Just when I thought I was consistent.

OKAY! Updates.

Well, Letta decided to be a big POOP this past week and lie to both Ben and Dan about her relationship with Dan. (To Ben and Me: 'We're over.' To Dan: 'We're not.') In finding this out, Ben and I decided to do the right thing and let Dan in on the situation of Letta's visit/stuff with Ben. I'm fuzzy on everything that's happened since then, but I'll keep you updated as I get more info.

ANYWAY, this past week was a good one for me as far as co-worker bonding. On Tuesday night I worked late and ended up getting offered a ride home by a busser who lives near me with a few servers and his girlfriend who's a hostess. His girlfriend was supposed to pick us up, but was running late, so this busser, Kenny, and his roommate Sarah, a server, invited me to Houlihan's for a drink to wait. They don't card, and as you all know, I'm not a big drinker to being with, so I asked the bartender to surprise me. He decided to make me a MASSIVE raspberry long island iced tea. It was good, but GIGANTIC. I drank 3/4 and a bit more of that, and had an Oatmeal Cookie shot (Goldschlager, Bailey's, Butterscotch Schnapps). Needless to say, I was drunk by then.

I chatted with Sarah and Jen, the bartender's girlfriend, and they were both INTENSELY supportive of me maintaining my virginity, which I thought was sweetly hysterical. I asked about Raul because, lame-o that I am, he's a total cutie patootie and we flirt like anything. He is a manwhore, by all accounts. Hm.

SO, the next night, Raul invited me out to Houlihan's and a bar in Fell's Point after his shift. Ben came over that night, and we both met Raul at Houlihan's with a bunch of other Hard Rock people. There was flirting and more drinking (but significantly less than Tuesday, although I had a tasty Mudslide), and we went to Fell's Point, to this seedy-as-balls bar called Friends, where Ben traded the use of his lighter for weed. Wow.

ANYWAY. More flirting, blah blah. The other servers that came along, Angie and Brandi (I know) didn't know my name, and were calling me 'Pretty Girl'. Sweet. Thus, this interaction ensued.

Me: That's so sweet of [Brandi and Angie]! :D

Raul: And very accurate.

Me: Oh. Thank you! :) *long pause* Um. I totally think you're super-cute.

Raul: (actually surprised) REALLY?

Me: Um. Duh.

(Later.)

Raul: You know. I didn't think you thought that about me. What you said earlier.

Me: About thinking you're totally cute?

Raul: Yeah. I mean, most girls get turned off by the, you know--

Me: Mustache? Well. I don't LOVE it. But it looks surprisingly good on you!

Things were going well. (Heh.) Finally, Ben did what we were all thinking, and was like "BTW, MAKE A MOVE, PLZ" to Raul. I DID NOT ASK HIM TO. Let this be VERY clear. I only suspected that he did it until he confirmed it after the fact.

So, Ben went inside (we'd been hanging out on the sidewalk outside of the bar), and Raul came out, like clockwork, and sat next to me on a nearby stoop. After some small talk about how glad we were that I came out, he kissed me. And the mustache wasn't that bad! :P So, we talked a bit about how things started between us--apparently, he was completely into me when we first met at Paper Moon while he was on a date with Liz, a fellow MICAn and co-worker of ours (WHOOPS), and I was with Betsy and her dad. Let me set it up and integrate our points-of-view:

Me and Liz: (Chit-chatting while Raul is in the bathroom--I haven't seen him yet.)

Raul: (Returns and sits with his back to me.)

Liz: (Introduces us.)

Raul: (Turns.)

Me: ("CUTE BOY!")

Raul: ("BEAUTIFUL GIRL! Crap. I'm on a date with this other girl! Be on the date, Raul!" [His words! He explained it like this!])

Me and Raul: (Shake hands and grin like doofs.)

Me: (Thumbs up at Liz.)

So, Raul was very clear that he was attracted from the start, and that my un-craziness was refreshing. :P We haven't talked much more since then, and have only made tentative plans, but I'll (obviously) keep you updated.

ALSO, I've reconnected with Hector, the cutie-patootie who wrote and cast me in Ink. He's returning to MICA for grad school in the fall, and he's just the sweetest and most serious guy ever, and I'm really looking forward to talking to him again and more. :)

Not much else to report otherwise, except that I'm going to New Jersey on Monday or Tuesday to see HARRY POTTER. I am so, so excited. I am going to meet John's family and friends (finally) and I'm SUPER-EXCITED, because, obviously, HP is involved. :D And costumes. (Yes, I'm a nerd. SO WHAT.)

And Robin is coming to visit next week for a Six Flags excursion next Sunday (days-off permitting)! I am very excited, because we will also be watching The Room (which he is selfishly seeing without me in Pittsburgh tonight. Jerk. :P). The Room is the Tommy Wiseau classic that brings us these shining beacons of screenwriting brilliance:

HAHAHAHA. It should be an epic first viewing for me.

Love you guys, and I hope you're all doing well.

-A.

My 200th Post!

To kick us, off let's have some Why I Love Brian, Part Fourteen:

Brian: (About the Jack's Mannequin/Fray concert) These drunk ass girls came behind us and it was the tightest packed concert ever, there was no room. And they were screeching like I've never heard before, and then they started to jump.

Me: UGH.

Brian: Landing on people's feet, elbowing people in the head, yelling at the bassist, who they claimed to know. And then this girl behind us started to jump again, elbowed this one girl in the head, then elbowed me. And I finally got real low, used my shoulder and just threw her. Like, 5 feet. And yelled a bunch--some curse words. Then she pushed me back. Pretty good, too--I'll give it to her.

HAHAHAHHAHAA. Oh, Kev, you crack me up.

Now, about my weekend. The visit with Letta was absolutely wonderful. I was only sorry that I had to work so much. :/ However, this arrangement did lend itself to my master plan: Hook-Letta-Up-With-Ben.

