Hahahahaha, John.

John: there will be NO ROOM for the Holy Spirit
John: not even if He went on a diet
John: and made reservations

Christmas Update!

For Christmas Eve, it is the usual tradition that we go to my Mimi and Pappy's and see my mom's side of the family. It is equally traditional that my mom hates it. This year was a bit better because we didn't stay for dinner, and my aunts and uncles were interested to hear about John, so I had something more enjoyable to talk about than what I'm going to do after graduation. We didn't stay for a proper dinner after all, but left early and hung out at home before attending a 9pm candlelight service and the Presbyterian church where Robert now works.

Christmas was fairly small as far as gifts (although my laptop was a combination birthday/Christmas gift)--money, gift cards, earphones from KJ, a monogrammed shot glass from Lauren (:P), a massive book on American artists from my aunt, a funny little Christmas-themed cutting board from my Nana, and a set of pens from Mom and Robert so I can write their wedding invitations! My stocking also contained these stunning little gold post earrings with sapphires and diamonds in them. So small and delicate, but one of the favorite things I received. Not too shabby. Plus, I know John has something big and spectacular coming (he's only been bragging about it since Fall Break--SERIOUSLY). So, I'm feeling fairly lame about my just-under-medium-sized gift in comparison, but I think (hope) he'll like it. :)

Christmas Day itself is spent at my Dad's in the morning, then at his youngest sister's (it was the first Christmas without middle sister Suzanne), and Lauren, KJ, and I get to catch up with our cousins and eat some delicious brunch. Yum, yum.

We spent Christmas night at home with a yummy turkey dinner by Mom and some family bonding.

Overall a rather uneventful Christmas, but not an unpleasant one. This weekend was nice because I got to sing two fantastic songs for trio with Robert and Mom, then catch up with Abby C, Joey V. and Brandon, and I got to take care of 65% of my TJ Maxx gift card and get some DELIGHTFUL dark-wash jeans that fit me like a dream (yaaay!) and a couple new undergarments (also yay, as I am hard to fit!). Not a bad way to spend the day. However, I've managed to not eat at all today, so I'm going to rectify that situation!

Also, John gets in again tomorrow night! Woo!

Hope you're all having a wonderful holiday! :D

Merry Christmas!

He is born!

:D

More updates later/tomorrow on gifts, festivities, etc.!

Love,
-A.

Hark, how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say 'Throw cares away'...

I'm home and settled in for the most part--John was here from Thursday to Monday and met my Dad, his wife Lisa and her daughter Sam, Robert, KJ, Em, Drea, Joey V., Bess, Abby C. and her boyfriend Greg, not to mention RE-meeting my SACI roommates Emily, Christine and Ulyssa.

We got in around 4:15 and unpacked and relaxed with KJ and Mom and Robert until about 5:30 when we drove up to my Dad's for his 49th (!) birthday dinner! Dad and Lisa really liked John, which was nice ("What's not to like?" -My mom).

After that, we met up with Drea and Eat 'N' Park (which looks all Panera-fied and not greasy/seedy AT ALL anymore, which is upsetting), and soon accumulated a few more people: Joey, Em, and Bess. When Drea, Em, and Bess has to leave, Joey gave John a very involved quiz to prove his worth. :P It was pretty great, ranging from "What is Alyssa's favorite color?" to "Do you like 'Jersey Shore'?" (PLUS A GA-GRILLION POINTS) It was fun. :D

John met Ab and Greg on Sunday night--it was a casual visit, and John was pretty quiet for the whole thing, but it was so good to catch up with Abby and see Greg again!

Monday night was great--John and I went to the South Side and met up with Emily, Christine and Uly at S Bar. We caught up and talked and it was SO good to see them (I haven't seen them since APRIL! WHAT? Almost eight months?!). They're all doing well and are all happy. It was really good to reconnect.

John left on Monday around 1, and I'm already ready for him to come back! He and Lauren didn't get to meet because Lauren was in Ohio this weekend visiting friends. But they'll both be here on the 29th to meet! Pretty exciting!

We also got our Christmas tree, but our (working) lights only cover about 2/3 of the tree. Class. :P

Cheese-tastic aside (Lauren, skip to the end :P): Since being with John, I've really begun to understand what Godly love is. I always knew God loved me, but I had no idea what that love felt like to palpably give and receive until I got into a relationship with John. He's really made me realize what it means to commit and to take chances but also feel entirely sure and confident in myself and in my relationship. He proves to me (even more) how completely God takes care of His people. I'm so thankful, and so happy. I love him! Yay!

Hope you all have an amazing and merry Christmas!

Love,

-A.

Updated the Art Blog with thesis stuff!

Check it out!

ALMOST DONE WOOOOO!

One more exam to go! I am so psyched.

To my acute embarrassment, I was the only person in my Lab course to not sell a single thing at ArtMarket. This was bad enough, but then I had to present that fact to the entire class. Not so fun. But it's over, and hopefully that won't aversely affect my grade.

In other news...well, there isn't much news. I'm just really excited to be going home and taking John. :D

Hope you're all having some happy holiday prep!

Love,

-A.

Why I Love Brian, Parts Sixteen and Seventeen.

Brian: I've decided I'm retracting my entire Christmas list and just asking for a Melanie Laurent. I think my family should be able to swing that.

Me: Inglourious Basterds girl? But she's Jewish. You'll have to get her for Hanukkah.

Brian: Hmm, true!

Me: It's the fourth night of Hanukkah tonight...good luck! :P

Brian: I'm going to quickly convert. Actually would it be converting if I wasn't really anything now?

Me: Yeah, for sure. Jews are serious as hell about converts.

Brian: Okay. Then I'll convert. Ehhh, I cant do serious. I don't think they'd be all about my conversion when they hear my reasons: "Hi, I'd like to convert...why you ask? Oh so hopefully on the 5th night of Hannukah I'll get one of your hottest products as a gift!"

@@@

Me: Doing anything for Mike's birthday?

Brian: Going to get wings.

Me: Fun! with who else?

Brian: No idea.

Me: Lacie's totally joining you guys right? Or is she jumping out of the cake?

Brian: Oh, I hope.

Me: Hahahahahaha! How hysterical.

Brian: I mean, I paid her 50 bucks to...I'd be pretty upset if she reneged on the offer.

New Art Blog!

Time to get legitimate:

http://alyssadevlinart.blogspot.com

In the next four days (FOUR DAYS), I'll be finishing a paper, a brand write-up and two written exams. Not sure how much time I'll have to update before I'm done with those, but wish me luck! :D

-A.

Art Market Schtuff.

ArtMarket starts tomorrow--here's my stuff!

I'm pretty pleased with the way it's turned out. Obviously it could be better, but my budget only allows for so much! Hope to see you at ArtMarket!

My sister is a real person, I promise.

hello. this is alyssa's sister. i have laid down some ground rules for your trip in the next few weeks. and she has told me i must relay them to you myself. soo this is with the best intentions.

1. no kissing in front of me at ANY TIME ("forgetting this rule does not excuse the behavior")
2. no doing anything affectionate in or around my room. including "stuff"

failure to abide by these rules will result in me punching Alyssa in the face.

thanks! can't wait to meet you.

@@@

Lauren sent this to John today. She is not joking. This is simultaneously hilarious and disturbing.

People who don't know Lauren are always a little disbelieving of my description. I wonder if I showed them this, if it would get the point across better. :P

-A.

ETA: John's response:

Ground rules are very important. YOUR ground rules doubly so. Therefore I will comply with your requirements with the utmost and furthest reaches of my ability. However, since your sister's face is on the line, I ask to raise a few points:

1. Does the 'kissing' in Item 1 cover all iterations of the term, or are you implying kissing on the lips?

2. Am I only prohibited from kissing Alyssa? Will I get penalized for kissing other things, including (but not limited to) a frozen lamp post, a dog, or your butt?

3. Will I be penalized under Article 2 for just apathetic "stuff"? Is a mutual feeling of affection a requisite?

4. Is there a specific area of Alyssa's face that will be subject to punching? Her forehead or nose, perhaps? Or is she subject to general battery?

Thank you for your concern in my visit. I seriously would not want to offend you or those closest to you. All necessary precautions will be applied.

I am also excited to meet you.

ETA2: Lauren's Reply:

Thank you for your questions:

1. Kissing means alll kissing. face, hands, et cetera.

2. If you were to kiss random items around our quaint little town I would be forced to think you are a weirdo, and you would no longer be welcome within 50 ft of me.

