive some support from family if I wasn't getting it at home. My aunt expressed to me a few times her disagreement, and definitely said things she shouldn't have--although I wasn't going to be the one to upset Mom with them for no reason. Unfortunately, she chose to say something rude about Mom's reaction in front of KJ, and KJ--being a loyal son--went directly to Mom as well.

So, I felt responsible for my engagement (and Mom's reaction) inciting my aunt's feelings and comments, so I took it upon myself to me direct and cut to the heart of the matter. I sent a message to my aunt, making it clear that I understood communicating her disagreement with Mom's style, but badmouthing her repeatedly was a wrong move, and that I hoped she would make it right. Mom didn't know I sent the message.

This was two weeks ago. I mentioned the message to Mom this morning, as Mom brought up the situation in general. Mom thought I should have asked Lauren first if it was okay to contact my aunt (wtf?), but was grateful that I took the steps to defend her. (You mean, took the steps to be direct for the first time in our family?)

As fate would have it, I received a reply a few hours later--and apparently Mom got a voicemail. My aunt was "irate"--Mom's words--and apparently had no idea what I was talking about. I replied back, apologizing if I came off as rude and outlined the facts I had that made me send the message in the first place. I told her if I got it wrong to please correct me, but I get the feeling she was surprised I defended Mom at all, since Mom is not supportive of my engagement and my aunt is.

We'll see. I AM sorry if I came off as rude, but I'm not sorry for calling someone out on a nasty comment about my mom. Just saying. Honestly, it should've been addressed as soon as it came out of my aunt's mouth. I guess that's what I get for making the effort to diffuse the situation.

Friday the 13th--as unlucky a day as it ever was. :P

-A.

Finally!

My wisdom teeth are gone! My surgery was this morning at about 8 AM. I was glad to get it over with after this monstrosity of a situation from earlier this year.

I admit, I was nervous about going under anesthesia, but I don't even remember falling asleep. I barely remember waking up! I just remember being helped over to recovery and getting oddly weepy for some reason--although I don't think any actual tears were shed.

Brandon was a super-trooper and took me to and from the doctor's this morning, and Mom has been readily available to me all day. :) I'm sore, but not too swollen. I wish I could drink something, but I'm too nervous about disrupting the blood clot (which still isn't forming, over 4 hours later >:( ) and getting a dry socket, which I hear are the absolute WORST.

Might feel up to a milkshake later, though. :P

In other news, things in the house have gotten a lot better--although there have been bumps! John and Mom's fiance have had one phone conversation, which cleared up a lot of angst on both sides. I'm optimistic that things will turn out, in time.

It's John's 22nd birthday tomorrow, and I've sent him some goodies in the mail to tie him over until I can see him in person. I know, almost a year of dating, plus engagement and I'm missing his birthday because of work and teeth. But I'll be there at the beginning of September for our one-year anniversary!

On a sadder note, tomorrow is also the anniversary of Robby's death. I've been spending a lot of quality time with Brian this summer--well, as much as our schedules will allow anyway--and that's meant a lot to me. Brian's one of my best friends, and I'm really proud of him.

There's a tailgate being held for Robby at a Pittsburgh Pirate game in two weeks, which should be a really great event in his memory.

Mom just made me a milkshake, so I'm going to enjoy that and watch some crappy daytime TV! :D

Wish me a speedy recovery!

Love,

A.

Three weeks later...

Things have settled. As soon as John went back to New Jersey all hell broke lose. Mom was FURIOUS--and still is, for the most part. Thankfully, things are slowly moving back from screaming fights to heated discussions to relatively normal day-to-day life.

I won't detail the arguments here--it's not necessary--but I will say that having repeated circular talks about something that won't happen for two years doesn't help a thing. Hopefully we can all move forward together as time goes on.

In other news, stuff with X and John has been patched up, and I spoke to Lacie last night for the first time in a while. Well, I actually saw her a month ago, which I never actually detailed here! Odd. Long story short: Me, Brian, and our friends Chris and JJ went mini-golfing, and Lacie was there with her longtime ex (and Brian, Chris, and JJs friend) Matt. It was a little bit of a "Busted!" moment, because Matt has largely spoken ill of Lacie since they broke up for good. It was awkward for everyone (after all, Brian and I are 'exes' of Lacie's, too), but we were all friendly.

I've been home alone for the last day--Mom and Robert are in Maryland/DC for a job interview (keeping my fingers crossed!) and KJ is at Dad's. Lauren moved back to OU and is settling into her new house, which is awesome.

I got a job at an upscale boutique in town--I'm pretty excited. I get to sell rich ladies expensive clothes. And we're encouraged not to lie, so I get to tell them if they look fat! Pretty psyched. Also waiting to hear from The Clay Cafe--one of those paint-your-own pottery places. They said they're losing two people by the end of this month. Hopefully my art school cred will get me in!

Wish me luck! I'll definitely need two jobs this summer, but if they're two jobs I like, I'm totally okay with that! I don't need to revisit the summer after freshman year. *shudder*

Love,

A.

ENGAGED WOOOOO!!!!!

As most of you already know, John and I got engaged this past weekend at the end of my week-long visit. It was wonderful and awesome, and I will describe the whole experience, but I'm in the process of creating an engagement/wedding blog now, apart from my personal one. I'll still update this one, but I'll be using the wedding one for wedding details/inspiration/musing. Once I get it up and running, my first post will be all about the engagement, and I'll link you right over.

ETA: Here you go! Up and running!

But, I CAN describe the trip in the meantime. Mom and I headed out to Maryland with Robert and KJ on May 28th so I could complete my move, pay my landlord (yay!), and meet up with John. John drove down from New Jersey to help me move out, and to attend my godmother's daughter Mary's graduation from the Naval Academy.