Mission: Accomplished.

They hit it off, and despite a few bumpy points (AKA Letta acting weird as shit), really enjoyed each other's company (they are both awesome--what could've gone wrong?!). We'll see how things pan out for the future.

My July 4th was WONDERFUL. I had work in the morning, which was fine--easy. When I got home that evening, I found out Ben and Letta had spent the day walking around Baltimore, talking silly photos and climbing monuments illegally. Romance at it's finest. :P (Sidenote: we also ended up wading in one of the fountains on my street a few nights ago. It was cold, but fun!) We made a plan to picnic on the roof, and we made hot dogs (boiled in beer--new!) and turkey burgers and french fries, and Jen was kind enough to leave us a few of the cupcakes she'd made for the cookout SHE attended.

Once we made everything, we loaded it all into plastic bags and hoisted it up my fire escape to the roof. The first few stories were easy--all stairs. But then you get to the last story, and it's a ladder. And I had a bag around my wrist and my eyes facing straight forward, telling myself to 'look at the bricks, and ONLY the bricks' as I dangled over the Park Avenue sidewalk. But, I made it, unscathed. :D Lauren called me, and Mom texted, and it really put the cherry on top to hear from them, even briefly. :) (Mom called me a 'yenta', hahaha.)

We laid out our blanket and food and ate and drank and talked for awhile, until the sky got dark and the fireworks shows started. ALL of them. It was like a 360-degree show! At least 12 shows going, overlapping each other. So much fun! And Ben taught Letta and I to tango, and we cuddled on the blanket together after the show was over and just enjoyed talking and laughing. After a while, we cleaned up and descended, and walked to 7-11 and sat outside, sipping our drinks and talking about people from home--explaining the drama to Ben, mostly. :P

We all fell asleep in my living room to James and the Giant Peach playing on the PS2, and I woke up on the floor early, and crawled up onto the vacated couch. I still got up early enough to make cinnamon rolls though! And we ate those the next morning and watched funny videos and chit-chatted and enjoyed the morning. We went for lunch to Jay Viccino's Italian on Charles Street. OKAY. Why on earth haven't I gone there before?! They're delicious, AND they offer 10% off for MICA students! AWESOME.

But, alas, we did have to say goodbye at some point. :( But I know we'll talk soon, and hopefully often.

It was a wonderful visit, and an awesome weekend--thanks to all of you who were involved! :D I hope the rest of you had a great one, too. :)

Love!

-A.

Letta's here!

And everything is going swimmingly. I will posit again that I am a genius. :D

I've given Ben and Letta a great deal of space in the past day, as I've been working and they've gone on smoke breaks. My patience has been exercised pretty damn well, I must say! But naturally, I'm still me, and by the end of Ben's visit this afternoon, I went from sitting by the living room window, watching them smoke to sprinting across the hall to my neighbors place in order to get access to a window looking out over the parking lot and Ben's car. (And, in talking to that neighbor, I missed the kiss! I'm ashamed at my spy skills. :P) I'd like to thank Zoe-Zoe for not thinking I'm a crazy creepo stalker.

It's so good to have her here, and I'm just enjoying her company, even while I'm posting and she's playing video games (something I simply cannot get into, no matter what). We can work independently, together, and it's a lovely feeling. :)

I had a great talk this morning with Robin, who called me from the Adirondacks to ask about the visit and to talk about his doings at the lodge where he's visiting. Now, Robin and I have been best friends the whole time, but something about this particular conversation clicked that last missing piece into place, and it's nice to feel perfectly at ease and warm and comfy and excited about being friends with him again. :D

Betsy called too, and makes me miss her all the more! Although Jen and I are doing well at bonding, considering our newly shared active dating lifestyles. (AKA, I've been a ho lately.)

In other news, I am shamelessly addicted to Twitter. Just, get it and tweet with me. I get the updates ON MY CELL. Seriously. Do it.

Chris, my work friend/date situation, has been basically ignoring me since our awkward Braveheart interaction. And when he isn't ignoring me, he's glad-handing me. Being WAY too nice, but detached. Honestly, I'm totally cool with things being done, he just needs to man up and tell me the deal. Especially now that Raul did his part and accidentally spilled the beans about a July 4th BBQ that Chris is currently planning that I am not invited to. Ooooops. :) But, Raul took the liberty of inviting me ("Everyone's welcome!"), and who knows? Maybe I'll show up looking hot. :P

As for Nick, he sent me a few drunken texts last night, and if you have a sharp eye (read: if they post it), you may see one on Texts from Last Night. Just saying. He texted me this morning, too, but I think I offended him unintentionally. :/ Well, if implying that drinking alone every night isn't healthy is wrong, well--well, it isn't wrong. I am right.

:)

Love you all,

-A.

I'm not even keeping score anymore.

On Saturday, Ben came and picked me up from work (that day, a woman took a photo of me with her iPhone in order to trick her friends into thinking she saw Anne Hathaway at Hard Rock, haha!), and we got dinner and rode in the paddle boats on the dirty, dirty harbor and did dramatic readings from internet chatrooms via his BlackBerry. You'd think we were nerds. :P

When we got back to the apartment, Jen informed me that she'd been invited to a party by her TA, Jon, and didn't want to go alone. Ben offered our company and his car, as the party house was in Hampden. After a lot of indecisiveness and changing in and out of pajamas, the three of us got in the car and got lost on our way to the party. :D We did make it, though, and I was surprised to find that it was a block party--there were a bunch of drunk Hampdeners sitting in folding chairs drinking and eating barbecue in the alleyway. I attempted to hula-hoop--one of the 40-year-old Hampden women, Tina, was kicking my ass and trying to teach me. She was very drunk but very encouraging. :)