3. I don't know what number 3 means.

4. This will be determined due to the severity of the crime.

Christmas Cheer!

Today was the first snow of the season. I woke up at 11:45am (I had a grave shift last night--as if I get up earlier on any other day) to the sounds of my roommates gushing over the snowfall. I got out of bed and peered through my window to find, not the flurries I'd expected, but fat snowflakes falling heavily past me. And there were a LOT of them. The whole street looked all the colors were seen through a white screen. Very pretty and very exciting! John was not nearly as interested, as I was disturbing his sleep so he would get up and check it out. :P

Today has been an unsettling day all around, although I've gotten most of my books covered for ArtMarket--I need to get more paper tomorrow to finish the rest. I'm making belly bands now, and Monday I'll borrow red gocco ink from the Illustration office (or maybe buy some tomorrow--we'll see). Ha, the thrilling life I lead. Also, my toilet flooded. PAIN IN THE BUTT. Especially when we didn't have a plunger and had to borrow one from our neighbors. Awesome.

I also had a nice break at my friend Josh's--he and his roommate Sam invented a little thing they call "Cage Match": they invite a group over to watch three terrible Nic Cage movies (are there any GOOD ones? I don't equate 'enjoyable' with 'good'.) and make fun of them. If you see something that has appeared in one or more Nic Cage movies other than the one you're watching, you yell "Cage Match!" and say what the thing is. For example: "Cage Match! Far younger and more attractive women falling in love with Nic Cage!" or "Cage Match! Nic Cage voiceover!" It's a lot of fun.

I only stayed for one movie tonight, though (Next, which is godawful, but really fun in a group)--I might've stayed for more, except that I have quite a workload, and I got one of THOSE text messages from my roommate Emily. One of those "can we talk?" messages--so basically I couldn't enjoy any more movie after that. Why not just wait until I got home? I hate the "We need to talk", because it automatically means "DANGER WILL ROBINSON".

Now, Emily is by-and-large very easy to live with, save that she has trouble picking her battles, so these confrontations happen pretty much every other day over minor things--dishes, milk, etc. Today was actually valid, though, so I was obviously receptive--I must say, I make it VERY easy on people when they have an issue with me--and it was solved with not too much weirdness, thank God. (Although my own accountability to my beliefs was sort of called into question. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but also not really her business--which she acknowledged, to her credit.)

And now, for the belly bands. Two weeks left of school, and I have SO MUCH to do. NO MORE SOCIAL LIFE, ALYSSA. I need to adopt the Cinderella attitude--although cleaning would be more pleasant and less time-consuming.

Good night!

-A.

After a loooong hiatus: Why I Love Brian, Part Fifteen!

Brian: If you ever catch me wearing a shirt/tie combo as ugly as he's wearing. I want you to do away with me. Finish me off.

Me: You bet. I'd hang you with that awful tie.

Brian: Honestly, I'm more concerned about the shirt. Good Lord, is it ugly.

Me: His birthday's coming up. We should send him a gift card to GAP.

Brian: Haha, beat me to it.

@@@

Brian: Do you know how many times I've watched the 'Male Prima Donna" video? The answer would be too many, if that were possible.

A little venting that's been building up over nearly three and a half years. (Also, template re-do!)

I’ve always doubted my talent in the visual arts. I’m quite sure of my singing talent, and decently confident in my acting abilities (usually), but I’ve never quite sat comfortably with my art.

I like my art just fine, for the most part, but it’s difficult to attend such an amazing school where you see so many fantastic people making this gorgeous, seemingly effortless work constantly. MICA does a good job of not fostering a comparative or competitive spirit, particularly within the illustration department, but I’ve always had that tendency without any help. I have a very hard time not comparing myself to my fellow classmates, for better or for worse (usually for worse).

I acknowledge that I am absolutely not the most talented student in my year and major. Most days I’m not sure I’m even in the top 50%, which is disheartening, as I’ve chosen this for my career. My mom (oh, moms) assures me I’m way too hard on myself, but I’m not so sure. After all, she isn’t here all the time, seeing what I see. Plus, she’s my MOM.

I get disappointed in myself. I know a large part of my disappointment has to do with my own lack of work ethic, which is a start. This is an issue I need to solve, and soon. However, people outside of the art community don’t seem to understand how difficult and time-consuming art really is. Try having to complete multiple pieces within a week or two. These artworks must be smart, conceptual, beautiful, individual, and perfectly-crafted. I admit, I wasn’t aware of what art was going to demand of me when MICA first accepted me.

When I arrived home after my first semester at MICA, most of my friends asked a similar question: ‘How do you grade art?’ With all of the things I mentioned above; all the effort and intelligence and beauty. Sort of like Miss America. Haha, just kidding. Miss Americas aren’t intelligent. :P

It’s a challenge, and it’s often a really fun challenge. Sophomore year was the most fun for me—the projects were usually small, quirky, useful assignments: editorial, mostly. My Narrative Illustration class helped me turn out some of my best work because I’m passionate about characters and stories. It’s a good feeling, seeing your work improve. But it’s hard to keep that confidence up when that improvement still hasn’t raised you to a level where you can compete professionally with your collegues.

I nurse a strange paranoia in myself. At MICA—at any art school—we critique artwork. Not only in class, but amongst ourselves—we rank out who can draw and who can’t. I have this feeling that my closest friends at MICA (exceptionally talented designers and artists in their own right) privately think of me as the least talented among us. I may be entirely out of my mind in thinking that (actually most of my friends haven’t seen my work due to this very insecurity), but it’s a feeling I can’t shake.

To change tack, I’m not sure I can say that I’m passionate about art. Maybe about portraits. I’m not sure I can say I’m passionate about MY art. I enjoy doing it, certainly, and I often like what I do. I love looking at beautiful art, but I’m the first to say I’m a strict classicist with little to no interest in contemporary fine art. I’ve felt passionate about people and about singing, but I’m not sure I’ve felt that same rush about art. Perhaps it’s because I’ve never really expressed myself artistically.

The closest I’ve ever come to doing so was in a thirty-page comic book/diary I drew while I was in Florence, Italy this past Spring. It was funny and cute and sometimes sad, and my artwork made some huge strides, and I was happy with the product, but I’m hesitant to call what I do ‘expressive’.

Or maybe I’m just being a giant WEENIE. Thoughts?

Thanksgiving was lovely (the soup went over well!) and TOO SHORT. But I can’t wait for this semester to be over so I can take John home to my family! :D

I got to talk to Em and Drea this week, for the first time in a babillion years. I’ve been realizing lately how close I am to them, and how much closer I’ve stayed to them as my MICA friends have shifted. I love you guys!

Overall, I’m happy, if stressed with all the effing work I have to do before the semester’s end:

-At least 15 pages of thesis work done, plus a few pages inked plus final critique.
-10 page paper for Art and Architecture of Ancient Egypt plus a final exam.
-Objectivity final exam.
-ArtMarket and final Lab critique.

BLAH.

Wish me luck.

Lots and lots of love,
-A.

In a few short hours...

I shall be on my way to New Jersey with my wonderful boyfriend for the Thanksgiving holidays! I could not be happier about this than if he were coming home with me! (As I've met his family and he's only met my mom and godparents.)

This year, so John tells me, will be a smaller Thanksgiving dinner-guest wise (his aunts and uncles come for hors d'ouvres and then go elsewhere for dinner most years), but I'm still aiming to impress, so I decided to make a yummy-looking Butternut Squash-Apple soup for the table (courtesy of the awesome Orangette)! I'm pretty excited to try it--I've never really cooked for anyone aside from my family or roommates before. Wish me luck!

I'm equally happy about the break from school (although I'll still be attempting to draw for thesis--we'll see how that goes). This morning was VERY hectic, as I was working on the final touches for my book for Whitney Sherman for The Lab, then sending it out to Lulu with an extra kick in the pants for shipping--both set me back more than I'd hoped, but hopefully these will sell! I ordered ten books (so if they don't sell I won't have spent hundreds of dollars), and intend to hand make covers (because Lulu.com doesn't like the image I wanted for my cover and never let it be the size I wanted. But whatevs). Wish me luck on that, too, because ArtMarket is only two weeks away! So much to do! And then, in three and a half teensy weeks, I'll be halfway done with my senior year. WHAT.

I'm done packing and ready to go! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Be thankful! (and not just for food!)

Love,

A.

Joyeux Anniversaire á moi!

You heard right--I am now 21!