Here's us, with Mary in her dress whites, now an Ensign! The graduation was long (we had to be in the DOOR by 9 after standing outside in line for more than a half-hour), but the weather was PERFECT (although John and I got a teensy bit sunburned). Mary's party was afterwards, and I got to meet her handsome boyfriend Van Gordon (just a nickname--he goes by Gordon).

John and I headed up to Gambrills to his aunt and uncle's place after the party and spent the night there--Richie and Mandee surprised us by coming by the next day. I've written about them: Richie is John's cousin who also attends the Naval Academy, and Mandee is his gorgeous fiancée. They're a year younger than we are, and got engaged in July of 2009, but that's only because they wanted to make sure all of the midshipmen could attend the wedding before getting shipped out to their assignments a month after graduation. And since you can't get married while you're enrolled in the Naval Academy, they scheduled the wedding for one week after Richie's graduation. Intense!

So we visited briefly with them and got on the road to New Jersey, where we spent the night at John's best friend Dave's and met a few of his friends. we went out to the beach for about twenty minutes that night--it was gorgeous, even if it was chilly. Looking at the ocean in the dark is scary, but it's exciting. We went back to Cranford, John's hometown, the next day and then to John's OTHER aunt and uncle's place about an hour away for dinner and, the following day, a Memorial Day picnic. Lots of cute babies running around, throwing Cheerios at the Koi pond. :)

We met up with another one of John's close friends, Brian (or B. Ho, as I've tagged him here before) and drove to a pier on the seaside where we had an awesome lunch at a restaurant that I sadly can't remember the name of (they had this specialty butter made with garlic, oregano, dill, salt, and pepper, and maybe paprika? It was SO GOOD). We also introduced him to Wizard People, Dear Reader, which, if you're a Harry Potter fan and you haven't seen it, you should do that ASAP.

The rest of the week was basically spent hanging out and watching back Doctor Who episodes to get me caught up (we finished the whole first season) until Saturday, when set-up for John's grad party when into overdrive. The whole day was spent moving/cooking/assembling/rummaging through the garage to find every little thing necessary for the celebration, which came together without a hitch. Even better, I got to see a bunch of John's friends that I haven't seen in months, like Tracey and Marie (more on her in a moment), and John even surprised me with the awesome Colin M. Ford, who came all the way from Baltimore for the party! It was an awesome time, and I'm so glad I was there.

There was one person in John's life who did NOT attend, but that's mostly because she wasn't invited, and she isn't technically in John's life anymore. John's ex, Christine (tagged 'X'--which they actually call her, along the lines of 'Xmas') has been making things plenty weird for those of John's friends who are still in touch with him. I'd spoken to one of her close friends, Kim, in the past, who confirmed that Christine has brought me up, at least, and the fact that she's uncomfortable with Kim and I being friends (jerk). Dave also told us that X called him right before our graduation and asked him "Why did John cut me out of his life?" (never mind that she was the one to unfriend us on Facebook three months ago), "Why doesn't he like me anymore?" Sigh. Because you broke up TWO YEARS AGO. She has a boyfriend, too--sure, he looks like a potato, but they've been together almost as long as John and I have, and it's just not fair to him.

Now, at the party, Marie indicated that as soon as Christine found out about John's grad party (through me, actually--I asked Marie on her wall if she was coming--I didn't really think about Christine and Marie still being friends), Christine started calling and texting Marie after about a year of not doing anything of the kind. Obviously Marie knew what was up, so she didn't bother to return the messages--one particular voicemail was Christine saying that she "wants [Marie's] opinion on something that's been tormenting [her] for awhile". SIGH.

Marie eventually got it out of her in text--X was confused about John: first he "chews [her] out" via Facebook message (which he did, but only to tell her to stop being so desperate and weird and start treating him like a friend, NOT like an ex), and then he acts all interested in her life again! (AKA, he sent her a Happy Birthday message nearly SIX months after the initial "chewing out".) This girl. She is just so in love with John STILL--which I really can't blame her for entirely, John is a lot to lose--but it's been two years, she's had other boyfriends/hookups, she's IN A RELATIONSHIP, and still pining. It's unhealthy and weird.

I would have absolutely no issues with John and Christine being friends. Zero. If she could just stop acting like a stalker, we'd be good to go.

After the party, Tracey and Marie and a bunch of cousins and aunts and uncles stayed over, and that was the night John proposed. :D More on that another time.

The following day was all celebration and a lot of driving. We went to a wonderful church that morning, and packed up our stuff and got on the road to Pittsburgh, which is when I found out that Marie had sent Christine a looooong message, basically telling X how much she was missing out on by being so weird to John and I. It was very straightforward and mature. I was super-impressed with Marie. Hopefully Christine doesn't take it the wrong way--but that's pretty inevitable, I'd say.

So, we get back to Pittsburgh and I am TERRIFIED, but manage to tell my mom and Robert and KJ about the engagement--Mom reacted pretty well, although she's been sort of tense around us for the past couple of days. I called Lauren and Dad and told them, too--Lauren sounded positively disgusted on the phone: "ARE YOU SERIOUS? With, like, a RING?" (Imagine the word 'Ew' hanging unspoken after that sentence, and you can picture her tone. :P) We also told Joey V. and the Ruzichs, who were very excited for us. Telling people is the best part. :)

So, families and close (in proximity) friends aside, we told Facebook Monday morning, and have gotten a pretty steady stream of positive comments. Let me tell those of you reading that we are not getting married for close to two years--we're not jumping into anything here, despite popular opinion. Have faith in us!

So now we're home, and having lunch with my mom's parents today before John drives back to New Jersey. :((((((

I hope you're all having as good of a week as I've been! So much love to all of you!

-A.