After spending a little time in the alley, the three of us went into Jon's friend's house for some gumbo that had gone cold and fruit salad. After eating, I just wanted to explore the house a bit--the owner is a MICA alumnus, so it was very artsy, and ended up walking in on the alumnus-in-question rolling a joint in his living room. WHOOPS. But I forced my jaw closed and my eyebrows down and was chill about it, even though I wanted to elbow Ben in the face for taking the joint when they passed it around. (Love you, doll! :P)

While they were smoking, I started chatting with a guy in a blue plaid shirt with pretty olive eyes about living in Italy. Nick, the olive-eyed boy, is 24 and has an intensely handsome face, and was so soft-spoken and interested about my visit. (That, and he didn't take the joint. Bonus points.) It was a short chat, but we kept glancing at each other until I left to try hula-hooping again. I did manage to impress everyone with being able to "skip" the hoop. Woo! After a little while, Nick came out and was watching me and Ben try to hula-hoop with Tina guiding us nearby. When we finally stopped, Nick, who was obviously a bit drunker than when we first talked, chatted with me a little more before leaning in and adorably half-whispering: "I think you're super-cute", and confessing that he could only talk to be because he had a few beers in him.

I was charmed, and he asked me out to dinner, so we exchanged numbers and parted ways for a little while. Jen, Jon, Jon's friend Eli, Ben, and I made the plan to go a couple blocks to Rocket to Venus, a cute little bar/restaurant, so I told Nick we were heading out, and I invited him to join us if he liked. So, we went ahead--when I left the party, Tina slurred that we had to make a date to hula-hoop more and that I was so pretty. :D--and I texted him the name of the place, and he met us. I was actually surprised they let me in at all, as I was the only one under 21, but I guess they just let it slide and pretended my vertical PA ID was valid. :P Nick bought me a beer and we flirted a bit and he told me how cute/beautiful I was about fifty-trillion times and wouldn't stop starting at me. :) However, at this point I'm putting together that he is an agnostic socialist Ravens fan to my conservative Christian Steelers fan, but I let it go because we just met and I barely know him and besides, we hadn't even kissed yet!

We all walk back to Jon's house (different from the party house) and Nick and I sort of lag behind and he kisses me and holy EFF is he a good kisser, and we get to Jon's place and just chill out on the lawn while everyone else goes inside, and we talk and kiss a little more and he tells me about his visits to Ireland and Italy, and I break the news that I won't be having sex with him (which he takes very well). :P We finally go inside and the others are watching The Dark Knight. I sit on the stairs and he sits on the arm of the chair opposite me and touches me knee then gives me the 'Upstairs?' eye movement, which I immediately rebuff. After a few minutes he sits next to me on the stairs and nuzzles me, then lifts his lips to my ear and--

"I want to get married."

I smile, puzzled. "What? In general, or to me?"

He just looks at me. I try not to frown. "You're joking. Ha ha."

"Why not?"

I laugh quietly again and lower my voice. "What do you mean 'why not'? We don't even know each other. You just met me."

"You are one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. Let's get married. I'm serious. Tomorrow." His voice has that muzzly quality that someone who is drunk and sincere has.

Me---> 8/ "No. That's not a possibility."

But he wouldn't back down. He wasn't forceful at all, but he was only concerned with doing something crazy and making an amazing story. After a few minutes, I excused us to go outside and talk this through without a potential audience.

We talked for about an hour, I guess, in circles mostly--I concentrated on why it's a crazy and dumb idea, and he concentrated on painting a picture of a life where we'd visit Europe every year (he loves to travel), and he'd take his photos and I'd illustrate books, and we'd have two kids and he'd never root for the Steelers. He also confided to me that Tina told him to follow meand fall in love with me immediately after I left the party. Truthfully, he was that kind of endearing fateful type of romantic-comedy hero who is saying something completely insane, but with the air of finally seeing things clearly at the climax of the film.

And this is why, instead of running in the other direction as about 60% of you told me to do, I agreed to still go out to dinner with him. I KNOW, I KNOW. (I can hear Lauren's "YOU'RE RETARDED" from here.)

I also went to Chris' place last night and watched half of Braveheart. I'm not sure what to make of Chris and I--he was all into it at first, but now I'm sensing this hesitance. Also, he paid more attention to his dog than to me, which I cannot abide. I don't know yet, though--Chris is just awful at expressing his feelings verbally, as far as I can tell.

And, Ben makes a Brian-esque observation about me:

Ben: You should be a spy.

Me: Haha. Why should I be a spy?

Ben: Persistent. Hunger for knowledge. Spying is like gossip. Except, instead of 'Who slept with who', it's 'Who has nukes'.

And some more "Why I Love Brian", Parts Twelve and Thirteen:

Brian: Caleb, Matt and I are reaching new levels of gay. We're going to tan before we go to Vegas.

Brian: Time to work some Mystery Method at the Edge tonight.

(shortly thereafter)

Brian: Nothin'. No girls at all. It's a 'dick farm' as Caleb put it.

Sidenote: Letta is arriving on Wednesday night, late. I am working hard to fix her and Ben up and it is working AWESOMELY. BECAUSE I AM AWESOME AND SO ARE THEY. YES. They are freakishly perfect for one another, and I am excited for both of them. :)

Another congratulations to my awesome sister, who was accepted and is attending Ohio University this fall. :D I'm so proud of her!

I love my friends, and as crazy as it is, I love my life.

-A.

Rediscovering My Heritage

I had a date with Chris yesterday, and it went well! He's not my usual type--piercings, tattoos, etc.--but we can talk and be on the same level and it's nice! He doesn't bother dating just for the hell of it--he actually wants to date someone he's interested in progressing with. He says he's more interested in me than he has been in any girl for a long time, which is always nice to hear, although it makes me a little sad that I've heard it a few times recently and it makes me wonder what the eff girls are like nowadays. Not that I'm not a great girl, but man-oh-man, where are you nice girls?!