Which, to those of you who have known me for any length of time, means that almost nothing will change, except that I can now go to bars with my friends without having to flash the bouncer/bartender. (JOKES.)

My weekend was excellent--the play was a success, and John and I got an amazing dinner at my godparents' house last night, as well as a new laptop from my mom (which I need to configure with my home internet somehow).

This morning was also very pleasant--I was my Problem of Evil class today with my slightly scary ex-CIA agent professor, and during our break, he did the little finger crook and beckoned me over, stony-faced. I about crapped my pants.

So, I walked over, and he looked at me levelly. "You've done it again."

Pause.

"You did very well on your test. You like this stuff, don't you? You're interested in it?"

I was so relieved, and totally pleased! We chatted a bit more about the distinct lack of God-talk that takes place at MICA before class started up again. When I got my test back, I saw that I did fine, but I certainly wasn't the highest grade in the class--I wondered why he'd chosen to take me aside. Maybe it was because my essay spoke so clearly to faith--my professor is a practicing Catholic. Either way, it was a very nice birthday gift. :)

My plan for the day--I have work until 3 (Robin did the packages at the desk for me as a gift!), then I'm going to shower and get ready for dinner with John, who is taking me out at 6 (but I get to open my gift before dinner! :D). We're going to get home before 9 in order to greet my friends, who are coming for the little get-together Jen planned for me! Yay!

I'll also be wearing the new dress that Lacie sent me. I've been in contact with her again, and was pleasantly surprised to find a package from her a few days ago. It's a gorgeous dress:

And I look fantastic in it. It's always great to be given the perfect birthday outfit.

I'm really looking forward to tonight! I'll update ASAP!

Love,

-A.

ETA: I can't believe I forgot to mention this--Lauren was awesome and called me exactly at midnight to wish me happy birthday. :D It was a very, very pleasant surprise and a very welcome talk. My sister is, once again, incredibly prying and inappropriate, but she really makes me laugh, and I love when she calls. :) I'm bummed I'll be missing her at Thanksgiving, but her birthday is coming up!

Halloween Fun!

There will be more and better photos eventually, but here we go:

My group was:

-Betsy and her little sister Mamie as Luigi and Mario, respectively.

-Robin as Robin A. Bank. (He's been a 'Robin' every year--Robin the Boy Wonder, Robin Hood, and Robin Williams as Patch Adams.)

-Jess as Quinn Fabray (from Glee!).

-Colin as Bob Ross (He even made Happy Tree stickers!).

-Katie as The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

-Ben as TinTin (I have no photos of him here yet--there was only one, and it was not flattering. :P).

-Jen as a Baltimore Cop (No photos of her yet either!).

-John as The Doctor (from Doctor Who--he is a huge Anglophile, in case you haven't noticed).

-Me as Alice (as you remember!).

Here's a better look at my costume (and incidentally John's), which I was very proud to have sewn myself out of an old thrift store dress and a dust ruffle! (Jen made my 'Drink Me' bottle at the last minute like a champ.)

It was a lot of fun--Robin was a leeetle drunk (and by a little, I mean blasted), and just did hilarious things all night. The after-MICA party came to our apartment and it was an all-around good time! I'm happy. :)

However, that means that it is now November. Let's see what that means:

Today is November 2nd.

Closer is in a week and a half.

My 21st birthday is in exactly two weeks.

My Mom's 46th birthday is in three weeks.

Thanksgiving is in three and a half weeks.

My sister's 19th birthday is in exactly four weeks.

Winter Break is three weeks after that.

BLAAAAH.

Love,

A.

Happy Halloween!

I'm sitting here at the Commons desk at 4:45 am in an Alice in Wonderland costume. I am tired and ready to wash off my heavy blush, but I still have another hour and change to go.

The last week has been busy, but I still feel so behind! This weekend is very welcome though--I love Halloween, Betsy is visiting, and it means we're another week closer to 1) the play, 2) my 21st birthday, and 3) my Thanksgiving trip to John's house! :D Yay!

The play is doing well, although we've begun to hit that in-between where everyone is tired and a little flat, so we forget little things. It will definitely pull together into something amazing, and I'm really excited for that. You should all come see it--November 13th and 14th in the BBox at MICA. 8 pm. Tickets are only $5 if you're not a MICA student! So cheap!

My Dad called me this morning and scared me: "I've got a bone to pick with you." I got nervous--I always get worried that when he calls, it's because I'm in trouble, or something bad happened. As it turns out, he only called because he found this link to some songs I recorded for a zine project sophomore year, and asked why I didn't tell him about the site before (honestly, not that many people know about it to begin with!). He liked the songs (especially 'Nice Girl', the one I wrote in high school from Letta's point of view about her idiot crush and this big mess of a love triangle that dominated those four years), and was very complimentary, which was a pleasant surprise (and relief). :)

Also, it was John's brother's 17th birthday yesterday, and he passed his driving test! (I am also officially lamer for not knowing how to drive.)

I've been in this place lately where I've been wanting to surpass all of the coming months and their stresses--thesis, deadlines, bill-paying, etc.--and just get to graduation and satisfaction and the place where it all (allegedly and clichédly) 'commences'. I know that I have to go through all of this to get to the 'good stuff', or to be ready for it at all. I'm just impatient. It's difficult knowing all of the awesome things that are waiting for me after this year and not being able to get at them! It's a very frustrating and obvious dilemma.

However, the future good stuff is WELL worth the wait. I know that for sure.

I'm such a sap. :)

Love,

A.

Fall break. RULES.

This weekend is my fall break (no classes tomorrow or Tuesday, woo!), and neither John nor I have classes on Friday either, so we've basically spent three days solid together, and it's been great. We've been hanging out, drinking tea, and watching movies and shows (Snow White! Glee!), which has been wonderful. We also hung out with Betsy, who came to visit from Rutgers (good visit, and she'll be back for Halloween!), saw Where the Wild Things Are (cool movie--SO INDIE) for one of John's friend's birthday's (Cara L., who is hastily and aggressively attaching herself to me at "best friend" status. She's nice but...I really only tolerate her for John's sake).

John and I had a double-date with a newlywed couple from our new church, Becky and Mark. It was SO WONDERFUL, and it basically confirmed everything I'm feeling about my relationship with John, which was a relief and a wonder.

Then we had a Target run today, and grabbed dinner--the drive home was a little scary: John was feeling sick and lost feeling in his hands, so we pulled over and stood out in the chill air, waiting for him to feel well enough to drive again. But he's fine now (thank God). He's sitting up with me at my grave shift now, the dear.

Bought some new shoes this week--practical black slip-ons (Keds mixed with vans--for $5!), real Keds in navy blue, and a pair of adorable black quilted/cap-toed flats with ankle strap (Alice would approve). I also bought two pairs of thigh-high socks (one grey with a cream top, one black with a grey top). We'll see if I can pull them off.

I think my Egypt midterm this past Wednesday went okay--better than I thought it would.

My thesis midterm critique went exceptionally well--I got some good feedback, and a lot of much-needed encouragement from my professors. It was really uplifting, and I felt like a proper artist. Speaking of which, I've also been hired by a recent grad to design some Baltimore-sports-themed tee shirts for him to sell. We'll see how that goes over, as he has no real clue what he's doing--but he did say he doesn't want to "stifle my creativity"--I had to laugh.

I intend to put my Alice costume together this week--tomorrow feels like a good thrifting day. Wish me luck!

In other news, John is perfect. Oh, wait. NOT NEWS AT ALL.

Love you all,

-A.

P.S. Pumpkin Patch Photos!

Pumpkin Picking and Wedding Accoutrements.

I forgot to mention the awesome time I had picking pumpkins at Baugher's Farm on Sunday afternoon with Robin, Colin, Katie, Ben, Nicolette, and Jen! (Shame on me!)

We went up around 1:30 and found the place to be PACKED, waited in line a few times for the hay ride up to the pumpkin patch (which was fine, because the weather was PERFECT). We took a lot of absurd photos (including an extended photo shoot where Robin and Colin switched shirts and Robin climbed all over the broken tractors pretending to be a farmer). I'll post some when I get them. :)

We all got the perfect pumpkins (Jen had a huge one, then she saw an abandoned one while we were in line for the hay ride back, and spent ten minutes deciding which one she wanted), and got some food (yummy hot dogs, hamburgers, and fries), then checked out the marketplace and tasted some amazing (FREE!) apple cider and fudge. We also acted like little kids and took photos in the 'face-sticky-outie' things (You know what I'm talking about), and got a hilarious video of Colin playing on the kids ride-y tractor.

