The Ounce of Relief.

My luggage arrived sometime in the last two hours. THANK THE LORD.

I really appreciate all your support! I've been pretty much freaking out for the last thirty hours or so, and the words of encouragement mean everything. I love you guys!

I'm SUPPOSED to go on this mandatory tour of the monuments at 3 this afternoon, but I'm so tired (I barely slept last night) that I'd rather just sit at home and unpack and relax for a little while. It's not like they're taking roll on the tour or anything. My personal wellbeing is more important to me at this point then the monuments I will undoubtedly see over my FOUR MONTHS in the city.

I'm still feeling overwhelmed, but I'm THRILLED that my luggage is here, which I'm sure will make a marked difference day-to-day.

There's a bookstore open 'til midnight around here, with free wireless, which will lend itself better to the Eastern Time Zone! Emily, I'd love to talk Sunday. Would morning or evening be better?

Alright, I should take my luggage home and unpack. I love you guys dearly, and I really miss you. I can't wait until March so I can see some of you! (Or at least Em--Drea, any news on a trip?)

Muah!

-A.

Open mouth, insert gun.

This morning was beyond dreadful.

Waking up with Robin was great, and getting yet ANOTHER set of passport photos wasn't that fun, but not a hassle, and securing postage was easy.

Even going to the wrong address at first was fine--we had plenty of time, and Robin knows his way around the city.

I admit, I was a little nervous that I wouldn't have precisely the proof of insurance they needed, but I was prepared to beg. So, we got there, and took the elevator to the ninth floor. This gorgeous girl at the front desk helped us out, and after looking over my information (the insurance card was enough), told me that I needed my MOM's original bank statement instead of my own (which they didn't specify when I asked for a full list of necessary documents earlier in the week), and a new current enrollment letter from MICA, AND a notarized copy of an affidavit signed by my mother (basically ANOTHER notarized financial support letter aside from the one I already had) with a notarized photocopy of her driver's license.

Basically, I was too shocked and trying to stay businesslike to freak out right away, but as soon as I got all of the information and turned to leave the office, my voice broke and I stood sobbing into Robin's shoulder in the hallway while we waited for the elevator. So I basically cried all the way back to campus, then pulled myself together for about three minutes to request an enrollment letter, then collapsed in tears in the seating area, then pulled myself together again to get the Sewickley Library to accept and hold a fax of the affidavit for my mom, then cried on the phone to my mom, then got my letter, sent the fax, and came home to cry at Betsy.

I've sent the fax, and I am now waiting to recieve the signed-and-notarized packet back in the mail from my mother so I can go spend $30 to get it overnighted to Philadelphia so I don't miss my flight.

I'm better now--still raw-nerved, but better. I'm just incredibly overwhelmed. I'm cutting it close as it is, but at this point I'll just be wishing against wish that I get the stamp back in time for my flight.

Dear God, it's been mostly smooth sailing thus far, and I know I needed a challenge to prove that I really want this and that I appreciate all the obstacles you've removed, but did the challege really have to come on the second day of my most painful period ever? REALLY?

God. I just. URG.

I just need a nap. God dammit.

Love you all,

A

Copy/Paste

So, I went to Barnes and Noble about ten days ago with Robin, Sam, and Jessie. There was a cute guy who works there and we were checking each other out, but we left before I got a chance to catch him to get his number. SO, I went out on a limb and put out a 'Missed Connection' on Craigslist. Lo and Behold, ten days later--he e-mails me! He thought I was cute and remembered that I was wearing all black. So, we're getting coffee this weekend. I know, I know what you're all thinking.

BUT, it's just one date and, after a Facebook check, I'm not sure there'll be a second date. Besides, I leave in six weeks. :P

I came home from Robin's last night to a screaming fight between Jen and Betsy over Ryan. Betsy has had Ryan over (as friends) the past few days because they were helping each other with some art projects. Ryan agreed to model for some photos for Betsy, and Jen was FURIOUS to return home to find a shirtless Ryan getting crayon wax getting dripped on his face for a photo. So, she acted huffy for a little while, went to class, then came home and decided to tell Betsy to stop being friends with Ryan and to stop having him over. Generally being bitter and immature and overreactive BIG TIME. I just went into my room and LET IT GO. They tried to involve me at one point and I was like: "UM, NO. I'm not part of this." I just wanted to shout, "JEN. ARE YOU GOING TO BE MAD ABOUT DYLAN OR ABOUT RYAN. YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH. YOU CAN'T HAVE ALL THE LOVE AND ALL THE ANGER."

It was silly. But they both apologized once it wound down.

I stepped on my headphones yesterday. I'm very, very glad that Lauren is getting my new ones for my birthday. :)

How are all of you? Only a few more days 'til I get to see you! Love you. xoxo

-Alyssa

I Dreamed A Dream (I originally typed "I dread")

'Dread' is a more accurate description of the dream I had last night. Or, well, today, actually, as I went to sleep at around 6:30 AM.

It was mostly about the guy I liked freshman year, Ian--he showed me a lot of notes and papers and journals he wrote, most of them concerning his current girlfriend, who he'd nicknamed "Singles" in the letters, which is an intensely Ian thing to do.

One paper was dated August 6, 2008 (it may've been 2007 though), and it said that 'Singles' had gotten pregnant, and they'd had an abortion. :( There was literally a frown face. Then it went on to address the child, saying that Ian would always love him or her, and I lost it in the dream--I put my arms around Ian's middle and sobbed, saying "I'm so sorry for your baby. I'm so sorry" over and over.

And then I woke up in the midst of dry sobs. I haven't awoken in actual sobs for almost four years.

The thing is, I'd heard that they'd aborted a baby. I'd heard it somewhere before, distinctly. I thought maybe Ian had said it. I had a slightly fuzzy image in my mind of Ian, sitting on Robin's couch and telling us that Eileen had gotten pregnant, but they'd had it aborted.

But I don't think that was real. I think I dreamed that too. Why am I dreaming about Ian's not-real aborted baby? Why more than once? And why August 6th?

Weird.

Also, more roommate drama has unfolded--Jen and Ryan have stopped hooking up because Jen is emotionally attached (that's what sex will do, moron), and now Betsy is flirting like hell and Jen is mega-jealous. Robin and I feel this would be best settled by me making out with Ryan and him making out with Jen. :P

Okay, love you guys. Hope you're all doing awesomely. :)

Hooray for things to do!

Emily is home! And since we've already spent, like, 15 of the 36 hours she's been home and awake together, we are doing the logical thing and spending all day together again today. :)

It is SO nice to have someone [sane] to hang out with.

Drea will be home in two days, I hear Bri will be back for a couple days at the end of the month, and hopefully Ab-Fab, you can find some time to come down and hang out with us soon. We miss you!

Saw Lacie briefly on Sunday--it was awkward, and she got that dreadful Monroe piercing I advised against.

Short entry, but it's only been a couple days, so, not much to report.

Muah!

Love, Alyssa