(Sidenote: There's always this tiny flicker of disappointment that flits across a guys face when he realizes I'm not going to have sex with him. Half-pitiable, half-satisfying.)

We had a late lunch on Charles Street at Mick O'Shea's around 2, and absorbed a little Irish culture for both of us (he is VERY into his Irishness, and I never have been, really). We talked for 2 1/2 hours before I had to get going because I was meeting Mark, Jen, and Jie for Up a little after 5. So, we're going to see where things go, which sounds like a nice, slow-moving thing to me. :)

I ended up running into both Ian and Michael (two of Robin's roomies in one!)--we all kind of converged by chance at this one corner, and we caught up a bit, and I remembered how much both of them make me laugh. :D

I was still running late so I left them and met Mark outside of my apartment--he brought us pizza, and I ate a slice to be polite (I was stuffed from lunch), because it really was thoughtful of him. We met up with Jie and went to Harbor East to catch the 7:25 showing, and while we were in line for tickets, I glanced in the reflection of the glass of the box office and saw JESSIE (of formerly Sam-and-Jessie fame)! She's in town for a wedding, which I totally knew but forgot, and we immediately freaked out and hugged and are making plans to meet tomorrow for the first time since New Year's!

The movie itself was lovely and sad but also funny, and I totally cried like five times. :)

After the movie, we ran into a group of girls who graduated with Mark and Jie--one of them was bragging about making her ex cry. Who brags about that?!

We left them after a half-hour and ended up in Dougherty's Pub, where I found the Devlin crest on one of the paintings (I've seen it before so I knew what to look for) and I now know where the Devlin's came from within Ireland! Tyrone/Ulster. Bam.

So, I got a little tipsy on cider, and argued politics and a little religion with Mark and Jie (mostly Mark, who surprised me on his stances) and generally kicked butt. :P But it was fun and obviously there are no hard feelings. The transition from 'dating' to 'friendly' has been a smooth one with Mark, which I am eternally thankful for.

I have work from 12-5, then Ben is picking me up! :D It's so good when the things I've been praying for (like plenty of social activity) come true. I just love being around people. :)

Okay, I have to go--but I'll catch you all in the next couple of days!

Love,

-A.

I always was more of a Jackie than a Marilyn...

Aside from the people in retail (Jonathan, Liz, Heather, Povilis, Alysia), I've befriended a couple of servers, three in particular: Ahmed, Raul, and Chris.

Ahmed is an American-born Egyptian medical student, and the server who originally set my application aside so I could be interviewed. I apparently owe him coffee. :P

Raul is a super-cute 24-year-old from Maryland who I can actually tolerate an ironic mustache on. He's a very recent ex-hookup of Liz's though, so that would be sticky. I think he attempted a wink at me as I left work, and he definitely touched the small of my back after pre-shift today and told me I did a great job and was "very entertaining". Cutie!

Chris is a 26-year-old surfer-meets-punk who is surprisingly conservative and a Christian and understands the spirit of Christian law and belief, which is so nice to hear (although the letter of the law still escapes so many of us ;P). I found this out while he walked me home last night (a very gentlemanly move, as Baltimore is scary at night), and today, he found me in the stock room (where it's very rare to find a server) and handed me a list of bands he thinks I'll like (thoughtful!). He then stopped by as he was leaving his shift and we exchanged numbers, and he invited me to walk his dog around Patterson Park--which was a bit too out-of-my-way today, but it was a sweet invitation! He also texted me IMMEDIATELY after he left, and started asking me all those clichéd 'get-to-know-you' questions like my favorite food, color, and movie. :P I guess potential romance is never too far from my life. Ha ha.

A funny aside about our walk--a homeless woman asked us for change, but addressed Chris and I as "Jackie O" and "JFK". LOL.

So, yeah, work is going well, on the social level, at least. :P

In other news, Letta is coming to visit from July 1-5! Unfortunately I'll probably be working the 3rd and 5th,and definitely the 4th, but we should still have enough time to chillax. Ben is also going to come down and hang out--partly because I need someone to chill with Letta. :P But he is wonderful and she is wonderful, so I have a good feeling that they'll get along. :)

Also, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is coming to theaters on July 15th, and I am going to John's hometown of Cranford, NJ to meet his friends and to see it! And, because we are the hugest nerds of all time, we are dressing up. There will be photos, I'm sure. :P

Jen and I also made some surprising plans for tomorrow night and will be seeing Up with Mark and his best friend Jie. It's not a double-date, don't worry. :P But it should be a good chance for us to establish the Friend Zone.

I also got a slight bit of good news about my finances--nothing superb, but I feel a bit better about my circumstance. :)

So, good stuff all around! Thank God for that--I swear, once I did my best to let go of financial fears and to embrace making friends, it's been going great. It's nice re-remembering that I have nothing to fear. :)

Hope you're all having a lovely day! (Stay out of the heat!)

Love,

-A.

I miss human interaction.

Hi all!

I just finished a lovely visit with Ben, who came to relieve me of my recent loneliness now that Betsy and Jen have left (although Jen gets back tonight). :)

I also had a successful day at work yesterday! My trainer, Jonathan, decided that since I was on my last day of training, it was time to shove me out of the nest, as it were, and have me present at the daily pre-shift meeting. It wasn't a big deal, but I was pretty nervous (as most of you know, I hate doing something in front of a crowd if I have a chance of failing). I did it, and I ended up being a huge hit! I was stunned! But obviously pleased. :) There's nothing like success, especially when it's unexpected. :D

And right after work, Ben picked me up and we got down to some very, very important business--watching Gossip Girl. :P

I had today off, and I'm off tomorrow, so I'm going to TRY and get some thesis stuff started. Ug.

Also, I hate money. More accurately, I hate NOT having money. (I actually like money a whole lot.)

I love you all so, so much and I hope you're having a good one! :)

Whoa, a post without romantic drama or intrigue. What has this blog become?! :P

-A.