:D I love my friends.

Even better, on Wednesday we're having a Pumpkin Carving/Seed Roasting/Pie Making party (with the apples Colin and Katie picked from the same farm the week before)! I need to prep my design! (I bet Colin will have something appropriately geeky and type-based. :P Graphic Designers. Sheesh.)

ALSO, I finally got some info back on Alexandre and Rheanna's wedding! I got a message from Rheanna with all of the bridesmaids attached, so we can start being all buddy-buddy. I'm excited. :)

Another good thing--I may be doing an illustration job for a Baltimore sports blog! At this point, it REALLY looks like it needs a designer instead of an illustrator, but if they pay me, I don't really care! :P I like Baltimore, I like sports, I like drawing! And I like money. It's a win-win-win.

Betsy is coming this weekend, too! So much excitement! And yet, I need to be concentrated on my thesis, etc. Signed up for ArtMarket, and I have some stuff to assemble.

Love you all, and I hope you're well.

-A.

Chit-Chat.

It seems like I've been immersed in unusual talks with unusual people lately--Lacie and I reconnected recently in Facebook messages. Not with any overt affection on my part, although it is good to hear that she's doing better. It's nostalgic, but I have no intention of bringing our friendship back to what it once was.

On the flip side, John's ex, Christine, has been making a serious effort to do...SOMETHING I can't put my finger on. Just being nebby. A mutual friend says, "She's just jealous and wants to know what's going on." (As if I'd tell her.) Lacie summed up the situation from Christine's point-of-view rather well, actually: "Hey, I know you have something to do with my ex-boyfriend--comparing you to me, you're not totally ugly and that threatens me so let me befriend you as to assure myself that I am, in some way, better than you and can come to terms with the fact that you are in the picture."

Either way, it's been amusing, but annoying and pathetic. Time to move on (although she apparently has a new boyfriend). Today is dedicated to working that out. Wish us luck!

Otherwise, the play is going very well (November 13th and 14th if you can make it!), things with work are slow (on my part), but good, and I'm so unbelievably happy with John I can't even express it. :D On that note, I'm going to New Jersey to spend Thanksgiving with John and his family, so I won't see you Sewickley people! :( BUT, I'll be bringing John back with me for the first part of Winter Break so you all can meet him! Excitement!

I've even been hearing from some of you, which is great! (Em, I'll call again today.) Drea! Where are you, dear?!

ALSO. Hilarious news. Drea C. won a beauty pageant representing my birthplace of Reading, PA. I guess getting discovered on her own wasn't enough, so she's going for Miss America! Hysterical! Check it out here.

John gets home today from a weekend visit to his family! Yay! :) Then play practice, then actual work.

Muah--

Love,

-A.

Snatched from (Wedding Cabaret)

From "The Irrational Season" by Madeleine L'Engle

But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take…It is indeed a fearful gamble…Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.

To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take…If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation…It takes a lifetime to learn another person…When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.

(Found here.)

-A.

Who wants firsts when you can have bests?

I am very happy, but also working hard to catch up to the work I need to do!

I had a really fun and surprising weekend--I received a Save-the-Date for a high school friend's wedding--Alexandre--and with that was a handwritten letter from his bride, Rheanna, who wrote that they were grateful I'd still be attending the wedding despite the time crunch (the wedding is May 15, 2010--I graduate May 17th), and asked me if I would do her the honor of being a bridesmaid!

Now, I met Rheanna once, about two years ago--we got along great, as two bookish nerds are bound to, but we barely had any contact after that. I can only assume that Alexandre suggested me--I called him a week and a half ago and we talked about the wedding and about the proposal, etc, and I guess he must've been affected by my enthusiasm, and mentioned it to Rheanna! I thought that she might need more girls to balance out if Alexandre had a lot of groomsmen or something, but apparently I'm only one of four! I'm totally honored and excited--my first peer wedding and I'm a bridesmaid!

I admit, I hesitated--after all, I barely know her, and Alexandre and I are friends, but we weren't all that close in high school. However, I WAS the first person to know about Alexandre's feelings for Rheanna, and the first person to encourage him to ask her out, so that's something. :) I'm really excited! My wedding blog obsession is going to go into overtime. :P

Also, John and I celebrated our one-month anniversary! We're not going to be queer and celebrate every month--the next one will be our 6 month. It was really great--we grocery shopped together and he made this amazing carbonara and I made homemade whipped cream with strawberries. It felt good. :)

Also, I am lame for liking Emily Osment's (Haley Joel's sis!) version of "Once Upon A Dream". It's blasphemous, but SO CATCHY.

The play is also coming together really, really well. :D We had our first proper full-cast rehearsal, and we ran through the whole show, which went exceptionally well. I'm happy! If you want to come see it (AND YOU BETTER) it is November 13th and 14th here at MICA. DO IT.

More soon!

Love,

-A.

Another Weird Dream.

The night before last, I dreamt that I was on a bus with Sarah Coleman--who was with me in Italy--for some sort of trip. We passed one house--I saw a creepy, bug-eyed man in a light blue shirt the front window, and a split-second later he was in the doorway. A ghost.

I pointed it out to Sarah as the bus parallel-parked in front of the house--he was in the doorway, then his image jumped into the window again. We got off the bus as the sun was setting, and we saw the same phenomena happen as we walked by. Window, door. Freaked out, we averted our eyes and scurried past the hedge that lined the edge of the property. I glanced back.

A scarf-sized square of black fabric was floating out from behind the hedge, following us. I turned away again, trying to ignore it. A few moments later, I looked again. It was gone. I touched my hair--the scarf had settled onto my head like a veil. It was white now, and edged in lace.

We rounded a corner, and I found myself at an outdoor funeral that looked like a wedding. All the women had the veils.

And then I woke up. Creepy.

Hopefully the Summer of Death has passed on as well...

It's been an emotional week over here--my Aunt Suzanne, who was diagnosed with cancer in May, died on Tuesday at about 5 AM--my Dad called me while I was in class, and there was this moment of confusion: 'Why is he calling? We just talked a few days ago...' Then it struck me that Suzanne must have died--he'd mentioned in the last call that there wasn't much longer. I slipped out of class and listened to the voicemail he left--sure enough, she'd died. I called him back, and he told me he and Lisa were the last people to see her--they tucked her in around midnight. She's being cremated, so he said he'd call back when they had plans for a memorial--it didn't have to be right away because she isn't being interred.

I was sad for Dad, and for Suzanne's live-in boyfriend and his son. It's odd, because I was out-of-town for the entirety of Suzanne's treatment, save Robby's funeral, and I barely saw my DAD that weekend, let alone had the chance to visit Suzanne. It's like it didn't happen.

I'm not super-close to my Dad's family, but Suzanne was absolutely the aunt that made the most effort with us. Remembered our birthdays, etc. She, like the rest of Dad's side, had her major issues, but she was fun and sweet and good-hearted.

The rest of the week was fine, if less productive than I'd have liked (story of my life)--John and I attended our first read-through on Saturday. It went well, although we all still have work to do. I need to learn how to make a British accent sound natural in two months' time. Get excited. And John and I were getting pretty excited about the trip to Annapolis we planned for this coming weekend to attend the Navy Homecoming football game with his family, even though we'd have to miss a rehearsal, which is whatever, because the game is a great opportunity to bond with John's people. (Again.) :)

Sunday was a particularly full day--Emily, John, and I got up early to go to the farmer's market with Melissa and a cute little junior named Mika, which was a lot of fun--we sang Disney songs. :D Afterwards, Em, John, Jen and I attended church. I was so thankful that Jen decided to attend with us, and to me complete joy, she loved it, and wants to keep coming with us! I'm really excited for that. The service itself was really great--we arrived a bit late, but we managed to integrate ourselves into the congregation during the sign of peace. Perfect timing. :P

The message was about poverty and wealth, and about the provisions of God, which is something I struggle with. I've been getting better about it, though! It was just good to have that reinforcement--God will always provide, and he has.

Dad called while I was in church--during the week, I talked to both Mom and Lauren about coming home for the service, etc. Lauren and I both expressed reluctance--it's inconvenient and expensive to get home, not to mention that we're not on the best terms with Dad. However, we also knew he'd take it as a personal insult if we were to explain that we're busy (I'm a senior in the midst of thesis. and Lauren is still getting used to a whole new school), and would take it out on us for months/years to come.

