Hey-Yo.

Just a little update about how I'm doing. As you know, I was a wreck Sunday night, and yesterday I was really, really pissed off.

Today, I'm more resolute. Still bummed, still mad, but I've accepted it, and I'm doing fine. My 24 hours are up and I'm moving on. I sent the letter I wrote. Well, letters. I sent one that was written on September 30th that I never got to send, and I enclosed the new letter, which went a little like this:

Dear Chase,

A few points I wanted to make before things ended for good--before I could say my peace:

Even if I'd been with you physically, your feelings for Alli would always have interfered. Maybe I wasn't a 'distraction', per se, but it probably helped that you met me while you were so angry with her, and I showed you what a stable, grounded girl looked like. I was a change you felt you needed.

You built me up. This breakup wouldn't have been such a blow if you hadn't. You said you loved me, you indicated that you wanted to have a future with me, to marry me. Maybe I was foolish to believe you, but you were careless to say it.

You should never have indicated anything as serious as love or marriage if you had even a shadow of a feeling like that for someone else. You were unfair to me for that, and you betrayed my trust. Whether we'd been together for a month or a year, that is a heartbreak.

I thought we were on the same page as far as our faith and our goals, but I guess your goals lay closer to home, where you can see them and grasp them.

Truly, if Alli is the girl who will make you happy, and most exemplifies what you want in a partner, it would be selfish of me to keep you from that, and foolish of you not to pursue it. but I hope you aren't pursuing her because the familiar opportunity has opened to you again. I hope you weren't only waiting all this time for her to give you the time of day again. Although, if that was even a portion of your reasoning, perhaps this breakup is for the best--for me, because I want someone in 100%, and for you because I would never have satisfied you completely while Alli was on your mind.

Long-distance relationships are very difficult, as we both knew going in. I'm sorry that it was more worth it to you to pursue a more immediate target than to work for something that, while less immediate, is more reliable.

Forgive me if I seem bitter, but one can hardly blame me--if all I have to go on is now cavalier Alli was with your feelings this summer, I find it hard to swallow that you're going back for more. Hopefully she's matured since then, and I have every hope that she'll treat you like the devoted (obviously), thoughtful, and eager man that is clamoring to love her that you are. If she doesn't, I suppose that just proves her immaturity and, I suppose, your own, shall we say, wishful thinking.

By the way, has she gotten over her ex-boyfriend yet?

I'm sorry, I didn't want to say anything cruel or petty. I guess I just don't want to let you go without confronting you with the scope of your decision. I really do want you to be happy. I'm just angry with you right now and I'm prone to saying mean things. I hope you can see past the anger I've left on the page to the sentiments within it. Although, I think I've been pretty measured and sensible in my delivery.

Good luck with everything, and never settle.

-Alyssa

P.S. You began to defend Alli to me during our phone call, saying she may not have done the things you thought she did initially. It was insensitive of you to try and justify your choice to me, or perhaps to yourself. You don't need to explain why you love her and not me.

So, yeah. I feel pretty good about that letter. Really good.

Also, talked to Joey V. last night, and apparently, BritNolf has a nudey pic of TK on her phone. EUGGGGGH.

Also, Drea Chamberlain thinks that sex is what makes a relationship official. Like, you're not dating at all until you do it.

WHAT. THE. EFF.

ANYWAY, I'm done with all that.

Love you guys, thanks for your support. I'm really fine, and I'm looking forward to meeting the real man I'm meant to have.