Venom, continued.

"my point exactly, sweetheart. you are so blinded by some deep seated need to make up for some (unknown to me) insecurities that you are unable to let my previous criticisms slide. you felt the need to write back to me, proving further your obsession with preserving your self image. i feel like it was not meant to put me in my place, rather, to reaffirm to yourself that you are in fact the person you see yourself as.

if you didn't want people to say these things to you, for reasons of flattery, or simply to incite a little drama, you wouldn't have an honesty box in the first place. i'm not going to offer anymore criticism, but i can assure you that your response affirmed my assumptions about you."

WOW, really?

This is as haughty a response as any this person expected out of me, and yet I'M the one with the over-confidence/insecurity issues.

I responded:

"Well, I have to say you're mistaken--my response was intended, partly to 'put you in your place', as you say, and partly borne of true curiosity. Your venom is so obvious, I sincerely wondered where you got the impression of me that you did, because I have an arsenal of people with the exact opposite impression of me.

I'm the first person to admit that I like to be approved of (who wants people to dislike them?), but I'm also the first person to admit where I'm flawed and insecure--for instance, I know I get nervous about my thesis and keeping up with work and the prospect of failing. But I have a strong sense of self, and I'd say that threatens people who have the sort of insecurities you claim I have.

And truly, you expected and relished my response, I'm sure. As for the reasons why I have an honesty box, who doesn't want to be secretly flattered? What's your excuse for having one? So you can spew your ire on unsuspecting 'friends' under the safe cover of your computer, even hiding your gender?

Also, you're not helping your own argument, considering you said yourself that you only 'assumed' these things about me. It's short-sighted that you wouldn't even get to know me first before writing me off."

UGH. Anyway.

I watched the Pens game with Mark this evening (HOLY EFF 5-0 shut out--Pens, you're killing me. D: But I have faith) and then he took me out for ice cream to cheer me up. :) And he was charming and sweet and funny and invited me up to meet his cousin and some friends soon and was patient when some drama arose with Brian that I had to help with. And we kissed. (Finally.)

It was easy to sit in traffic with him coming back from dessert and just hold his hand and listen to music (we have similar tastes) and smile. It would be easy to like him.

It's easy to be with both of them. :/

ANYWAY, Ben is coming to visit tomorrow evening! It'll be nice to catch up.

Love you all--good night!

-A.

P.S.
Robin: of course my primary concern in this matter is your happiness

Alyssa: :D thanks, sweet

Robin: but of course, my secondary concern in this matter is MY happiness, and who would be more fun for ME to hang out with while hanging out with you and your boyfriend