Dad left a voicemail, which I listened to after the service. As it turns out, the memorial service was planned for Saturday, the same day as the football game. :( Agonizing decision time. So, I called Lauren, who decided that she may as well go home for it (She also noted that I should "Just go to the game--repayment for all the times Dad bailed on us.", which is ungenerous, but not unfair.). Mom sympathized with me, and we weighed the options together (1. Have a fun weekend with my boyfriend's family and make sure Dad writes me out of his will. 2. Go home and sit in my Nana's parlor for an hour and half, hating life, but still ensuring $300 for Dad come Christmas).

The frustrating part was that I knew what I had to do, but it's very difficult to accept the fact that I would get no grace from him in this, and I honestly need the small sum he gives me every year for school. I hate having to depend on someone unreliable, but as pathetic as it is, I made the choice to go home and ensure that sum. Obviously John was understanding and encouraging (as he always is, the dear), but I was still pretty disappointed that I'd have to miss out on time with him and with his family, especially as The Girlfriend instead of The Mystery Friend-Thing. :P

I called Dad back, and without mentioning the game, told him that I intended to come home. He gave me a little relief by saying he'll be paying for my ticket home and back, which is nice, and I am starting to look forward to seeing Lauren and Brian (I miss making 'Why I Love Brian' posts--we haven't talked much lately) and Brandon, and Mom and KJ. I wouldn't have made it back until Thanksgiving, otherwise. And I do feel good about going back to be with Dad, even if it's hard to be the bigger person. I can do it and I'll try and be charitable.

As I mentioned in my last entry, John met my parents and godparents last weekend. It went quite well--Kathleen (my godmother) was completely charmed by him ("He's CATHOLIC?!! How wonderful!") and while my godfather Dane and my Mom goofed on his nerdiness, they liked him a lot as well. Mom came to Baltimore on the evening of the 14th and had dinner with John and I, which also went well, and I brought up the idea of bringing John home for Thanksgiving, which she was very receptive to. Unfortunately, John's mom was less into the whole thing, and put the kibosh on that pretty quickly, which I understood, as Thanksiving is her holiday in New Jersey, blahblahfamilytime.

However, despite her reluctance to let John travel one state over for Thanksgiving, she is apparently willing to pay for half of my plane ticket to go to England with John and two of our friends--they're going for Spring Break to visit John's friends from Bournemouth (where he studied this past spring). Now, this SOUNDS great, and I would love to be able to do it, but A) My mom is VERY against this idea ("You'd be traveling with a boy who is not your husband!"). Granted, I would go anyway, but that brings us to B) Even half a ticket is out of my price range.

My solution: Ask Dad for a Christmas/Graduation gift. :D Sounds perfect, right? Cue Aunt Suzanne's death. That sounds insensitive--I don't consider Suzanne's death a burden in that way--but truly, it is not the right time to be asking for money to be whisked away to Europe for a week. But who knows, maybe when I go home we'll talk about it.

But NOW, as this entry took me a day and a half to complete and post, it's time to go to my first one-on-one rehearsal with Kristin as Alice! It should be fun.

Love--

-A.

WOOOOOO!!!!!!

I got Anna! John got Larry! We were both cast! I'm so EXCITED!!!!!

The girl I expected to get Alice didn't, which was surprising, but what are you gonna do. The girl they did cast, Kristin, wasn't bad, just needs toning down (and she's taller than me, which is unusual casting). But our Dan, Harrison, got it! :D

The show is running November 13 and 14. I'm so thrilled! Wish us luck!

In other news, John met my mom and godparents this weekend--it went awesomely well, and it's just been an amazing week. I'll update ASAP with more detail, but I have homework to do!

Love, love, love!

-A.

P.S. Did you guys see Gossip Girl tonight?! Blair and Chuck=perfection.

Yay for Acting Again!

What a great day!

Excepting leaving my keys in my empty apartment while I grocery-shopped, everything went well! I ended up going to John's for an impromptu lunch and to store my milk and eggs while I waited for Emily to come home and open the apartment. :P

I talked to my mom briefly about her visit (Monday evening!) and meeting John, and then met John at Fox for the SACI/MICA "opening", where my book is on display right now. At four, we had to book it to the Closer audition, where we both read--it went awesomely.

Let me describe: It was a preliminary meeting for the whole "Thespian Club" (formerly the MICA Playwriting Club, but all of the people that wrote the plays graduated), and they briefly went over tech and the play's synopsis before the auditions started. They dismissed the tech-only people, and blessedly, half of the girls left. (Hey, there are only two female roles in Closer!) I could pick out pretty quickly who would be the best out of the 5 guys and 8ish girls. (John and I were included in that list.)

I read for both Alice and Anna, but it's pretty obvious that a junior girl, Madison, who has that glamorous, disheveled, edgy look that's good for Alice, will be cast as her. They LOVED John and his array of accents (English and Scottish), and a tall, handsome boy named Harrison read really well, too. As far as John and I can tell, it'll be the four of us, unless someone fantastic reads tomorrow at the second meeting. We'll see! I'm excited!

For those of you who know me and John, you should all come see the show, because you'll get to see us say very dirty, out-of-character things. It'll be fun. :P Wish us luck!

I'm currently visiting with John and Robin at my grave shift, so I should go be a proper "host". 'Til later!

Love,

-A.

A teensy update!

Work is starting to catch up to me, and I wanted to post a quick update about how I'm doing before I get swallowed up!

Yesterday I failed to make a 9/9/09 entry, even though 9 has always been my favorite/lucky number! However, the day itself was great--John and I had our first official date, and since it was Colin's birthday, Robin and another GD friend Nicolette (who was in all of my freshman core classes) conspired with me to do something for Colin's 22nd! Nic provided the cake, and I suggested trimming it with Swedish Fish and Skittles (his favorite candy). It was too sweet and too yummy, and hopefully none of us got diabetes. Jen and Ben and Jess were there too, and John came with me and Katie showed up later (the Six Flags crew, minus Betsy and plus John!), and it was so fun to see everyone. :) There was also another viewing of THE ROOM, which is always awesome. :D I love my friends.

I'm happy. :) I know I have a lot of stress and work ahead of me, but I am really happy, and I just need to match my happy with motivation! :P

I hope you're all equally happy and enjoying your week!

Love,

-A.

I know this will come as a bit of a shock, but...

I took the 'leap' I indicated to in the last post, and I decided to give dating John a try.

I realized that I need to stop being afraid and stop predicting and trying to control how and what everything will be. I listened to my gut for awhile, and then I listened to my head, and neither worked--the only thing I hadn't done was TRY. So here I go! This isn't a changed mind, but a changed attitude. It's working out pretty well so far, and I'm happy. Nervous, but pleased.

I don't want to beat the horse dead, or start over-thinking, so I'm going to let today be the day I tire out the subject of my thoughts and decisions--I'll start fresh tomorrow. I'm optimistic.

:)

Thank you all for your support and help! More soon.

Love,

-A.

P.S. Is it bad that we've already started plotting how to tell his ex? :P

Comments from my mom's professional director friends about Ink. Woo!

"I watched your daughter's film. She was a really good choice for the part, very sweet, natural and out of this guy's league, but she still played approachable enough to buy her response at the end. There were a couple technical problems, the editing could have been a lot tighter, and the characters weren't set up well enough through the direction at the beginning, but all and all a very good job and interesting twist, which is the basis for a successful short film."

"Yes, she did a nice job! She's as photogenic as her mom, you can see the resemblance. Is she an acting student?"

:D What a pleasant surprise!

Yesterday was a good day after I posted the previous entry--I went to Paper Moon for the tasty hamburger I was denied on Thursday, and staked out Charm City Cakes with Abi (John's English friend who leaves today :D:), John, Cara (John's friend with a propensity to overshare), and her new boyfriend (via OKcupid) Tevis (who is surprisingly handsome and half-Asian).

Cara was particularly entertaining at Paper Moon, and decided that it was a great idea to talk about past bad dates on her third date with Tevis. To make this even better, one of the dates was with a diaper fetishist, and the other ended up with her in hives (that one took place in the last month, I think). However, Tev seemed unphased, and even more attracted to her than before, so...good for them? Although this is only the start.