Not a bad cure for restlessness...

Today was an unproductive day for the most part, but I got to talk to a lot of awesome people. :)

I had my second interview at the Hard Rock Cafe today, and was invited back for a third on Monday morning. Wish me luck!

I arrived a little early for the interview, which was at 11, and then ended up waiting an extra hour in Barnes & Noble, starting a book called Thirteen Reasons Why that I intend to buy as a reward if I get the HRC job. Never mind that I went right back to B&N and finished it after my interview was over. :P It's excellent, I completely recommend it. I especially recommend that you call me first and let me read it to you. :D

On my ride home on the light rail, David called me just to catch up, and aside from being incredibly supportive ("Whoever sent tht Honesty Box message is obviously in love with you. They are so jealous of your confidence."), is always so interested in what is going on in my life. It's really nice. :)

I chatted with him when I got home, and got to talk to my Mom for the first time in forever! She's been busy working and doing her thing, so I haven't been able to talk with her as much as I'd like. Ever since going to Italy, since our communication was so patchy, I got used to telling her only the abbreviated versions of the news in my life. It was just nice to get it all out with her and hear her input. It's not that I need her input, but it puts me at ease to hear from her. :)

However, she did bring up Dad, and the shit he's been pulling with KJ, which makes me sick to my stomach. He takes KJ for an hour on Stanley Cup playoff days, and drops him off at Mom's before watching the games elsewhere with HIS friends. He talked about this No Doubt concert all week with KJ, only to be taking his wife, her daughter, and her friend. Not KJ. >:( It makes me so angry I can hardly speak.

But I don't want to concentrate on that. KJ is over it--he's angry, but he knows Dad is a dick. It just makes me sad because since Mom will be traveling all summer for work, Dad is supposed to be the point-man. UGH. I just remembered what else Dad said. KJ told Dad that he was supposed to be in charge while Mom is gone, and Dad said this (brace yourself): "So, I guess your Mom will be giving me back my child support, then?"

>:O SERIOUSLY. GOD DAMMIT.

Once again, I can't think about this for too long without wanting to vomit.

Thankfully, I got a distraction towards the end of our conversation--the doorbell rang. My eBay dress arrived four days earlier than I expected! I got off the phone with Mom--making sure she knows just how grateful I am for her--and tried on my dress with my new stapless long-line bra. The dress was even more lovely than I imagined, and it fit me perfectly! So, so gorgeous. :D Maybe I can have Betsy take some photos of me in it before she moves out on Saturday and post them here. :)

Betsy and Ben [not Bennett] arrived back at my apartment after some errands. After admiring my dress :P, we talked a bit and caught up and then Ben left and our friend Claire came over and I'm now listening to Betsy and Claire talk about this past semester, catching up and reflecting for a last visit.

It's really sad to think about Betsy leaving--I know that we'll see each other and keep in touch, for sure, but we've gotten so close and get each other so completely. I know that I don't have that with Jen, and I usually have at least one roommate I connect with on that kind of level. We'll see who our next third is this coming semester. :/

I'm doing well. I'm taking things one day at a time, and I'm reminding myself to keep it up every day--I get ahead of myself so often. And exchange I had with Mom today said it best:

Me: I don't know, I've probably been making it more dramatic and difficult than I should.
Mom: Well, that's just you.

It was good-natured, which is unusual for criticism from my Mom. :) It was almost a compliment, in a way. :P

So, the most important thing in my life for the next day is GAME 7 WOOOOO!!!!! And after that, my interview! Good thoughts for both, please! :D

Love,

-A.

The Exception to the Rule.

Before I dive in to the point of my title, Ben came to visit yesterday and stayed the night. I owe a lot to Ben for his (baldly honest) insight into my personality. It's always a pleasure to hang out with him and especially to confide in him, because when we move past the snark and the disagreements and psychoanalysis and I just need a hug, he's always there for me 100%, on my terms. (Mostly. :P) It means a lot. Thank you, Ben. :)

(Also, did I not say Gossip Girl is amazing? Told you! :P)

I got a message from Marla today, requesting that I remove from Facebook the photos Betsy took of me in the corset Marla made. Apparently, asking me to remove them has everything to do with her wanting to preserve the artistic integrity of her "creative content" (the corset--as opposed to the images, which are rightfully Betsy's), and nothing to do with the fact that she probably sent me those nasty Honesty Box messages. (After all, I had those photos up for two weeks and she didn't say a word until my second response to the HB messages.) I'm not certain, but then again, I don't know anyone else who uses the word "rather" on a daily basis. I removed the photos, obviously. No need to start a fight. But, I did add in my return message that I hate how things have ended up between us.

Betsy and I had a girl's day, starting with shopping and culminating in eating candy and watching "He's Just Not That Into You", which I enjoyed far, far more than I expected. Now, I don't want to spoil a thing, BUT, there's a particular emphasis on the Rules of dating and the Exceptions. Like, the guy will call if he wants to be with you is a Rule. Or, he finally calls after a month and you end up happily ever after? Exception.

As I've said before, I've absolutely had my moments with boys where I over-analyze and mistake his intentions or feelings. Some not so serious, some heart-breaking. We all do it. We've all been on the other side as well. I've been more present to it in the last two weeks than I have in a while.

To be fair, it is a romantic comedy, and there were happy endings. BUT, people end up single. I was impressed at the honesty, despite the character exaggerations. The happy endings were wonderful and totally made me cry. They weren't altogether shocking, but just enough of a romantic twist to make me literally cry out with something like joy at the TV. :) It's one of my favorite things about romantic comedies, and also one of my least favorite.

