Why I Love Brian, Part Twenty-Eight

Brian: Nothing wins a girl over easier than being a creep.

Me: Look at Edward Cullen!

Brian: Hahaha--true.

BUT

His charms work on a girl like Bella.

The last thing i want is a girl like Bella.

@@@

Smart man.

Why I Love Brian, Part Twenty-Seven

Brian

so...

black people. you wanna explain this to me? (Blogger's Note: He's not a racist, I promise. Also, I wrote that BEFORE I looked back at this link. I've never changed.)

11:57pmMe

haha

what?

11:58pmBrian

i dont know

im bored

i come up with nonsense

11:58pmMe

lol

11:59pmBrian

and im so hungry

11:59pmMe

aw

bagels?

11:59pmBrian

f word

none

11:59pmMe

haha

12:01amMe

well

is there anything in the house?

12:01amBrian

nothing

no bread

Today

12:02amMe

12:07amBrian

i wanna make some clam chowder

but we dont even have milk

12:07amMe

i thought you didn't need it

12:07amBrian

for that one kind i didnt

the can i have does

12:08amMe

12:09amBrian

i suppose i could still make it to GE and buy something

but i have no clothes on

and i suppose thats an easy thing to remedy

but...

im so weak from having no food.. im probably just going to lie here until my father wakes up and spoon feeds me something in the morning

An important discovery.

The past week since Mom and Robert got married has seen a change in me. I've become much firmer--even bordering on rude--with mom when she's tried to engage me in an adverse way. It's made her much meeker with me very quickly. On one hand, I'm glad to avoid more arguments, especially over stupid things. On the other, I feel that I might be denying myself the opportunity to defend myself in more depth. Like, am I showing independence by side-stepping her confrontations? Or am I just being stubborn and petty?

The discovery I'm referring to is that I've been worrying myself over something nonexistant. That is, my mom's expectations for me. 'Nonexistent' is a very final term, of course. I know Mom has general expectations for me--success, security, etc. But her aversion to my current plans (I mean future plans of engagement and marriage, not the current living situation), has made me wonder: what does she want from me? I've asked myself that question many times, but have always been distracted from the answer. Truly, what does she want from me?

I realized that she doesn't know anymore than I do. And because of that, I don't really know why she's mad! I don't know, so I can't counter it. I haven't frustrated her wishes for me to be successful or secure yet--nothing's happened! All I've been made aware of is what I shouldn't do--don't get engaged right now, don't move because you can't afford it, etc. The only "do" I've been offered is work harder, make more money. Which is fine--I know I need to work, I know I have a lot to do to make up the money I owe, both personally and for school. I have been working--both waitressing and doing art--and I feel good about it. Mom seems to approve, which is great. (As old/independent as I get, I've still been conditioned to long for her approval.)

I'm not sure what will come of this revelation, but I'll be sure to keep you posted. :)

-A.

P.S. In other news, I've updated my blog, so go check it out!

Family Update!

My Mom got married! Woooo! :D

She and her fiance made a last-minute decision to just go ahead and get married already, and planned a small ceremony in just 9 days! It went over really well, and we're all really pleased to be moving ahead!

There was an after-party hosted by one of Mom's close friends, which was lovely (and tasty!), although I was a little frustrated to get made fun of by my Mom, sister and brother for legally having a beer (they basically treated it like a big joke, or like it was surreal, since I'm such a goodie-two-shoes, I guess).

Yet, it's not weird for teenage Lauren to have a cigarette with Mom four minutes later? Also they've both been shooting tequila since age 13? Just struck me as odd.

Despite the awesome occasion of the marriage, other family drama has arisen:

My family (I'm referring to my immediate family, but I guess this applies to the aunts and uncles, etc. as well) has an tendency to be all talk--myself included. Thanks to rampant family drama (owing partially to my engagement, but more to prior family issues), we've all been in this knot of passive-aggression for--in some cases--years. It's a mess. Everyone has done something to hurt someone else (my mom is usually the one getting offended, I find), but no one will talk about it, and just lets it fester into an open sore of tension and bitterness.