After lunch, we went into Fells Point and visited Killer Trash, this famous thrift store (John Waters loves it, apparently), where I found my wedding dress. Not really, obviously, but I saw this short-sleeved, scoopneck white dress with this long flowy skirt, and I guess it occured to me that it could be wedding dress potential for someone, but I just wanted to try it on because it's pretty. So, I did, and I was kind of blown away. It fit me almost perfectly (the top was cut wrong, or maybe my boobs just take over life), and I admit, I looked pretty amazing. Even Tev was like "You're radiating at all of us!" I never used to understand why people cried at the sight of themselves/loved ones while trying on wedding gowns, but in that moment, I understood (I didn't cry!). But, it was pretty cheap fabric and $34 that I do not have, so I left it there, but got some photo evidence via Cara's camera, which I'll post when I can.

After that, we went for Mr. Yogato Frozon Yogurt, which we each got for 10% off for answering a few history/art trivia questions. We had to name four 20th Century art movements (we helped each other out on that one), and I got "What is another name for the Mona Lisa?". This stumped me for a few minutes, until the girl gave me the hint that it was in another language, and all on my own, I remembered "La Gioconda". :)

John, Abi, and John's roommate Ari (a funny and endearingly awkward Jewish boy) came over last night and we watched Disney movies (The Emperor's New Groove and Aladdin) and had a few beers in honor of Abi's heading back to England. I conked out during both movies, and ended up only getting about 4.5 hours of sleep last night. Woo!

I also got an amusing call from John's best friend Dave, who I met when I went to New Jersey to see Harry Potter 6, and have kept in touch with since. Amusing is only a part of the call though, which was actually disarmingly honest (bordering on harsh) and well-appreciated by yours truly.

I had two conversations with good friends yesterday about life never being 100%--sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith. That is something I have trouble with. Fear of the drop, remember? :P Just got to pray and try. I hate being wrong. I hate not knowing what I want. But maybe the key is to let go of what I want and concentrate on what GOD wants. (What a novel idea! :P)

I've been told that I'm good at seeing "the big picture", that I can help people see past their own points of view to put things in perspective. I hope that's true, and if it is, I think that it only applies to others, ha. I'm not very good at seeing "the big picture" in regards to myself. I mean, I know it's there, and I can acknowledge it, but usually in a bitter, mirthless way until it all calms down and I smack myself in the head for being so immature four days later. Selfish.

Another bit of excellent news: The MICA Playwrights Club (now the MICA Thespian Club, due to lack of proper writers, I'm sure) is putting on Closer this year, which is undoubtedly one of my favorite films/plays. I'd probably never be cast as Alice (I look/act too old), but playing Anna would be AMAZING. The audition is next Friday. Wish me luck!

Hope you all have a good day--Love!

-A.

ETA: OKAY. I found an artist that I thought Marla would like, and I posted it on her Facebook wall this past week. It was her birthday party last night, which I wasn't invited to, but I get that--Robin attended, and I'm sure it was fun. Today, I went to glance on her page to see that she not only deleted my friendship (which happened in the last week, tops), but deleted my post about the artist! REALLY. REALLY. REALLY.

Even Melissa, the most generous and sweetest person in the world has been like "HELL NO" about Marla's recent behavior. I mean, I'm a little hurt by it, but I guess this is the path to this being done for good (as if it weren't already). Grr. That annoyance about being the only one held responsible is coming back.

I fear the drop, but once I get started...

Last Friday afternoon, Colin, who organized our Six Flags trip, Facebook-chatted me with the warning that hurricane-level rains/storms would be hitting NJ the following day, and could we maybe take the trip Sunday instead? Now, the trip had already been rescheduled once, and I had work on Sunday, not to mention that this was short-notice and this had been a seven-day forecast. I told him no way.

SO, I woke up at 7:20 AM the next morning, and called Robin five times to make sure HE was up and moving. Jen and I walked down to Colin/Katie's place at eight and met up with the three of them and Jess, who drove from Frederick, MD to be with us! We had some coffee and chit-chatted before driving out at 8:30.

The drive was easy, and a lot of fun--I actually felt so joyful to be spending time with these new friends. Colin drove, Robin was in the passenger seat, Katie, Jess, and I were in the back seat, and Jen was in the way back, where there were two extra seats one can pull out for children. :P The only hassle we ran into was a little bit of traffic about ten miles outside of the park.

We finally arrived, and the sky looked grey and it had already rained, but we were hopeful. After all, the park was nearly empty, which is always good. We met Betsy (!) in the entrance of the park, where she'd been cooling her heels waiting for us for about a half hour, but in the meantime, had made friends with a guy on stilts. We also noticed the 458' (45 stories) tower of Kingda Ka, currently the world's tallest and fastest coaster. It's pretty scary-looking, but Robin and I both committed to it first thing.

Blessedly, the rain held off all day, and the sun even came out! It was perfect. The first roller coaster we went on was El Toro--we all rode it (Jen gets nervy about coasters, and it was ALMOST the only one we all rode together), and it was TERRIFYING. I wasn't sure if I could do Kindga Ka after wimping out on El Toro--a wooden coaster.

But we kept on trucking, and by the end of the day, Robin, Colin, Jess, and I had ridden every coaster in the park (Jen, Katie, and Betsy sat out a few. Losers. :P), eaten some tasty amusement park hot dogs and french fries, gotten soaked on the Rapids ride (Jess and I, at least), and treated ourselves to ice cream.

So, yes, we rode Kingda Ka. It was really nerve-wracking at first, especially with the signs placed at the entrance of the ride that read: "Sometimes Kingda Ka's train doesn't make it over the hill. This is a normal occurance. The track is designed to reverse itself and reset." SCARY. But, we did it, and it was actually a lot of fun! I can't imagine being in the front row for that one though. :/

Since we got done with all of the coasters fairly early (we had less than 15 minute waits on all rides), I suggested that we do a couple again. We re-rode Bizarro with Jen and Katie, who missed out the first time, and Betsy, Robin, Colin, and I got in line to re-ride Nitro. When we got to the top of the line, obviously the line was longest for the front row (Nitro seats four-across), but Colin suggested we wait it out (all four minutes longer) and ride in front. New Daredevil-Alyssa was all about it, and Betsy, after slight hesitation, agreed. So, we strapped in.

I should preface by saying that Robin is afraid of the big, slow ascent, not the drop. There's something about it that really freaks him out--the possibility that something could go wrong. Kingda Ka has a massive ascent, but it goes 128 miles per hour, so there's barely time to register it. Nitro, however, is loooong and sloooow. I was happy as a clam, and Robin, two seats over, was like stone, clutching his harness and fixed on the top of the hill. In an attempt to loosen him up, I reached over Betsy to give him a high-five.

He glanced briefly in my direction, "I'm good." I had to laugh.

The ride was, naturally, the best one of the day. :)

Katie, Jess, and I boldly danced with the creepy Mr. Six guy in front of a crowd of people after that (there is video that I'll post when I can), doing the Macarena and the Cha Cha Slide and YMCA. We left the park pretty soon after that, and said goodbye to Betsy (:( ), and got on the road. The drive back was a more difficult, as the sky broke open less than twenty minutes after we left the park (Colin is a trooper). We decided to drive through Colin's hometown in PA, right near Philly, and get a cheesesteak. It was delicious, and nice to see a piece of Colin's life outside of MICA. :) Post-cheesesteak, the rain was even WORSE, elevating Colin from 'trooper' to 'demi-god' at maneuvering through it.

I had the awesome opportunity to bond with Katie, Colin, and Jess, who I don't see that often/know that well, and see Betsy, who is all ready to be an accomplished graduate student! I'm confident that the trip will spawn a pretty awesome set of friendships. At least, I hope so.

Secondly, I started classes:

Monday: The Problem of Evil. My professor is a stern-looking man with a cane who attended Yale, Oxford, and St. Andrews. He was drafted in 1969 (after dropping out of his first year of college) and went to Southeast Asia for 13 months, and returned to an offer to work for the CIA, which he did for a couple decades. He'd learned 15 or so languages before he suffered a stroke in 2003 or 2004. He had to relearn talking and walking, and he writes with his left hand now. Since then, he's brought his knowledge of languages up to nearly 20. WHAT. WHAT. AMAZING. So far, this class looks like it will be fascinating in matters of faith. I'll be challenged and reaffirmed all-together, I think. I'm excited. :)

Tuesday: The Lab. Whitney Sherman, my professor, is the chair of the illustration department. She's been described as a 'Dragon Lady', but that hasn't come out at all yet. The point of this class is to produce something to be sold--being so wrapped up in my thesis plans, I had to come up with something on the fly, and ended up with a pretty great idea, if I do say so myself! Obviously, writing is therapy to me. Also, revenge/retribution/justice has been a recent theme in my life. SO, I combined the two, and intend to make a witty "Little Book of Revenge"--a sort of workbook for people to put down all the things they WISH they could do, without actually causing harm, of course. There'll be sections for each sort of offender (exes, co-workers, roommates, telemarketers), and a blank section for "Supplies" and "Execution". I think it'll be a hit--my classmates laughed and Whitney was encouranging. At least...I'd buy it. :)

Wednesday: Art and Architecture of Ancient Egypt. The best thing about this class is that I know and am friends with a lot of people in it. :) My professor is a youngish fat man with that unfortunate idea that luscious, shoulder-length hair will distract me from his hugeness. However, he seems knowledgable, and I'm looking forward to it, although it seems like a lot of work.