We all want to be the Exception to the Rule, on some level. But, I think, what I want more than the thrill and drama of being The One to Change Him, is to be...happy. I would love that grand romantic gesture after all the struggle, but I'd prefer to work through the struggle from the start. It's like a song you might know: "I'd rather be working for a paycheck then waiting to win the lottery." I want romance and wonder and that thrill in my gut when He Finally Gets It. But why would I wait for a man that doesn't want me from the start? It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

All of that aside, after watching a movie like that, I'm just ready to be in love. :P Because I am a girl who loves seeing joy.

Love you all!

-A.

P.S. Let's Go Pens! We've got a big game ahead of us!

Venom, continued.

"my point exactly, sweetheart. you are so blinded by some deep seated need to make up for some (unknown to me) insecurities that you are unable to let my previous criticisms slide. you felt the need to write back to me, proving further your obsession with preserving your self image. i feel like it was not meant to put me in my place, rather, to reaffirm to yourself that you are in fact the person you see yourself as.

if you didn't want people to say these things to you, for reasons of flattery, or simply to incite a little drama, you wouldn't have an honesty box in the first place. i'm not going to offer anymore criticism, but i can assure you that your response affirmed my assumptions about you."

WOW, really?

This is as haughty a response as any this person expected out of me, and yet I'M the one with the over-confidence/insecurity issues.

I responded:

"Well, I have to say you're mistaken--my response was intended, partly to 'put you in your place', as you say, and partly borne of true curiosity. Your venom is so obvious, I sincerely wondered where you got the impression of me that you did, because I have an arsenal of people with the exact opposite impression of me.

I'm the first person to admit that I like to be approved of (who wants people to dislike them?), but I'm also the first person to admit where I'm flawed and insecure--for instance, I know I get nervous about my thesis and keeping up with work and the prospect of failing. But I have a strong sense of self, and I'd say that threatens people who have the sort of insecurities you claim I have.

And truly, you expected and relished my response, I'm sure. As for the reasons why I have an honesty box, who doesn't want to be secretly flattered? What's your excuse for having one? So you can spew your ire on unsuspecting 'friends' under the safe cover of your computer, even hiding your gender?

Also, you're not helping your own argument, considering you said yourself that you only 'assumed' these things about me. It's short-sighted that you wouldn't even get to know me first before writing me off."

UGH. Anyway.

I watched the Pens game with Mark this evening (HOLY EFF 5-0 shut out--Pens, you're killing me. D: But I have faith) and then he took me out for ice cream to cheer me up. :) And he was charming and sweet and funny and invited me up to meet his cousin and some friends soon and was patient when some drama arose with Brian that I had to help with. And we kissed. (Finally.)

It was easy to sit in traffic with him coming back from dessert and just hold his hand and listen to music (we have similar tastes) and smile. It would be easy to like him.

It's easy to be with both of them. :/

ANYWAY, Ben is coming to visit tomorrow evening! It'll be nice to catch up.

Love you all--good night!

-A.

P.S.
Robin: of course my primary concern in this matter is your happiness

Alyssa: :D thanks, sweet

Robin: but of course, my secondary concern in this matter is MY happiness, and who would be more fun for ME to hang out with while hanging out with you and your boyfriend

Why I Love David. (Sorry, Brian!)

"you always have so many suitors, reading your blog is like reading pride and prejudice"

-David

:)

You know--people (my roommates and MICA friends, mostly) have been telling me for months that I always seem to have a string of boys at my beck and call. I never saw it until I returned from Italy and it all exploded--I think I strike up flirtations, and occasionally make it to the first date, but then it all sort of dissipates from there. :/ It's happened with Ben, Eric, Dan (on a larger level), Doctor Hottie--and obviously things with the guys who actually stick it out long enough to be my boyfriends don't work out. That doesn't make me sad, really--it's just kind of frustrating.

Don't get me wrong. I really like 'playing the field' and all, but I'm worth the time. Now, that isn't the boys' fault, necessarily. Sometimes we just don't mesh, and that's totally fine. I guess I'm just sick of running into walls. :/

But, I figure, if I keep thinking I'm going to meet my true love in the next boy, or the next one, I know I'll be disappointed. Time to think in the now! :)

Love you all--

-A.

A Semi-Solitary Weekend

With Betsy at home in New Jersey for the weekend, and Jen home for two weeks on Long Island, I have four long days by my lonesome. I had a wonderful visit with Ben, who drove up from Virginia at short notice to be with little old me. :)

Ben and I have bonded amazingly well lately--two phone conversations in the last three days lasting over 3 hours. They've been informative, funny, and sometimes difficult, but always rewarding. It's nice to have a friend that challenges me. It's good for me.

I had two shifts yesterday, and at the end of my second, a DA I've known for years, Tiff (not Marla's roommate!) came in with a boy I don't know and I ended up talking with her about the events of the past year (I told her about my upcoming date with Mark and she inquired about Robin and I).

The most fascinating part was, the guy she came in with, Jie, ended up being Mark's best friend! He didn't have much info to offer about Mark--save a little insider stuff about his ex (they've been done for awhile, and were on-and-off for almost their whole 4 YEAR RELATIONSHIP. Yeesh.). I am a little wary that this is just a rebound thing, but I'm not going to make any decisions about that until the actual date!

In other news, I applied to City Cafe (Donna's has been flaky and silent), and I've been mostly holed up watching reruns of Gossip Girl: Season One. Seriously. Everyone needs to watch this show.

Tonight is up in the air--I don't have a shift and I'm uncreative. :P

But Betsy is back tomorrow, and then my date on Wednesday! Maybe I should enjoy the relaxation. :P Also, I'm hoping to secure this gorgeous dress on eBay--




Wish me luck! :)

Love,

-A.

I am popular lately!

Since I returned to Baltimore, I have been chatted up by three different guys! Maybe four, but that remains to be seen.