In this case, my aunt said something nasty about my Mom to my sister, who chose to tell Mom about it instead of saying something directly to my aunt. Then, in turn, Mom is hurt and upset, but refuses to directly address my aunt, etc. This is riding on the heels on some other comments of my aunt's...

When I hear what has been said, I suspect that my aunt's venom has to do with her disagreement of how Mom reacted to my engagement to John. My aunt was the first to hear--direct from Mom--how she felt about the situation, and was the one who sort of warned the rest of Mom's siblings about Mom's attitude, in the hopes that I would receive some support from family if I wasn't getting it at home. My aunt expressed to me a few times her disagreement, and definitely said things she shouldn't have--although I wasn't going to be the one to upset Mom with them for no reason. Unfortunately, she chose to say something rude about Mom's reaction in front of KJ, and KJ--being a loyal son--went directly to Mom as well.

So, I felt responsible for my engagement (and Mom's reaction) inciting my aunt's feelings and comments, so I took it upon myself to me direct and cut to the heart of the matter. I sent a message to my aunt, making it clear that I understood communicating her disagreement with Mom's style, but badmouthing her repeatedly was a wrong move, and that I hoped she would make it right. Mom didn't know I sent the message.

This was two weeks ago. I mentioned the message to Mom this morning, as Mom brought up the situation in general. Mom thought I should have asked Lauren first if it was okay to contact my aunt (wtf?), but was grateful that I took the steps to defend her. (You mean, took the steps to be direct for the first time in our family?)

As fate would have it, I received a reply a few hours later--and apparently Mom got a voicemail. My aunt was "irate"--Mom's words--and apparently had no idea what I was talking about. I replied back, apologizing if I came off as rude and outlined the facts I had that made me send the message in the first place. I told her if I got it wrong to please correct me, but I get the feeling she was surprised I defended Mom at all, since Mom is not supportive of my engagement and my aunt is.

We'll see. I AM sorry if I came off as rude, but I'm not sorry for calling someone out on a nasty comment about my mom. Just saying. Honestly, it should've been addressed as soon as it came out of my aunt's mouth. I guess that's what I get for making the effort to diffuse the situation.

Friday the 13th--as unlucky a day as it ever was. :P

-A.

Finally!

My wisdom teeth are gone! My surgery was this morning at about 8 AM. I was glad to get it over with after this monstrosity of a situation from earlier this year.

I admit, I was nervous about going under anesthesia, but I don't even remember falling asleep. I barely remember waking up! I just remember being helped over to recovery and getting oddly weepy for some reason--although I don't think any actual tears were shed.

Brandon was a super-trooper and took me to and from the doctor's this morning, and Mom has been readily available to me all day. :) I'm sore, but not too swollen. I wish I could drink something, but I'm too nervous about disrupting the blood clot (which still isn't forming, over 4 hours later >:( ) and getting a dry socket, which I hear are the absolute WORST.

Might feel up to a milkshake later, though. :P

In other news, things in the house have gotten a lot better--although there have been bumps! John and Mom's fiance have had one phone conversation, which cleared up a lot of angst on both sides. I'm optimistic that things will turn out, in time.

It's John's 22nd birthday tomorrow, and I've sent him some goodies in the mail to tie him over until I can see him in person. I know, almost a year of dating, plus engagement and I'm missing his birthday because of work and teeth. But I'll be there at the beginning of September for our one-year anniversary!

On a sadder note, tomorrow is also the anniversary of Robby's death. I've been spending a lot of quality time with Brian this summer--well, as much as our schedules will allow anyway--and that's meant a lot to me. Brian's one of my best friends, and I'm really proud of him.

There's a tailgate being held for Robby at a Pittsburgh Pirate game in two weeks, which should be a really great event in his memory.

Mom just made me a milkshake, so I'm going to enjoy that and watch some crappy daytime TV! :D

Wish me a speedy recovery!

Love,

A.

Happy Birthday America!

A Fourth of July without fireworks is wasted. So go see some.

LOL