Thursday: Senior Thesis. The doozy. My section, with the very-pregnant, very-British, and very-adorable Rebecca Bradley, is populated with a few unfortunate candidates (in both personality and quality of work), but overall, I'm pleased. My presentation was okay, but it just reinforced the amount of work I need to get done. BLAAAH.

Senior Seminar. Allan Comport is my hero. I resolve to become one of his favorites by the end of this year, dammit. The whole of MICA IL '10 (about 100 students) broke into "study groups" of five--sort of support groups for the coming year. I got nervous--one of the unfortunate candidates above nearly approached me to form a group, but I wiggled out, and my group consists of: Tiff (Marla's roommate), Michael (Robin's roommate), Kyle (one of the first kids I made friends with at MICA), and Adam (who is a practical stranger to me, but is very nice and pretty cute :P). I'm nervous--I always get nervous about sharing work--but I think this'll be a good group, especially since I need to learn Photoshop and Kyle is really good. :D

Objectivity: What I thought was going to be a class related to the divine ratio, and other mathematical awesomeness is now a class unrelated to "Nature, numbers, and doubt", as the subtitle first referenced, but rather "An introduction to the philosophy of science." It's going to get bloody. :P John and I will be the lone Christians/Conservatives holding down the fort in the corner. My professor, Patrick, is a nearly-thirty, bald southern man who is actually really attractive (there's a touch of James McAvoy in him), but has this absurd and amazing Southern-crossed-with-posh-philosopher voice. I can't even begin to describe it without an accompanying imitation.

As far as Hector, it isn't even worth explaining at this point--our wires got crossed, misunderstandings, blah blah. Ian helped me sort things out a bit on my end thanks to his insight into Hector's feelings (or lack thereof). It's basically as I suspected-but-chose-to-push-away: He's not interested in a relationship, and I suspect if he was, he wouldn't want it with me. This was a big disappointment at first, but I'm dealing and am really looking forward to moving ahead as FRIENDS. Ian was kind enough to soften the blow by letting me in on the fact that Hector said he really enjoys spending time with me [as a friend], and I think, awkwardness aside, we'll be fine. :) Special thanks to Emily, Robin, Brandon, and Jen for putting up with me.

In other news, for those of you who are QVHSites, ALEXANDRE IS ENGAGED AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL. For those of you who don't know who that is, Alexandre (or 'The Xandman'), was a sweet but SUPER-nerdy kid in my College-in-High-School French class senior year. He got a girlfriend his freshman year at Pitt, and our CHS class was so stunned and thrilled, we actually organized a BARBECUE at his house in order to meet her. It was excellent, and she's very cool.

SO, three years later, they're all engaged! Yay!

I've also spent the last few days visiting with John and his friend from the UK, Abi, who he met while studying abroad. She's really funny and fun, and isn't offended that my apartment is London-themed and nicknamed "The Flat". (Emily R., hopefully you aren't offended either. :P) Today I'll be hanging out with them again, and if the new friendship I'm trying to establish with Hector works out for tonight, I'll see him this evening. Wish me luck!

Anyway, I'm off to hang out with Robin soon. I'm showered, wearing my new skirt and feeling pretty good (despite my small problem of missing 2/3 of a desk shift this morning...ooops). Hopefully the rest of my day can be productive and fun!

More soon--Love!

-A.

Note-To-Self

Since the first few days of classes have been hectic (but fun!), here's a reminder to myself/teaser for you about what I need to update you all on this weekend:

-My Six Flags trip AKA PERFECTION.

-My class schedule and professor profiles. AKA Me making fun of my teachers.

-How "Dumb, dumb, dumb." (see previous entry) turned into "Stupid, stupid, stupid." AKA Why Hector does not like me.

-Other fun stuff. :)

Love you all!

-A.

P.S. Ab, I got your Facebook message, and intend to reply, I've just been busy! Tomorrow or Friday!

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

I have this bad habit of weaving these elaborate fantasies and letting myself believe they have roots in reality. Or, perhaps, the roots are in reality, but I sprinkle this Fantastical Miracle-Gro on them that makes it sprout into something that is very pretty, but ultimately fabricated.

Then again, I'm hard on myself--even my friends think he's shown interest.

Let me get to the point: last night, I saw Hector, and he invited me to a movie/party at Ian's (Robin's freshmen roomie and my first MICA crush) place. We went on a walk through Bolton Hill beforehand, and he called Ian to confirm the plans, and mentioned that he was with me. I invited Robin, Emily, and Jen, and we all went and had a really great time. Hector had to go back to Virginia for the night, so I asked if I could walk him out. He said yes--and not in a hesitant or grudging way--so I walked him out. I have to say, I was pretty tipsy. As soon as Ian's apartment door closed, Hector started power-walking out. I asked what was with the Speedy McSpeedster-ness, and he just mumbled that he "always walks fast when he's tipsy". Me: WHAT?

So, we get out to his car, and he opens his door and stands behind it. "Well, I'll see you later." Me: "Um...are you not going to hug me goodbye?" He hugs me--and not a weenie, lame hug either, a good one. I remind him about our lunch plans, and then he hesitates: "Well, I'm supposed to have lunch with Ian and Eileen when I get back..." Me: "Well, whenever you can." And he left.

UGH. I felt like an idiot for the rest of the evening--I'm trying to take into account that Hector is quiet and reserved, but this is still confusing. I even went so far as to talk to Ian about it, which was actually really funny:

Me: "Sooo...I have a megacrush on Hector."
Ian: "Psh, I know."
Me: "WHAT?! HOW?"
Ian: "When he told me he was with you tonight, when he called me."
Me: "HAS HE SAID ANYTHING?!"
Ian: "No, but I think he likes you."
Me: "???!?!?!?!"
Ian: "You're his type, you know?"
Me: "KO$ M)IF&^K FP W%$GR?!!"
Ian: "Don't sweat it--you could probably just tell him, haha!"
Me: "No, you really don't understand--"
Ian: "But he hasn't said anything to me, or I'd tell you. See ya!"
Me: *reduced to a ridiculous, quivering mass of nervous laughter*

So, that buoyed my spirits for about ten minutes, then I got into The Flat (our new nickname for our now London-themed apartment--my room is Little Italy) with Jen and Emily and I got really frustrated with myself, because of the first paragraph of this entry. I have mentioned here before that I have the tendency to not let myself be sad--I belittle my own upsettedness because I know that I do this stupid fantasy thing and I need to train myself not to.

I force myself to be fine--"I'll be fine tomorrow, I know I'm being stupid, this is dumb." People always tell me, "You're allowed to be upset, this isn't your fault. Feel what you feel." But I can't. At least not until I'm in private, and even then I berate myself. My mom gave me some advice as an adolescent for when I ran into small-to-medium frustrations or troubles: "Let yourself be a complete mess for 24-36 hours, then let it go." Now, I don't like being a mess at all, especially when I don't deserve it. There is NO REASON for me to be upset. NOTHING HAPPENED!

Bah. Why do the guys I like feel lukewarm about me, but the guys who like me are the ones I feel lukewarm about? Jen and I were lamenting that fact yesterday afternoon. Why can't I fall for someone who can fall for me so completely? Emily was great about that--she assured me that I should never settle. She told me I'm amazing, and should be with a guy who knows and acknowledges that.

But enough. I'm now concentrating my energies into getting Robin a date, which seems to be going well thus far. :) I pushed the baby bird out of the nest and he's starting to fly! (I'm lame and cheesy. :P)

Funny aside: After seeing me with both Robin and Hector, Emily hesitantly said: "I can't really see you with anyone but..."

"Robin?" Jen helpfully supplied.

"Yeah," she admitted guiltily. Aw, Em. :)

Also, hilarious. :D

:D

Okay! After a few days of suspense, I finally got to see Hector yesterday evening!