The most recent was a guy named Mark--he graduated in '08 and built the sets for Good Thing, the play I stage managed last spring. We never really talked much during the show--although we got along well--and all of a sudden he contacts me on Facebook and invites me to dinner! I suspect it has something to do with the fact that my profile picture is me looking model-hot in a corset. (Sources also say he's only recently single out of a long-term relationship, so we'll see.)

Since he invited me in a message, I told him I can't accept online invites and gave him my number. I intend to accept if and when he calls. Why wouldn't I? :) He is really handsome--not my usual, much broader and muscular--and from our limited and past interaction, totally nice.

We'll see how it goes over!

In other news, Ben (Bennett) came over last night and we went out to dinner. It's refreshing to have a person like him around--he's unlike any friend I've ever had, which is both awesome and sort of annoying. :P But we get along well and he's fun to be around. It's also nice to have a friend I can kiss goodbye on the cheek without feeling weird about it. I've wanted that forever! Odd desire, I know.

Also, I had coffee with John on Tuesday (he's the 'maybe four' mentioned above) and WOW, do we hit it off every time we see each other! Even better, we got to talk about faith (conservative Christian, w00t!) and he was on my page, even finishing my sentences! Very, very, very nice. And it's pretty clear that we want to spend more time together--he invited me to Boston this weekend (!), but I had to work--sorry Drea! :((( And he also offered to drive from New Jersey to Baltimore to pick me up and take me BACK to New Jersey so I can see Harry Potter 6 with him and his friends (we are nerds. love it.)! Generous and cool. There's obviously a lot of affection on both sides in a short time, but I like it! He's a sweetheart.

WHAT IS MY LIFE?! Lauren must have inadvertently passed along her hotness!

So! Anyway, I saw Marla again today, and it's looking like she's decided that our tactic for the rest of forever will be Ignoring. Classic. So, that's where we are now.

ANYWAY, enough about my social calendar--no response from the Walters yet, affirmatively or negatively. But, they did send me an e-mail that the internship was intended for grad students, but they'd pass my resume on anyway. So, it's looking unlikely, but who knows? I have a lot of cool stuff behind me.

Hope you're all doing well! Love you--

-A.

AHHHH, relief!

On the relationship front, anyway.

Things with Ben couldn't have gone better! Well, okay, that's simplifying it a little.

I took the MARC to DC on Friday, and after a few stops on the Metro, greeted Ben in Virginia. That evening was great--I met a couple of his friends and we hit it off just fine! We hung out at a hookah bar and just talked and watched Ben's friend Tyler whip him at backgammon five times :P

The NEXT day however, was weird and awkward and it was so, so painfully clear how much we DO NOT gel as a couple. So, we went to breakfast and had an awkward walk and argued a lot about God, as we do. It's just so tense, and he's bad at letting things just go without making them into a ten minute dissertation about why he's right. Despite all of this, he is a good guy, and I am really excited about staying friends with him.

So, we are FINALLY making our way back to Baltimore--after about twenty minutes of relative silence, he reaches over and takes my hand, and I just come out and say it: "Look, I think us dating would just be all wrong. We're so not right for each other."

Now, I get a little nervous here, because, as I wrote before, I'm expecting him to be hurt, but then again, our morning was PRETTY BAD. But he surprised me: "I was trying to figure out how to say the same thing, gently." My insides were singing hallelujah, I'll tell you that!

After that, we were totally fine! It was just, so NICE to be able to be normal and friendly and funny, but still talk semi-awkwardly-but-mostly-funnily about our "romance", AKA "makeouts" and why we would never have worked out (so, SO many things!).

At my suggestion, we had a cookout for Robin last night, as he left today for Pittsburgh. It was a lot of fun, and I have to say, there is never a time I feel more comfortable and joyful than when I am in a roomful of relaxed, fun people that I love. :)

Ben bonded with Colin and Robin over Rock Band last night, which we played from 11 PM-2 AM (I sang--doy), and he stayed over in my bed (no funny business, just cuddling, I promise! :P It just felt good to be near someone). We got breakfast at XS this morning and just enjoyed our time together for a few hours before he had to go. No kiss--just a big hug and a promise to keep in touch. It went so well I was beaming!

Starting from square one is never fun, but better this outcome than anything more dramatic.

Speaking of square one, I said goodbye to Robin before Ben and I went out for breakfast. It wasn't hard, exactly, but I've barely gotten to see him, and I miss him. I don't want our progress interrupted! Last night things seemed like they were going back to normal, which made me feel so, so great! But, naturally, I'm the first person to say that they'll never be the same, and I still get this weird let's-call-it-protectiveness-instead-of-jealousy about him. But it'll pass after a while, I'm sure. :)

It's so funny how open and honest this blog sounds, when there is still so, so much I could say about this, and have said to a few of you, and to a black diary.

Ben surpassed my expectations this afternoon and texted me about seeing a baseball game next week. Not even a whole day and he's keeping the promise to stay friends! Actively! I am so, so pleased. :D

I have more to worry about--school stuff, money, jobs, etc. But I know I have good friends and a good head on my shoulders, and even when things get me panicky, I know I have a good God who gave me both, and I am so thankful. :)

Hope you're all doing well!

Love you--

-A.

So many things go on in my life--

Thankfully, they are mostly awesome things.

I am back in Baltimore, which has been great--the drive down with Lauren was largely unproblematic, Robin and I are more than fine, Betsy and Jen are both great (still bickering), and Lee, the girl who I sublet to, is pretty absent from the apartment usually. BUT, in an awesome turn of events, I came at the perfect time--she is paying two rents, and with the advent of my return, she is going to move out of my room earlier than expected! Pretty good timing.

Ben came to see me yesterday, which was also lovely. He brought me roses--two red, two yellow--and opened the car door for me and all of that gentlemanly awesomeness. We had a good day--low-key but fun--and in the evening, we got to talking. Debating, in one, about our opposing religious viewpoints. And then, discussing the possibility of a relationship.

At first, I was sort of relieved--it seemed like we were on the same page: we liked the other, enjoyed the other's company, but in the end, we aren't really what the other is looking for, mostly based on sex, politics, and religion. Sure, fine. But all of a sudden, there was this wacky deal where I figure out that he likes me a WHOLE lot more than I though he did, and that it's really hard (read: impossible) for him to just be friends with girls he likes from the outset.

This upset me more than the revelation that we aren't actually right for each other romantically. I wasn't hurt, but sort of sad. For some reason, I got this fire in me--it became essential to cultivate a lasting friendship with Ben. It is essential. Hm.

Anyway, we had that talk, and I told him I was still going to make an effort to remain friends, and he said he'd try. But, sure enough, when all of us (Jen, Betsy, Robin, Colin, Ben2, My Ben, and I) went to see Star Trek (pretty fun, I gotta say), he got all affectionate and hand-holdy again. Since the midst of a blockbuster is not the best place to talk it out, so I waited until I was walking him out to the car as he was leaving last night. When I asked what the deal was, he did what I wanted Robin to do back in February--he said 'I'm going to ignore the differences/odds against us for now."

I was surprised, and pleased, but not because I have any urgent feelings about being with Ben. In fact, as I'd said before, I was sort of relieved that we'd agreed to just try friendship. It was just nice to feel like I'm important to someone--especially someone who doesn't know me that well. But I don't want to hang this relationship on my own feelings of self-worth--that would be stupid and, doy, selfish. He deserves better than that.

He told me it was my call. Because of the above paragraph, I didn't say no. Not right away. I told him yes for now, but I still had to think about it. But, as I do, I knew as soon as I turned and watched him drive out that I should've drawn the line. He invited me to stay at his place on Friday--that probably won't happen, but again, I do want to stay in touch.

Whew. Also, darn. It was like a taste of an attentive boyfriend who is making an effort to honor me, and I've wanted that for a while.

I still haven't seen Marla--hopefully today.

School stuff is sneaking up on me a little, which is stressful, but I can take it. Now to get a job! Wheee!

Wish me luck--

-A.

P.S. Go Pens! Game 7! Bottle the Caps! :D

I Kept My Promise to Myself!

I didn't make out with Dan.

Yesterday was so, so awesome. And not just because of the party Dan took me to--I spent the morning with my mom, just chatting with our hairdresser while Mom got highlights put in and we had a leisurely lunch with Robert. The sun was out all day, and I got to take a long walk with Brian (who complained about the heat the whole time, like a weenie :P).

Dad's even went well! Lauren, KJ, and I were all there, as well as Sam (Dad's wife's daughter), and we had a good dinner and dessert and worked together to answer silly Jeopardy questions. It was a lot of fun!

We left Dad's at 7:30, earlier than expected, but I still took the whole hour before Dan arrived to change most od my outfit, take forever to do my hair and makeup (Headband or carefully hidden bobby pin? Flats or heels? Red lipstick?). I just finished my lipstick when Dan arrived at 8:30, and we headed out to his friend Shannon's birthday party, which was in Oakland.

We stopped at his place on the way over, and he made me a drink--a Floradora cooler, I think? Two shots of gin in it, but I was fine. Then we made it to the party at abot 9:45, and I was told to try the sweet tea vodka. Holy shit. That stuff goes straight to your head, and, okay, get ready for it...

I was drunk for the first time.

I KNOW, I know. Try to contain your shock. BUT, once the sweet tea vodka got to be too much, I had some water and didn't get too far over my head.

But, the mild drunkness was less important than the boy I met--Ben. He got to the party about 40 minutes after Dan and I, and is slender and good-looking and immediately came over to the couch I was on, and sat between me and this other girl Desiree. We got to talking about his t-shirt and we ended up spending the whole night together. (He told me later that he was interested in Desiree at first!) We were just talking at first, then hanging out outside--he shared his cigarettes with me, then he got me a beer and we were absorbed into conversation about religion (because I ALWAYS end up in there conversations so randomly! Sheesh!). After another cigarette break, he had his arm around me, and was holding my hand.

Holy crap, the tension in the room by then--people knew I'd come with Dan, obviously. I was one of the few people that NO ONE knew. And they were now noticing that I was openly affectionate with someone else. To defend myself, because I know this seems lame--Dan never specified that I was his date, and honestly, he was probably counting on me as a sure makeout session and not much more. I mean, he likes me, but he has no intention of doing anything real.

Besides, this was something new and exciting. :)

So, Ben (Bennett, and not Benjamin, which is very, inexplicably sexy to me) was holding my hand and offering me his jacket by the end of the night while 3/4 of the party (minus a few guests, the birthday girl among them, who were passed out) walked to a pizza place at 3 AM. As we left the birthday girl's apartment, one guest, a particularly drunk girl, pronounced: "You are really, pretty, you know that? Like, REALLY PRETTY. You are SO pretty!"

Dan, Desiree, Ben, and I ended up driving back to Dan's place after pizza, and after a few awkward minutes in his sitting room, I announce that I have to go home, as it is 4 AM. and my mom would have a conniption if she were to wake up to my empty bed.

SO, Ben offers to drive me home, and we awkwardly exit together while Desiree moons at a disinterested Dan. Ben was a trooper, and made it from Oakland to Sewickley with no trouble, considering he isn't from the area. We got to my house around 4:40, and he left at 6:30.

Yep.

Ah, kissing, how I've missed you.

Anyway, he lives in Virginia (and drove 4 hours for the party, I know!) and is eager to visit me next week when I get back to Baltimore, yay!

I told Robin, but you know what, it wasn't weird! And guess what! I found a Craigslist Missed Connection addressed to HIM! Weird, weird, weird! But cool. :)

So...I guess we'll see how this progresses, hm?

DREA IS HOME! WOOOOOOO!!!!

The Pens tied the series! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love you all!

-A.