It was sort of funny, really. He arrived Sunday night--I'm not sure what time--but I didn't get to see him. The next morning, Emily W. went to graduate orientation. Mid-morning I realized Hector must be orienting as well, and lurked around campus like a creep for a couple hours hoping to spot his tour group. I'm dumb. :P

Naturally, I didn't see him, so I went home for a little while and tried to work. In that time, Hector had tweeted a photo of his vantage point at the graduate luncheon--he was sitting directly behind Emily! I tweeted him back about it, remarking on the coincidence, and he asked why she hadn't said hello, and broke the news that he would be leaving for VA that night! Emily got home at about 3:30, and I mentioned the exchange--she'd recognized Hector, actually, and had meant to say hi, but got caught up in her day, which is fine, of course, but she promised to introduce herself at the graduate dinner at 6 pm.

So, I went to the MICA store and bought a new sketchbook, then arranged myself in the park, in the shade of a tree, to sketch for awhile before Robin called, then Paul called! He's back in Baltimore, and he met me in the park before I ushered him back to my apartment to meet Emily. After a little while, Jen got home, and the three of us goofed around while Emily got ready to go back for dinner. Close to 7 pm, my phone rang. Dum-duh-duh-DUM! Triumph!

I answered, trying not to sound too eager, and Hector told me that Emily had introduced herself, and that she suggested that he come say hey--so he did! He had arrived outside at that point, so we hung up, and I hurled myself into the living room at Jen and Paul: "OMG HECTOR'S DOWNSTAIRS!", then hurled myself out of the apartment before patting my hair and proceeding calmly (but cutely) down the stairs to open the door for him. We hugged, and I showed him up to the apartment. We sat at the kitchen table and he acknowledged that it was a little weird to be with me in person, after texting and tweeting all this time. But it was comfortable and nice and we talked about our families and crazy parents and hometowns and favorite places and thesis.

He talked more than I did, which was welcome, but he listened intently to all my insanity, and he LOVED the chart on the fridge that I made about all of the Apartment 6 drama that took place amongst Rybin VanSchachlin (one link per syllable) last fall. We talked about art and his new apartment (it was nice, he was using phrases like "When you see the apartment", etc.), and he stayed about an hour. And OF COURSE, in the last two minutes of our visit, he says something about the force behind believing. I say: "I believe a lot of things." His response? "Oh, well, I don't believe in anything." UUUUGH. ANYWAY. When I walked him out, I told him we should make lunch plans for the following week, once he gets back from Virginia. He answered, "Absolutely." :D

SO, he left, and Emily returned about an hour and a half later. I immediately informed her that she's a saint, and she told me how it went down: she approached him at the dinner, and introduced herself, and mentioned that I'd shown her Ink, and that's how she knew who he was (and not through my massive crush). They laughed about the Twitter-related coincidence of sitting near each other at the luncheon, and apparently Hector remarked that the Twitter stuff is "this passive-aggressive thing [he and I] do". Hmmm. Then HE asked if I was around and what I was doing, and when Emily said I was at the apartment just hanging out. So HE said that he should stop by, which she obviously encouraged. So he did! Yay! :)

Yeah, I really don't want to wait a week to talk to him again, BUT, he'll be here all year. So.

Woo!

Classes start in less than a week. WTF. Hopefully I can get everything done!

Love,

A.

Returning to the Recent Past and other kinds of Time-Travel.

Lauren and Abby picked me up from the bus station when Robby died, and one of the first conversations we had was about his idea of the afterlife. Lauren, being as close with Robby as she was, was lucky enough to get a packet of photocopied pages directly from Robby last summer--the packet, according to Robby, summed up his ideas and beliefs about God and the world around us.

I got the chance to skim it the day before the funeral--Lauren had left it out on her bed, having finally gotten around to reading it. I'm afraid I don't remember specifics, but I remember the bulk of it having to do with reconciling God and Science into Order--to be neither purely scientific or purely religious in name. The phrase 'God of Order' was used a lot.

The point is, Lauren was vehement about Robby's salvation--"I can't believe that he's in Hell. I cannot believe that." And I agreed. But how does one get around that niggling Biblical message? John 3:16 and everything we learned about in Sunday school?

I've been coming across a few interesting passages on this subject lately, including this entry from a blog called Growing Up Lane, written by two young Catholic sisters:

"Vatican II teaches that 'Those who, through no fault of their own, do not know the gospel of Christ or his church, but who nevertheless seek God with a sincere heart, and moved by grace, try in their actions to do his will as they know it through the dictates of their consciences—those too may achieve eternal salvation (LG 16).' Also, in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) we find this: 'Every man who is ignorant of the gospel of Christ and of his Church but seeks the truth and does the will of God in accordance with his understanding of it can be saved. It may be supposed that such persons would have desired baptism explicitly if they had known its necessity' (CCC 1260).

God has written Himself into all of our hearts, and this is known to most people as conscience. Those who seek and have a conscious desire to do good, to respond to this knowledge of God in their heart, are participating in God’s plan and serving Him as faithfully as is possible for them. Just because they are ignorant of the source of the graces and salvation they may receive, it does not mean that they cannot attain them. This, however, is not an excuse for settling for what you have and refusing to further your knowledge of God. We must continually work to join ourselves with God as intimately as possible. As Catholics, we believe that this is reached as a member of the Church that was founded by Christ, and participating in the sacraments He has given us, most importantly joining in true communion with Him through the celebration of the Eucharist.
So, 'no salvation outside of the Church' means that salvation only comes from Christ through the Church, not that only members of the Church are saved."

I am no longer Catholic, of course, but I think this is a good sum-up. While, yes, the Bible says that salvation is only for those who believe in Christ and the promises of the Crucifixion and Resurrection, this leaves a lot of holes and possibilities ('What about the pygmies who've never heard of Jesus?!'). Obviously, we can't rely on the idea that Robby didn't know anything about God or Christianity--his parents are Christians, and I know they attended a Lutheran church (I'm pretty sure it was Lutheran) as children. But, knowing that God is merciful and gave us a brain to explore, paired with the idea of God "writing Himself onto our hearts" as our conscience--the bottom line is, God doesn't want us to fail.

Another thing--and hopefully this doesn't come off as morbid--but Robby's death was one without fault. It wasn't a car accident or suicide (blessedly). It was an Act of God--I would say, a specific event that serves to further God's will. This doesn't make it a pleasant endeavor--Robby's death was intensely painful--but it offers some explanation: God's plan working through the life and death of a young man seeking knowledge. I can only hope that this explanation doesn't cause anyone to blame God.

I was flipping through my History of Silence course notes yesterday morning as well, and found two quotes I wrote in that apply:

"Because you seek Me with your whole heart, I will let Myself be found." -God to Man

and

"In my practice, actively trying to find something: it becomes there." -Keenan, (a classmate of mine)



In other news, I got a random Facebook chat message from Lacie's older brother Wesley night before last. We've never spoken ten words to each other, so this was surprising (I thought it was Lacie, at first, but the conversation quickly proved to me that it wasn't.) So, we had a game of Scrabble and we talked about my thesis project. After he beat me by 100 points, heh, we said goodnight, and he told me to let him know the next time I visit NYC (he lives there now and his pursuing his doctorate of philosophy). Hold your horses--he lives with his long-time girlfriend in the city, so no romantic interest from either side. As if.

Things with Hector are...progressing. Nicely.



:)



I also got the chance to talk on the phone with Paul for the first time in forever! It was really awesome in all--it's been a LONG time--but of course, we had to breach the Marla/Me/Robin topic. And here I thought Paul was Mr. Neutral, which is apparently not the case. He took the opportunity to knock my legs out from under me: "Then I heard Marla's side of the story and was a lot less okay with the situation after that...but I'm not getting involved. It's none of my business." GRAAR.

I actually let it slide pretty well yesterday, but today I found myself really angry. Like, REALLY angry about it. I was at the point where I was almost totally cool with everything, then that little comment threw me off. Which should be a big hint that I wasn't really okay about it. I guess it's just frustrating that I continue to be the sole perpetrator in this, that my name is the one getting kicked around eight months later. Hm.

ANYWAY. I have an awesome week-and-a-half to look forward to: Emily W. moves in tomorrow and Hector gets back Sunday, then I have my last week of work, and THEN SIX FLAGS with Colin, his girlfriend Katie, Robin, Jen, Jess, Ben, and BETSY! It'll be so fun! I can't wait. Then school. CRAP.

But I AM excited, and I can't wait to see everyone! :D Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on a very important conversation. :P



Love,

-A.